Property Damage and Hospital Bills

by dead2self

Rating: K

Summary: A talkative guest at one of Bruce Wayne's parties corners him to talk about Gotham's current events, including her views on the nefarious Batman.

Notes: I couldn't help but notice that Batman destroyed a lot of cars and buildings and whatnot in the movies, and my heart just went out to those poor people who had to walk out to a smashed car. Haha


There you are, Bruce. I tell you, I've been looking everywhere for you! Splendid party; the Manor looks as glorious as ever. Now, don't worry yourself, Bruce, none of us blames you for your actions last year. Not one bit. The press must have positively hounded you upon your homecoming, and all of us, myself included, can understand the pressure you felt. And you're so young! Some foolishness is to be expected.

Oh, but I simply must ask you what you think of this whole fiasco with the Joker and the Batman. I understand you lost a close friend in all that madness? Terrible, just terrible. I was lucky enough to escape unscathed. I was in the hospital at the time, if you recall. Yes, nothing serious, just a slight panic attack after that murdering madman started a fistfight in the middle of the street, right outside the opera house if you can believe it. Truly terrifying! But considering I was in the middle of a fight between the two master criminals of our time, I believe my luck is finally kicking in, Bruce—oh, excuse me. Mr. Wayne.

I do what I can; I really do. I knock on wood, I carry a miniature horseshoe and a rabbit's foot in my purse, I never open umbrellas indoors, and I throw salt over my shoulder should it ever happen to spill. But all that luck went to naught the moment that vigilante, that madman, the Batman, took up residence in our dear city of Gotham.

People have been blindly singing the Batman's praises for months, but I for one am happy he's finally been unmasked as the criminal he truly is. While other people were blinded by his short-lived heroics, I always recognized him for what he truly was: a man with no respect for public or private property. I myself have had two cars totaled by that God-awful tank that he calls a car.

And they said he was saving Gotham? No, he was destroying Gotham, one parking garage at a time! No matter that Wayne Industries makes a monthly donation to the city's maintenance, bless your soul, the tax increases to compensate for all his "lifesaving" have nearly cut my paycheck in half. Property damage and hospital bills, Mr. Wayne, that's what Batman is really all about.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, am I keeping you, Mr. Wayne? No, go on, she is very pretty; far more interesting than an old lady talking current events. Go on.

Did you hear? The nerve of that boy, telling a woman twice his age to address him as "Mr. Wayne". Well, I'll be! The future of Gotham is very bleak in his hands. Yes, indeed.