A/N: These are Kenny's letters. This is the epilogue. This is the the end, finally, forever.
There are a couple of characters in particular I'm looking at for potential spinoffs.
If there's a particular person's story after all this that you're interested in, feel free to tell me, and I'll see what I can do.
Thank you to: tweekers, soquedhozi, Caelice, Christophe The Mercenary, dangerahead, Akari . kikuchi . x, fetteranton, link, and broflov for reviewing the last chapter.
And thank you to everyone who read but didn't review, all of you, this was written for every one of you. I love you all.
Hey, kiddo. How are you holding up?
I want you to know that I'm sorry we didn't really hang out much. Or talk, for that matter. You're a good kid, and an amazing person, and I don't know if I ever really let you know that in any way. You don't have a mean bone in your body, and trust me, that's a good quality to have.
I know you've had to deal with a lot of people questioning the way you live your life and the decisions you've made, especially your parents. I just want you to know that even though I didn't understand your relationship with Cartman for a long time, I do now, and I'm glad you have him in your life. He makes you happy, and you make him happy, and that's exactly the kind of thing that should happen in a relationship. You're a lucky kid, Butters, and you shouldn't let anybody belittle you for your choices. You've got a good head on your shoulders, you just need to trust in your own decisions.
As for your parents, they need to understand that you're not a little kid anymore. I'm not trying to tell you not to listen to them ever, because everyone needs a mom and a dad they can count on. You just can't let them run your life – it's your life, and you need the freedom to live it; after all, you're almost eighteen. Just believe in yourself, Butters. It's cliché, but trust me – I know. Dreams do come true.
I'm sorry I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye. There's so much I never got to say to you when I had the chance. Everything happened a lot faster than I thought it would. Enjoy your month in New York, okay? You deserve it.
I'm really going to miss you, kiddo.
Don't ever change,
Out of the ten of us that started out on this New York trip, you're the one I spent the least amount of time with, and now I can't figure out why. I always meant to, and I just don't understand why it didn't happen. I know you never appreciated Clyde's and my taste in film, but I wouldn't have minded foregoing a night of...that if it meant hanging out with you too. I still count you as one of the best friends I've ever had, but I hardly know anything about you, and that's bothering me now. I guess I thought there would be all the time in the world to really get to know you, the way I know Kyle and those guys, you know? I didn't see any of this coming. That's what happens when you take life and the people you know for granted.
It's not your fault, by the way, in case you're blaming yourself. I know you held yourself responsible for what Tweek did, but please, don't hold yourself responsible for the end result of everything. You have to understand, it was my choice to do what I did; you can't blame yourself for my decisions. I did what I did so you all would be together, that's all I ever wanted. You were suffering, you all were suffering, and it's better this way.
Don't worry about me. It's harder to be the one left alive than it is to die. I know you understand that.
Take care of Clyde, okay? I have a feeling he's going to need his best friend more than ever, during the next few months. I don't know if you know anything, if he's told you anything. If he hasn't yet, he will soon. I know he will. He'll need you.
Always remember, this was never your fault,
I've known you for most of my life, but I've never pretended to understand you. There were times where I wasn't sure why I stayed friends with you, to be honest. With that being said, you should know I've defended our friendship to a lot of people. It took me a long time to be able to see past who you claim you are, and even now I don't know if I really know you. But I think I know you well enough, and that's all I can ask for.
I got frustrated with you a lot, and a lot of those times I think you did things on purpose to frustrate me – whether you realizde it or not. I think you were trying to get me angry because you deal better with anger and harshness than with anything else. I'm not judging or faulting you for that; in a way, I understand you better now than I ever have before. It's unfortunate that it took everything going the way it did for that to happen, but sometimes that's just the way things work. I can't change anything from the past week, and I don't want to – I would rather see you all happy than anything else.
Because as frustrated as I got with you, I've always cared about you. You're one of my oldest friends, Cartman; it would be impossible for me to have spent so much time with you and not end up caring. I'm sorry if there was ever a time you needed me and I wasn't there for you. I know your life hasn't been easy, but you're not dealing with it alone anymore, you have Butters. Let him in, dude, he loves you more than anything else in the world, and he needs you. You, not who you pretend to be. I saw you without him, you were broken almost in half, and I don't want you end up that way. But honestly, I don't think you will. I think you've become a stronger, better person, and I have a good feeling about you being okay. You can trust Butters. You just have to let yourself.
