Original Author: Kini-Ainotsuki

This is a translation in progress; the original story is in Spanish. Permission has been granted by the original author to pursue this translation.

Fandom: DGM
Over all fic is M; chapter 16 is rated Extreme M for, ehem, references to future horrors.
Warnings for this chapter:
Mpreg, language, psychological torture, and trauma. And Tyki-pon.
The Black Order's trust in Allen is quickly diminishing, and he's willing to do anything to not be branded a traitor. Even if anything means allowing them to use his body to create new exorcists.

Disclaimer: The same old same old.

A/N: Thank you so much for sticking with me; I appreciate it greatly, I truly do. In return, I am planning on doing a kiriban for this fic. More details on next week's update :D

Apostle of God

XVI - Saving, Condemning

Mugen dripped with blood. Akuma blood. Kanda flicked his blade to rid the weapon of the thick red liquid before continuing with his attack. His opponent, though being a level three Akuma, suffered a quick defeat. Blood smeared his face, and his body throbbed slightly from the damage he'd suffered beforehand. He ignored it and pressed on; after all, no matter how dire, the wound would be healed in seconds. He frowned, oblivious to the sadistic methods with which he'd destroyed his opponents. Sadistic even for him.

But he was furious. Those fucking bastards, those monsters. He'd had to leave the Order, travel with the stupid rabbit, all because of them. He'd had to leave the Moyashi behind—who would probably chastise him if he knew of the unnecessary carnage Kanda was leaving behind. The boy loved those cursed souls, loved saving them. Kanda gritted his teeth, ignoring the screams of the next Akuma his Innocence made quick work of. Stupid Akuma, it shouldn't have have tried to trick him in the first place. No disguise, even that of a human child, would work on him.

Because Kanda would never doubt. He didn't have Allen Walker's kindness. He was heartless and cruel and he wasn't above proving it. Especially to the next fool he came across.

He stopped at the sound of the Akumas' cackles. Where the hell had they come from? Kanda clicked his tongue, falling into an offensive stance easily. More blood soaked his uniform, something which he ignored completely. Anyone else would have begun to crack under the strain of battle, or worse, die, but not him. Least of all now. He never would have imagined that, one day, he would be living for someone else, someone else beside the person he dauntlessly looked for. For two others.

Slowly approaching the last of the Akuma, he stared at it coolly. The Akuma laughed mockingly. Kanda curled his fingers tightly around his Innocence, undaunted.

"Stupid, naïve exorcist. You worship a God who does nothing as you suffer."

It was Kanda's turn to smile, his lips curling mockingly into an expression of dark amusement. He wasn't exactly God's favorite, dutiful Catholic at the moment. And he couldn't care less. He didn't fight for his beliefs, what he fought for was much more complicated than some silly bearded man up in the sky.

The Moyashi would have offered the Akuma a short prayer. A prayer to allow the condemned soul to rest in peace, to ease its way into the afterlife to rejoin its precious dead. Having never been one for much ceremony, Kanda spat a mouthful of blood at the side before he launched himself at the demon. Afterward, he wiped Mugen before returning it to its sheath, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, as if to meditate. Although he immediately unsheathed his katana again when he sensed someone behind him, his battle-rage boiling again.

"It's me, Yu-chan! Please don't kill me!" screamed Lavi, an expression of exaggerated horror on his face.

"You know better than to sneak up behind me without expecting some consequences, rabbit. And stop calling me that if you don't want to end up dead."

"Ho, you made a real mess here," said the redhead, examining his surroundings. The death threat bounced off of him completely.

The Japanese exorcist simply looked at him with indifference, returning his blade to its sheath. He clicked his tongue in disdain and tried to ignore the rabbit's incessantly loud babbling, a hard task in itself. He took the other exorcist's appearance as confirmation that he had finished his own fight and had, in the process, successfully attained the Innocence guilty of terrorizing the villagers with its many ghostly apparitions.

"You're not going to believe it, Yu-chan. All those ghosts were the Akuma, it wasn't the influence of the Innocence after all!"

Kanda arched a solitary eyebrow.

"There's no Innocence? What the fuck were we sent here for then?"

"A trap?"

A trap? A trap for what? Kanda clenched his hands in anger, whipping around, giving the taller youth his back.

"Let's go already. We need to report our return to that idiot Reever. I'll teach him to send us on a mission without proper investigation again, the imbecile."

"Don't be so mean, Yu. We're barely three hours away from the Main Headquarters, you'll be with your Moyashi soon. And then you can do all the perverted things you want to him, no hurry."

Lavi cackled in amusement. Kanda tried to ignore him, but it was obvious Lavi was right about what Kanda wanted: to return to Allen's side immediately.

"That reminds me!" Kanda barely finished turning around before Lavi began rummaging through his pockets. He threw a small, transparent bottle in his direction. Kanda caught it effortlessly. "Here. It's the third one I've given you and you've only been using it for a month and a half. Don't you think you're abusing the Moyashi too much? Remember that he's pregnant, Yu-chan, don't be too rough on him."

Kanda said nothing, knowing that even if he didn't answer, Lavi would keep on talking until they reached the inn they were staying in. Morning had yet to come. Even so, he would take the earliest train to his destination once the sun rose. He didn't plan on spending more unnecessary time away from his rightful place. Despite the icy wind, he took off his coat. Not that he cared, but he preferred not to deal with the scared villagers if they saw his appearance. He had enough with the rabbit making jibes at him over his sex life.

Lavi was the one to call Headquarters when they reached the inn. According to him, he was dying to hear everything that had happened over the past week straight from the source, or in this case, Lenalee. So it was with eager hands that he connected his golem to the inn's telephone, his grin nearly splitting his face in two.

