Disclaimer: Yeah, no.

Author's Note: This was actually inspired by an amusing little fanfic called "Bed Time," by Silva Park. I'd tell you how it inspired me, but that would ruin the story. Just be content in knowing where I got my crack!idea from, 'kay? Heehee.

Also, this is dedicated to those of you who decided that they, too, would like to see some Bella/Edward/Nessie school-time fun. (…not like that.) You know who you are. :3


The Truth They See


There was definitely something strange about the Cullen family. Abnormal, kids had been known say. Bizarre. Or effed up, as was the label given by the more eloquent students. Everyone noticed this oddity, of course, and so it came as no surprise when— one relatively normal Tuesday in April— the student body discovered that they were, in effect, correct.

But oh, never once had they assumed it was a secret this big…!

"I can't believe it," one football player said to another, his voice faint and face green. The other nodded, his words barely audible over the uproar in the hall.

"Do you… do you think they really…?"

Their conversation was interrupted by a thoroughly-shaken couple barging between them on their way to the front door.

"Never thought I'd see one outside of the movies," the boy whispered in disgust as he tightened his grip on his girlfriend's hand. She simply nodded, scurrying to keep up.

As the minutes passed, a number of others decided to follow the dazed pair to the nearest exit; those who left, however, were the unquestionable minority. To be frank, while those frightened few made a run for their lives, those left behind— while nervous— seemed keen on not only sticking around, but on joining the Cullens. Unfortunately, as the family in question had yet to be released from their holding pen (known by most as the principal's office), these hopefuls had been forced to join the scandalmongers of the school to pass the time.

With this fuel in the fire, the rumors had increased tenfold.

"I couldn't believe what I was seeing," a redheaded freshman murmured to her friends in the middle of the teeming hallway, eyes round with wonder. "But in retrospect, it all makes sense. I mean, have you seen them?"

Her friends nodded, still ashen from the shock of it all. The truth had only been out for an hour; already it had circled the school three times. And yet, each time the students heard the words repeated, they became harder and harder to comprehend—let alone accept.

"Yeah, it does make sense," one of her friends agreed, albeit hesitantly. Even still, she nodded so fervently that her golden curls bounced. "The way they're always around him… their impossible beauty… those clothes."

"Their cars," the third added, tugging on her straight chestnut locks. As if this wasn't enough of a distraction, she also began worrying her bottom lip.

"And have you seen their bodies? Perfect," the first hissed, cheeks pink—as if embarrassed to admit she'd noticed. "It's just not normal."

"That's because they're not normal."

The locker closest to the gaggle of gossipers slammed shut; a boy from their chemistry class frowned at them, clearly intent on joining the conversation. The girls opened their circle wide enough to let him in, forming what had to be Rumor Mill Number 483 in the overcrowded corridor.

"Dude, you wanna know what's really not normal?" he whispered feverishly— as if any of this was news anymore. "And this is what tipped me off: the way he acts around other guys."

…as this vague statement could easily be taken any number of increasingly inappropriate ways, the girls were initially confused. They showed this by blinking simultaneously, eyebrows cocked. "Excuse us?"

"No, really." Their friend's gaze was wide and earnest. "If, like, anyone even looked at his girls, like Bella or Nessie or whatever, his eyes would like, glow, almost, and I swear I heard him growl! Seriously! It was animalistic. And my friend Ben tried to ask Nessie out once, right, and he almost had his throat ripped out. I actually thought he might get himself killed!"

But if this was supposed to shock the ladies, the dark-haired sophomore was destined for severe disappointed. Instead of soft screams, the brunette and the redhead merely exchanged knowing glances and the blonde rolled her eyes, propping her hands up on her hips. "Gawd, it figures Ben would do that. How stupid! Everyone knows not to talk to them."

Behind her, her girlfriends continued muttering: "I can't believe anyone would want to; they scare me…"

"Yeah, duh." As if cued, the brunette shuddered, still toying with her chin-length locks. "You'd have to be suicidal to talk to them. Especially Nessie."

This news seemed to surprise the boy. "Why Nessie?"

"Because, Jason," the redhead retorted, her voice (though it hadn't seemed possible) even lower than before. "When a girl calls a guy her own age 'daddy'…"

Jason gawked, visibly taken aback as his face turned a vivid shade of crimson. "What?"

"It wasn't just her, Aly," a newcomer interrupted—a bespeckled junior in a track uniform. Appropriately, she'd jogged over from another conversation to join this one; the back of her shirt informed the world that her name was Madison. "My friend Kristi told me her sister Kate had heard that Jacob boy call him the same thing."

Aly's jaw dropped. "No," she choked, hands leaping to her mouth in astonishment. "He didn't!"

"Well, okay, he said 'dad,' not 'daddy,'" Madison snorted, waving dismissive fingers to the left. "And she said something about sarcasm, but whatever. I mean, it's like all of the pieces have come together, right? That explains the other guys, too."

All five couldn't help but shiver.

Then it happened. During that single moment of silence they heard—as if out of some B-rated horror movie—the creak of an opening door. Instantaneously, a series of gasps and small shrieks rose from the pockets of students who had gathered in the hall. Aly and her friends seemed torn between terror and (oddly) arousal as they watched the now-infamous family stroll out of the principal's office, looking for all the world as if they belonged on a catwalk.

God, it was all so clear…

"I can't believe we were fooled for so long," Madison breathed, an awe-struck tremble in her voice as the mind-blowingly beautiful teenagers sauntered forward, the very picture of ethereal perfection: their hair properly windswept, their clothes trendy and tight, their expressions somehow superior as they strolled along, designer shoes click-clacking on the linoleum. The boys moaned with jealousy and the girls with desire as their apparent leader—Edward, in all of his otherworldly glory— draped his left arm around Bella's gorgeous shoulder and laced the fingers of his right through the delicate Nessie's small hand. Both women beamed adoringly at the man, as if he was the very center of their universe; he, seemingly smug in this knowledge, returned their affection with a crooked smile of his own.

Behind him, the others paraded obediently, each swish of hip and flick of hair bringing their peers—still torn between fear and amazement— to their quivering knees.

How had they not noticed before? Had they merely refused to see the truth? Or was it that they simply couldn't believe their own eyes…?

That must be it. Because really, who in their wildest dreams would ever believe that Edward Cullen was a pimp?