I'm sorry for everything,
Oh, 'Tophe, what can I say to you? You've never been one for serious, emotional conversation, and considering your line of work I can understand why. You were taught to be hard and cold, to not let anybody break through your metaphorical cement walls; that I know just from being your friend for so long. Yes, 'Tophe, we were friends – at least, you were mine, whether you considered me a friend or not.
But even with that, knowing that, during everything that happened... I feel guilty for not being there for you as much as I was there for the others. I guess part of me took everything about you at face value. You seemed to be so cold and independent, so much like all you needed was yourself and you'd be fine, that I let myself fall into the trap of believing that to be true. But it's not true, is it? Or it wasn't, at least. I saw you change, 'Tophe – before, during, and after the crash, you were a different person. Are a different person, now. You're not the 'Tophe I knew before, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. You seem more distant, more like you were before all of us started hanging out. Before you had friends who cared about you. You know – the people who gave you a reason to care too.
Because you let yourself care before, about Kyle for sure, anyway. And when you were apart from him… When I found you guys in Hell that first day, I hadn't seen that much emotion in your eyes since… Well, since ever. But now I'm worried about you. I don't know what happened, or what changed, because again, I never took the time to talk to you. I was the one who was so eager for you to ask out Kyle so you guys could be together, but I never even talked to you about him after the crash, and I'm so sorry for that. I shouldn't have assumed that just because you seemed tough and unbreakable that you were. That's my fault, and now… I don't know what's going to happen.
I wish I'd taken more time to just talk to you. I don't know if you would have talked back, but I wish I'd tried. I'm sorry, 'Tophe, I can't help but feel like you being the way you are now is partially my fault.
Whatever you do now, whatever happens or doesn't happen with you and Kyle, I just want you to know that I hope you're happy. I mean that sincerely, because you should be happy, 'Tophe, you really should. You can't let yourself be so hard all the time, you need the ones who care. Life alone…isn't really living.
Know that I always considered you a good friend,
This isn't meant to sound insensitive in any way, and I hope you'll understand how I mean this: I'm so glad that you had Tweek while you were down in Hell. Jesus, that sounds so awful even when I just write it down. But I just mean, I'm glad you weren't alone. I know – anybody with eyes, really, knows – you've never gotten along with Cartman, and I don't think you and Christophe were particularly good friends, so even without taking into account anything else, the idea of spending eternity with them had to be horrible for you. All I mean is I'm so glad you got to have the one you love, and would have had him for the rest of forever – not that you won't, I mean. I don't see anything splitting you two up, and that's a good thing.
It's so obvious that you both need each other more than anything else in the world. Especially after last year, I'm so glad everything worked out for you two – you have no idea. You guys are my favourite couple; you always gave me so much hope, just...the way you are together. You love him and he loves you and the world needs more of that kind of unconditional forever. And when I had to tell you what had happened and where everyone else was, seeing how much it hurt you broke my heart. Not just because I could see how much pain being without Tweek was causing you – without him you've always been a different kind of Craig – but because of what you said when I told you what had happened to Clyde, and Token.
You missed them just as much as you missed Tweek, and it was because of that that I knew I had to do something. I mean, I'd already known that I was going to go bitch at Satan and God until one of them listened to me and fixed things, but it was you and your reaction that really cemented that in my mind. You guys... The four of you guys are so close, so much closer than me and my...gang? I don't know what to call us four. I just know that you, Tweek, Clyde, and Token have always been a more tightly-knit group of friends, and I had to save that. I had to keep you guys together, whatever it took. It took me and my life, but I'm really okay with that. I'm going to miss you all – how could I not? – but it was the right thing to do, and I had to, to make everything better.
You were probably one of my best friends, to be perfectly honest. I don't know if you ever knew that. I know I never would have broken into your inner circle, and I don't think there would have been any room there for me, really. But I'm okay with that, trust me. You don't need me to tell you this, but never let those people go, Craig – I'm pretty sure you've found the friends you're going to have forever.
Stay together, and stay happy,
First, I just have to tell you I'm sorry. I hate seeing you upset or unhappy, and you were thrown into a situation that made you nothing but unhappy, and I'm sorry I had to make things worse. I just want you to understand that this was really the only way to do things that made sense. I don't know if you'll see it that way, but it was. Please just trust me, and know that I wouldn't have done anything to hurt you with the intentional goal of making you suffer in any way.