Kanda cared nothing for mindless gossip. He only wanted to know if the stupid Moyashi was safe; if he was sleeping right, if he was following the doctor's diet, if he'd let himself be touched by someone other than Kanda. If he'd kept his promise to look after himself. Kanda sighed, turning to look at the mirror in front of him. He'd been avoiding looking at his reflection at every possible cost, because it wasn't just his face that stared back at him—that mocking smile, those empty eyes. That damn phantom. He needed to speak to the Briton about it, to learn once and for all why they were both able to see the hellish thing; and it didn't matter that he didn't know for sure if the boy was capable of seeing what Kanda did.

This time, there was no smile staring back at him. Kanda tilted his head slightly, subconsciously approaching the mirror. He couldn't interpret the shadow's expressions, not when its empty eyes gave nothing away. He'd never heard it speak either, though he wondered if the Moyashi had. If he'd ever heard the voice of this mysterious cloaked shadow. Kanda blinked, and the expression of curiosity on his face was out of place in him. He turned his back to the mirror at the sound of Lavi's animated voice.

"Hey, Rob! How are you doing? I tried calling you earlier but you guys didn't pick up! How rude!"

Kanda glanced at the cloaked figure again, ignoring Lavi once more.

Something...something was wrong.

"What's wrong? Rob? Calm down! Just tell me what the hell is going on!"

Lavi's voice grew more and more alarmed, but Kanda continued to look at the mirror. For some reason, the thudding of his heart grew alarmingly fast, faster than it had ever beat before. The sound of Lavi dropping the phone drowned out the loud beating of the organ, and the silence that followed was terribly, terribly wrong. Kanda asked nothing, because he could say nothing. The only sounds he could hear were the uneven beats of his heart and his hectic breathing.


He looked away from the mirror at the sound of his name—but he did nothing else. The rabbit looked terrified, the expression of fear on his face completely out of place.

Kanda's eyes widened when he heard the redhead's following words:

"Headquarters is under..."

The feeling of dread clogging his chest gave way to rage before the bookman apprentice finished his sentence. So that was it. This was the trap the Order had been stupid enough to fall for. But the true idiot was him for accepting this mission without a struggle, for having left Allen on his own when he knew just how far the stupid boy was willing to go for the sake of others.

"W—wait, Yu!"

Kanda ignored him. He cursed out loud and raced outside the inn's reception, running despite not having a fucking clue on how the hell he would get back to the tower. He clenched his teeth in fury.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.





She managed to avoid the akuma around her, aided by her fast reflexes and quick feet; but she was snapped out of it by Johnny's voice calling her name. Her legs, no longer burdened by her Innocence, were so much lighter. Ever since since she lost her Innocence she'd felt so much lighter, and it felt like her Dark Boots had once been a heavy set of weights pulling her down to the ground. How ironic. She supposed her Innocence did make her faster, stronger, and better—but now her Innocence seemed so far away from her, so much that everything felt like a bad memory and she no longer knew her reason for being here.

She loved the Order, she loved the people in it: they were her family. But...


She was rooted to the stop, frozen, deaf to the other's pleas for her to move; and she didn't see the level three akuma coming her way. It was Link who saved them, forcing them to move while he stayed behind to bide them some time. But the inspector wasn't an exorcist, he didn't stand a chance against the akuma. Lenalee closed her eyes, doing her best not to cry. Because Allen...Allen...

She hated the Innocence. She hated it. It was the Innocence's fault that Allen had decided to fight alone. It was the Innocence's fault they were under attack. It was the Innocence's fault her home was being destroyed. She drowned out a scream. And if this was the end? No, she had to see Komui again, she had to see her brother and her friends one more time. She had to get rid of her damn insecurity and self-compassion.

The finders and scientists were trying to control the akuma; they were fighting without any Innocence. And she was here, pitying herself while everyone else was fighting to protect her home. Even if she couldn't fight, she could do something to help them. She had to do something.

"We have to evacuate, Johnny," said Lenalee. Johnny looked taken back by her sudden determination. "We need to get everyone out now."

It was what Allen had wanted; to keep everyone safe while he fought. Lenalee had wanted to stop him, to remind him of his delicate condition—but the look on the boy's face had stopped her from doing so. There was something in him that inspired bravery in others, in her. So she ran to the infirmary, helping the nurses and the doctors escape while her home fell to pieces around her. She found it strange that the enemy was focusing their attack on a single section, one so far away from where Hevlaska guarded the Innocence. And she hoped they wouldn't change their plan, because if they did, it would really be over.

"You should come too, Lenalee-chan," begged the Head Nurse, grabbing her shoulders to look her in the eye. Lenalee was startled; she had never seen the woman look so distraught before. She'd taken care of Lenalee since she was little, even when she hurt herself trying to run away from the place she thought of as her home now.

Lenalee swallowed thickly, struggling not to cry again. She couldn't do what was being asked of her. If she couldn't keep the promise she'd made to Kanda then the very least she could do was not let Allen down. Yes, because if she didn't, the boy would be devastated the next time she saw him.

"Thank you for everything." She smiled, wrapping her arms around the older woman fiercely before letting go, ignoring her when she called her name.

Despite her best efforts, her cheeks soon grew damp. But she was smiling, she smiled as she ran to the cafeteria. Even though she no longer had her Innocence, even if she was still weak, she knew she had to keep walking forward.

Look at me, nii-san. Look at me, I'm fighting my best for my family.


Allen fell on his side when Tyki threw him on the ground, gently and with an unusual delicacy. He made a feeble attempt to stand up, unable to do anything as the Noah locked the door. He was smiling such a frightening smile. Allen swallowed thickly, fighting against the shivers that threatened to rack his whole body. He had to keep calm, if he didn't, he would frighten the baby.

