A/N; Lalalalalalalalaa I'M HOOOOOOOOOOOOME HONEY!!! :D DID YOU MISS ME?! I KNOW I MISSED YOU LOVEY DOVEY! DID YOU MISS MY STORIES?! I KNOW I MISSED YOUR REVIEWS HONEY BABEY!! DID YOU FORGET ABOUT ME?! I KNOW I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU SWEETHEART!!
Please excuse this mentally retarded authoress that is trying to get over her overjoyed happiness in updating once again. It has been a while. …
Another Sad Fact of Life—when life gives you lemons, just squeeze it and chuck it back at whoever gave it to you and scream "I DON'T HAVE A CAR!" :O
Sayonara My Sanity! ((Broken Elevators and Physical Contact!))
I'M TRAPPED IN AN ELEVATOR!
WITH JUST ABOUT THE HOTTEST MAN ON EARTH!
AND WE'RE STANDING LIKE.
3 FEET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER!
IS THIS KAMI-SAMA'S REVENGE ON ME?! IS THIS BECAUSE I DIDN'T ADD THE –SAMA TO YOUR NAME KAMI-SAMA?! WHY MUST YOU BE SO RIDICULOUSLY HARSH ON THIS INNOCENT SOUL OF MINE?!
I'M SO YOUNG!
I WAS JUST ON MY WAY DELIVERING COFFEE AND THEN I-
Oh my Kami-sama.
The elevator just had this huge bumpy thingy. And guess what the 'best' part is? I just had to trip on my own two feet—wait is it two feet or one foot? Because you know you can't trip over two feet because you only have two feet and you need one to trip on and—oh never mind.
But like I was SAYING. I had to trip on my own (two or one) feet (foot?), and then there I went, falling into The Man.
You know I think I'm just about THE smartest person on Earth. I mean I'm not bragging, but I did get mostly Straight A's and a couple B's in my high school years.
… 'How the hell did she do THAT?'
WHO JUST SAID THAT?!
I'd like you to know that I AM VERY OH SO SMART. Pft. It's no surprise I get just A's and B's. I mean.
It's not that hard to believe that me, I, am smart.
SO DON'T YOU GO AROUND DISBELIEVING ME WHEN I SAY I'M SMART.
Pft. So. Back to my point. (Smilesmilesmile)
So there's no harm in saying I'm smart, I mean, no sarcasm and all.
Because if you ever tell me I'm smart in a sarcastic way, I will fry up your little fingers and stuff them in your mouth until you're bleeding so much…you can't even taste your own fried fingers.
Mama always said I would grow up to be a sadistic little child.
I didn't believe her exactly.
I mean, I knew there was a reason why I always enjoyed other people's pain. Not a gory pain but small pains like, tripping, or falling, or getting a cut, or bumping their head into something, you know—that kind of pain!
But what kind of pain I definitely didn't enjoy…was my own pain.
And it definitely hurt.
You know—bumping your head into a stone WALL.
Oh no wait.
That was the dude's chest.
Dang dude. You must work out a LOT!
I mean honestly, what weird little child would work out to have their chest inflated with muscles? Definitely not me. Not that I can't, I'm just…naturally soft chested.
I mean, I'm female. We're expected to be soft chested.
(Winkwinkwinknudgenudge—you know what I mean!)
So wouldn't it be sort of weird, if I started copying that ManWithTheHardChestWhomYouShan'tEverBumpIntoAgain and made my chest totally completely hard?
I mean…is it…possible? For females to have hard chests? Like…billboard hard?!
Well back to the situation at hand—by the way, did you know I get distracted so easily?! I mean one minute I'm talking bout one thing…and the next… I don't know… my mind wanders off to Dilly Dally Land. Haha. Dilly-Dally-Land. Funny.
Yea, not so much.
So maybe, this man sort of has smoldering dark eyes.
And maybe I might be a little attracted to him—in the least romantic way of course.
But he STARED at my CHEST…so that sort of ruined anything we had going. I mean, if we ended up getting together, everything would be so cliché. I could totally imagine the whole entire story from beginning to end—ugh, too cliché.
Shall I outline everything for you—whoever you are—and if you exist?
Ugh, let's stop talking about weird things and I'll just tell you the whole cliché theme.
Alright, so first we met at a coffee shop—which is The Honey Bean, and soon after we meet again through some weird second encounter—in my case, this elevator droppy bumpy non-moving thingy, then soon after I discover something totally unreal about him, wherein after we begin to see each other on more weird incidents, in which one of us fall for each other (he'll probably fall for me because my charm is just too hard to resist—hah!), and they confess to the other in which the other is shocked before replying in happiness that they love the other as well and they live happily ever after.
Oh Kami, I have to do whatever I can to prevent that cliché from happening. Ugh.
I looked up to meet the face of the human wall before chuckling sheepishly. "Yea…sorry about that. I usually don't go bumping into people's hard…chests…" I coughed awkwardly before laughing nervously, "So…the guards are out for lunch?" might as well make small talk if we're destined for a life together.
