Authors Note:

So, this is my first Jeyton RATED M fiction multi-chapter. I really hope you enjoy it. It's rated M for a reason!

Dislcaimer: Nothing. Nada. Nope.

Lonely. That one single word millions of people feel each day. The feeling of being left alone, the feeling of being misunderstood or rejected. This was a feeling that Peyton Sawyer had lived with for many years. The loss of her mothers had made her lonelier than ever. The knowing that the one person in the world that was supposed to guide you, was gone. Peyton had two chances to have a mother, and each time, it would seem as if I giant dark cloud had hovered over her, ruining their happiness, ending it in sorrow. She sighed back her tears as she remembered her mothers. Anna and Ellie. She couldn't take it anymore as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She had been lonely for three years now. And it was all because of him. But maybe Karen was right, somewhere out there was someone or something better then Lucas.

She just couldn't find that thing yet.

She traced small circles unknowingly on her hotel room bed. She sighed as the hand that she was using to support her head was numb, and she moved it. She sighed, another feeling she had gotten used to. Being numb. Not caring about anything because nothing mattered without him. But he was gone, out of her reach. And all she had was the memories. She sat up on her bed and she sighed. She needed to clear her head, to forget about everything and shut out the world. What better to do that then a walk in downtown New York City? She grabbed her purse and walked out, rubbing her eyes. All these nights of signing up and coming bands, pulling all-nighters, staying in her NYC recording studio for hours and hours on end, listening to the horrible strums of a inexperienced person playing electric guitar.

She walked out into the cold, heavily trafficked air of New York City. She pulled her leather jacket closer and sighed as she walked through the insanely crowded streets to Central Park. She walked in and smiled, seeing young children clinging to their mothers, elderly couples trying to catch up after their grandchildren, first dates that seemed nerve-wracking. She smirked as she walked down the paved streets of Central Park, smiling as she saw the carriage horses pass her by, until the older man guiding them stopped. "You need a lift, little lady?" He asked, and she smiled and shook her head. "No thanks." He smiled. "Oh come on, for a pretty girl like you, it's free." Peyton smiled at the elderly man. She nodded. "Okay." She said, climbing onto this wooden carriage, sitting on the bench, smiling as she looked out at the long grass, almost seeing across this huge park.

She smiled as the older man spoke. "What's your name ma'm?" He asked, and Peyton smiled. "Peyton." He chuckled. "Peyton, that's my granddaughter's name." Peyton smiled. "She's four." Peyton smirked. "Congratulations." He nodded. "Were about to pass the Balto statue, it's on your right." She nodded as she looked, seeing a little girl sitting on the edge of the statue. She was about five or six, curly brown hair. Peyton smiled. She was so adorable. She looked away as she sighed, looking at all these happy people. Only one problem, she wasn't one of them.

The carriage ride continued, the world kept turning, but once again, Peyton Sawyer felt lonely and numb. When she arrived back at her hotel, she sighed. She just missed it. Everything. Home, her old life, friends, family. Just everything. And for once in her life, she didn't miss Lucas or the way he made her feel. It was starting to get dark and she slipped into her PJ pants and black tank top as she settled down in her bed, the other side empty. She 

wished someone; anyone was here right now, cuddling her, making her feel better. The other side was made, untouched. She just wanted to feel again. To feel anything but nothing. She flicked on the TV and sighed. 500 channels and nothing on. She looked at the clock, 9:12. She closed her eyes as she heard the outside noise. Car horns honking, people yelling, loud buses running through. She lied back on the bed and sighed as she slowly but surely drifted off to sleep, praying tomorrow would have some meaning in her life.

She woke up to the sound of a car horn. She groaned and looked over at the clock, her eyes squinting to see it. 4 am. She rolled over and closed her eyes again, trying so hard to think of nothing, but every time, thinking about something. She smiled as she remembered the little brown haired girl on the Balto statue. When she saw her, she had this crazy De Ja View thing, like she had seen her before. She shook her head and sighed. No one she knew had a little girl. She closed her eyes again as she tried to get back to sleep. Her eyes flung open as she remembered.

Jenny Jagielski. She shook her head. There was no possible way that that little girl could have been her. How many little girls had curly brown hair? A lot. Right? She rolled over and shut her eyes. Telling herself to just forget about it, she wasn't her. It couldn't be her, Jake and Jenny lived in Savannah. She sighed as she grasped the pillow. She remembered the events of that night when she left him. She knew his heart wasn't even whole to start with when she broke it. Leaving him broke her heart to. She remembered how he used to touch her. His fingers gently grasping her shoulders when he leaned up and kissed her cheek in the morning, the way his hands made their way to her hips ever so gently, making her crave him more. But there was no way that little girl was Jenny. But it wouldn't hurt to check, right? Her curiosity and sense of adventure took over her as she rolled over, smiling. She was finally feeling something again, hope.