"I don't want to hurt you, boy; and neither do I want to hurt the little creature you're carrying. At least not now." Tyki's smile widened considerably at the unconscious look of fear on the exorcist's face.

Allen tried to back away when Tyki knelt at his side, smiling when they came face-to-face. But he couldn't move, not after he'd spent what little energy he'd had invoking his Innocence. Even when he knew it was wrong. He should have listened to Lenalee, to her warnings and advice; because, after all, she was right. But it was too late to regret how foolish and stubborn he'd been.

He shrank back when the Noah patted his head, carding his hair gently, not unlike the way he'd done in the Ark before delivering a swift, merciless headbutt to Allen's head. Wary, his eyes fluttered open when the Noah pulled away without hurting him.

"Tell me, boy," began Tyki, standing up to draw a cigarette from his clothes, "how did you end up in this mess?"

Allen didn't answer him. He looked down, struggling to find a way out of a trap he'd stupidly fallen into by his own hand. He inhaled a cloud of smoke without meaning to, coughing, making the Noah laugh. Allen cursed himself; he was supposed to be used to the disgusting smell of tobacco after spending so many years with his Master, yet here he was, showing how weak he was to the enemy.

"Oh, right. You're not supposed to smoke in front of a pregnant women, am I correct?"

"I'm not a woman," he muttered, furious at Tyki's words.

"Mhm, you're right. But—" once more, the Noah drew close to his side, "—in you're state, you're much more defenseless than any woman. Or do you truly believe you'll be able to protect the brat you're carrying? You can't even activate your Innocence; you shouldn't have wasted your energy on those akuma."

Anger turned to panic. In another desperate, futile attempt, he dragged himself as far as away from the Noah as possible, no longer caring about his pride. His back met the wall, and then there was no place to run. Tyki laughed, calmly making his way over to him, the smile on his face letting Allen know his antics amused the Noah greatly.

"Poor, poor boy." The Noah took a deep drag of his cigarette, vile gray smoke curling around him. "Do you have any idea just how interested the Earl is? In your condition. Just what did the Order do to turn you in a fertile little lady?" Allen jumped when Tyki's hand punched the wall inches from his face. "Answer me, boy."

"I don't know," murmured Allen, his voice nearly inaudible. But Tyki was dangerously close to his body, and the words didn't go amiss.

"You're not lying to me are you, boy?" Adrenaline shot up his body when he felt Tyki's hand on his stomach. "Because if you are, I'll be very, very angry."

"I don't know!" he snapped, pushing the Noah away; and he stumbled, losing his balance.

Tyki laughed without kindness.

"You still have guts. Too bad you made me remember that night. The night you should have died."

He grabbed Allen by the scruff of his neck, bringing their bodies closer. Allen could feel the Noah's rage, the fury of having been defeated during their last encounter. Would this be the end? And he was fighting for his life, using the last of his strength to try to break free; he could feel his head throb from the lack of oxygen. He had to stay alive no matter what. For the baby, for the promise he'd made to Mana, for...then he felt the tight grip on his neck loosen. Allen took a mouthful of air, leaning against the wall gasping for breath. Wheezing, he glanced at his enemy. Again, that cruel smile.

"Hey, boy, how far along are you?"

What the hell was wrong with him? Tyki was obviously playing with him. It had been only been seconds ago that he'd made an attempt on his life, and now the Noah wanted to discuss his pregnancy? Allen looked at him, confused, trying to understand what was going on. But when Tyki drew closer again, Allen answered before the distance between them could grow any shorter. He didn't want the Noah so close to the baby.

"Five, five months," he answered quietly, physically and mentally exhausted.

"Oh, that would make your baby much too little. He'd never be able to survive outside his mummy's tummy, don't you agree?"

Allen's pupils dilated.


"Although, I could take something else from you and let you die from internal bleeding. It would be much more painful for you and the brat."


"Or do you think the boy should get a chance to meet his mummy? It would be a very emotional meeting."

"D—don't do it."

He continued to plead, his gaze downcast as he listened to his enemy's plans for him and the baby. He caressed his stomach, gently, tenderly. He couldn't let this happen. He'd promised he would be fine, that nothing would happen to him. Allen had promised him.


This time, he couldn't stop the tears from falling.


Kanda hit the compartment door with a vengeance; Lavi started, murmuring under his breath about how there was no need for the swordsman to take out his anger on inanimate objects, though he rather it be door than him. He'd almost died once when he forced the Japanese exorcist to forgo going by foot and get on the train instead. It was the fastest way they could reach the Order after all.

"Don't be mad, Yu-chan. The driver said we'd be there promptly."

Kanda grunted noncommittally. He was losing his edge and it was hard for him to maintain his cold front. Or at least, that's how Lavi saw it, taken back by the lack of death threats being hurled his way after calling the samurai by his given name. The redhead had been studying Kanda intently ever since he learned his friend was a homosexual. He couldn't deny it was a bit morbid, but there was also something else: Lavi had never seen Kanda so happy before. Of course, Kanda wasn't the type to scream his love from the top of a mountain, but Lavi noted how much more alive he seemed.

In this mission alone, Kanda had fought with much more energy than usual. A mission that would have taken two weeks to complete was successfully taken care of in nine days. Not even the surprise attack from the akuma had daunted the dark-haired exorcist's renewed vigor—Kanda had fought his best to return to the Moyashi as quickly as possible. Lavi smiled sadly. He knew Yu was trying not to act like a lovesick fool, though Lavi felt that such a thing was useless. It didn't work.

