Hello, I'm Kuruk, and this is my first story for the Death Note fandom.
The following is a series of small drabbles based off of words, each starting with a different letter of the alphabet, about Light Yagami. It's speculative, but stays in the bounds of canon.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, and I got the idea for this style fic after reading a similar story of the 'Avatar' section.
Hope you enjoy!
The Boy Who Would Be Kira
"I love you, Light."
If people told him this maybe even once and meant it, he may have never lost faith in the world.
When Misa finally told him those words and meant them with all her heart, he was too far gone to care (or even understand) what they meant.
Despite everything he had done to everyone, all the betrayals he had committed against strangers and people close to him alike, he never expected for Matsuda to raise his pistol, point it at him and actually shoot.
It was the first time he ever felt the agony of betrayal.
To embrace his role as Kira was freedom compared to the life he led before, chained to the illusion of perfection and maintaining it so that everyone was satisfied with him.
It was too late, however, when he learned that being Kira was far more constricting and destructive than being Light, and he was destroyed because of it.
If Soichiro had spared the time to teach him what he believed justice was, perhaps he would've never been Kira, instead standing alongside Ryuzaki and the Kira Investigation Team to stop another soul lost to the mantle of Kira.
But his father never did, and he sought out his own justice.
Tasks that required thought were always taken on, because when he stopped thinking, when he stopped doing the thing that defined him, he began to question if what he was doing was wrong... and he wouldn't (and couldn't) allow that.
His father was a ghost in the periphery of his life, always involved in an investigation that required too much of his time, leaving him with none at all to spend with his family.
Sayu had her own life to mold, and the only times she would come to him for help would be for trivial things like homework.
His mother showered him with gifts and praises when he brought home another accomplishment.
(No one loved him for anything but perfection, so he forsook his humanity to give them what he wanted)
(Not A) Gentleman
When Sayu developed her first crush on an older boy in Light's class, he had overheard him talking about how pathetic and stupid she was.
He punched the boy harder than he'd ever hit anyone.
Sayu never learned of how he'd defended her, and she kept on worshiping a boy that hated her.
(If she had, she may have gone to Light for advice on life, not just for homework.)
On his first day of school, his mother had smiled and told him that good, obedient boys that did very well in school went to Heaven.
When he finally faded away into nothingness, a part of him longed for her comforting embrace (that he had never felt since that day) and for the lie she had told him to be true.
He prided himself on knowing everything, on knowing it so well that he could outshine all those around him.
He never realized that he was truly ignorant to the things that mattered most in life, and died a sad, ignorant fool who had left nothing behind but a trail of pain and suffering.
Every murder had a purpose (to create his Utopia), no matter if his victim was a a man that had raped and killed innocent women or an FBI agent that was simply doing his job.
If he had not justified his killings with delusions of grandeur, perhaps the guilt would've driven him to write his own name in the Death Note long ago.
King (And Queen)
Misa had wanted to be at his side, to be his Queen when he created his Utopia.
He loathed her with all his heart despite all the love she offered him, and though she would never know (or believe it), her name would've been written in his notebook long before that day arrived.
By the time someone like Ryuzaki came into his life and truly became his friend, it was much too late to save him.
(A little sooner, and he would've been happy.)
Light never intended to become a slave to the notebook, a robot that ruthlessly destroyed not only the guilty but the innocent as well.
But it ruined him, and soon he allowed it's power to corrupt his intentions, and he engaged himself in which he played as it were simply that-- a game.
Light would've never been someone like his father; he was much too selfish and self-absorbed to be someone as selfless as his father had been.
But he didn't have to be Kira, either.
One early morning as he sat at the table across from Ryuzaki, a silver chin connecting them by their wrists, the detective paused in his building of a tower of sugar cubes to give him a strange look.
"I can... forget, Light-kun... Stop now and I'll run away with you..."
Light didn't believe him, and he once again replied that he was not Kira, having no memory of the affair anyway.
Ryuzaki meant every word, but at the denial he simply looked down at his lap, and closed his eyes. He never offered Light a chance again.
(They could've been happy, but Light would never know what could've been.)
In the end, his life was insignificant.