The sun shone through the hotel window as she woke up, smiling to herself. She was finally feeling a little happy, hoping against hope that they would be at that statue again, but knowing it would be the most frightening thing she ever had to do, confronting the man's heart she broke. How would he feel about her? Then it hit her. Had he moved on to something better? Hell, anything was better than Peyton Sawyer right? She looked at the clock. 9:21. She still had plenty of time to get ready, she just didn't know when they would be there, if they would be there. It was a long shot.

She got up and brushed her teeth, washing her face, rubbing her eyes as she looked in the mirror. She sighed as she bushed through her tousled blonde hair, picking out her normal jeans and t-shirt, The Ramones of course. She turned on the TV as she flicked through. She sighed as again, nothing relatively good on TV. Then she heard her cell phone ring. That annoying sound was driving her up the wall. Brooke and Lucas and Haley, constantly calling her, asking how she was. She looked at the caller ID. Brooke. "Hey B. Davis." She answered, sighing. "Hey P. Sawyer. How's the recording going?" Peyton shrugged. "Well, I have this week off because Dawson got sick." Brooke smiled to her phone. "That guy in…that band?" Peyton giggled. "Yes, Brooke. What are you up to?" Brooke sighed. "I'm missing you! You need to come back, P. Sawyer!" Peyton smiled. "Brooke, I'll come back when I'm ready, I just, haven't found the thing to drive me back yet." Brooke sighed. "Okay P. Sawyer. Good luck with your bands, and I'll call you tomorrow okay?" Peyton smiled to her phone again. "Okay B. Davis. Bye." She said, hanging up.

She shook her head as she slipped on her high tops and walked out into the New York City air once again, walking over to Central Park. She crossed the heavy roads as she passed through the beautiful gates, her eyes stinging at the sun's glare at the end of the park. She walked unknowingly, her mind racing, her heart thumping. She followed the signs until she saw the statue in the distance. There it was. The statue of Balto standing tall into the air, children crowded around it. She finally reached it and looked up at the statue. Her hair flew in front of her face and she wiped it away, looking around. No little girl. She sighed as she looked around. It was way too go to be true. There were millions of little girl's like that. Her faith was smashed.

She stood there for forty-five minutes, looking around at the children coming and going, none of them were how she wanted them to be. She sighed and turned her back to walk away, wiping away her stray tear. Stupid love, stupid life, stupid Peyton. Believing in hope again. It was never real. Until she heard that voice. "Daddy!" She heard a little girl say, and she spun around, smiling as she saw that same little girl, cradling the neck of the Balto. "Daddy look!" The little girl said, but her father was invisible, he was on the other side of the statue. "Yes Jenny, I see you." He said, turning the corner, and Peyton thought her heart stopped. There he was. Brown hair, scruffy, but still very sexy. She walked slowly up to him and she swallowed when he looked her way.

He arched his eyebrows and she stopped dead in her tracks, and they stood there, just staring at each other. He didn't know what to say or do as she continued to walk towards him, never once breaking their glance. "Daddy! Daddy!" Jenny said impatiently, and Jake hushed his daughter as Peyton drew near. "Jake…" Peyton said in a whisper and he sighed. "Peyton." He said, relaxing himself, gazing at her with his broken eyes. "How…how have you been?" She asked, and he smiled. "I've been…good, you?" She smiled. "Okay." She said, and the conversation could not get any more awkward. "So, how long have you been in New York?" She questioned, and he arched his eyebrows. "Peyton. I can't do this again. I can't meet you and talk to you like this, it's insane." Peyton's face fell. "Why not?" He looked away. "Do you remember how you left?" Now she was angry. "Jake, that was four years ago, and Lucas is getting married now!" Jake looked at her sternly. "To you?" He asked, and Peyton scoffed. "No. Not to me, to his fiancée Lindsey." Jenny looked at her father. "Daddy, who's that?" She asked, looking at Peyton, and he looked at her seriously. "Just daddies old friend, go play okay?" She nodded as they walked away, watching Jenny run to the playground.

"Peyton, I can't do this…" Peyton looked at him. "Do what?!" She asked, and he sighed. "I just…can't. I don't want us to get close again and then it be broken." She looked at him and settled, the pain reflecting in his eyes. "Jake…" She said softly. "I'm sorry for the way that I left. I was young and conflicted and hell, were still young and confused. But, if you ever need anyone and you're still here…" She said, opening her purse to pull out her card. "Just call me." She handed it to him. And he sighed. "It was nice to see you." She said, walking away. "Peyton…" He called after her, and she turned. "Jake, I'm sorry." She said before leaving, wiping away her tear. Praying he would call.

She arrived back at her hotel and she sighed, sitting on the bed, wiping away her tears. That was not how she had expected it to go. What the hell did she expect? She broke his heart. She lied down on her bed and cried, her tears soaking into the comforter below her.

And then her phone rang.

Authors Note:

Sorry for the lack of M rated writing in this chapter, but… is it Jake? Find out next!

Love me or hate me!

Sariana. Xoxo.