Kanda was a pervert, surely. But Lavi supposed that was his way of showing he cared for Allen, after all, Yu would never openly admit to worrying about him, much less that he cared for Allen's well being. So he showed him all that and more through sex, perhaps not the most correct manner of getting his feelings across if one took Allen's personality into consideration. Surely Allen wanted Yu to treat him gently, to hug him and kiss him without the intention of tumbling into bed at every possible opportunity.

But Allen hadn't left; he remained loyally by his bad-tempered, arrogant swordsman's side. A masochist, that boy had to be a masochist. Why else wold he fall for someone like Yu when he could have anyone else he wanted? Lavi knew many who would willingly face the gallows for a night in the Moyashi's bed, mortal sin or not.

He looked at Kanda from the the corner of his eye. The swordsman looked furious and nervous at the same time; dear God, this man really was in love with the Moyashi. Stupidly, foolishly in love. In all the years Lavi had known him, never once had he seen Kanda act like this: so rashly and without stopping to think about the consequences his actions might entail. He was acting like a lovesick teenager with his first girlfriend. Despite the situation, Lavi chuckled at that thought.

The Order was under attack. From what Lavi knew, something like this had never happened before. It was as if the Earl had grown tired waiting for them to act, and had decided to wipe off the exorcists once and for all—a message to let the Order know that he could end them whenever it tickled his fancy. Lavi shook his head.

He couldn't even focus on finishing the reports he'd nicked from the old Panda. Though the more he read the more he realized how big of an influence Yu had been on Allen during their mission. The past partners hadn't been close, unlike his friends. Perhaps what Lavi had read up on pregnancies was true; physical contact plus emotional ties were equally important to the baby and to the mother. And Yu was pacing up and down like a maniac, as if the Moyashi had gone into birth (if it could be called that). Lavi couldn't help but imagine how such a scene would go: Yu would be nervous, completely anxious to see his lovely baby, and a tired but satisfied Moyashi would carefully hand him over a pink, crying bundle. And that would be her: the lovely daughter of an antisocial psychopath and an adorable sweet boy with multiple personalities (one of which was quite disturbing, might Lavi add).

Lavi sighed, a smile blooming on his lips. This wasn't good; he wasn't suppose have those thoughts, not when his focus should be recording this historic moment to memory. But Lavi was beginning to get involved, yet again, because he was worried. Over Lenalee, over Allen. Even over Yu. And over the baby, of course.

Crap, Panda would be furious. He buried his face in his hands, trying to will himself to stop acting so foolishly and behave according to what he was: a bookman. It was impossible, simply, stupidly impossible. Seeing Yu in such a state—so worried, so frightfully angry—made him ponder about the importance of human relationships. Lavi had never stopped to think of Yu as a person with feelings, which was precisely why he enjoyed the other's company so much. Pushing Yu's buttons was delightfully fun.

"We'll arrive in half an hour," he warned, somewhat tired by the silence. It made the doubt in his head all the more stronger.

He wasn't expecting an answer, so he took Yu's lack of response in stride. Lavi listened to the sounds of the screeching train tracks and of the fingers outside the door. They were worried too, after all, their friends were in the Order as well. Lavi sighed. There was nothing more complicated than this: feelings. They were difficult to register and thus frustrated Lavi to no end. They were problematic, but nothing was more problematic than his own feelings.

Which was why he'd worried so much when he slept with Lenalee for the first time, just after his first mission. God, she'd been a girl of fourteen and yet she'd propositioned him with a maturity beyond her years. She'd been a virgin after all. Lavi had worried because he didn't want to get involved with anyone in such a manner, and Lenalee was a girl with feelings—a romantic at heart. He'd almost had a heart attack when she apologized to him for using him to satisfy her curiosity and needs when he was supposed to apologize for taking advantage of her naive youth. Lavi wasn't any better than Yu, and that he'd been an idiot of sixteen didn't matter. They'd slept together a few times since then, always careful not be found by Komui lest Lavi ended up dead. Dead in the most painful, most horrible way possible. Komui was a sadist with a sister-complex after all; he would not let the loss of her precious sister's innocence go without punishment.

But the relationship between Yu and Allen was different to what he had with Lenalee. Their relationship made Lavi insanely curious. According to the Church, two men were incapable of feeling something as pure as love toward one another, only sinful lust. It was interesting, worthy of being recorded—especially now that it was happening right underneath his nose. Yu would never tell him any details and the Moyashi would be too nervous to bring up the subject, but Lavi had a gift for observation and if he had fun along the way, it was no skin off his nose.

He was sure his observations would continue. That nothing would happen to the Moyashi and he would be able to talk to Lenalee soon. Maybe even ask her to spend the night with him—while Komui was away of course—and she would dance around the subject first, shy, but in the end she would take him up on his offer. They would discuss the attack on the Order for his sake of doing Panda's work and Lavi would thank her for her help, like always. Allen would welcome his Bakanda with open arms and scold him for being an overprotective idiot. Maybe the hormones would make him tear up, though he would deny it later, and Yu would tease him over it. And then they'd fall into bed together, like usual; Yu was a complete pervert and there was little the Moyashi could do to change him.

Lavi knew he shouldn't project the future so irresponsibly, that it was wrong. But he didn't lose anything by pretending; he wasn't willing to accept that he was in fact worried over his two friends. He was a bookman apprentice after all. His chest shouldn't ache at the sight of Yu wearing an expression he'd never seen on him before. The fury mixed with something else wasn't something the redhead could identify.

He scoffed, closing his eyes. He wanted Yu to sit down and stop acting like a maniac so he could think, organize his thoughts, and pull himself together. But he knew Kanda wouldn't relax until they reached the Order, until he saw with his own two eyes that his Moyashi was safe and sound.

