Disclaimer: We don't own it people!

This is a random one shot that we wrote. We hope you enjoy it!


"Hey Edward! I got you a-"

"I don't want a fish! Take it out of my room and nobody gets hurt Alice."

"All right…"


"Hello, Alice told me you wouldn't take her fish so I got you a hermit crab. Knock yourself out."

-hands hermit crab to Edward

"Look it wont come out of its shell… It's a coward."

"It's a animal Edward. It is frightened of you."

"I'll give it to Renesmee if you don't get it out of here."

"She wont hurt it."

"I will give her one hundred dollars to inflict pain upon the thing."

-grabs hermit crab out of Edward's hand

"I will save you! Don't worry!"


-dumps hamster onto Edward's head

"Happy Birthday Eddiekinz!"

"HOLY (insert your choice of curse word here)!"

"What its just a hamster on your head!?"

"Get the hampster off of my head or I will hurt Rosalie's car and blame you!"

-grabs hamster and throws it out of the window while yelling 'I didn't do it!'


-gently sets lizard on Edwrad's couch and walks out of room

-Edward passes Jasper in hall and opens door into his room

"Who put the kimodo dragon on my couch?"

-Jasper starts whistling

"Jasper! Come get the lizard out of my room and you also now owe me a new couch!"

"What! Why?"

"It ate half of the couch!"




"Yes love?"

"I got you a cat!"

"Where is it?"

"In your car."


-runs off

"Love you too!"

ten minutes later…

-Edward shows up with a torn up shirt and and cat gripping his head firmly.

"Edward what happened?"

"Don't ask."

-walks over to Newton and puts cat on Mike's head walks back over to Bella looking much happier

"What did you do that for?"

"I'm happier now…"

"Oh! I get it!"


"Edward please come outside!"

-Edward turns off stereo and goes outside

"Carlisle I didn't know you got a dog!"

"I didn't… you did."


-runs inside after slamming door.

"Well that went well."

Emmett... again

"I got you a mountain lion!"

"Its not my birthday!"

"Its not? Then who's?"


"Then the mountain lion is for you anyway!"

-Edward starts panicking

"I think it is Mike's birthday!"

"Really! I should give him the lion then!"

"You go do that! Please!"

"Will do because I am still afraid that you are going to mess with Rose's car and blame me…"

"Give him the hamster too!"

"Oh… about that… I ate it."

"Good riddance."


"I got you…"

"I don't want any fish, hermit crab, hamster, kimodo dragon, cat, dog, or mountain lion."

"I got you a flower."

"That looks like one from the yard…"

"It is the one from the yard."

"Can't it stay there?"

"I want you to have it dear!"

"But it was happy in the yard! Ask Jasper!"

"No dear take care of it to help you learn responsibility!"

"I have a wife and a daughter… isn't that enough?"


"Daddy! Look I found a cat in your car!"

"Didn't I give that to Mike?"

"I don't think so…"

"Bring it in…"

-Renesmee turns and grabs a handful of fur. The mountain lion slowly comes around the corner.

"Holy Crap!"

-runs away yelling at Emmett.

Edward and Emmett

"Emmett I thought I told you to give Mike the mountain lion…"

"Well, I did but I thought you might be jealous of Mike… So I got you another one!"

"What the-"


-slowly turns to face Renesmee with a creepy smile on his face

"Yes dear?"

"Why are you yelling at Uncle Emmett?"

"Because I don't want a pet. I told him that and he still got another mountain lion and told you to give it to me because he thought it might get me to keep it."

-Renesmee turns toward Emmett

"You said he wanted it!"

-backing away from the angry little girl/vampire

"Yes well…"

-Renesmee calls Rosalie

"Yes Nessie?"

"Uncle Emmett lied!"

"Emmett…" Rosalie growls

-Emmett gulps

"Yes dear?"

-Edward picks Renesmee up and carries her back to his room.

"Are you all right Daddy?"

"Yes dear… at least Mike is worse than me."

Thanks for reading! Now can you do one more thing? Review! It will make us so happy! Please! By the way... Edward took the mountain lion about ten miles away and then had dinner... cough, cough. The mountain lion didn't come home...