Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
A Camden Reaction to Fanfiction
Summary: The Camden read fanfiction. Set in hypothetical season 12.
"Hey everybody, come see!" Eric shouted at his family from his home office.
"Eric, what is it? Is it your heart?" Annie was the first to come running into the room.
"No, it's not my heart," Eric answered.
Annie smacked her head in realization. "Oh that's right. That was last season."
Eric nodded. "Easy mistake."
"Dad? Is it your heart again?" Lucy asked as she, Kevin, and Savannah were the next to arrive in the office.
"That was last season," Kevin told her completely emotionless.
"What's going on?" Ruthie led the twins into the office.
"I'll tell everyone once Matt, Mary, and Simon make their completely unexpected visit." Eric told them and they heard the front door slam shut. "That must be them now."
"I'm so glad that when our children drop by unexpectantly, they never take the time to knock or ring the bell." Annie smiled.
"Surprise!" Matt, Mary, and Simon shouted entering the now crowded office.
"Oh my gosh!" Annie hugged her children. "I can't believe you guys are here. You guys usually only guest star on the season premiere and the season finale. I'm so glad you decided to do a mid season show."
"I did some mid season shows." Matt told her. "I was here both times Savannah wanted to come out."
"That was at least two seasons ago." Annie scolded.
"So what's going on?" Mary asked. "Is it dad's heart again?"
Ruthie rolled her eyes. "Not this again."
"Dad's heart was last season." David explained.
"Yeah, last season." Sam repeated.
"Sorry," Simon apologized. "We'll ask again next season."
"Great," Eric smiled.
"Honey, now that we are all here, why don't you tell us why you called this meeting?" Annie asked.
"Alright," Eric smiled bigger and then turned his computer screen around so his family could see. "The people of Glenoak love us so much, they decided to write stories about us and put them on the internet."
"Cool. Maybe we could read some of them." Ruthie and the twins jumped up and down.
"Maybe if some of them are good enough we could show them to the writers." Mary told her family.
"Good idea" Kevin nodded. "Then maybe I will be able to show my emotions and each of the twins will finally be able to have personalities of their own."
"You mean the twins are two different people?" Annie asked astonished.
"Yeah, I think they are." Kevin told her, once again emotionless.
"As long as you remain hot and don't decide to follow Roxanne to Iraq, I don't care what happens." Lucy kissed his lips quickly.
"If everyone will just calm down, we will look at some of these." Eric stated, clicking on the first story. Lucy decided to read the first story.
"I was stupid for hooking up with Sandy. It is you who I really love." Martin told her and then leaned in for a kiss.
"In case you didn't know, I feel the same way." Ruthie told him, capturing his lips again.
"Wow!" Ruthie beamed. "I really liked that one. We should give that one to the writers. I can't believe they made me pine for him for two seasons only to choose T-bone over him."
"Me neither," Matt agreed. "Hey where is T-bone anyway?"
"I whined so much that he decided to go and get a bigger tattoo of my name on his leg." Ruthie stated.
"I want a tattoo," David stated.
"Me too," Sam echoed.
"Yeah, then would be able to hide them from Mom and Dad like we do." Mary smiled at her little brothers.
"And we can remain in bliss; making you guys think we don't know about your tattoos." Annie exclaimed.
"Let's just move on," Simon suggested. Eric nodded and clicked on a new story. This time Mary decided to read.
"Mom. Dad. Kevin and I have an announcement to make." Lucy smiled, excitedly. "I'm pregnant."
"With quadruplets." Kevin added.
"Really?" Mary questioned. "Carlos and I are having another baby too."
Simon followed Mary's story with another story nearly the same. Afterwards Matt read another and then Ruthie a fourth.
"Okay, I have a few questions," Lucy whined. "First of all, in all season seven continuations, why am I always afraid to tell Kevin I'm pregnant, drive away scared in the car, and then get in a car crash?"
"Good question. I don't know why you would be afraid either." Ruthie answered. "It's not like Kevin would show any emotions anyway."
"Yeah, I would probably just pass out again or make some dopey facial expression that is supposed to show how shocked I am, but I really just look stupid doing it because despite my best efforts there is still no emotion in it."
Lucy nodded. "I also want to know why we are always pregnant together in these stories."
