A/N: I know, I know… I should be working on my chapter fics, but…! :3 I got an idea…ignoring the plot bunnies is too hard. They're way too cute to ignore. :D Thus, a one shot is born! Hopefully you'll like it all right…please review?

I don't own Naruto.

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Testimony of a Jashinist

Your friendly, neighborhood Hidan here, explaining to you just why Jashinism totally rocks your fucking socks. Don't even try to deny it. It does. No matter how much Kakuzu tries to tell you about how it's stupid or whatever. Because that shit is all lies. Yeah, lies…! He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

So! Reason number one.

Dude, have you seen this totally dope necklace/rosary/thing?! That's high fashion right there. Who wouldn't want to wear this lovely piece of haute couture? It doesn't get much better than that, folks. This is fucking stylish, you know…?

Yup. You can't even consider making your back to school debut without that necklace/rosary/thing. That would be like…fucking social suicide or something. Is that what you people call it? I don't know. But anyway, speaking of suicide…

Reason number two.

Immortality owns, bitch. Because you can be as annoying as you damn well please, and nobody can kill you for it. Not even a violent 300-year-old money whore like Kakuzu here. And that fucker is pretty good at killing people, let me tell you. But, he can't kill me, 'cause I'm a super awesome Jashinist. Don't you wish you were one too? Aren't I persuasive?! Mhm. You know you're persuaded. Admit it already.

Reason number three.

It's fun. The pain is fun. Damn, does it ever feel good to have a pike skewering you straight through all your important organs…ah, bliss.

Reason number four.

Finding the best Halloween costume on the block will never be a problem again! When you send your praises to Jashin, you can become the fucking creepiest skeleton person ever! Everyone will be scared. Everyone will be terrified! And you costume will be better than theirs. And you can laugh at them because you kick their sorry asses at trick or treating.

Yes.

Mwahaha.

See, isn't Jashinism all too tempting? More tempting than a fresh-out-of-the-oven cookie, even? Isn't it?

Reason number five.

Jashin is inspiring, majestic, magnificent, wondrous, formidable, astonishing, amazing, awe-inspiring, breathtaking, overwhelming, and great. Yes, in fact I did just use all of the words in the thesaurus that mean 'awesome'. That's because they all apply. What my point is is that you fucking need to join us or I will fucking chop you up with my scary three bladed scythe and sacrifice you to him. (It's just getting more and more tempting, isn't it?)

So come on.

Look at me. I'm proof of how awesome being a Jashinist is. Who wouldn't want to be like me?

"I wouldn't."

"Damn it! Shut up, Kakuzu!"