You need your best friend, Stan, you know you need Kyle. If nothing else, just as a best friend, but don't count out anything more than that just yet, okay? I can't make any guarantees; I can't see inside Kyle's head – if anyone could, it would be you, because you guys are so close – but I've learned that there's always a chance. Giving up doesn't help anyone, and you know that even if anything were to happen between Kyle and someone else, he would still need you. I know for sure, and somewhere I know you know this too, that Kyle will always need you. You guys are super best friends, dude, that's for life. Nothing can ever change that; I can see that, and I'm just an outsider.
I'll miss you, you know I will. And I'll never forget you. I couldn't ever; we have way too many memories, way too many things that'll remind me of you. Almost fourteen years is too long of a time for me to just forget you. I don't know if Cartman mentioned anything – he's the only one I told, when I first found him in Hell – but normally when someone ends up in Hell, over time they forget their lives on Earth because it's easier to adjust that way. I'm only telling you that because Satan promised to waive that for me – he knows that I need to remember you, all of you, and my life here. I promise I'll always remember.
I know you wanted Kyle's birthday party to be epic, amazing, and better than last year's, and I know that it wasn't. But it's not your fault things happened the way they did. Please don't blame yourself for anything; I know you're going to be beating yourself up because the trip was your idea, but you couldn't have known. No one could have known. You were just trying to make your best friend happy by doing something amazing – and it was amazing, and it would have been such a good birthday party, it just sucks that something so bad had to get in the way. But you didn't cause it – I know you know that, but you need to believe it.
I wish I could tell you I'd be around if you ever need me, but I can't. I won't be here, not physically, anyway. But I'll always be with you in spirit, and you can talk to me – I mean, there's ways for me to watch you while I'm down there. I'll be able to hear you. And Satan told me he's working on getting me access to dreams, so maybe I'll be able to see you when you're sleeping, dude. Even if you don't remember it when you wake up.
I feel like there's so much more I need to say to you, but I can't find the words. Yours is one of the hardest letters I've had to write, just because of our history. I don't know what I would have done without you all these years, Stan, and I really, really hope you end up happy, whatever happens in your life now. You deserve happiness, dude, and I'll keep my fingers crossed forever for you.
Good luck, with life, and everything,
You've gone through more than your fair share of unhappiness, during this whole situation, dude. I'm so sorry. You lost more than you should have lost, and even though you got everyone back in the end, that doesn't take away how it felt. I could see that you were broken, and I was so worried about you, so worried that you weren't ever going to heal. I want you to be okay, Clyde – we hung out so much that I feel comfortable calling you a best friend, and your happiness is important to me.
There was something else wrong too, though, wasn't there? Something aside from you being apart from your small circle of best, best friends. I could see it every time I looked at you, something huge was on your mind and weighing you down, and I meant to ask what it was. I was just so focused on wanting to get you all back together that I...ran out of time, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there to talk to you about it, whatever it was. I have an idea of what it might have been, but I don't want to say anything. Just in case, you know. Maybe you're not ready, maybe you don't even know. Maybe it's a subconscious kind of something.
Except I don't think it is. Subconscious, I mean. I think you know exactly what I'm talking about, and I think you've already admitted it – at least to yourself – and it's just that you're not ready to talk about it. And I wish I had better advice for you, but I don't. All I can say is that when you're ready, really ready to trust someone enough to talk to them about it, talk to Token. I probably don't need to tell you that, since he's your best friend in the world and all, but just in case you're worried he's going to make fun of you or treat your differently. He'll understand, I know he will, and I know he'll be there for you, no matter what.
And just so you know... Just in case you were wondering, Craig missed you. He was so glad you'd at least been good enough to make it to Heaven, but it was so easy to see that not having you around seriously bothered him. You're important to him. Just so you know; you don't ever have to worry that you're not.
You're a good person, Clyde. You ended up in Heaven for a reason, and I know that you'll find happiness – maybe just not in the places you think you will, and maybe not when you're looking for it.
I'm glad I got to know you as well as I did,
God, Tweek, I'm so sorry. You can't understand how sorry I am that any of this made you feel the way you did, that it made you feel that you had to do to yourself what you did. It breaks my heart to know that you felt so awful about losing Craig that you would even consider that.