Lavi smiled crookedly at the ironies of life.

Yu was, without a doubt, one lucky bastard.


"Aww. Don't cry, boy."

Allen looked up. More tears tumbled and fell. He was crying silently and he could no longer stop to think about his stubborn pride. He swallowed with difficulty, wrapping his arms around his stomach in a futile attempt to protect the baby.

"There is a way you can stop it, you know. Your deaths and the Order's destruction," continued the Portuguese, snuffing out his cigarette against the wall.

Allen blinked.

"Who is the father of the brat? I don't believe you managed such a miracle on your own. There must be a second party responsible."

It's not what you think. In the midst of his array of confusing thoughts, Allen knew what Tyki was referring to. And, although he did not fully understand how he'd managed to conceive, he knew the wisest choice was to let the Noah hear what he wanted to know.

"Kanda, Yu Kanda." To his surprise, he heard his voice crack. No, he couldn't let the Noah know just how important Kanda truly was to him. Or Tyki would want to hurt him, too.

"Ah, the Japanese swordsman. No one less but the damn bastard who killed Skinn. Well, well, this will make our playtime even more delightful." A twisted smile bloomed on the Noah's face. "Too bad he won't be here to enjoy our little show."


"You want to save the Order and your brat. Isn't that right, boy? Come on, answer me, young exorcist."

Allen nodded slowly, not meeting the other's gaze. He caressed his stomach again, his hands shaking nervously. No matter what he had to do, he'd do it. If it would save the Order and Kanda's baby, he'd do whatever was necessary.

Tyki smiled before kneeling before him. Allen closed his eyes when he felt the older man tenderly tuck a stray lock of his hair behind his ear.

"Good choice."

Allen's eyes widened when he felt the Noah's lips over his own. That was...was...He tried to pull away, to stop the kiss from progressing any further. Tyki's tongue demanded entrance into his mouth, something which Allen wasn't willing to give him. But he couldn't stop a light moan from slipping past his lips when the Noah pinched his chest through his shirt, brushing against the sensitive skin of his nipples. And he'd taken that chance to slip his tongue inside Allen's mouth; the disgusting taste of tobacco made Allen feel nauseous, and he bit him, the metallic taste of blood washing away Tyki's flavor.

Pulling away from him, Tyki smiled, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

"So you like it rough, hmm? I suppose that is normal if you sleep with someone like that Japanese exorcist."

"What the hell are you doing? Answer me!"

Tyki laughed; Allen tensed.

"Isn't it obvious? You sure are slow, boy."

Allen shook his head. No, no that. He couldn't possibly be asking him for that.

"It's a sin!"

Tyki guffawed, standing up. He ran a hand through his hair, untying the long, wavy locks. He'd changed so much. He no longer looked like the vagabond Allen had met not too long ago. There wasn't any trace of the man who'd lost his clothes to him in a silly game of poker.

"A sin you say? Those are nothing more than silly rules made up by the Church. But I don't believe you care much for them either, not if you're screwing your dear swordsman."

Of course Allen didn't care. He'd never really paid them any importance; and because he cared much more about what his friends would think if they found out about the details of his relationship with Kanda than the Church.

"Regardless of what you think, it's only fair for you to know the truth. That man is only using you as his private little harlot, and you don't even notice. You're much too naive, boy."

That wasn't true. Allen glared at him, furious. Kanda wouldn't do that, he would never do that to him.

"Why do you think he fucks you, hmm? It can't be because he loves you, I'm sure."

Tyki didn't know what he was talking about. He had no right; he didn't know Kanda. He didn't know Kanda was capable of hugging and kissing him with a gentleness that was so out of place in the Japanese exorcist. Out of place—but not unwelcome. Tyki didn't know how Kanda had slept with him before he left on his mission, that he'd given him a transmitter so they could keep in touch. Kanda wasn't anything like the way Tyki was describing him. He wasn't.

"He doesn't even care about the lovely little creature you're carrying inside you."

"That isn't true!"

It wasn't true. Kanda was extremely fond of the baby; after all, the baby was the only reason he'd pursued a relationship with Allen in the first place. Besides, Kanda would love the baby enough for the both of them. Kanda would care for the baby enough for the both of them.

Allen gritted his teeth, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Oh, poor boy. You haven't realized it yet, have you? Nobody can possibly love you, only we can."

Allen glared at him again, breathing harshly. What the hell? The Noah didn't love him. They wanted to kill him. To murder him before their very eyes.

"But I didn't come here for that," said Tyki, undoing his tie, his deft fingers casually unbuttoning his shirt. Allen's eyes widened. "I'm here for my own private revenge."

Allen gasped when Tyki yanked him forward by his hair, landing painfully on his hands in order to shield his stomach. Face down on the floor, he felt himself blush when he felt the Noah's leering eyes on him. This wasn't supposed to happen; Kanda was the only who was supposed to touch him.

"Do you remember, boy?" Allen shivered when he heard the Noah's whisper in his ear. The warmth of his body against Allen's back was nerve-shattering. "I suppose you would remember my friends, the vagabonds with 'sticky fingers'. We were inseparable, you know, drifting aimlessly in search of jobs to feed us. Do you remember them?"

Allen nodded slowly, confused; he didn't know why Tyki was bringing up something like that now. But he remembered. Of course he remembered; he'd met them that first time, too, the first time he'd met the Noah in the train. They'd tried to trick Krory at cards.

"Good. Because it's your fault I can no longer see them."

