These two are quickly becoming my favorite imagination figment people. Unfortunately, they're only my imagination figment people, not Joss's. *sigh*

Sometimes it's weird being named after someone who died. My best friends, Kathy and Jesse, are too. I think it's sweet that our parents all wanted to honor the friends they lost. Still, it's just…weird sometimes. Like I'm supposed to be that Tara, or that Jennifer. I probably am a little bit like Jenny Calendar was, though. Mom and Giles told me that she liked computers and magic, and I'm definitely on board with both—even if I'm still having some trouble in the magic department, but from everything Mom tells me about that Tara, I'm not much like her. She was shy and quiet and could sing like an angel. My brother is quiet—or, according to him, pensive—, but I'm not. I got the babbling gene from Mom. And I can't sing to save my life. I love the piano, though. Mom started teaching me when I was five, and I haven't gone more than a couple of days without playing since. I've never really liked playing the songs from the sheet music. Those are someone else's music. I just let whatever I'm feeling flow through my fingers and into the keys. That's kinda how it feels when I transform. Being a wolf is always an incredibly liberating experience. Plus, there aren't many things that are more fun than chasing Kathy's cats. Daniel does that too, but he's not as good as me at avoiding their retaliation. He had scratch marks all over his face for a couple of days after the last full moon. Mom could've magically healed the scratches, but she said it served him right for traumatizing a couple of innocent cats. He argued that cats that are innocent run up trees; they don't turn faces into tic-tac-toe boards. I thought he had a point, and I think Mom thought so too, but he still had to wait for the scratches to heal on their own.

We really do have way too much fun chasing those cats. Also, you're babbling.

Daniel! This is my internal monologue! Babbling is the point. And what are you even doing here?

What? We're inseparable anyway, so it's only fitting that we double-act this, too.

I thought it was only identical twins who were supposed to do this kind of thing.

Apparently not. So, what's going on?

I was in the middle of doing a psychological profile type thing on myself.

Oh. Cool. Uh, my turn?

Sure. I've gotta un-derail my train of thought now, anyway.

Got it. Okay, so…namesakes, piano, transforming, cats. Huh. Well, I guess I get what she means about being named after people, even though both of the ones I was named after haven't died yet. Not that it's not still weird sometimes, but at least Dad and Giles always go by Oz and, well, Giles, though, or being in the same room with both of them might involve a lot more confusion. I'm definitely cool with being named after Dad, since…he's cool.

Plus, it's pretty obvious that you're a lot like him.

I was getting to that. I'm not quite as good as he is at playing the guitar yet, but I'm trying to get there, and I can't do that thing you both do where you transform without the full moon.

Stop grinning like that. I'm gonna get it down one of these days.

Of course! Why wouldn't you?

I don't think I want to share internal monologues with you anymore.

Remember how this used to be my internal monologue, and you're the one who gatecrashed?

Yeah, this is pretty much as heated as the sibling rivalry ever gets here, by the way.

Hehehe, Kathy and Liam's parents are so jealous.

They're doing it again!

They? Doing what? Confused.

Every time I mention Kathy when you're around, your ears turn red. Just like they do whenever we go to her house or she comes to ours or we see her at school. So they're pretty much always red.

What? No they're not.

Ahem. I believe that, of the two of us, mister, I am the one who can see your ears. And they're red. A lot. Because of Kathy.

Oh, come on, if this really is your internal monologue, isn't it supposed to be your secrets that get exposed to view and possible ridicule? Mine are off-limits.

So there is a secret involved here?

That's what I thought! You're in love with our best friend!

What, you think I'm going to mess with you about it? 'Cause I'm not. I mean, It's not like you two wouldn't make a great couple.

See, what you're doing now is actually worse than if you made fun of me.

What? How is it worse? That makes no sense.

Right. And you're not going to be doing everything you can think of from now on to try and convince me to ask her out.

See? Worse.

Well, she'd totally say yes if you did. I mean, you did inherit Dad's coolness, and it's not like she has a boyfriend or even any serious crushes at the moment.

Tara. You're doing it already.


And you don't get to tell her. Ever.

Aw, come on! I tell her everything! And so do you, by the way.

Except this.

Party pooper.

…She really doesn't have any crushes right now? No. No. New topic now. We'll go back to the werewolf thing—unless you think we should talk about magic instead?

Werewolf thing. But don't think I'm just gonna let the fact that you have a crush on Kathy drop, you know, ever.

Great. Okay. So, yeah, every full moon, three-quarters of our family gets a lot more furry than usual. And with tails. That's definitely the highlight.

Overall, pretty much why we never bothered to get a pet dog.

Yeah, it sorta makes that redundant. Although I did try dog food one time—


My reaction exactly.

Hey, have you ever, like, caught a rabbit or something in wolf mode?

They taste much better than dog food.

Hah! You should definitely tell that to that girl who keeps trying to recruit us into PETA.

I dunno. We already got her face to turn that nifty reddish-purple color just from telling her that we thought the acronym really stood for "People Eating Tasty Animals".

Yeah, but my goal is to get it all the way to blue. Too bad we can't just tell her we're werewolves.

We could say we're starting a carnivores club.

Ooh, that has potential for blue face causing.

Lycanthropy and veganism really don't go together.


We're getting off-topic now, aren't we?

Kinda. You were gonna talk about magic next.

Oh, yeah. Okay, so, Mom's pretty much the ultimate überwitch, and we figured that if we inherited the werewolf gene from Dad, we'd get some of her magical proficiency too.

…It turns out that that was very presumptuous of us.

Yeah, a little. The only major spell we've actually managed to pull off so far got us grounded for two months.

We did pull it off, though! And it was awesome, despite getting slightly different results than we expected. But…yeah. It remains sad and lonely in our successful attempts column.

We're getting better, though.

You think so?

Definitely. I mean, we won't be teleporting or healing anytime soon, but it took Mom years and a brief detour into ultimate evil to get to that point, so I'm not worried.

And we'll be skipping the ultimate evil step.

Yeah. I think I'll be limiting my rebellious phase to playing grunge metal. You know, the kind that makes tasteful people's ears bleed?

That seems reasonable. I was thinking of stealing Dad's hair dye and black nail polish and trying out the punk look for a while.

You know, it only counts as rebellious if it's not something your parents do.

Oh. Good point. Do you ever get the impression that we're a little overly well-adjusted?


Hmm. Well, then, I guess I could consider cutting classes and insist on eating desserts before meals instead of after.


The edge is where I live, brother.


Never do that impression again. Ever.

People who hijack other people's internal monologues don't get to tell them which impressions not to do. Brother.

Yeah, okay, I'll stop.

Uh. Think that's everything?

I guess.


Tara Jennifer Osbourne and Daniel Rupert Osbourne, signing off.

Why? Because first person with two narrators is FUN. It's almost in the same category as fourth wall breakage. Bwahaha. And if you think about it, lycanthropy and veganism really don't go together. Also, the final line was both of them in unison.

See the button below? You want to press it and leave a review.

Yeah, we'd really appreciate it.

Go away, this is my author commentary.

Wow, so polite. I'm very flattered.

Shut up.