A/N: Ok…so I have no earthly idea where this came from

A/N: Ok…so I have no earthly idea where this came from. It is in NO way meant to be serious. It's pretty much my retaliation against people who write Harry as a perfect demi-god character. And the title…I couldn't decide whether to use philosopher's or sorcerer's, so it kinda mixed together.

And yes, I am anticipating some pretty crappy reviews. Bring on the flames!

(I own nothing!)

Gary-Stu Potter and The Philorcerer's Stone

It was a beautiful, sunny day on Privet Drive. Birds were singing, butterflies were idling over flowers, and eleven-year-old Gary-Stu Potter was just beginning to wake up.

"Boy!"

A shrill voice broke through the morning silence, and Gary-Stu Potter opened his eyes.

And what beautiful eyes they were.

Gary-Stu Potter's eyes were the most dazzling eyes ever seen on a human. They were a shining, sparkling blue, and deeper than the ocean.

(That's a metaphor, by the way. Or a simile. Something along those lines. But they were really pretty. Only in a manly way.)

Gary-Stu Potter also had contacts, because of a childhood accident.

See, when Gary-Stu Potter was only six years old, he had witnessed a bully trying to steal another child's lunch money. Because Gary-Stu Potter was such a kind, caring person, he defended the child. But Gary-Stu Potter didn't believe in violence, so the bully poked him with a pencil.

In the eye.

Er…both of them.

Anyways.

Gary-Stu Potter folded back his bedcovers, revealing a toned and muscular chest. Even though he was only eleven. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, stood up, and promptly dropped down to do a series of push-ups.

Because he is that cool.

"Boy!"

Oh yeah, the voice.

See, Gary-Stu Potter had an aunt. And an uncle. Oh, and a cousin. His parents had been killed long ago, when Gary-Stu Potter was only one year old. Lord Moldywart had murdered them, and Gary-Stu Potter had defended them as best he could. Sadly, though, Gary-Stu Potter failed to save his parents, but managed to survive anyways. With his super-cool baby powers. So now Gary-Stu Potter lived with his aunt. And uncle. And cousin. (But they're really ugly and mean.)

But anyway, Gary-Stu Potter shook his perfectly ruffled black hair out of his eyes and went downstairs.

Standing in the kitchen with his aunt (and uncle and cousin) was a very tall man.

"Hello," Gary-Stu Potter said, not frightened of the twenty-foot-tall man in the slightest.

He also didn't wonder how a twenty-foot-tall man fit into a ten-foot kitchen.

"Yer a wizard, Gary," the man said.

Gary-Stu Potter blinked.