by Gunman

Disclaimer: I do not own Eva or it's characters.

Summary: When Misato sells Shinji for beer, Rei goes to secure his release and ends up paying for him, she ends up owning him as well.

Author's Notes: It should be stated, quite clearly, that this idea came from reading the manga 'Hayate the Combat Butler'. Check it out. It's a little sad, but hilarious.


The blue Renault barreled down the street at high speed, the blond-haired passenger screaming at the top of her lungs.

And not out of fear, but anger.

"I Can't Believe You Did This!" Ritsuko shouted as Misato swerved around the corner.

"I'm Sorry!" Misato shouted back, spinning the wheel wildly.

"Sorry? Sorry Doesn't Cut It, Misato! If It Were Anyone Else... No Scratch That! Anyone Else Wouldn't Have Sold Shinji For Beer!!"

Yes, you heard it correctly. Misato had sold Shinji for beer.

Accidentally, of course, but still, she had.

A month ago the woman was on her normal beer run, when she realized she had spent all her money on car repairs. Taking pity on her, the store owner offered her a contract.

The contract gave Misato a tab to buy as much beer as possible, which she could pay off later.

She accepted it, as well as making Shinji her beneficiary, seeing as how the term 'beneficiary' was often used in a positive light.

However, Misato never read the fine print, as most people often don't.

She was also shocked to learn what the fine-print in this case actually meant.

When the Yakuza came by to take Shinji, Misato was out. So they left a note for her, telling her that her debt was absolved with the requisitioning of Shinji. Misato and Ritsuko got back an hour later and found the note. It wasn't hard for them to put two and two together, though Ritsuko did most of the brain-work. And after Misato had given her the contract, Ritsuko nearly went ballistic.

"Did you even read this contract?" Ritsuko shouted as she held up the document in question.

"Well... not all of it." Misato exclaimed.

"Why would you sign something without reading it?" Ritsuko asked/shouted.

"Oh, please! Who reads the fine-print of a contract nowadays? Huh? The contract gave me a tab, so I could buy as much as I want without paying until the end of the month! I thought it was a great deal!"

"And according to this receipt, you bought approximately... 10,000,000 Yen Worth Of Beer?! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU BUY THAT MUCH?!"

"It... was an impulse purchase?" she said meekly.

"I am so not believing this!" Ritsuko groaned as she held her face in her hands.

"I still don't see what this has to do with Shinji being kidnapped. He's the beneficiary!"

"That's why they took him!" Ritsuko shouted as the car rounded another corner.


"Misato... according to the fine print in this contract, when you made Shinji your beneficiary, you also made him the payment!"

"What?" she gasped.

"Listen to this: 'In the event of non-payment by either the signer or the beneficiary, the beneficiary can be used in leu of payment'." Ritsuko said.

"In Leu Of Payment?" Misato asked.

"Yes! That means that YOU SOLD SHINJI FOR BEER!"


"And since this contract is held by the Yakuza, something else you apparently missed, they can do anything they want to Shinji! We Have To Get Him Back!"

Fortunately for Misato and Ritsuko, they weren't the only ones looking for Shinji.


(Warehouse 47, Yokohama Docks)

"So, how did you get here?" a tied up young woman asked her equally bound companion.

"My guardian sold me... for beer." Shinji said.

The girl looked at him in shock.

"What? Really?"


"Huh. How much was the debt for?"

"About 10,000,000 yen, they said."

"WHAT?" she gasped.

"Yeah. She's a big drinker." he explained.

"I'd say." the girl said, still wide-eyed. "Well, at least you weren't sold for pocket change."

Shinji shrugged. While the prospect of being sold wasn't to his liking, there was a part of him that was actually pleased that he wasn't sold cheaply.


Outside the warehouse, a pale-skinned blue-haired girl in a school uniform approached. The second the black-suited guards outside saw her, they approached and were about to question her, only to have her ask the questions.

"Are you the Yakuza?" the blue-haired girl asked.

"Who wants to know?" one of them said.

"My name is Rei Ayanami. I am here for Shinji Ikari."

"Oh. Are you here to pay his debt?" the second guard asked.


"Are you carrying any weapons?"

"I am not. But you may search me, if you wish." she said, raising her hands into the air.

The first guard kept her covered with his gun while the second guards gave her a quick pat-down.

"She's clean." the second guard said.

"Right this way." the first guard said.

The trio walked into the warehouse, where the Third Child noticed his fellow pilot.

