Title: The Birds and the Bees

Author: ScarlettLetters

Summary: Post-BD. Their little girl is growing up. Will anyone be able to survive?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyers and that's a good thing because I never would have been creative enough to come up with all the Twilight Universe amazingness.



I knew I was wearing a groove in the floor from all my pacing, but I was so worried about how Edward would take the news I had to tell him. Where the hell were they? The boys had gone on a hunting trip to 'blow the estrogen' off them according to my brother-in-law Emmett. They were due back this morning, but it was now nearing late afternoon and I hadn't been able to reach Edward on his cell. He knew how much I worried about him when he was away, but as I tried to calm myself and focus on the real problem at hand I heard the crunch of tires on our gravel road. Finally.

Taking a deep breath I smoothed my hair and my rumpled shirt. Emmett's booming voice reached me first as he rumbled through the door and bellowed out to his wife.

"Rosie, baby! I'm hooome! Come slap some sugar on me, hot stuff."

That man certainly had a way with words. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek as he flew up the stairs to wrap a very happy Rosalie up in a deep hug and carry her back to their room, their lips locked in a passionate kiss.

I had barely turned around when a whir of white and black flew past me and slammed into Jasper, who was at the door awaiting her arrival. He picked Alice up and as they covered each other in kisses he quietly whispered sweet nothings into her ear as he calmly walked up the stairs with her.

I knew Edward would be expecting a similar greeting from me, but I was just too concerned with what had transpired during his absence.

"Hello, Beautiful." He smiled as his eyes caught mine. He was next to me in a flash and had me wrapped in his arms.

I smiled gently up into those golden orbs I adored and gently placed my lips to his.

I had to laugh at myself with all the worry I did prior to my change about what our touches would be like. If I had only known they would be so much more electrifying now that we were both vampires I would have saved myself a lot of time and energy. I worried over nothing. Kissing Edward was something I could most certainly spend eternity doing.

"I've missed my girls." Edward murmured into my hair. "I hate being away from you."

I rested my head on his glorious chest. "We missed you too. It's not the same without you with us."

He pulled back from me and lifted my chin so he could gaze into my eyes.

"Love, what's wrong?"

He might not be able to hear my thoughts, but there wasn't another being who knew me better than my husband. Even after five years of being married it sometimes still shocked me that he was so completely in tune with me. Letting out a deep sigh I led him to the couch and sat him down.

"Bella, what is it? You're scaring me. Where's Nessie? I can't hear her. What's..."

"Calm down, Edward. Nessie is fine. She and Jacob went into town to see a movie."

"There is something though, isn't there."


Edward let out a low growl. "What did the dog do?"

I rolled my eyes. As much as Edward had come to accepting Jacob's imprinting on Renesme, he still took every opportunity to assume the fatherly position of no man being good enough for his beloved daughter.

"Jacob did nothing wrong. This is about Nessie."

I saw the fear flash in his eyes and actually winced when his hands closed around my arms.

"You told me she was fine. Dear god, Bella, what happened to my baby?"

I had to let out a small laugh. I had come to the realization that Edward's melodramatics would be something I would have to deal with for the rest of eternity, but the were still funny at times.

"You're laughing? Bella, please, what's going on. You're torturing me."

"I'm sorry, my love. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to tell you this. I don't mean to prolong the suffering you're feeling." I knew I would just have to tell him straight out.

"Edward, our daughter is now a woman."

I watched his face as the confusion set in. I could see him working those words around in his mind to figure out their meaning.

"Where exactly are they?" He let out in the most menacing of tones.

"I told you, Edward, they went to see a movie."

He stood up and let out a roar that brought all of our family racing into the room.

"What the hell is going on?" Emmett yelled as he was buttoning his jeans, his hair and shirt a rumpled mess.

"We're going mutt hunting." Edward stated looking at his brothers. They began to move to the door.

"Edward, stop! Calm down!" I demanded.

Edward turned to me and focused his pitch black eyes on me.

"Calm down?! Calm down?! Bella, how can you even think that I would be calm at such news. You let that mongrel take my precious daughter to a dark theater after he...he...he deflowered her? I'll kill him. I'll rip him into the smallest of pieces and enjoy watching each and every one of them rot!"

I stood there with my mouth hanging open. How had I messed this up so badly?

"Jacob has not 'deflowered' Nessie."

Edward looked at me with confusion. "You just said..."

"I just said she was a woman. I was trying to find a delicate way to tell you that...Nessie...she got her period."

AN: This is my first Twilight fic. The idea came to me and I had to get it out. I don't plan on it being very long, but I do want to get some humor in here with the various talks that will happen between the 'parents' and the 'kids'. Hope you enjoy, please tell me if you like it.