I'd known being without him was going to upset you, because I know how much you love him. I know he's your world, always has been and always will be. I just didn't ever think you would do anything like that – so actually, maybe I didn't know just how much you love him. I didn't know you could love him any more than it seemed you did, but you proved me wrong. I hate the reason behind you two being together in Hell, but at the same time, I'm glad you got to be with him. If I hadn't been able to fix everything, at the very least the two of you would have stayed together forever. And you need to be together.
It killed Craig inside to be without you. I know, because I saw him. He needs you, Tweek, just like you need him, but I think... I think he needs you more. He isn't the same without you. That's why I think you two are just meant to be together – and I can tell that you both feel that way too. It's good, it's a really, really good thing that you've managed to find each other when you've got your whole lives to be together. Some people don't find their soul mates for years. You two are so lucky, but I know that you both are already perfectly aware of that.
I need to tell you not to hate yourself for anything, because I know you most likely are. I chose to do what I did, and I was completely aware of the consequences. It was my decision, because I knew I couldn't separate you and Craig again, and I couldn't let you both stay in Hell because Token and Clyde need the both of you too. All I've ever wanted to do in this life is help the people I care about in any way that I can, and I did that. However it happened doesn't have to matter, all that matters is that you guys are all alive and together.
It's better for things to be this way, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I trust you enough to tell you the truth, Tweek, and I promise you that this is the way everything should be. I was the only one who could make the choice, and I made it because I was thinking about your, and everyone else's, happiness. I did what was best for all of you. And I'll be okay down there, it's almost like a second home to me. And I have friends there, I won't be alone, but nobody will ever replace the friends I had up here, and I'll always remember you.
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy,
I'm...so sorry, Kyle, you have no idea how hard this was for me to do. I wish I'd had more of a chance to say goodbye to you, I hate that everything happened so fast. I'm sorry I didn't tell you ahead of time what I was going to do – I just knew you would try to stop me...and I don't know if I would have been able to say no to you. I had to do what I did, I had to make everything better for everybody. It was... I couldn't let you all be away from each other. I just couldn't, and I was the only one who could fix it.
Do you remember when we were younger, and you all thought my dying/coming back was so cool? It's not. I used to always tell you guys that, and I understand why you never believed me – I mean, we were kids, it was like a superhero thing. But it's hard, it was so hard wondering every day if that was the day I was going to die forever, and knowing that even if it was, nobody would know.
Because you wouldn't, there would be nothing separating a permanent death from one of my regular everyday deaths, and even after months, or years, I'm not sure if any of you would have ever really believed that I was really gone. That's such a depressing thought, I know, but it's the kind of thing I thought about. I never brought it up with you, or anyone, because I didn't want to bring any of you down. Dying and resurrecting was my burden, not anyone else's. Especially not yours; I would have done anything to keep you from ever being unhappy, Kyle. You're... You were my best friend. Ever. Stan's your super best friend, and that's how it should be, but you were always the one I cared about the most. You're my favourite, and I never told you that, but I'm telling you now. I always worried about you before anyone else, because you're...you. You're my Kyle Broflovski.
And it's because I trust you more than anyone else that I'm asking you for this favour: when you go home from New York, after you guys have your month here, I want you to have a funeral for me. I never really leave a body behind – something to do with the resurrecting, I think – but that doesn't really matter to me. I just want...a grave, a gravestone, or something. Just proof that I existed, and that I died, and that it's real this time. I want something people can look at so they can see that yes, I was real, I was really here. It sounds so selfish, but I want to be remembered, Kyle. I want the world to know I was a part of it. I want proof that someone cared enough to preserve my memory somehow.
I hope you understand. The last thing I want is for you to resent me for any of the choices I've made. I just... I really hope you can see how I thought that this was the right course of action. And I hope that you're happy, with life, and love, and everything. Whether you decide you want to be with Christophe, or Stan, just know the most important thing for you to do is follow your heart – it's cliché, but it's true. Your heart will tell you what it really wants, without all the second-guessing and doubting and uncertainty that your brain will throw at you. I should have told you that from the very beginning, and I'm sorry that I didn't – I just wanted you to be happy so much I pushed for the thing that seemed on the surface like it would make you the happiest.
God, Kyle, I'm going to miss you so much. If there's any way for me to come back, at all, I promise that you'll be the first to know. Somehow, some way, I will let you know.
I love you, so much,