Allen drowned out a scream when the Noah began to touch his chest again. It hurt; Allen had even asked Kanda no to touch him there anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut, fruitlessly trying to push Tyki away from him, to stop him from pinching his chest, his nipples, him.

"All thanks to your cursed exorcism. Because of your help I have to bear the Earl's endless parties. Do you have any idea how horrible everything all is? All those empty people surrounded by money, drowning in it, while my friends suffer. But you know that feeling, after all, you have friends, too."

Allen took long, shuddering breath when Tyki let him go. He let his body go limp, lying on his side, breathing heavily. He didn't understand why Tyki was telling him this, he didn't know what it had do with exorcising Tyki's Noah side. Allen hadn't hurt him after all, his sword didn't hurt humans. But that time, the Noah in Tyki had...

It took all of his willpower not to scream when Tyki pushed him flat on his back, leering at him with luminous golden eyes. Allen felt himself tremble when one of the Noah's hands caressed his body, pausing on his stomach. It made him nervous to have Tyki so close, made him remember the power the Noah had. Allen didn't want his hands near Kanda's baby, he didn't want Tyki so close to him.


"Please what, boy?" Allen gasped when Tyki's hand slid inside his shirt. "Do you want me to keep touching you? I understand why the swordsman made you his kept whore; you look lovely when you beg."

Allen bit his lip.

"Don't hurt him. Don't..."

Tyki's smile widened. Allen chocked, squeezing his eyes shut, clenching his hands into tight fists when he felt the Portuguese's hot breath fan his naked chest. He couldn't stop the shrill sound that slipped from his mouth when a thick, wet muscle left a burning trail on his skin; it was painful, disgusting, and he didn't like it. It wasn't Kanda. He struggled underneath the Noah's body, shoving him, pushing him away—he let out a pained sob when Tyki reciprocated by using his teeth.


"What's wrong, boy? Are my touches so terrible?" Through the pale fringe that fell over his half-lidded eyes, Allen saw him grin. But he'd stopped touching him, and Allen was grateful not to feel that mouth on him anymore. "Well, Road did tell me to be gentle with you and to be mindful of your condition. Pregnant women are very sensible after all, especially here."

Allen screamed again when Tyki's hands lavished his chest with attention, thumb and forefinger pinching his nipples. It was embarrassing. It was humiliating. And his body flushed the same color as his cheeks, making Tyki chuckle in amusement, not once pausing in his ministrations.

It was made worse when one of the Noah's hands slid down his body, touching Allen's body sweetly and making him shiver. He wondered if the Noah was doing it on purpose, picking Allen's weak points, his most sensitive spots—all in an effort to make Allen react to his touch. He arched his back when he felt Tyki's tongue against his neck, kissing him gently, making it seem like he genuinely wanted Allen to enjoy himself. Allen shook his head; he didn't want that. He only wanted Kanda. Only Kanda.

A traitorous moan slid past his lips when Tyki bit him, gently, sucking lightly on his neck with care. Tears swelled up in his eyes again, filling to the brim before sliding down his scarlet cheeks. That would leave marks; Kanda would be so angry. But Allen couldn't do anything. He could barely move, and he did nothing as Tyki continued to leave those red marks on his skin, again and again.

"Such pale skin, much too pale, boy."

Tyki's touches were so careful, so gentle—so wrong. Allen squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on something else, anything else, to pretend none of this was happening. After all, it was his fault. Kanda would never forgive him, never. And he was sobbing, trying with all his might not to let any of those embarrassing sounds slip out again. It was difficult, but he could at very least do that. Allen felt ill, nauseous even; he'd almost forgotten the full effect of his morning sickness, yet that was exactly what he was feeling now: the need to empty his stomach. But he felt the baby move inside him, and that gave him a sliver of hope; as long as Kanda's baby was safe, Allen could keep moving forward. Allen would do it for Kanda's baby.

He kept his mouth tightly shut when Tyki kissed again. Allen wouldn't let him do that again, he wouldn't let the Noah invade his body. His body didn't belong to this person, it didn't belong to Tyki.

"You've very stubborn," murmured Tyki, kissing Allen's mouth chastely again. "But that's alright, it makes this all the more fun."

Allen sighed in relief when the Noah pulled away from him; he moved further back, trying to stand up. Once his heart registered the retreat of his enemy, it began to beat at a much normal pace, and Allen relaxed despite that danger still lurked near. He tried to will his blush to disappear, but the pool of humiliation in his gut was persistent. Allen covered his chest immediately, feeling entirely too exposed.

"It's too bad, you know? I can't make you mine. Road will hit me if she finds out. Apparently, only she's allowed to do that."

Allen didn't whether to feel comforted by those words or not; but he felt his cheeks flush at the Noah's words. He didn't know why nor did he care.

Tyki patted his head again, carding through Allen's chrome hair, his hand drifting down his cheek to cup the boy's face—forcing Allen to look up at him.

"But," Tyki licked his lips with obvious delight, "you'll have to give me a good suck to compensate for that."

Allen's felt his face burn at the vulgarity of the Noah's words, and he looked down, away from the man's licentious stare.

"Humiliating, isn't it? Exactly. Have you ever sucked your swordsman off?"

Tyki didn't let him go, holding his face tightly in place. Allen nodded slowly, grudgingly, though a few tears slid down his cheeks. Only a couple of times, if that. And Allen hadn't enjoyed any of them; because he didn't like doing that. But it was Kanda, after all. It was Kanda.

"More proof. There is nothing more humiliating than asking someone to do that for you, or were you not aware? Husbands never expect that from their wives; they look for that in the streets. From the harlots."

