Hellsing Fanfiction

Disclaimer: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

AN: Okay this has probably already been done, but it's late and I can't sleep because I'm too loaded up on Iced Tea. So this is going to be done again. I hope you enjoy; and if it gets a little bit too crazy, I blame the Iced Tea.

Our story opens to day, with one cute fledgling running through the mansion, shouting for her boss."Sir, Integra! Sir, Integra!" This was not an unusual occurrence in the Hellsing mansion so most people payed it little heed.

Seras was still shouting as she burst into Integra's office. Oh great, her again. The Hellsing heir didn't get up from her chair, or even look away from her desk. She simply said, "Seras, I have a lot of paper work to do. If this is about Pip singing another song or Alucard wanting to seal you up in a coffin for transport, just suck it up."

Seras regarded her boss with an expression halfway between hurt and offense. "This isn't about something like that. This is... Really, really important!"

Something about the urgency in Seras's voice caused Integra to finally look up at her. "What's wrong?"

"We have a serious security breach."

"How serious?"

"A website that exposes our entire organization and nearly everyone of our covert ops kind of serious!"

That got Integra's attention. She fixed a hard stare on her servant's servant. "What are you talking about?"

"Well you see, it all started with that new Robin Hood series. You know, the one on BBC. I really like that one. Anyway the second season's over, and they haven't started the third yet. And one of the geese told me about this thing called fanfiction. Apparently there are bunch of nerds... I, I mean aspiring writers out there who like to write stories for different franchises. They don't own the franchises of course so they can't make any money off of them..."

Seras was babbling. She had a tendency to do that when she got nervous. Integra interrupted her. "Seras?"

"Yes, Sir Integra?"

"The point?"

"Oh yes. Well anyway, I found several sites that had Robin Hood Fanfiction on them. So I started to check them out. I found one really good sight called Fanfiction dot com. It had some great stories."

Integra groaned. "Does this story even have a point?"

"Yes, and I'm getting to that. Anyway, I've been going to the Robin Hood section for a couple of hours every day for the last two weeks. But today I didn't really feel like Robin Hood, so I decided to check out some of the other sections. You know, they have quite a few of them..."


"Oh fine. I'll just show you." Seras ran over to Integra's, hardly ever used, office computer. She blew the dust off of the keyboard, and booted the thing up. She wait for the desktop to come up.

By now, Integra was already tired of waiting. She sighed. "Can't you just tell me what you want to tell me?"

"That's what I was trying to do, but you kept cutting me off." Just then windows came on. Seras opened up the internet explorer and in less than one minute, Integra got the second biggest shock of her life. (The biggest being when she found Alucard.) There was apparently an entire category of Hellsing Fanfiction.

Integra couldn't believe it. There were over 2500 stories all about her supposed 'Top Secret Organization'. "How could this have happened?"

"We must have a leak."

"Well, who ever it is." Walter was just about to enter the office with Integra's tea when heard the rest of her statement. "The Traitor will die for this!" Having not heard the rest of the conversation, Walter promptly got very nervous and ran from the Hellsing Manor, never to return.

Meanwhile, back inside Integra's office: Integra had typed her name, Alucard's and Seras's into the search engine to find out just how much people knew about the three most important members of her organization. Integra had just started reading her second fic, one with a PWP attached to the end of the summary. She, of course, had no idea what the initials stood for; and as she finished the first chapter, her face turned green. "I'm going to be sick. How can people write things like that!"

Seras looked at the page and blushed, profusely. Alucard stepped out of the shadows and replied, "What, Master? You mean your loins don't really burn to be in the middle of a vampire threesome?" Alucard smirked at his, now pale faced, master.

"No they, most certainly, do not. And how do you know what that story said!"

Alucard shrugged. "I've been reading your mind. I often do that when I'm board. Although, it seldom helps much. Your thoughts are usually quite dull, Master. But tonight! Well, let's just say I'm glad I didn't miss out."

"Well, I hope you enjoyed the story because that is never going to happen."

"Oh, that's okay Master. Now that I know this stuff is out there, I'm going to get myself one of these 'comp-pu-ters'. I should have plenty to read. Yup, I plan on wasting a lot of my free time reading all about your silky smooth, alabaster legs and your..."

"Stop! Stop right there! If you say one more word about that stuff, so help me, I swear 'I'll have you confined to your cell without a drop of blood until you turn back into a mummy!'"

"Yes, Master. I won't say another word." Alucard started humming, big smirk across his face.

Integra shouted. "And keep your thoughts to yourself!"

"Yes, Master."

Free of the disgusting images playing around in her perverted servant's head, Integra was finally able to compose herself. Her voice grew soft. She was almost cooing. "Besides, there aren't going to be any more stories like that. I want you to kill them, Alucard. The writers, every last one of them. And I'll have Abby work on shutting down the site."

(Oh, No! Alucard's going to kill us all! Quick everyone, stock up on Garlic and Silver and Cats. Oh wait, forget about the cats. That only works on Imhotep. Anyway, I know this wasn't realistic; but I hope you got some enjoyment out of it. Please review. Thanks.

PS. I'll proof read this tomorrow. Right now: I've got to, at least try, to get some sleep.

Have a good day. and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)