"Ayanami?" Shinji gasped as soon as he saw the girl.

"Ikari-kun." Rei said simply, nodding in recognition of the boy.

"You said you're here to pay his debt." a large man sitting at an office desk said.

"Yes." Rei replied to the man.

"How?" he asked.

"Cash?" A second man, who looked more like an accountant, asked.

"Do you have a computer?" Rei asked.

The guards lead Rei over to a wireless laptop situated on a wooden table a couple meters away from the man at the large desk, where the blue-haired girl entered the necessary information into it.

"What is your account number?" Rei asked.

The accountant gave it to her.

Within a few seconds Rei had completed her task and stepped back from the computer to let the accountant examine it.

"Is it good?" the large man asked, having come over to see for himself.

"Checking... it's good!" the accountant said.

"Alright then. Sign here." the head man said, holding out what looked like a contract.

Rei signed it without question as one of the guards untied Shinji and brought him over to them.

"Alright. By signing this contract, you, the undersigned, Ms Rei Ayanami, have agreed to take full custody of the beneficiary/payment herein known as Shinji Ikari. Enjoy your new slave." the accountant said to the girl.

"What?" Rei asked, confused by his words.

"Did you say 'slave'?" Shinji asked the man.

"Yes. It's in the contract." the accountant said.

Rei looked at the contract and read it over very carefully. Shinji read it as well, over her shoulder. This actually made Rei's cheeks flush a little at Shinji being so close. Looking over the contract, Rei's first thought was that she was signing some kind of release form. Upon closer inspection, she realized that it was actually an ownership contract.

"You mean..." Shinji began, once he had finished reading the contract.

"Because I bought a 'beneficiary' that was used to pay off another person's debt, his classification is officially listed as 'slave'?" Rei asked.

"Yes." the head man said.

"This... it can't be... is this legal?" Shinji asked.

"Try to contest it if you want. But trust us. People in our... profession... are very aware of the laws. Heck, we're practically qualified paralegal's ourselves." the head man said.

"Somehow, I believe that." Shinji said with a sigh. "So... this means that..."

"This means that you are legally my slave." Rei finished.

"I can't believe this."

"We will have to get this contested somehow. I do not enjoy the prospect of owning someone as if they were a pet."

Her mind froze for a second, realizing that she was basically in that situation, but with Gendo as her 'owner'.

"I don't mind." Shinji said.

"We will need to contact the proper..." she suddenly paused as his words registered in her mind. "What did you say?"

"Well... after thinking about this... I'd rather be your 'slave'."

"Really? Why?"

"Well... my father abandoned me when I was four, my teacher didn't really want me, and my last guardian just sold me for beer. But you... actually bought me back to keep me, and my organs, from being sold on the black market. You didn't have to, but you did. That makes you a better person than most." Shinji said with a smile.

Rei blushed at this.

"Uh... how did you pay off that debt anyway? If I may ask?" Shinji asked.

"I used NERV's funding." she said casually.

"You did what?" he gasped.

"Yes. Being the 'Commander's Favorite', as Pilot Sohryu states quite frequently, does have certain advantages. Plus, it was essential to secure your release, as I do not have private funds of that magnitude."


"Now come along, slave." Rei said as she walked out of the warehouse.

"Yes, master." Shinji said with a bow.


About 20 minutes after Shinji and Rei had left, a blue Renault came to a screeching halt outside of the warehouse.

"Who the hell are you?" the first guard asked.

"I'm Misato Katsuragi and I'm here for Shinji Ikari!" she shouted as she aimed her gun at the guard.

"What? You mean the kid you sold for beer to the tune of 10,000,000 yen?" the second guard asked.

"Grrrrrrr! YES! HIM! NOW WHERE IS HE?" she shouted.

"He left here about twenty minutes ago." the first guard answered.

"What?" Misato gasped.

"Wait! You let him go?" Ritsuko asked.

"Yeah. Some blue-haired girl came by and paid his debt." the second guard said.

"WHAT?" Misato screamed.

Blue-haired girl? How did Rei find out about this so fast? Ritsuko wondered, suddenly fearful as to how she could have possibly paid off a 10,000,000 yen debt. "Misato, get back in the car!"

The purple-haired woman growled but complied.

"Let's get to Rei's apartment, now." Ritsuko said.

Misato threw the car into high gear and burned rubber out of the docks.

The two guards just looked at the retreating car, shaking their heads.