I watched him stare at me for a long time as I clutched the tray of coffee closer to myself before backing up slowly. He opened his mouth to reply, "…They won't be back until an hour."
My jaw dropped.
"AN HOUR?! What kind of place gives an hour lunch break?! My coffee shop gives me fifteen minutes to drink coffee—that takes like TEN MINUTES to make! Ugh. I would kill to work here!" at the word "kill," I saw the dark haired man move away.
I twitched and remained silent after he didn't reply to me. Because I'm not going to talk to him if he doesn't talk to me! I'll give him the silent treatment too.
Two can play at that game.
AND I AM NOT BEING IMMATURE!!
...If that voice goes off again, I WILL FIND THE OWNER OF THAT VOICE AND oh, you do NOT want to know what I'm going to do to that owner.
Lalala, lovely day isn't it? EXCEPT FOR THIS STUPID ELEVATOR.
Well, since there's nothing to better… I might as well "examine" (coughcheckoutcough) my current seat buddy in this death coaster.
Messy…spiky…chicken butt resembling dark black hair with tints of blue in them under the light… (ohhhhhh…real pretty…)
Dark…dark…dark…smoldering…and slightly frightening onyx eyes… that totally clashed with his pale skin tone… like…a vampire…like…an Edward! Gasp! Ew. No way this guy would ever be compared to my dear precious Edward Cullen!
I mean—so what if this guy is drop dead gorgeous? And dressed like he's a boss in his black sleek v-neck that was probably Calvin Klein or something… and so what if they showed off his lean arms… and I don't care how the way his shirt was tucked into a pair of black trousers (that was probably some other expensive brand) with that black belt looked sort of sexy… and I don't care about those black leather shoes!
'Mhmm…keep lying to yourself…'
(Poutpoutpout) LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU WEIRD VOICE!
'Hey kid! My voice happens to be GORGEOUS!'
Did your mom tell you that?
'…NO! My dad did.'
I will proceed to ignore both the voice and the man—AH!
((CRASH!)) ((Flicker, flicker))
OH MY KAMI-SAMA! SAVE ME! WE JUST HAD ANOTHER WEIRD CRASH!!
AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN!!!!! AND THEN THE LIGHTS TURNED OFF!
AND NOW I'M REALLY STUCK IN HERE WITH THIS GUY DRESSED IN ALL BLACK—OMK!
ELEVATORS. STUCK. MEN IN BLACK. LIGHTS TURNED OFF.
MY BIGGEST FEAR IS COMING TRUE! SAVE ME!!!!!!!
My eyes were tearing up now I knew it.
I just can't take it anymore!
First I get stuck in this elevator with a man that I screamed at just the other day—and then there had to be a CRASH, and then I had to scream, and somehow I ended up jumping onto this man who had to fall and now we're in an uber awkward position and now I get called annoying!
Could anything else get even worse?!
AHHHH. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. DON'T JINX IT, DAMN IT!
I was probably sniffing unconsciously because I guess this man actually had enough feelings to feel compelled to awkwardly pat me on the back…he just sucked at comforting verbally.
He was currently sitting cross legged and being me, I had hopped onto his lap when we fell out of pure reflexes (my scared reflexes.) I sat on his lap with my body turned to the side and my legs stretched straight out, my arms clinging to his neck tightly as I continued sniffing. He had raised an arm to pat me on the back and the other was just awkwardly on the floor next to his leg.
I calmed down as the patting got to me, but the tears were still spilled at the corner of my eyes and I guess I was somewhat glad the light was off so he couldn't see my pathetic-ness right now.
Imagine; the same cashier that had verbally attacked him the other day, now curled up in his lap, crying because of a dark, spooky, and stuck elevator.
WHICH BY THE WAY—IS A VERY GOOD REASON TO CRY BECAUSE YOU WOULD CRY TOO IF YOU WERE STUCK HERE.
'No. I'd be raping the guy.'
...I'm going to keep ignoring you, you rapist voice. (Oh yea, you were promoted from annoying voice to rapist voice, woohoo for you.)
It was then it clicked in my head (ding! Hehe, see? The light bulb flashed and clicked! Gigglegigglegiggle.)
I felt… bad.
Shutup before I promote you to I Will Kill the Hell out of You Voice.
Hm. I thought so.
Right…so like I was saying… I felt bad. I mean… after yelling at him… and having to make him go through my torturous voice that can be quite loud sometimes… now I'm making him lose his ego to comfort me.
I turned my head up and knew I was really close to him because I felt the heat from his body warm me up, and I heard his ragged breathing.
Because come on. I'm an inch away from a pretty hot guy, blushing is natural.
I opened my mouth to speak as I felt his hand drop from my back and stopped patting me.
"I'm…sorry…" I sniffed again as I brought up a hand to wipe away the tears from the corners of my eyes.
I felt him stiffen at my sudden speaking.
What an ass.
