A/N: new story...AU/AH. not much to say...pretty self-explanatory. enjoy and review!
My agent Jasper Hale walked into my house (correction: mansion), his arms full with a mail crate, piled high with videos. I only saw through my half-open eyelids. Sure, it was noon, but entertaining supermodels all night left very little time for sleep.
"I don't even want to know what that is," I mumbled, turning away from him, attempting to fall back asleep. My fans meant a lot to me, but it really was too early to even consider answering their mail.
"Oh, but you do," Jasper said, a smirk on his face. "I should tell you that the attitude you have is what is keeping the directors of Bone Dry from making a decision. That and your reputation."
I was wide awake now at the mention of the newest job to fall into my lap. The movie was expected to be a summer blockbuster, and the job was now between me and some other schmuck named Mike Newton. A total pansy and completely wrong for the role.
I looked at my blonde friend, his blue eyes narrowing at my scantily clad body and the lipstick stain on the pillow directly next to my head. "There is nothing wrong with my reputation!" I argued.
"Oh, sure, I believe you. Three girls every night, sometimes at the same time. Look at this." He tossed me a magazine I hadn't seen tucked underneath his arm and flipped it open to see the front cover. A picture of me in my 2009 Audi A4 Cabriolet with a girl in the front seat. My seat, my lap, more appropriately.
"What do you call that?" he asked, another smirk plastered on his face.
"Really good photography."
"You're smoking, speeding, fondling, and bringing on heart attacks to everyone watching all at the same time. Impressive, I must say, but probably not what directors want to see the star of their thirty million dollar movie doing."
I rubbed my eyes. "What exactly are you telling me?"
"I'm telling you that I have the perfect solution to bring you back into the spotlight. In a good way," he added, when he saw my eyebrows raise.
"Oh yeah?" I asked, "How is that?"
In response, he dumped the mail crate onto my bed, videos spilling everywhere. Upon closer look, I noticed that the labels were all hand-written. "I Want to Marry Edward Cullen" is what nearly every one of them displayed.
Needless to say the panic showed up shortly after.
"Jasper, what the hell is this?"
"You mean besides genius? This is your ticket back into America's heart. Do you want to hear it all or not?"
"Talk fast," I said through gritted teeth.
He sat down on the bed next to me. "Well, I thought maybe you could use some good publicity to make people stop turning you into the bad guy. You know, get you the boy next door feeling back. So, I talked to some people, and they put in an idea at ABC, you know, the TV station?" I nodded in understanding, motioning my hands for him to keep going, again, quickly, before I used my hands to kill my best friend.
He continued rapidly. "The show idea is called "I Want to Marry Edward Cullen". Girls around the country have sent in videos or letters to you and you are going to pick twenty girls to come to stay with you at a house outside L.A. The idea is that you find yourself someone to settle down with so you'll stop traipsing with ten girls a week."
I laughed. "They think this will actually work?"
"Well, if you don't choose all girls from brothels, but if you choose some actual, real girls."
"Real like limited plastic surgery?" I joked.
"Funny, Cullen. So, what do you think?"
I had to admit, it didn't sound totally awful. Twenty girls and just one me. How bad could it be? Oh wait. "I wouldn't actually have to marry her, would I?"
Jasper laughed, "No. The finale will air and then you date for a little while and then break up. I'll announce that the relationship didn't last due to schedule differences and lack of "together" time. The worst thing that can happen is that you find a girl who you can go on a few dates with, God forbid you have a real relationship."
He picked up a video tape and waved it in front of me. "Should we see who the lucky contestants are?" He slipped the tape into the VCR at the entertainment system and flipped on the TV. Immediately a voluptuous blonde filled the screen, her low cut dress obviously chosen to display, ahem, certain attributes. I nearly laughed, but she looked completely serious.
"Edward," she purred. "I know we have a lot in common. I can be that one for you that allows to be busy during the day, and I'll keep you busy at night. I'm Katarina, and I'm more than up to the challenge," she pushed her chest up, "of being Mrs. Cullen."
I coughed and bit back a smile, "Maybe this is a bit much. These girls seem very, very into this whole thing."
"Well, maybe we pick this girl, and then eliminate her early. Just let her show you a good time. I'm sure she could handle that, though maybe not a conversation."
I laughed and picked up the next tape and put it in.
"Hi Edward," a squeaky voice said over the camera, "I'm Camilla…"
"Edward," a man called, "I am so ready to be Mrs. Cullen…"
I sighed with my head in my hands after the first twenty videos while Jasper nearly fell off the bed laughing before sliding in yet another tape.
"Is the camera on?" an annoyed voice said and a gorgeous blonde popped in the screen before moving back out. "Emmett, seriously, it's just a video! He may not even pick her! Though he'd be insane not to and then I would hate him."
"But Rosie," a tired voice called back, "she'll kill us when she finds out."
Then they both moved to the screen. The camera was obviously on a tripod. "Hi, Edward," the woman said. "You're movie To the Front Line was amazing, let me tell you. Ouch, Emmett, okay. I'm Rosalie, and this is my fiancé Emmett; we're from Seattle. Now, don't let those thoughts of three-way go any further. He'll beat you up." She pointed to the man next to her, who was massive, his brunette hair cut short and blue eyes narrowing at his girlfriend's mention of a three-way.
"Just kidding!" she exclaimed with a huge smile. "No, I'm not sending in this video for me, but for Emmett's little sister, Bella. She would never, ever think of doing anything like this, nor would she want to. But we think she would be perfect for you. See?"
The shot moved to a bar, where a brunette was standing behind, filling up a cup of beer from the tap. I sat back and admired her in appreciation, as any other normal man would do. This was one of the more…interesting videos they had seen. "She works at a bar owned by her dad at night. The regulars just love her. And her laugh and smile, and of course, some of the older men like to look at her bend over. Emmett, I'm just kidding! And then, during the day," the camera moved to a crowded street and then zoomed in on a book store called The Bookshelf, "she manages a bookstore while the owner is in early retirement.
"In the morning she goes running, zoom in closer, Emmett," the video showed the woman running along a sidewalk, a leash with a huge dog pulling her along. "Amazing body, right? We're trying to get her to dress more girly. She tends to go with the more comfortable than how it looks. Ouch, Emmett, okay, fine. Look, what I'm trying to say is that I think she is a really good catch, but she's too picky and doesn't even know the extent of her beauty. And we think someone like you, who is around beauty all the time and knows how limited and rare true beauty is can help her. And you know, maybe be a good guy for her, too. And I promise Emmett won't beat you up for dating his sister." She smiled a heartbreaker's smile. She nudged her fiancé. "Right?"
"Just consider it, please, Edward. Thanks." She smiled as Emmett moved to turn off the camera.
Jasper looked at me, but I was still transfixed on the TV. Maybe the show would be the best thing to happen to me. I had my pick of twenty girls and if the videos I had seen were all this good, I would be in heaven. Not to mention the girl I just saw.
"I don't know about that one," Jasper said, "she didn't even send in the video."
"No," I said quickly, "she's perfect. It'll show I have a good heart picking the least likely ones to be chosen, right?" And I really, really, want to see what was under that jacket and sweat pant ensemble she was wearing running.
"Well, yeah, I guess. Okay then, she's in. We have eight girls. Only twelve more to go."
Great, I thought. I would need food and a beer if I had to sit through more men asking to be my bride.