"Sheesh! She could find this place after reading the contract..." the first guard said.

"But she didn't know offering up the kid as a payment was in there too?" the second guard finished.

"Nice guardian." he said sarcastically.



"Uh, Ayanami?" Shinji said as the pair continued to walk towards Rei's apartment. "I mean... uh, Master Ayanami?"

"There is no reason to be formal with me, Ikari-kun." Rei said to him

"But... aren't I your... slave?"

"Yes. But I do not feel that such a title as 'Master' is necessary."

"Then... what should I call you?"

The girl paused in mid-step and looked down. After a couple seconds, she raised her head up and turned to the boy.

"If you wish to refer to me in a formal manner, then you may call me... Miss Rei."

"Yes, Miss Rei." he said, liking the sound of her first name on his lips.

"Now, what is your question?" she asked.

"Well... How did you find me? I mean, I was taken by the Yakuza from my apartment. I could have been taken anywhere. How did you find me so quickly?"

"You're phone." she answered, picking up her feet again.

"My phone?" he asked, following close behind her as he pulled his cellphone out of his pocket, having forgotten he even had it.

"Yes. Your phone was given to you by Captain Katsuragi." she stated.

"Yeah. She said she got it from NERV." he acknowledged.

"Precisely. All of our phones are equipt with triangulation security functions."

"I didn't know that."

"They were recently upgraded for greater range tracking in the event of an emergency."

"Huh. Really."

While Misato might not have known about that function, it was safe to assume that Rei would have.

"Yes. By inputting a special code a person can then track down any other NERV-issue phone simply by inputting their phone numbers." Rei stated.

"Guess that makes sense.


When Shinji and Rei arrived at the girls apartment, they found Misato and Ritsuko waiting for them.

"SHINJI!" Misato shouted as she practically tackled the poor boy to the ground.

Rei stared at the purple-haired woman with irritation as she practically fondled her property.

"Oh, Shinji! I'm so sorry! I didn't know I had actually sold you! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"Misato! Get off of him!" Ritsuko shouted as she peeled the hysterical woman off of the boy.

"Yes. Please restrain yourself from molesting my property."

Misato and Ritsuko looked at the First Child in shock.

"Your... what?"

"Here." she said, handing Dr Akagi the contract she had signed. It was a duplicate copy the Yakuza had given her. "As per this contract, Shinji Ikari is now my personal property."

"WHAT?" Misato gasped in horror. "You... you can't be serious!"

"I'm afraid she is." Ritsuko said.


"Misato... when you became Shinji's guardian, you gained 'power of attorney' over him. However, when you made him your beneficiary, and didn't pay the debt you owed, you forfeited your rights as guardian to the people you owed the debt to. Which means Shinji became property to be used, or sold, to whomever wanted to buy him. Since Rei paid the 10,000,000 yen debt you owed, she legally owns him now." Ritsuko said as she waved the contract in the other woman's face.

"Give me that!" Misato said, snatching the papers.

"I have read the contract extensively, Captain Katsuragi. There is little chance of you trying to overturning it." Rei said.

"Well... at least you be better for Shinji's guardian than this purple-haired lush." Ritsuko groaned.

"HEY!" Misato snapped. "I resent that! I made a mistake, that's all! It won't happen again!"

"Happen Again?" Ritsuko gasped. "Misato, You'll Be Lucky If You Still Have Your Freedom After The Commander Hears About This!"


"Because! There's only one place Rei could have gotten 10,000,000 yen so quickly as to secure Shinji's release from the Yakuza. And That... Is... NERV!" she snapped.

"And when The Commander discovers that you are ultimately responsible for Shinji-kun's abduction by the Yakuza, he will not be pleased." Rei said calmly.

"Ohhhh god!" Misato groaned as she suddenly fell backwards onto the concrete sidewalk.

The trio looked down at the unconscious woman for several seconds.

"Yeah. That would have been my reaction as well." Shinji stated.


Authors Notes:

For those of you who don't know, 10,000,000.00 yen is approximately 103,092.70.

As for this chapter, I was a little shocked that I decided to end it here. Technically speaking I could have just made this a one-shot chapter, but ultimately, I decided to let this be a potential 2 or 3 chapter story.

And just so everyone knows, this story takes place after the volcano mission to capture the Eighth Angel.

And yes, it is another story I have uploaded on 8-8-08, because it is memorable.

Drop me a review to let me know what you think.