In the centuries before him there had been countless other Kira's who had found notebooks, and in the centuries after him there would be more as well. He was not special, and he was certainly not unique. He was just one of many fools tricked by a Death God.
It was never the same after L was gone, but when he saw Near-- somehow so like L yet still so different, Light could not help but ask him the same question that had made him truly feel something for L.
Near answered that he did what he did to replace L, and Light hated him for being so much like his old rival yet so different at the same time.
(He didn't pursue justice like L had, and that was why he hated him.)
Ryuzaki had died surrounded by people that had grown to respect and care for him.
Secretly, as he lay against the stairs of an old factory, his heartbeat growing erratic, as his suit grew crimson with his blood, Light envied Ryuzaki for that as the mass muderer Kira died alone.
(If he had looked a little harder, he might have seen Ryuzaki standing before him, not a smirk of triumph on his face, but a look of pure sorrow.)
He had many skills, but the one he prided himself most on was the way he could manipulate everyone around him.
When he was younger he'd done it just to get people to pay attention to him, but soon he just did it to get people to play on his side, because they would never play for him if they knew just what he was under the honeyed words and false promises.
To achieve victory, nothing was beyond him.
And yet he still thought he'd gone too far when he lay awake in bed one night, Ryuzaki cuddled up against his bare chest, snoring soundly.
Sex was the ultimate method of control, but it was also one of the ultimate expressions of love. It was supposed to be nothing, and yet it was something (everything) to him... And he kept on doing it with him, not because he wanted control, but because he felt something he'd never felt before, and he wanted to grasp it before it faded away.
He'd built up his defenses so that no one could see him tick long ago when he'd taken to playing chess and a good poker face was essential as not to betray anything to his opponent.
(It became so routine to apply his perfected poker face that no one could see past his facade and see the tortured boy underneath. If they had maybe they could have saved him...)
Light was always the object of many girls' (and boys') affections. He ignored their advances because everyone was beneath him.
(Try as she might, Misa was always just a pawn in his game.)
There was only one person who could match him, but by the time they met, Light was already Kira, and nothing could pull him back from the depths of his insanity.
He could be many things. Cold like ice, scalding like steam and yet versatile like water.
The one thing he wasn't was open to the good in the world. (All he saw was the rot of the world, not the seed within that could bring new hope.)
When he was young, he would pretend he was a superhero.
When he was older, he would pretend that he was God.
Some things never change, no matter how much you do.
Light was never one to wait, so he took the initiative in bringing about his dream...
Because if the world was at peace then his father would be at home more often, and Ryuzaki wouldn't have so many cases that kept him up all night, and Misa's parents would've never died, and Death Gods like Ryuk wouldn't kill for entertainment...
And the world would love him. Because fear could evoke anything from anyone, even love, no matter how hollow it was.
Light was like the wind. Nothing could change the direction it went, or if it had the force of a hurricane or the comfort of a summer breeze...
(If people had stopped trying to make him be someone he wasn't, perhaps he would've changed direction and ferocity on his own.)
But when his father put his trust in him he scoffed, because he was hardly there to even watch him grow up. And when Matsuda trusted him as well in his dead father's place, he laughed, because only fools trusted others. And when Misa offered to be anything he wanted, he spoke honeyed words and lies of love, because he needed a fool that did what he wanted.
And when L offered his love despite that he was Kira, a mass murderer, his enemy, Light hesitated too long, because no one before that had loved him without cause.
It was too late, and that was that.
Light would never be men that fought wholly for what they believed in, like his father or L. He would never be someone who trusted others and looked up to them, like Matsuda or Misa.
But Light could've been someone else. He could've been a detective, or a good person, or perhaps even L's love.
(One more friend, one less admirer. A little more love, a bit less arrogance. Simple things can change anyone, and the boy who would be Kira was no different.)
But Light stopped believing in the world when he watched people his father spend their lives at work trying their hardest to build a better place and yet still more and more criminals emerged, and he decided that the love of such a rotten place was beneath him.
So he would go and destroy all those that made the world rotten, and when it was pure and on its knees before him, he would make the world love him as its God.
A/N: Hope you liked it! :)
Please review, since I eat them up like L does sweets. :D