I do not own Death Note or the song "For Whom the Bell Tolls" (listened to the Bee Gees one for this fic). Also, I'm broke so suing me is pointless anyways. Enjoy, it takes place only a bit before the warehouse scene in one of Light's then rare moments of slight sanity. If Light seems a bit ooc, think about it from the perspective of someone who suspects he's about to die, knows he's completely psychotic, is unable to help the fact, and murdered someone he considered a friend and possibly even had a crush on. He may put on masks in public, but even he has to have feelings.
I stumble in the night
Never really knew what it would've been like
You're no longer there to break my fall
The music began to drift into the bathroom from the radio that was set up in the neighboring room. Hand reached out to twist one of the knobs, turning the water off before the occupant of the room grabbed the towel.
The heartache over you
I'd give it everything but I couldn't live through
He stepped out of the shower, drying off his hair. Stepping over to the mirror the slender male shook his head lightly and reached out, letting towel drop to the floor as he placed a hand on the mirror, song heard just over the sound of the bells. The finger ran down the side of the mirrored Light's face, tracing a trail in the steamed up glass following the path of a tear that never fell, a drop he would not allow to fall as the memory of the detective from so many years ago flitted through his memory. Softly he whispered to himself, "L.."
I never saw the signs
You're the last to know when love is blind
Clenching one of his fists, Light's fingers ran down the rest of the mirror in a half-hearted attempt to claw at the reflection he saw there, whispering again, "I'm sorry.. I had to L." Closing his eyes, he turned his head at an angle, not wanting to look at what he saw there. "It never stood a chance, I have to do my duty to justice," the brown haired one said, but the words sounded hollow even to him. The mind was good at denying, but his heart showed in his tone.
All the tears and the turbulent years
When I would not wait for no-one
Didn't stop and take a look at myself
And see me losing you
A lonesome, cold sigh escaped Light's lips as he began to dab water from himself with the towel, drying off his skin before he stepped over to place it in the hamper. Placing the lid back where it belonged he said in the same quiet tone, "you were after Kira, I am Kira, what did you expect to happen when you befriended me? I couldn't let you get in my way L."
When the lonely heart breaks
It's the one that forsakes
It's the dream that we stole
Growling, he stepped back to look in the now almost fully defogged mirror, to look at that cold and uncaring mask, the narrowed eyes, the red glint that now seemed ever present. He punched the counter with white knuckles, growling softly, "dammit L you're the only one who ever knew I wasn't perfect!" The reflection gave away the twitch in his mask as he said that, "L.. you're the only person who knew.. maybe I was tired of being perfect?" It was a statement, but even he could hear the questioning tone to it. He was Kira, he was God, of course he was perfect.
And I'm missing you more
Than the fire that will roar
There's a hole in my soul
Raising his fist, he slowly splayed his fingers and gripped at his chest, right above his heart. Head drooped as he closed his eyes again, using his other hand to support his weight as he leaned forward, "who am I supposed to fight with now? That successor of yours? Even you knew he wouldn't be a challenge for me."
For you it's good-bye
For me it's to cry
For whom the bell tolls
He felt a shudder in his body as another bell rang in the distance, a tear involuntarily trailing its way down his face with a gasp, realizing exactly what he was doing. "I'm so sorry L.. I couldn't tell you; you knew anyways. I don't care if you forgive me or not, I don't want forgiveness and I don't need it.." Another tear trailed down to mirror the previous one. "You just went on like a good friend, no questioning, goofing off and pretending you couldn't hear me just so you could get me soaking wet."
Seen you in a magazine
A picture at a party where you shouldn't have been
Hanging on the arm of someone else
With another light shudder he fell down to his knees onto the towel on the floor, "if you hadn't taken this case.. everything could have been better if anyone but you took the Kira case. I'd punish the wicked, you'd work as a detective, we could have created a perfect world without crime.. without evil."
I'm still in love with you
Won't you come back to your little boy blue
He shook his head lightly as he sighed heavily and rested both his hands on the floor, leaning forwards as the tears continued to fall. Dammit Kira does not have break downs! He thought it angrily to himself, trying to regain his composure, but no one was here to see it, and his heart felt the need to get it out of him.
I've come to feel inside
This precious love was never mine
Now I know but a little too late
That I could not live without you
"L-" he cut off abruptly, surprised by the shudder in his voice, though he continued, "what use is it to be a God without anyone at my side to rule with? A perfect world, but no one to say 'job well done'." He growled angrily as his thoughts drifted back, the handcuffs, the rain, the plotting, and the play. "What the hell am I supposed to do when you're dead Ryuuzaki! Have this pathetic battle with you're successor and the rest of these blind fools?!"
In the dark or the broad daylight
I promise I'll be there
He felt a soft groan escape from him, reaching to begin to pull his clothing on and stand up again, "but I broke that promise didn't I?" With another light shaking of his head he finished pulling his pants on and reached for his shirt, preparing for another day of work.
Now I know there'll be times like this
When I couldn't reach out to no-one
Am I never gonna find someone
Who knows me like you do
Sliding the shirt on, he proceeded to button up the front of it, muttering to himself, "that day you spoke of the bells L, church bells. Well I can here them now too, funeral bells, so I'll see you again soon." The tears streaming down his face grew to a halt and he adjusts the shirt collar before grabbing for his tie and putting it on as well with an all too calm face, "I am Kira.. and you.. you were L. Together we gave each other quite the run for our money, didn't we?"
Are you leaving me a helpless child
When it took so long to save me
Light clenched his fist again as he held in the temptation to shudder again, disguising it out of habit with anger as he fixed his cuffs and pulled on his jacket. "I would have let you join me L, all you had to do was ask and I would have let you help. I'd rather it be you right now than Mikami."
Fight the devil and the deep blue sea
I'll follow you anywhere
I promise I'll be there
With a last semi-silent sigh he stepped from the bathroom and began to head for the door, "you better be there L.. when I die you'd better be waiting for me." Hand rest on the doorknob, turning it slowly, "because I want to see your face when you find out.."