Allen closed his eyes, embarrassed. Was that true? And if it was? No. But the thought of having to do that another person other than Kanda made him sick. Using his mouth to please his enemy, one he'd stupidly thrown himself at—it was disgusting. So he deserved it, he deserved this humiliation. It was all his fault.

The sound of a zipper being undone forced him to open eyes; and Allen immediately looked down, away from his enemy. He leaned against the wall, exhausted, gritting his teeth, and he felt his tears fall down thickly.

"Come closer, boy. Put that pretty little mouth of yours to good use."

He tried to stop his tears, to get rid of his annoying sobs, though he knew it was futile. His tears just wouldn't stop. And his tears would not move the Noah, would not make him feel any sort of compassion—they only made Allen look more pathetic than he already was. But it was for the Order. For Kanda's baby.

He only hoped Kanda would forgive him.


"Is that all you can do, my dear doll? You're not much fun without your Innocence."

Lenalee glared at the Noah with rage. Road returned the gesture with gusto, smiling widely, carelessly twirling her umbrella. Lenalee had managed to evacuate almost all sections of the Order, but she was still here, fighting against the akuma with the help of a few finders who'd decided to stay behind. She had to keep fighting no matter what.

She also had to find Allen. That stupid, stubborn boy; he was using his Innocence despite being warned, time after time again, that it was dangerous for his condition. Why did he have to be so difficult? To Lenalee, no matter how much she struggled to understand, it was strange no matter how she looked at it. The love Allen felt for the akuma, the love that made him risk his life again and again—he didn't stop to think about his own safety. Not even his little girl's.

Please, God, don't let anything happen to Allen and his baby.

An explosion behind her snapped her out of her thoughts. Her heart constricted in her chest when she saw her home in ruins, falling to pieces at her feet. The akuma cackled gleefully, enjoying their pain and desperation; and not for the first time, Lenalee wondered just what exactly Allen's cursed eye could possibly show him to make him love these monsters.

She didn't know if what she felt was because she was no longer an exorcist. Of what use could she possible be without her boots? Lenalee stopped. She was supposed to forget about those things and keep moving forward; she had already decided on that after all. Unlike her friends, the decision to become an exorcist had not been hers. Although, she knew; Lenalee knew her friends, no matter their choice, were condemned to be God's soldiers for as long as they lived.

How could they possibly love the Innocence? It was something she couldn't comprehend. The Innocence made it impossible to live normal lives, forcing them to chose a life of war.

She remembered her brother. Komui had joined the Black Order to be close to her. He had given her a reason to call this place home, even though she loathed it so much. Komui had sacrificed everything for her, to keep her safe. That was it, wasn't it? Komui had sacrificed everything to protect the ones he loved.

She swallowed. She knew what she had to do. No matter how much she hated the Innocence, she had to return to it. She had to make it synchronize with her, to protect her friends. She was their only hope; until the other exorcists returned, she was the Order's last stand. Lenalee only hoped they'd managed to contact them in time.

She was afraid, but she squared her shoulders and grit her teeth; she was going to go see Hevlaska. She hoped the Innocence would be able to forgive her, to work with her again despite everything. It took effort on her part, but she made her way amid the battle and the crumbling buildings. If she could make the Innocence return to her, she could stop this. She would make the akuma regret ever daring to attack her home.

Johnny was calling her name, urging her to safety, to come back. That they couldn't loser her too, not after losing Allen. His words only made her resolve stronger. She could die, the Innocence could reject her and she become a Fallen. That was the most probable outcome, wasn't it? Lenalee felt her lips curve up sadly. She hoped with all her heart that she would at least be left with enough reasoning to attack her real enemies.

She knew the way to Hevlaska. She'd been taken there on numerous occasions before, whether to check on her Innocence or her brother; after all, Komui loved to talk with Hevlaska. Lenalee would bring him coffee and greet him with a smile, always. Once, a long time ago, she'd been afraid of Hevlaska—but then she realized that she, like Lenalee, was also being used. So Lenalee made sure to smile at her from then on, letting her know that those days were behind them.

Even though deep inside she knew it wasn't all true.


Lenalee looked at the scientist, who looked back at her with confusion, as if lost for words. He was holding back an akuma with a talisman, but it wouldn't hold for long. Lenalee looked at him with determination, trying to let him know that she wouldn't give up even if she had to push herself to her limit.

"Lenalee." He looked grim, grudgingly accepting her decision—but in the end he nodded. "I'll cover you."

She smiled in return; she whispered her thanks and ran, dodging past the broken remains of her home as fast as her legs could take her. Johnny and Tup called her name after her, but she tried to ignore them despite that she could feel her eyesight go blurry with tears. Her family, her beloved family.

She dodged the akuma skillfully, glad she'd taken the time to train these past couple of months. It had been a relief to practice without her boots, to feel so free. Regardless, she couldn't drown her scream of pain when one of the demons caught her, hugging her tight to its body.

"I've got her! I've caught the exorcist!"

Lenalee bore her teeth against the pain, determined not to cry out again. She raised her leg as high as it could go, until it was near level with her head—and the she brought it down on the akuma with all her strength. The akuma looked quite surprised, releasing her. Lenalee landed on her feet, grateful for her quick reflexes; even though it hurt. She wondered how Kanda managed to fight his enemies using his body, because from what she knew, it was his weapon just as much as Mugen was. After this, she would ask him. She would ask him to train her more, to teach her how fight just as strongly as he did. Once this over.

She didn't see the akuma coming her way, humiliated after the stunt she'd pulled, seeking revenge. It was Reever who came to her rescue, locking the akuma inside a talisman barrier. Lenalee felt her heart swell, and she smiled back at him, grateful, more than Reever would ever know.

"You have to come back in one piece or else Komui will kill us all!"

