Chapter 20 - Diary Interlude A

The Diary of Adria Peace Mal Doran – Day Two

Again I reflect on my experiences by putting them to paper. I feel that seeing them before me will help me better understand my new life.

Today was a frightening day for me. I lost control of my power again and harmed another child. This one too was antagonising me. I threw him against a wall and his neck was snapped. I was able to heal him immediately and none suspect the truth. I was relieved that I did not permanently end his life, but came close to giving up hope of safely interacting with humans. It is their own safety I worry about. I do not fear for my own safety, only my sanity if I were forced to defend myself. If humans discovered what I am, I know there would be a great slaughter. Morgan and Calvin would then be forced to turn against me.

Calvin. In a way, he has saved me. He has suggested that I find ways to safely release my power so it does not become too much to control. Today, I baked a cake. The continued use of my powers with careful control has served to drain much of the excess. Tomorrow morning before school I shall burn off some more. (I believe that in the previous sentence I formed a pun.) I expect that with care I will be able to avoid causing any further harm to the humans around me.

Baking a cake was a new and enjoyable experience. As the Orici, servants performed all domestic work necessary for my sustenance. With Morgan, I have prepared some food, but she has not done so herself for many thousands of years. Calvin has the memories of many years, and is a patient teacher. Tomorrow, he will begin teaching me to fight. This will be of great benefit, as I should learn how to disable opponents temporarily. Killing and resurrecting weighs heavily upon me, because it is what the Orici did. As the Orici, choice was taken away from me. Now, I must choose for myself, but it is hard to choose differently.

Just as I do, Calvin too has the memory of a life he did not live and choices he did not make. I believe he wishes to use what he has learned from the mistakes in his previous life to help him better live his new one. I hope I can achieve the same by following his example. He has the benefit of a far better example than I have. Also, he has experienced an actual childhood, while mine was over in mere hours. Maybe he will be willing to tell me about his inherited experiences of 'growing up'.

I am especially anticipating tomorrow's fighting lesson, which Calvin has promised. Such lessons will also help train me to control myself and my powers. As evidenced by today's cooking lesson, Calvin is a good teacher. I enjoy his company. Also, I shall shop for a suitable outfit.. As Calvin has many years of fighting experience and the ability to rapidly recover from any injury, while I will initially be fighting without any of my superhuman powers, I must take every advantage available. This means I shall 'dress to kill' – a metaphor which is also a poor choice of words. I actually mean that my choice of clothing should assist in directing Calvin's attention away from the fight. The humans on Earth have a long-standing habit of wrapping complex ideas into simple phrases which can only be understood with the help large mental leaps, proper context, or both. I have found I enjoy using and applying these. It is however difficult to eschew formal speech patterns. At least I don't go around chanting 'Hallowed are the Ori'. It's no small wonder that the SCG refused to even consider Origin – it's completely dull, apart from me of course. And now I'm so far off topic that I had better start a new paragraph.

I wonder what use my 'special abilities' may be to me. They give me extreme power, but must remain hidden from the inhabitants of this planet. I wish to put them to some good use. Once I have learned sufficient life lessons from High School, I think my path will lead me away from this world. To remain here is to remain in a cage, though there is plenty to explore and investigate within the cage in the meantime. Having Calvin to talk to helps significantly, because he is in a similar position: he has inherited a feeling of responsibility for the safety of the planet, and is aware of the threats to it. Morgan does her best to guide me, but I sense she simply wants to 'settle down'. Her nature makes it easy for her to accept that we must avoid making significant contributions to the timeline as much as possible.

On the topic of the timeline, Calvin has formed a plan for preventing the death of Doctor Janet Frasier. I am worried because of the inherent risk in the process. If he had a reasonable way to test it, I would feel more at ease. Perhaps he can test it on me. I'll consider that idea further tomorrow. It's time for sleep now, so I'll stop writing until it's time to report on my first combat training lesson.

I really hope Maria doesn't find out about those lessons. It would be difficult to truthfully explain, and I really prefer to avoid lying to her.

Anticipating a better day at school and a new good experience with Calvin,

Adria Peace Mal Doran