Disclaimer: I do not own… Twilight, Sexy Back or the Llama song. –SOB-

Sorry Guys, no update! I'm just rewriting this to make it sound a little better, enjoy!

A/N Hey all, this is my first Fan Fiction story, so easy on the criticism. It's a one shot, so it only one chapter but its still a little long. I just want to give a big shout out to; La tua Cantani, Heart of Diamonds, Rena (aka shortie) Melly, Bella B, Charlotte, Leanna and Lizzie. All whose praise and criticism helped me and made me feel good about my writing. Thanks guys, I owe you one! And finally to Dell Bell, for putting up with all my rubbish and all her bad luck!

Enjoy

BPOV

The lock clicked and we ready to go. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper and I were locked in the principals' office of Forks High School, with the door barricaded and Rose standing guard.

We were waiting for the clock to read 9.30am, at which time we would put our devious plan into action. Today marked Edwards's 118th birthday, and it was going to be a day he would remember forever.

Emmett grinned recklessly at me.

"Scared Bella?"

I didn't even need to reply, the fierce beating of my heart and the deep red blush on my cheeks gave me away already- I was terrified.

Edward was so going to kill me for this.

EPOV

I sighed lazily and waited for class to start. Today was my 118th birthday. Nothing really special, I mean, not when you live forever. Alice was bound to throw some kind of silly birthday celebration as a chance to dress up and Emmett would make some idiotic comments abut me aging gracefully, but other than that, it would be a day the same as any other in this hell hole of a school. I sat down, listening to the thoughts of the people around me.

Oh no, how will I get out of this one, I haven't even studied for this stupid test…

Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama- god that song is catchy…

Wow, do you think Edward just looked at me? God I hope so, I mean just look at the top he's wearing, it makes him look gorgeous!...

I snorted. While human's thoughts may be extremely primitive and shallow sometimes they were also quite amusing to listen to. But, why on earth would I even dream of looking twice at that stupid Jessica Stanley? She annoyed me constantly with her snide comments about Bella and her sleazy thoughts of me. Of course I did blame Alice partially. If it weren't for her using me as a human Barbie doll I wouldn't get half the strange looks I do now. Then again…

Finally the teacher walked in. Mr Leary was, in one word, a pushover. He waltzed into the classroom five minutes late, and after a futile attempt at calming the class down he started talking- just as the clock ticked over to read 9:30.

"In today's lesson" he started in his unnaturally high voice "we shall learn about the cultural origins o-"

-SCREECH-

The shriek of the schools speaker blared out, to my vampire hearing sounding like the scraping of a thousand nails on the black board.

"Testing… testing… 123…"

My mouth went dry. The voice on the intercom wasn't the one I'd expected to hear. Not the voice of the principal of Forks High School, but the voice of someone I knew much better.

Emmett.

This wasn't good, and I was betting it had something to do with my birthday.

"Welcome, one and all to the amazing and new and improved loudspeaker system, the Cullen's 4 Eddie! This amazing new high tech system is in place for one day only. Why you may ask? Because today is a special day in history, a momentous occasion, a cause for celebration, it's a-"

"Oh shut up Emmett."

Alice. So she was part of this as well. I wondered who else had joined in on this little scheme. Whoever else it was would definitely be going down.

"What Emmett is really trying to say is that it is the magnificent Edward Cullen's birthday!"

Oh no. They were definitely dead. As soon as Alice had spoken twenty-four heads had swived in my direction and 24 pairs of eyes were scrutinising my every move. It was definitley too late to make a run for it now, I was going to have to wait this torture out, and knowing Emmet, that could take a while.

"So today"

Alice giggled sounding like a kid on Christmas morning.

"We have composed, or rather re- written, a song especially for him. I hope you enjoy…

SEXY BACK! Edward Cullen STYLE!"

The Music from the song Sexy Back Blared out of the loud speakers, and then, they began to sing...

Edwards bringing sexy back (Yeah!)
It is his birthday, give his ass a whack (Yeah!)
His ochre eyes give you a heart attack (Yeah!)
He's freezing cold you gotta get it fast (Yeah!)

Take it to the bridge…

Dirty bells (uh huh)
You see his rock hard abbs there hard as hells (uh huh)
Carlisle can bite him if he misbehaves (uh huh)
Its just he's hotter than a summers day (uh huh)

Take it to the chorus …

Come here boy
Go Ed be done with it.

Let's make some noise
Go Ed be done with it

Strike a pose
Go Ed be done with it

Don't hit on Rose!
Go Ed be done with it

Salute the USA
Go Ed be done with it

You aren't gay?
Go Ed be done with it

You make me smile
Go Ed be done with it

Mike Newton is vile
Go Ed kick ass

Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it
Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it
Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it
Get you sexy on

Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it
Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it
Get you sexy on - Go Ed be done with it
Get you sexy on

Edwards brining sexy back (Yeah!)
And he knows Bella has gorgeous rack (Yeah!)
And that he can not beat Emmett's wisecracks (Yeah!)
But that's ok 'cause he's a tasty snack. (Yeah!)

Take it to the bridge…

Dirty bells (uh huh)
You see his rock hard abbs there hard as hells (uh huh)
Carlisle can bite him if he misbehaves (uh huh)
Its just he's hotter than a summers day (uh huh)

Take it to the chorus …

Come here boy
Go Ed be done with it.

Let's make some noise
Go Ed be done with it

Strike a pose
Go Ed be done with it

Don't hit on Rose!
Go Ed be done with it

Salute the USA
Go Ed be done with it

You aren't gay?
Go Ed be done with it

You make me smile
Go Ed be done with it

Mike Newton is vile
Go Ed kick ass

You ready?

You ready?

My eyes glistened red, although no one noticed, since I'd long ago closed them in disgust and horror. Venom pooled at the back of my throat and my anger burned, white hot.

"Thanks for listening! That will be all!" chimed Alice's wind song voice.

A thousand ways of torture to the people responsible for this act of attrrocity burned through my mind.

Oh my GOD! That was the funniest thing I have ever heard! These tears won't stop coming…

Emmett definitley wouldn't mind if I restyled his car, would he, maybe hot pink?

HA! Wow I never knew it was Edwards's birthday… I'm going to ask him about this…

And Rose and Alice's wardrobe would make a superb bonfire, mabye i could throw them in it while i was there…

Wow. Did you hear that? OMG! It was Bella; maybe she secretly hates Edward too… I mean, she did just embarrass him in front of the entire school! But in the song she said something about me being… vile? Well, at least she mentioned me… Oh! Maybe I have a chance now! I think i'll ask her out again...

And Bella, My Bella had been turned to the dark side. I couldn't believe that a sweet innocent girl like her, could hav been changed so dramtically by my idiotic family.

The class was silent around me, but I could still hear the laughter in their thoughts, hear the laughter in the other classrooms. It was infuriating, inescapable… everywhere. I pushed my chair back and stood up, stalking out of the classrooms despite the feble protests of my teacher.

And I ran…

- laughing all the way home.

Go on,you know you want to, click that little blue button down there and... REVIEW REVIW REVIEW! I know that its annoying, believe me i do! But you have no idea how much it helps! So did you like it? Did you hate it? PLZ Review! Even if you just put down what you ate for breakfast it would be helpful!

If you would also be so kind, could you please tell you're friends about this fanfic? I really want as much response from as many different people as possible!

Thanks.

PS. can you answer this riddle or are you too weak of mind…

Who is my father's grandma's sister's only sister's only son's wife's daughter?

FUTURE A/N : Also, dont foget to check out my NEW stories, Especially "Twenty Bucks In Twent Seconds"! Thanks!