Challenge: The Album Challenge
Timeline: Between X2 and X3, I think
Summary: Sometimes, John feels like he's drowning, and it's at those times that he misses her most.
Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men or any of its characters. I don't own the song this is a songfic for, "Into the Ocean" by Blue October.
Author's Note: This one's really short, sorry. If I ever get inspired to add more onto it, I will, but, for now, it's finished.
WARNINGS: It's a little depressing.
Everything has been set in motion now. I'm not really sure what to do anymore but go with the flow. There's not much else I can do. If I really wanted to get away from this, I'm not sure I'd be able to do it. I've already taken a big step, away from everything and anything that was ever important to me. Away from her. But I can't change it, though, and I'm not sure if I'd want to if I could.
I feel so empty, though, so cold. I feel like I should be on fire because I'm finally doing something just for me. I'm actually achieving something with my life. It may not be what everyone else wants me to do, but it's for me and only me. I'm tired of living my life for the sake of others. And I'm tired of just watching as every interesting possibly passes me by.
So, as much as I may feel like I'm drowning at times, I can't pull away. I have to do this for me. I have to find something of my own. No matter how much it hurts to leave her behind, I can't just let her have complete control over my life. Sometimes you just need to stop and let things happen, go what the flow.
But, even as I left that jet and met Magneto, as we were taking off into the sky, all I could think about was her face. Even through it all, through all the pain she's put me through, all the torture, all the torment, I still love her, and, as scary as this may be, I am who I am and I'm going where I'm going. There's not much more I can really do.
Hah, if I thought I was stuck before, this is really it. But I can't turn back. And, despite missing her, I don't think I want to give up this strange freedom… even if I'm not really free.