The Talk

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!!

Edward's POV

I pulled the car to a stop in front of Bella's house.

"You'd better not come inside," she said, frowning, "It will only make things worse."

Bella, I need to tell you… no…. sex is not ideal… not having sex will make you a better person, Charlie was running through the ways to bring up the sex talk. He was very stressed out.

"His thoughts are relatively calm," I said trying very hard not to smile. I didn't have sex with your mother till I was married, was Charlie's next thought. It was so hard not to snort.

"I'll see you later," she said, reaching for the door handle.

I couldn't help it, I laughed. Then I kissed the top of her head, ignoring the way the smell made me want to sink my teeth right into that skin and…

I shook my head and said, "I'll be back when Charlie's snoring."

As soon as she was in the house I drove the Volvo down the street a little then parked and crawled out. I ran back to the house, crouching below the window.

"Hey, Edward! What's cracka lackin'" Emmett said from behind me. He and Jasper waved at me from the bushes.

"What are you doing here?"

"Alice told us about the talk, we couldn't miss it," Jasper said grinning evilly.

"What?" I hissed. "Go away, this is private,"

"Yes. It's so private that you get to eavesdrop." Emmett said, wagging his eyebrows.

"Fine, but don't tell Bella," I said turning back to the window.

Charlie was saying, "….Bella, and there are a lot of important things you need to know when you, well, when you're physically involved with—"

"Oh, please, please no!" Bella moaned her face a bright red in Charlie's head. "Please tell me you are not trying to have the sex talk with me, Charlie."

I snorted, shaking with silent laughter. Emmett and Jasper were doubled up on the ground, also shaking.

"I am your father. I have responsibilities. Remember, I'm just as embarrassed as you are." Charlie said to the floor. His thoughts were going insane, thinking of all the times he had left us alone, all the things we could have done in that time.

"I don't think that's humanly possible. Anyway, Mom beat you to the punch about ten years ago. You're off the hook." Bella said her face now a nice shade of crimson.

"Ten years ago you didn't have a boyfriend," Charlie grumbled under his breath, wishing he could just have her call Renee and save himself the trouble.

"I don't think the essentials have changed that much," Bella mumbled to herself.

Emmett was clutching his stomach wheezing, "No they haven't," before bursting into a new peal of laughter.

"Just tell me you two are being responsible," Charlie said, thinking of a way to introduce condoms and birth control into the subject.

"Don't worry, Dad, it's not like that."

Emmett looked up at me and made a sad face.

Charlie was saying, "Not that I don't trust you, Bella, but I know don't want to tell me anything about this, and you know I don't really want to hear it. I will try to be open minded, though. I know times have changed."

Bella laughed, but it sounded off. "Maybe the times have, but Edward is very old-fashioned. You have nothing to worry about."

"Sure he is," Charlie said sarcastically.

"Yes, you are," Emmett gasped using Jasper's head to get up, before falling over again in a new round of laughter.

Bella groaned, "I really wish you were not forcing me to say this out loud, Dad. But…. I am a…. virgin, and I have no immediate plans to change that status,"

"'No immediate plans' awww shucks Eddy, I was going to give you a few pointers," Emmett said shaking his head in mock despair.

"Get out of here," I growled.

"Fine, Mr. Virtue. I'll get out of your hair, Your Innocence."

I lunged after Emmett, but he had a head start. I whirled around to get the Volvo, but saw Jasper had taken it.

I grinned and put on a new burst of speed. Emmett was going to pay.

Yea!! I know Edward would probably not eavesdrop like that. Please review!! Thanks!!