Disclaimer: I do not own Wicked. :( I know, horrid.
Disclaimer #2: I'm fairly certain the war I mention here is imaginary... So please don't take offense.
Disclaimer #3: Than you for letting me mention you, Zarri. :)
The Gelphiyero Problem
At 2 AM, Galinda turned on the flashlight. She sat in bed with a piece of paper resting in her lap.
Her idea would have worked fine, if she had been working under the covers. As it was, the minute she turned on the flashlight, light flooded the room.
"Mmph," mumbled Elphaba. "Hmph mmph glug." Translation- What the Oz are you doing at two in the morning?!
Galinda looked up from a piece of paper she was holding. Her hair was perfect, as usual. "I'm trying to find a solution that will satisfy the Gelphie and Fiyeraba supporters."
Elphaba grunted something that sounded suspiciously like "Threesome." Galinda wrinkled her nose.
"That's so… unoriginal."
Elphaba sighed, and rolled over to face the wall. The bright flashlight still permeated her closed eyelids. "Why couldn't you just do this in the morning, again?"
"I need to get to work if I want to win the Mobile Piece Prize!"
I cannot believe what I am hearing, thought Elphaba. Galinda took her silence to mean confusion.
"It's where someone solves a problem that stops a war or something, and you get a piece of a cell phone! The goal is to win like, ten times so you can put all the parts together and get a real phone!"
Elphaba took a deep breath for patience. "And you're trying to solve the ongoing war between the Gelphie fans and the Fiyeraba supporters?"
"Yep! Just think, Elphie," She sighed happily. "A Gelphie supporter and a Fiyeraba fan walking hand-in-hand down a country road. Fanfiction dot net being a united league of writers, instead of two sides constantly flaming each other. The way it used to be."
"Gelphie and Fiyeraba supporters never got along."
"Yes, they did. But people started posting stories that had nothing to do with Wicked," Galinda said meanly. "The Fiyeraba people blamed the Gelphie people, and vice-versa. Some strawberry cake was involved, I think."
"I don't know, I just hear stories."
Elphaba stared at her friend, so hopeful to stop this war and win part of a cell phone. "So where does the Bessa and Gloq war come in?"
Galinda waved her hand dismissively. "One thing at a time, Elphie! That's a whole other ballpark! Plus, who do you think I am- a miracle worker?"
"I am going to say this in the nicest way possible," began Elphaba. "You're crazy. There is no way to stop this war. It's been going on for generations and generations. Children are taught from the moment they're born to hate the enemy. There's no changing this long-feuded war."
"The Wicked section's only been around for a couple of years now."
"There's my point! It's such a bad feud, it seems like it's never-ending!" cried Elphaba. "I give you credit, though. If you manage to solve this, then you deserve a Mobile Whole Prize." She paused. "But can you do your work under the covers? So you don't bother me?"
Galinda and Elphaba looked at each other.
"You support Gelphie, then?"
"No! You know what I meant!"
"I can guess..."
Elphaba ignored her, rolled over, and squeezed her eyes tight. Galinda would never solve the war. Never.
"ELPHIE! ELPHIE!! I FIGURED IT OUT!!" Galinda shrieked.
Elphaba looked at the clock. 5 AM. She had a test on the Oziad in three hours, and Galinda wasn't helping. "Tell me in the morning," she mumbled.
"No no no!! I'll tell you now!!" She plopped down on Elphaba's bed. The springs groaned for her bouncing up and down in excitement. "I'll marry Fiyero-"
"That's a great solution," said Elphaba sarcastically.
"No, listen! And then, you'll marry our child! It'll please both the Gelphie AND Fiyeraba supporters! Plus, the rare Gliyero fans won't have anything to complain about!"
"Galinda that's..." She paused. "Genius."
"Too bad it'll never work." They both looked up to see Fiyero striding into the room.
"Hi, Yero! Why won't it work?" asked Galinda.
"You do realize it's five in the morning," mumbled Elphaba.
"Well, I just happened to be walking by, and just happened to overhear your conversation... The Fiyeraba people want you to love me, not some random kid. Same with the Gelphie people. They want Elphaba and Galinda together, no compromises."
Elphaba paused. "That's true. If I supported Fiyeraba- not saying that I am- (heh heh) I'd want me to get together with Fiyero. No if's, and's, or but's."
"So my idea's out?" Galinda asked sadly.
"Why don't you just use the "threesome" idea?" said Fiyero.
They paused and looked at each other. "That could work."
Elphaba moved closer to Galinda, who moved closer to Fiyero, who in turn moved closer to Elphaba.
"WHAT ABOUT THE GLOQ PEOPLE?!" shouted Boq as he barged in the door.
("Does anyone else realize it's 5 AM?" Elphaba asked.)
"Drat. Well, I guess I can't solve everyone's problems," said Galinda.
"There's always a five-some..." suggested Fiyero the Pervert.
"It'd satisfy everyone! Fiyeraba! Gelphie! Elphaboq! Bessa! Gloq! Fiyerboq! And the threesome ones, like Fiyerbessa or Elphagloq!!" added Galinda, who (unsurprisingly) quickly took to the new idea.
"Well, at least I wouldn't have to write it," said Yorkie. She was sitting in the corner of the room, listening in to the conversation. Much like a stalker, actually.
"What do you mean?"
"Zarri wrote something like it, a couple mouths ago."
Galinda piped up helpfully, "So doesn't that make this one-shot a violation of copyright?"
They paused, trying to think of a way to skirt this obstacle.
"Why doesn't Yorkie just put up a disclaimer?" asked Fiyero.
"Good idea!" she replied.
Disclaimer: I don't own Zarri's WICKED: The Soap Opera :)
"Was the smiley necessary?" said Elphaba, reading the above statement.
"Smileys are good for the soul," replied Yorkie and Galinda simultaneously.
"So that's it, then?" said Fiyero. "Galinda solved the Fiyeraba/Gelphie/Gloq/Bessa/Gliyero/Elphaboq/etc problem?"
"Well, technically Zarri solved it," Elphaba pointed out.
Zarri came striding into the room just then, clutching a phone. "I won!!" she shouted. "And I got a whole phone, just like Elphie said!!" She was so amazed by her new phone that she barely noticed that she was surrounded by the cast of one of her favorite musicals.
"What kind of phone?" asked Fiyero.
"An iPhone!! It can do everything! Call people, play music, surf the Internet, revive the dead..." She happily bounded out of the room to the RENT fandom, clutching her miracle-working phone. Everyone stared lovingly at it, wishing they had a phone that could surf the web AND revive the dead.
"Drat," said Galinda. "I guess I'll have to find some other way to win the Mobile Piece Prize." She paused, thinking. "Maybe... maybe I can stop people from posting original stories in the Wicked section!!"
"Galinda, when you solve that problem, you will become Leader of Fanfiction. Writers will bow down to you. There will be a new religion named after you- Galindism," Elphaba said.
"A whole religion? After me?!" Galinda exclaimed. She sat down on the bed, beginning the long process of saving the Wicked Fandom from the influx of original fiction...