"Duh. Because fiction authors are trying to portray a realistic vision of our family." Mary rolled her eyes at her little sister.
"That's right Mary," Annie applauded and then turned to Lucy. "They have to make their stories as realistic as that cheesy plot where you, Mary, and Sarah were all pregnant with twins at the same time."
"This also explains why you had to be the ones loose your twins. The writers realized how cheesy our life had become and had to miscarry one set of twins. Mary and Sarah weren't going to be around Glenoak, so you got the plot point. Not to mention you cry better too."
"Well, that and the fact that they couldn't afford to hire quadruplets to play your twins." Ruthie explained.
"I get it now," Lucy sighed. "I just have one last question."
"What is it?" David asked.
"Yeah, what is it?" Sam repeated.
"Why do I always have anywhere between seven to ten kids?"
"Because you like to have sex with Kevin." Ruthie answered, "And tell the whole world about it."
"Well, I am hot. Thus my purpose in this family." Kevin took his shirt off and flexed his muscles.
"Once again, moving on." Eric stated. "I'll read this time."
"You are the first person I have ever gotten a chance to tell this to." Simon looked into Morris's' eyes. "I'm gay and I think I want to be with you."
"Where did that come from?" Annie practically yelled. "We all know there are no gay people in Glenoak."
"Well, actually honey, there is one." Eric stated. "One of Robbie's brothers came out of the closet last year."
"Which one?" Simon asked with interest.
"The one Lucy made out with?" Eric answered.
"But Lucy made out with all of the Palmer brothers," Matt stated the obvious.
"What?" Kevin asked, trying unsuccessfully to show some emotion.
"The cute blonde one that could sing," Eric answered and everyone nodded.
"I'll go next," Annie stated, clicking on a new story.
"You will do as I say Bitch," Kevin yelled, slapping Lucy across the face. Lucy cowered away from Kevin in fear.
Kevin sighed. "I am deeply disturbed by this. Even though my face doesn't show it, I'm crying on the inside. I am now going to take Savannah home and continue to weep on the inside." Kevin lifted Savannah up, kissed Lucy, and then headed home.
"I want to read again," Ruthie told them excited clicking on a story.
"I hate Matt because his hair is too long. I hate Mary because she is a screw up. I hate Lucy because she is too emotional. I hate Simon because he had sex before marriage. I hate Ruthie because she is a snoop."
"I am appalled," Annie shouted. "I do not hate all of my children. I only hate the twins that is why I won't let them be their own person, separate from each other. That is also why I choose to call them the 'twins' or 'the boys' instead of their names."
"We hate you too," David told her.
"Yeah, we hate you too," Sam echoed.
"Excuse me while I go to my room and cry and completely over react like I did when Ruthie said she hated me." Annie hurried out of the room, the tears already spilling from her eyes.
Eric shook his head and decided to read another story.
"I'm sorry to tell you this Mrs. Camden, but Eric's heart wasn't strong enough. We lost him."
"It must be set for next season," Simon smiled.
"They killed me?" Eric asked. "I thought the people of Glenoak loved me."
"Not really," Lucy stated. "That's why none of them came over to the house to try to get you back to church."
"Yeah, they loved having that hot stud Chandler deliver the sermon," Mary answered. "I almost moved back for that myself."
"And now they can't wait until Lucy takes over for you completely." Matt added.
"Deep down, I knew something was wrong," Eric sulked out of the room, taking the twins with him.
"Read another story," Ruthie commanded.
"Okay, I'll try a story from the adult fanfiction site Dad has pulled up."
"Good idea," Mary encouraged her brother.
"Lucy and Simon pressed close together. They crashed their lips together as they undressed each other."
"Damn," Matt sighed. "I knew we had some nosey neighbors, but I didn't know they were peaking in windows like we usually do."
"You know, Kevin's gone and Mom and Dad are upstairs…." Ruthie trailed off as Lucy shut the door and the Camden's forgot all about the fanfiction.
A/N: I have absolutely no problems with stories about Lucy being pregnant, Simon gay, abusive Kevin, Annie hating her children, Eric dying, Camdencest, or Marthie. Oh, and the little blue button loves to be pushed, so make it happy.