When he can't make it Better

I don't own Doctor who right now… ask me tomorrow.


"So, where now?" He bounded around the control panel. "How about the planet of Marquo? Green creatures with two tongues, they make excellent bolognaise! And what a language, brilliant! Or the island of Merti, the most incredible beach you'll ever see?" he flapped his hands in emphasis and looked expectantly at Rose.

She did didn't respond, just leaned against the panel, a far away look in her eyes.

"Rose?" he persisted.

She looked at him, a sad meaning full look, and he immediately wondered if he had just spat in her face without realising. Then he understood… she was in no way ready for more adventures yet. She'd just lost her dad for the third time, and Mickey along with him. The Doctor swallowed and his enthusiasm disintegrated so much, he wondered if it had ever really been there in the first place.

Rose headed toward the corridor, out of the control room. "I think I'll go to bed," she mumbled.

The Doctor watched her go sadly. Of course she wasn't ready. How could he have been so stupid? After losing her dad again, and loosing Mickey, he was now officially the only man in her life… and a fine job he was doing.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He'd love to make everything better, to make it all right again, but he had no idea how. He'd taken her home, to her mum, for a short while and it had worked… but now… they were back, and she was still hurting so what to do now?

--

Rose idly stared up at the ceiling of her room with wet eyes; black tears, smeared by her mascara, fell down her face, tracing her cheek, until they left a black spot on her pillow. She couldn't help but cry. The thought of never seeing Mickey ever again… of being rejected by her father, the man she had held while he died, true it hadn't really been him, but it still hurt… it was all but bearable. She had the Doctor… but sometimes he wasn't want she need. At least he didn't appear to be right now. Her mother had helped. But now she was back on the TARDIS… back with a man who barely understood her… a man who wasn't even human.

She was so busy going through and rewinding the same thoughts she didn't hear the Doctor come in and stand by the door. It was only when he said her name she even noticed his presence.

She looked round at him, tears blurring her vision. She couldn't help but feel weak; crying in front of him felt almost like she was letting him down, not being that brave Rose Tyler he always told her she was. "Sorry," she muttered, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"What?" he walked toward her. "Oh no Rose, you don't need to apologize. I'm the sorry one. I didn't realise… I mean, I…" he trailed off foolishly.

She shook her head. "'S kay."

"No, but I…" he stared at her for a moment, and sat next to her on the bed. "I know you must be hurting, and I… I'm sorry Mickey –"

"It's okay," Rose interrupted quickly.

She buried her head in his shoulder, and he placed an arm around her. The stayed like that for a while, just holding one another because it helped. Rose felt the warmth of him against her and couldn't help but fell comforted by him.

"Sometimes," she said softly into his coat, "I feel like…" she hesitated, a frown falling across her face, failing to go on.

"Go on," the Doctor encouraged.

Rose brought her face up and shook her head, "Don't matter."

"No, what? What were you going to say?" he pushed.

"Really, 's nothing."

"What is it?" the Doctor cupped her cheek in his hand, concern laced in voice and shown in his face.

"It's just," Rose bent her head, "sometimes it feels like every man in my life… just disappears, or lets me down, or…" she shook her head, leaning away from him and looking down at the floor.

"Don't feel like that," he told her. "Mickey and Pete… they didn't mean to go. He wasn't your dad, not really… and anyway, you've still got me." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "I've not gone anyway."

"No, you haven't," Rose agreed.

"And I haven't let you down."

She did not reply. Just continued to look down at the floor. His brain suddenly went into super drive. She thought he had let her down? Oh god, had he let her down?

"Rose?" he prompted.

"No," she regained quickly. But he could tell it was a lie.

"When did I let you down?" he asked, crestfallen.

She looked up at him, feeling terrible all of a sudden. "No, you didn't."

He took her hand in his. "When?" But then he saw it in her face and several words came tumbling into his head all at once: …the space station… France… clockwork men… Reniette...

"Oh." It was all he could manage.

"It doesn't matter," she said quickly, taking away her hands from his. "It's gone now. The past. We're here now… you and me… and anyway," she looked towards the door sadly, "You loved her."

"Yes," he nodded, and he saw her wince slightly as he agreed, but say nothing. He opened his mouth again. Suddenly the urge to say it had never been stronger.

But not as much as you… but not as much as you

He couldn't though… the words vanished on the tip of his tongue and he was forced to just stare at her sad, imperfect, but beautiful face as she looked on at nothing in thought. She looked round at him. "I think I wanna go to sleep now."

"Right," He stood up, heading for the door.

He turned before he left, watching her as she sat on her bed, her back flat against the wall, knees brought up to her chest and arms wrapped around them. "Goodnight Rose," he whispered so quietly he was sure she hadn't heard.

Out in the hallway with the door fastened shut behind him, the Doctor leaned against the wall and set back his head, running through in his mind a thousand different scenarios he could have done and a million different things he could have said that would have made her feel so much better. No matter what his name – his title – suggested, he came to the conclusion he was no good at making anyone feel better.

As he walked away from her room his hearts almost broke when he heard a choked sob come from the door through which he had just left.


I'll either leave it here, or do one more chapter… depends if you thing it should end there… or I should go for more fluff, and maybe a happy ending in the epilogue next chapter?