A/N: Well, you know…Jericho does seem to inspire me a bit. And when Jericho decides to impersonate Randy Orton on national television? Me want one shot. But unfortunately, I don't get the one shot, because I'm the one that has to write it. I was hoping that Sunny would do it, but she asked me to do it like the instant that Jericho came on the TV.
Oh, I used a quote from one of Tom Cruise's many freak outs. Bonus points if you spot it.
Still on hiatus.
"Chris, please don't do this," Lance Cade pleaded as he watched Jericho survey himself in the mirror.
"Why not, Lance Cade? I think this new look accents all the right parts of me," Jericho announced with his back to the mirror and his head swiveled around, checking out his behind area.
"Is this because your wardrobe stylist quit on you and you don't have anybody to make sparkly outfits? Come on, Chris, blinding the people with your pasty, white thighs is a different crime than blinding them with six thousand pounds of glitter," Lance explained.
"Whatever, Lance Cade," Jericho sighed. "Lance Cade, where is my coffee and jelly doughnut? What kind of assistant are you, Lance Cade?"
"Oh, I get it!" Lance gasped. "I know why you're wearing trunks this week! You've gained weight, haven't you? You don't fit into your pants anymore, right?"
"CHRIS JERICHO DOES NOT GAIN WEIGHT!" Jericho screeched. "Weight gains him."
"Oh, so you're making Chuck Norris jokes about yourself now? If that's what you want to call it…" Lance trailed off, relieved that Jericho didn't say "Lance Cade."
"Look, Lance Cade, I am going to go out there and destroy both JBL and CM Punk. Do you know how I know that?"
"How do you know that?"
"Because I am the only one who doesn't use petty initials in my name," Jericho stated.
"Um, what about Y2J?" Lance wondered.
"It does not do to dwell on the past and forget to live, Lance Cade," Jericho said, putting a supporting hand on Lance's shoulder and giving him a serious look.
"Did you just quote Harry Potter?"
"No, Lance Cade, I did not."
Jericho was upset after his match. He was unable to pin CM Punk. And to make matters worse, JBL got the title shot instead of nobody getting the title shot.
The last person that Chris Jericho wanted to run into was Randy Orton.
"Randy Orton!" Jericho gasped. "What are you doing here?"
"Hello, Chris. I've just been cleared to return today. Isn't that great?"
"Are you here to save us?" Chris asked with wide eyes. It was then that Chris noticed Randy's attire. "I see we are wearing pants today, Randy Orton."
"I am wearing pants," Randy announced. "We," he said, pointing back and forth between himself and Chris, "are not."
"Well I'm glad that those pants can do the one thing that I was unable to do," Jericho sighed.
"And what is that?"
"Save us from your child bearing hips, Randy Orton."
"You want to talk about child bearing hips?" Randy asked. "Look in a mirror! You know, most people go tanning around here before they decide to show off their legs. And speaking of your legs, they're huge!"
Jericho was quick with a comeback. "I am psychic, Randy Orton. I decided to commemorate your return by making my thighs match yours."
"I don't know if that is creepy or not," Randy said, shaking his head. "I think you've gone crazy."
"Crazy? CRAZY? Just because people on the internet think I'm gay and I'm not allowed to wear sparkles anymore and my wardrobe stylist quit on me and…" Jericho had to stop his rant to catch his breath.
"Are you alright, Chris?" Randy asked, a smile dancing on his lips.
"You know what, Randy Orton? You're glib. You don't even know what alright is. I don't even understand you anymore, Randy Orton. What comes out of your mouth makes no sense."
"Do I need to Jerichoize it for you?" Randy chuckled, getting back at Chris for what he did on the night of his return to the WWE. "I'm sure I can find pictures. I can see it now. Me want Chris in pants. Isn't that a lovely image?"
"Randy Orton, do not defy me! Do you know what happens when you defy the Messiah of the Sparkle?"
"He starts river dancing?"
"No, he emancipates you from all things Jericho will a shower of purple sparkles! Randy Orton, I cannot take this anymore. I need to find Lance Cade so he can bring me my post match coffee and jelly doughnut. Randy Orton, I sincerely hope that we do not cross paths again."
"Uh, Chris?" Randy said, unable to take his eyes off of Jericho's trunks.
"Randy Orton, what is it that you request of me?"
"Your trunks look like mine. Am I your new wardrobe stylist?" Randy asked, unable to control his laughter. He found it funny how easily he could mess with Jericho in his distressed state.
"Goodbye, Randy Orton."
"Hey, Chris!" Lance Cade called from down the hallway. "You have a tag team match next week. Guess who your partner is?"
"You, Lance Cade?"
"No, Randy Orton!" Lance announced, amused. It was then that he saw just who Jericho was talking to in the hallway.
"Screw you, Lance Cade and Randy Orton." He stormed off down the hallway.
"Hey, Chris? Can we wear matching trunks next week?" Randy called after Chris.
"Come with me to the gym, Lance Cade. I need to fit into my pants again."