Warning: character death, violence, suicide. This piece is not actually a fanfiction in that I wrote an original piece but had nowhere to share it soooo I changed the names and uploaded it to

Part I.

"So, anyways," Jasper said, sipping at his cappuccino delicately, "I ran into this guy at the book store."

Alice, next to Bella in the uncomfortable, plastic booth seat, giggled. She leaned across the table towards Jasper. "And you..."

"Alice!" Jasper exclaimed, tossing his hands out before him as if to stop crime. The heavy smell of almond and tobacco and leather that she always associated with Jasper drifted toward her as he moved his hands. "Would you let me tell the story? Stop trying to rush to the good parts!"

He winked. "And believe me, there are good parts."

Bella rolled her eyes as Alice and Jasper continued their banter, watching the news on the TV over Jasper's shoulder. She couldn't bring herself to care about Jasper's trivial Saturday night- imaginary or real. She couldn't make herself care about anything nowadays. Not for a few years, in fact. Not since what happened.

"...I will clarify, though, that he was definitely the one flirting with me..."

Jasper wasn't gay.

"Jasper! Skip the boring stuff, come on!"

He pretended he was because it made him look sensitive and artsy, and Alice was was into guys like that. Someday he planned to let her know that he was so emotionally infatuated with her that it didn't even matter to him she wasn't a guy. He would tell her that he loved her for her soul- not her body.

"So, what was this guy's name... or did you catch it at all? Oh, Jasper, not again!"

Everyone but Alice knew it. Bella couldn't blame Alice. Jasper had so completely immersed himself in pretending to be gay since they'd left high school, when Alice's thing for the artsy type became apparent, that she almost believed it herself.

Bella turned her attention to her blond friend, taking in his blue wool coat and dark wash jeans, both of which looked ridiculously expensive. The white shirt underneath attested to a perfectly honed, simple fashion sense. He was shrugging, rolling his eyes upward as if he was thanking God, looking to the Heavens, but probably he was just checking to see if his hair was sticking up where he'd jammed his designer sunglasses onto his head. "God, his body was so freaking hot!"

Alice giggled insatiably. She loved Jasper's boy on boy stories. Bella looked away again, her lips pouting against her will.

They weren't dating, but Jasper and Alice always looked so happy together. They were perfect for each other. She wanted that. She wanted to go backwards in time, to find herself five years in the past and unbelievably blessed. Bella's thoughts drifted ever further from the coffee shop and closer to her fantasies... but nothing could stop her from hearing the news anchor's cool voice as she related their next story.

"...mass murderer Edward Cullen has just escaped from..." For a moment Bella's ears were filled with a gentle hum like a thousand purring engines. But the world snapped back into focus and she stared, fascinated, over Jasper's shoulder and at the television. "Authorities say he's been spotted by several heading north. Highways are blocked..."

When Edward Cullen was 23, he bit the face off a prison guard.

"...image of the suspect here. Police are urging anyone who sees him to keep their distance and to report it immediately."

When he was 22, he was arrested after being in hiding for almost a year. At 20, he was found guilty of 53 counts of murder. Edward was 19 when he was raped and tortured, sending him into the unchanging, unrelenting whirlwind of insanity that made him do the horrible things he did.

"...is considered to be armed and dangerous..."

And when Edward was 18, he'd asked Bella to marry him.

Lately, all of Bella's deepest, darkest desires involved the words armed and dangerous- and featured an escaped, passionate Edward in her bedroom. His face appeared once more on the screen, gaunt and angry, and Bella felt herself gasp. She wasn't shocked or scared at the change- the strange, desperate look on that familiar face. It wasn't that sort of gasp.

Bella hadn't been with a man since Edward had disappeared from her life- although he could never truly be gone from her thoughts. So it wasn't her fault that it only took one look at his picture to make her practically cream her jeans.

"Bella?"

It was Jasper's husky, low voice- which meant he was concerned enough to momentarily drop the gay facade, even with Alice so close. Jasper always had been a good friend to Bella- maybe, in some ways, even more than Alice. He always knew just what to say to make a person feel better. His very presence had a calming effect. He could also always tell exactly what she was feeling. Wondering what she would ever do if something happened to Jasper- what she would ever do without him- at the same time as she wished he would just butt out, Bella looked at him feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. He raised an eyebrow and turned, glancing at the TV behind him, and Bella saw Alice follow his gaze with her eyes.

"Oh, Bella," she murmured, turning to her friend with sympathy. "Don't look so... Sweetie, he's a waste of your time."

"Alice!" Bella cried. "He's your brother! How can you say that?"

"Bella, he's my brother, and I do love him, despite... I will always care for him, but not as someone for you."

She found herself turning desperately to Jasper, knowing it was useless. Jasper and Edward had been best friends, along with Edward's older brother Emmett. The three of them were inseparable. But Jasper and Emmett had always agreed with Alice. Every one of them had.

"You need to move on, Bella," Jasper told her, and then his eyes flickered down to his drink, avoiding hers. He muttered, "He's a psycho."

She knew she was being irrational. He was, he was.

A psycho. She snatched up her purse, stomping angrily from the little coffee shop. She tripped over the threshold, and ignored Alice's voice calling after her. She didn't even care.

He was her psycho, if he had to be one at all. Bella knew she would never stop loving him. Never stop wanting him. She didn't care that Edward had done bad things, that he had killed. It wasn't his fault. After all the things that had happened to him, all Bella wanted was to comfort him. To show him that she, at least, would always be there for him. It didn't matter that- as Emmett put it- if Edward ever found her again, he would probably just leave her bleeding.

Besides, Bella didn't think that was true. She knew that he loved her just as much as she did him. He loved her. They were meant for each other.

Bella's Edward would never hurt her.