Title: 5 Clichés That Didn't Work, and 1 That Did
Rating: Humor, romance
Summary: Rose and the Doctor trample through the clichés.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. (insert witty reason why, here)
Author's Notes: Thanks; to JennyLD for beta-ing and keeping me working on this and my other stories when I wanted to give up. Send DT back now?! Please? puppy dog eyes
"They're cavemen," Rose stated, arms crossed over her chest. One of the hunched over creatures in the outer cave area gave a grunt, followed by a shout.
"Technically," the Doctor began, hands in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet, "they're Neander--"
"Cavemen," Rose insisted, shifting on the rock beneath her.
He blinked at her interruption then opened his mouth to correct her again, but she didn't give him the chance.
She pointed her finger at his chest and poked him. "Cave. Men."
He sighed and rolled his shoulders back, no doubt to relieve the pain from the rock one of the cavemen had hit him with when he tried to take Rose from their cautious, curious hands. "Yeah, all right. Cavemen, Rose. They're cavemen."
He sounded so weary that she felt sorry for him. Really, it wasn't his fault. Okay, so he'd rolled the dial on the time-thingie and the place-whatchamacallit which blindly brought them here. To prehistoric whatever-planet-this-was, where life was only beginning to come out of its metaphorical caves. At least, that's what she thought. He hadn't really had time to do his usual lengthy pontificating what with all the Neanderthals--yes, she knew that's what they were--surrounding them as soon as they left the TARDIS.
And the grabbing and the touching. She shuddered in remembrance. Dirty, grabby hands petting her hair, poking her arms, stroking her clothing.
Why did they never marvel at the Doctor? she wondered.
Loud grunts and what passed for conversation came from the outer area of the cave, startling her out of her reverie. Why wasn't the TARDIS translating?
She'd been on prehistoric Earth with the other Doctor, and the translator circuit had worked on them, which was a really weird thing to see and hear. But not here. Odd, that.
The Doctor paced away from her, toward the entrance that led to the larger cave, which housed the cave opening as well as twenty or more cavemen and women. She knew he was testing their escape. Again.
But it was still blocked off.
Rose shivered. It was rather cold and dark and dirty in here.
He returned to her and sat down, leaning back against the rock wall as he settled one of the bear-like furs over her shoulders. "Cavemen," he mused, shaking his head.
She snorted and scooted next to him. She had to admit the furs beneath her bum made the hard rock feel soft enough, and the one he'd placed on her shoulders was cushy and warm. Still, it was the principle of the thing. "Trapped in a caveman cell," she chuckled, bumping his shoulder with her own. Her lips twitched at his sour look. "With," and here she peered over at the caveman watching them at the entrance, waving her fingers with a frozen grin, "Bobo over there giving one, or maybe both of us, the eye. A cell, I might add, complete with a rock bed and fur blankets. This is... this is so you, Doctor."
He raised his legs and rested his arms on his knees, tossing Bobo an absent glance. "I think I'm rather offended."
"Bobo not your type?" she asked innocently, purposely mistaking his meaning.
The Doctor sniffed in annoyance.
Rose chuckled, then laughed, smoothing her hand over the fur beneath her. It was startlingly soft. And she was a bit tired. A yawn escaped her. She really didn't want to spend the night here, but she could get more comfortable while they waited. She turned around and spread out on the fur-covered flat rock. Okay, not as comfortable as sitting on it. "How long are we gonna be here?" she asked, frowning as she tried to scrunch the furs into a passable pillow.
The Doctor sighed and shifted closer, settling his legs out in front of him. "I think we'll be fine once the rain lets up and they go outside again. Probably morning. Maybe a little longer. They don't actually live in caves, you know." He took the fur from her hands and folded it up, setting it on his lap.
When she raised an eyebrow at him, he patted the fur and leaned his head back against the wall, watching her, waiting.
Seeing if she'd actually put her head in his lap?
She ducked her head with a silent scoff. Of course she would. That he even had to question her, even silently, showed how much he'd been paying attention.
Not at all.
She scooted over and settled into his lap, sighing at the feel of his thigh beneath her neck. He smelt good too. Like the Doctor; an indescribable smell that surrounded him and made her a little weak every time she got near him. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply and shifted a bit, hoping he wouldn't notice.
She cleared her throat, remembering he'd said something back there. Something about caves. Right. "I know they don't live in... well, wait, they could do. We're not on Earth."
She felt him shift, lean down toward her. "They don't." His voice was nearer. Why? When his hand touched her hair, softly stroking the strands from root to tip, she went still.
This... oh, this was something she'd wanted for a long time. Her, the Doctor, touching in a way that wasn't simple hand-holding and hugging. There were plenty of other H-related words they could explore, like-- she cast about for something, but all she could come up with was 'humping'. Snickering to herself, she turned her face into the furs.
No matter how much she wished for more from the Doctor, she was pretty sure he didn't hump. This time she snorted with laughter, her whole body shaking.
"Wanna share with the class?" he murmured, hand still running through her hair. His fingers combed through the strands, occasionally touching her scalp, setting her skin to tingling. The back of his fingers trailed a little along her cheek on his latest upward stroke, stilling for a brief second before continuing on their journey.
"Nope," she answered, covering her shiver at his touch by pulling the fur higher. His hand met hers, helping her pull the heavy pelt up to her shoulders. "Just thinking. We've been in a lot of jails and cells, Doctor, but I think you're the only person who could manage to get thrown into a caveman jail."
"Oi!" he protested, his own chuckles ruining the indignation. "I'm not--"
He stopped, as noises from the other cave area grew louder.
She heard them as well, and wondered if there was a fight going on. She imagined big rocks and bashed-in brains and rolled onto her back to look up at the Doctor. "What's going on?"
He glanced at her once then looked away. His eyes settled on the large gray boulder by the door, the dirt on the floor, the rock ceiling, all as the sounds grew louder, more vociferous.
He was really starting to worry her now. She tried to sit up, but he held her where she was. "Doctor, what--"
He shook his head. "Nothin' to worry about. It's just noise. Ignore it."
Frowning, she laid her head back down and felt him shift under her, trying to get comfortable. His hand returned to her hair, threading through, and staying like that, unmoving.
More shouts and grunting came from the other room. Poor Bobo looked like he wanted to go join in the fight. He stood up, moved a few feet toward the cave and then stopped, settled down. Turned around. Faced Rose and the Doctor. Moved back. Turned away. Shifted toward their small cave, then moved toward the larger one again.
He reminded Rose of a dog told to stay while other puppies got to play in the park.
She giggled, turning her face away from the poor man, grabbing handfuls of the Doctor's white shirt. He stiffened under her fingers, his hand tightening in her hair. She was about to ask him what was wrong when she heard strange noises coming from Bobo. When she turned to look, she realized it wasn't, in fact, Bobo who was making the noises, it was the woman who'd just joined him.
On all fours, facing the large cave, furs hiked up out of the way of her bum. And Bobo--
Rose gaped for a second, then turned back to face the Doctor's stomach again, unable to contain her laughter any longer. "Caveman orgy!" she choked out. "You take me to all the best places, Doctor!"