A/N- This has nothing to do with my current story Lean on Me. This was just inspired by Kate Havnevik's beautiful song Grace. This will be part one of two, and don't worry, part two is already finished and should be posted within the next few days. It's Calleigh-centric, post Jake break up back in the day.
Not beta'ed, sorry for any mistakes, thanks a bunch for reading :)
I'm on my knees, only memories are left for me to hold
He'd left for good this time. Not just on one of his undercover operations. He told you it was easier this way, he didn't want to hurt you.
Well too late.
You saw it coming, knew something was up. But he'd left in the middle of the night, took the little belongings he had and left you only with memories.
Oh, how you long for the scent of his worn black t-shirt you wore to bed.
Don't know how, but I'll get by, slowly pull myself together.
It kills you to feel this incapable and lonely without him here.
But he was your first love, and feels like your last.
You aren't this girl, the girl that breaks down and loses it over a guy.
(He made you that girl), but right now you're to lost to resent him for it.
There's no escape, so keep me safe, this feels so unreal
You can seem to run from your feelings. He's everywhere you go, and with every little gift he'd bought you scattered around the rooms of your apartment and all the comfy corner cafés he whisked you away to, the feelings of each unbreakable embrace, each warm glance flood back.
The loss aches in your chest, swims in your stomach. It feels like everything around you is moving so fast, but you are suspended, moving slowly and left alone to grieve.
Nothing comes easily, fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems, turn my grief to grace
When he left, he took a part of your love, a part of your trust. (You'd say he took a part of your heart and left a hole in it, but that's too corny for you).
It feels like the hurt will never go away.
If only there was some quick fix to this pain.
You want to break free.
I feel the cold, loneliness unfold, like from another world.
It hits you hard, because for so long, he was your family. He showed you a new perspective on love. He made you forget what being lonely and hopeless felt like. You used to be friends with loneliness.
But now, with him gone, the sting of loneliness feels strange, not like it used to. Now that he's shown you what the other side feels like, you don't want to go back.
Come what may, I won't fade away, but I know I might change
You'll get through somehow. You are Calleigh Duquesne, the living definition of independence. You can't let yourself become nothing just because you feel like nothing without him.
And it kills you to feel that way, it makes you feel stupid.
You will get through this. You might not come out the same person, but you know the change in you will make you smarter in love; less likely to ever hurt this way again. And that comforts you slightly.
Nothing comes easily
You feel like getting over him should be something easy for you. You know you can overcome him. But each time you feel like you've begun, the banner of avoidance breaks and you are back at square one.
Where do I begin? Nothing can bring me peace.
I've lost everything.
He was like the beginning of your new and improved life away from Darnell. He helped you construct the safe place you live in, the career you studied for in the academy alongside him. He made you feel normal. He made you feel deserving of everything you built together.
Without him here, none of those things seem tangible.
It's been a while now; you've come to terms with your 'loss'. The waves of hurt only come every so often and they're shorter. You suppose that's a semi-normal thing, that you still feel like you need him once and a while.
You are back to your old independent self, working like crazy. Your apartment looks barren now; you'd stripped it of all reminders over the months, helping with your healing process (or whatever).
Life is back to the way it was before him. You got through it and came out better for it; at least that's how you see it.
You are better now.
I just want to feel your embrace
And yet when those nostalgic waves hit, you find yourself still loving him.
A/N- Who hates reviews? I sure don't!