Even after my very hard to say apology for being such a drag… he's still so…GRR.
The lights turned on!
My eyes widened and I squealed happily before I hopped up ecstatically, running over to grab my tray of coffee.
…Only to find out…
I had long dropped the tray and the coffee had all spilled out.
There goes my money.
STUPID ELEVATOR. THIS JUST GIVES ME ONE MORE REASON TO HATE ELEVATORS MORE.
I ran over and knelt down to MOURN FOR MY DEAD COFFEE.
"COFFEE-CHAN! I WAS GOING TO MAKE MONEY OFF OF YOU TOO!" I cried…and cried… and cried.
Before I forgot all about it as the doors of the elevators slid open and I felt FRESH AIR.
My eyes lit up—no seriously, I FELT them light up! Like Christmas lights! Hahahaha. That looks funny. (You know it does.)
I sniffed and looked up when I saw a pair of familiar black leather shoes… and a hand extended out to me.
I blinked stupidly. Because I was born stupid—I didn't know that he was offering me help.
And so, I saw him twitch twice before he just leaned down and forcefully helped me up, pulling my hand up. I squealed as I was pulled up, I looked up and blushed when I saw his face right above mine.
Heh. I'm so creative. You know what I did?
I turned away!
"…Thank you," I said because nice, normal, and polite people always say thank you when they are helped… forcefully or not.
"…Che. You better bring me back new coffee, stupid woman."
I still wasn't looking at him and so I was surprised when I heard him speak a full sentence.
I twitched before moving away to take a full look at him with my arms on either sides of my hips. What a manbitch!
And SHUT UP ALRIGHT?! I'm too upset to find a better word.
HE INSULTED ME. "Stupid woman." GRR. GRR. GRR.
I WILL FIND THIS GUY. AND THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, IT WILL BE WHEN HE IS SLEEPING WHERE I WILL KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP BY CHOPPING HIM INTO TINY BITS AND FEED IT TO MY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
GRR. GRR. GRR.
He totally IGNORED ME. And marched right out of that elevator—oh.
I blinked before smiling a tiny smile.
I had caught it before he walked completely out.
He was blushing too.
"ANKO! YOU STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY?!"
I burst through the door of her office, managing to knock down everything again—well maybe not knock down, you see, they fell and then—oh whatever.
Anko stared up at me from her place at her desk, her head sprawled lazily onto it, and I spotted some drool. Ew. I didn't know Anko drooled.
"What?" her voice was uninterested and drawled out, she was obviously sleepy.
I took a deep breath in…(and then out!) and proceeded to explain things calmly to her.
"Well…you see…after you told me to go deliver that order to Uchiha Enterprises, I went there and the lady—Sasame or Sesame seed or yea, yea, yea. Well, she told me to go on the ELEVATOR…and when I got on it, I was accompanied by that rude ass jerk that was in the store the other day WHO DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE HECK TO ORDER, and then I GOT TRAPPED IN THE ELEVATOR WITH HIM AND THEN IT KEPT CRASHING AND THE LIGHTS TURNED OFF AND THEN I GOT SCARED SO I JUMPED ONTO HIM, AND IT WAS REALLY AWKWARD BUT THEN IT WAS REALLY WARM BUT IT FELT WEIRD AND THEN THE LIGHTS TURNED ON AGAIN BUT THEN THE COFFEE DIED AND THEN THAT MAN HAD THE NERVE TO CALL ME STUPID!"
Even after I finished making my awesome point—YES I WAS MAKING A POINT—Anko just STARED AT ME.
What is wrong with that woman?!
Maybe she was born by some ALIEN who had NO FEELINGS—at least not the RIGHT feelings and then Anko grew up like the alien which led to TODAY.
GRR. GRR. GRR.
FRUSTRATION IS BAD FOR MY BRAIN—IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A DOG.
"You got stuck in an elevator with a sexy man that's the C.E.O of Uchiha Enterprises. Isn't that a good thing?"
…C.E.O!? HE'S THE C.E.O OF—sigh. I'm too tired after today to take in new information anymore.
It's just not good for me. It makes me emotionally imbalanced.
'Oh so THAT'S why—!'
OH. REST IN PEACE, WOULD YOU, YOU RAPIST VOICE?!
I met Anko's stare and pouted before turning around and promptly stomped out of her office—this time, I will not bother to pick the fallen things up.
She was right. And I hate it when she's right.
It was a good thing.
"SAKURA! Remember—you're cleaning up tonight."
DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT.
GRR. GRR. GRR.
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!
EMOTIONAL IMBALANCES I TELL YOU—EMOTIONAL IMBALANCES!
So then if you haven't figured it out—the man was our dear beloved ever so vengeful avenger, Uchiha Sasuke! :D
Alright, I'm SUPER sorry for the late update.
I mean, I know its been… uh…maybe half a year? Hahahaha… please don't kill me?
I LOVE YOU!
Review for me! I'll write faster! ;)
Lots of love,