Lenalee laughed; it was her brother after all. Komui would scold her, crying hysterically over how she'd endangered herself. And Lenalee would welcome him back, hug him, tell him she cared. Yes, it was what she would do.

She refused to limp despite the horrible pain in her left ankle. She had to go; Hevlaska was in the lowest levels of the tower. She considered using one of the elevators the science department had made, but decided it against it; instead, she ran. There was no doubt in her mind that once this was over she would be exhausted. However, running helped her forgot how to think, and she couldn't afford to think right now, not if she wanted to doubt herself and the decisions she'd decided to follow. Not when, mere moments ago, she'd hated the Innocence with all her heart. Lenalee couldn't afford to doubt herself.

After what seemed like hours, she finally arrived with Hevlaska. The older exorcist looked at her with disbelief, as if she couldn't believe Lenalee was really there. Lenalee smiled at her.


"Hevlaska, please."

"Your Innocence isn't ready."

Lenalee continued to smile, and it was such a stupid smile; a smile that believed she could fix anything as long she wished hard enough. She thought of her brother, on how much he'd sacrificed. It was her turn to pay the price this time.


"Please, you have to try. I'll be fine."

Hevlaska refused, worried, much too worried. Lenalee didn't know why her Innocence wasn't ready, but she believed it was because she herself wasn't ready. Hevlaska knew, which was why she couldn't do what Lenalee asked of her. She smiled again. Everyone worried about her. It made her feel so loved, such a wonderful, warm feeling. Which was why she had to answer that love with her sacrifice, in the hope that she could save them. Slowly, she slid her feet out of her sandals, leaving them behind so she could walk forward. She went calmly, her face not showing a smidgen of the worries eating her from the inside out.

Hevlaska hesiated; Lenalee was, in a certain way, grateful for that. A new smile bloomed on her lips when she felt familiar, soft, gentle tentacles surround her body, bringing her closer to the older exorcist.

"Thank you."

Lenalee closed her eyes again. Her brother, her friends, her family. She was willing to give up everything for them. Even her life. She knew her Innocence was right before her, raw, cube-like, and with no accommodator. She took a deep breath, waiting for the first contact, for the Innocence to accept her again. To welcome her back to her life as an exorcist.

But, that moment never came. Lenalee gasped, her eyes snapping open when she felt her surroundings tremble violently.


The older exorcist had been attacked from above by two akuma, and Lenalee felt herself fall, her head meeting the ground with a sickening sound. Her head exploded in unbearable pain. She took a shuddering breath, forcing her eyes to focus—and then she saw them, the akuma who had attacked the exorcist in charge of guarding the Innocence. Lenalee's vision blurred, and though she was seconds away from losing consciousness, she heard Road Kamelot's voice.

"Did you really think I'd let you have your way, Lenalee? Don't underestimate me."

The enemy had found Hevlaska because of her, because she'd led them here. It was her fault Hevlaska was in danger. Lenalee swallowed with difficulty; her eyes were blurred heavily, but she could see her Innocence. It was there, right in front of her, shining that brilliant, powerful green light. She stretched her hand, scrambling, anxious. She was so close, so close.

Again, her head exploded with pain. She gasped, her head swimming, her eyes somehow focusing on the cause of her pain. Road smiled down cruelly at her, crushing Lenalee's head under her foot. She was smiling, smiling at Lenalee's inability to protect her precious family.

"My lovely Lenalee, why can't you just give up? It'll be better for you in the long run. You shouldn't intervene, not when Tyki is already so mad," said the Noah, casually licking her lollipop. "Why don't you try on one of my new dress—or would you rather Allen model it for me instead?"


Lenalee squeezed her eyes shut, reaching for her Innocence. It was calling her.

"It's too bad your hair is still so short. I would have loved to curled it."


Road laughed again, pressing down harder on the head of her victim. Lenalee was swimming in a deep sea pf pain; but she focused her entire self on the Innocence, on the glowing, brilliant light it exuded. She closed her eyes, praying for a miracle.

Help me, nii-san.

Suddenly, she heard a shot being fired, and the pressure on her skull was gone.


The Australian scientist was panting harshly, pointing the smoking gun straight at the Noah. His hand was completely steady. No longer smiling, Raod stood daintily on her feet, unruffled by the bullet buried in her chest.


Soon she was surrounded by more scientists, more and more talisman barriers forming a prison around her and the akuma. It was the usual method the finders and scientists used to contain the akuma while they waited for the exorcists to arrive. While she arrived. Crawling, Lenalee dragged herself to her Innocence, reaching for it, wanting it—it was warm, warm as she took it in her hands before Road's eerie golden gaze.

"Don't do anything stupid, Lenalee."


She smiled at Reever, acknowledging his worry—but she knew she wouldn't do anything to heed his warnings. The Innocence turned to liquid upon contact with her body. It was asking her to give something in return, to make one last sacrifice.

"Tell nii-san I'm sorry."

Tipping her head back, Lenalee swallowed the dark liquid and allowed it to take possession of her body.

To be Continued

End Notes: New chapter up at last!

It makes me happy to know this fic is in over 600 peoples' alert and favorites list; so please drop me a message to let me know what you think! It makes me work faster and do my best to know that people enjoy my hard work! I'm sure the original author loves reading all the lovely things you say about her story, too ;D Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated, as I am no professional translator and there are bound to be a few shaky sentences/spelling mistakes/grammar errors here and there seeing as I have no beta to proofread my work :D

This will be my last update of the year; my goal is to update the rest of my stories sometime in January—please wish me luck and have a Happy New Year! I wish you all the best! Thanks so much for sticking with me despite how crappy I've been—I promise to do my best come 2011~!