Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man, its character, its plot, and etc.
The Last Stand
By Blinded Ryter
Dedicated to those who do not have a voice,
I speak for you.
I - "Le Brise"
"I don't love you."
Four simple words with enough significance to weigh down the world upon Atlas' shoulders to where he fell to his knees, then gave a grunt of defeat before collasping. Sprawled across the floor, and unable to even lift his head due to the abrupt brute force pinning Atlas to the ground, the world rolled off of his shoulders, and fell not like a child's rubber ball, but like a crystal sphere.
With a sickening crack, the glass shattered with delicate tinkling.
"I could never love you."
The broken glass was ground.
"You're a fool for even loving me in the first place."
"A naive fool."
Until not even crystalline particles like heaps of white sand were left behind, but ground until there was nothing left.
Until nothing exist.
With the light of efferveresence and life extinguishing its flames from the hues of pale blue, Allen Walker took a step back, the heel of his shoe emitting a definte clack that resonated throughout the still and silent air in the desolate corridor. The season was spring, but the air suddenly felt cold as the boy's breath caught in his throat, and the colour drained from his blank face. His heart had come to a halt as each string was pulled away and left to fall into the unfathomable depths of the dark abyss that grew larger by the second within Allen's chest.
Then suddenly, Allen felt heat prick the skin around his eyes. Warm at first, then scalding hot, his vision blurred, and he was forced to blink furiously in an attempt to hold the tears in.
But why should he not cry?
What did Allen Walker have to lose?
What did he have to gain?
Burning of the throat.
Choking of the voice.
Trembling of the quiet sobs.
Fervent of the tears.
Throes and travail of the heart.
Allen Walker shook his head in...denial? Agreement? Or for nor reason? Still, the boy shook his head as he lowered his gaze to the ground, and quickly dried his dampened face with the back of one hand, though the waterworks would not stop. He parted his quivering lips to speak, but only a strangled noise escaped before another convulsing sob sent tremors throughout his small frame.
It was not as if Allen had confessed upon adolescent infactuation, or a confused affectionate admiration of a short period of time, but a genuine and true love of four years. Four years since the encounter, the interest, the addiction, the blissful ignorance...
With patience and with contemplation, Allen had waited until he was sure of his own feelings, waited until the time was right. The time was after the Earl had been defeated, the Noahs destroyed, the Akuma at peace.
The time was when Allen's loved one was about to leave the Black Order, but more importantly...leave behind his persona: "Lavi".
This persona no longer needed to remain in the Black Order with the war being over, but Allen was the fool who hoped and believed that he would become the reason for Lavi to stay and live as more than just a persona.
Though Allen had his head hung with his pallid locks falling down like curtains to conceal his face, and his eyes closed tightly as tears continued to leak, the boy knew exactly what the Bookman Jr.'s expression was: nothing. Though the red-haired boy was supposed to be Lavi until he stepped onto the boat, apparently he had already decided to drop the act, the farce, the facade sooner just for Allen's sake and torment. Not a single emotion flickered in that dim hazel hue, nor did anything for that matter flit across his stoic face.
The grief and anguish was overwhelming, and too much for Allen to endure, even if he was the one who had taken more than a thousand blows throughout his time as an exorcist. It was not merely the fact that Lavi did not love him, but the inveitable truth that Lavi could never love him. Lavi was a Bookman; living to observe and record as personas, not to feel and carry one true name.
Before Allen would retire for the night, he would ask himself as he had done so many nights before why he came to love Lavi. Why it had to be someone who could not love and be loved. There was no answer, but only that it had to be, but was not meant to be
Then why had Lavi done the things he had done?
Why did he confuse Allen?
(...pushing the bangs off to the side with strands flowing through his fingers, he leaned in and pressed his lips lightly against the center of the star-shaped scar marring my forehead.)
Toy with Allen?
("...even if the world does not need me, knowing that one person needs me is enough for me to wake in the morning." )
(...shadows dancing against the walls, skin upon skin, shuffling of the sheets, tangled limbs, gasps of pleasure...)
Lie to Allen?
("I will never leave you." )
Subdued to nearly inaudible sniffles, and left with a dampened face, Allen slowly raised his head. With strands of white hair falling into his face, he stared at Lavi with starling blue eyes where innocence and naviety continued to dwell, but were clouded with sheer and raw anguish. His eyes were silently pleading for Lavi to say something, anything...
But the Bookman Jr. said nothing.
After saving the world and mankind with blood staining his hands, the death of too many loved ones breaking his heart, and guilt tainting his soul Allen Walker was granted nothing.
Lavi's silence was betrayal in its own fashion, and yet still enough of an answer for Allen. Without uttering another word, or shedding another tear, the exorcist turned on his heel, and walked away. He was only nineteen now, but his shoulders hung with the weight of too many sins and burdens.
He was still only a child that wanted to love and be loved in return.
But as Lavi had stated, Allen was also a naive fool.
Nothing more, but everything less.
Blinded Ryter - First chapter is meant to be a tad bit short, but the future ones will most definitely be longer and more detailed. I am not only writing a simple D. Gray Man story for the sake of Allen/Lavi, but I wanted to write about alcoholism and bullimia to the extreme. I also wanted to talk about how there are so many things wrong with the world today.
I just hope that everyone does not simply read, but understand.