THE WEAKEST LINK
"The first round was a pretty poor round wasn't it? Not good at all was it?" Anne Robinson asked in a pity tone, "If this keeps up the winner would be very poor indeed. You have to do better… Are you ready for round two?"
Mulder waited anxiously awaited the first question.
"Mulder…" Anne said, "The term given to movies that have bad special affects, bad acting and bad directorship is known as a what grade type of movie?"
"B-grade!" Mulder said.
"Correct!" Anne said, "Scully… When people start an autopsy, they usually start with the what incision?"
"Y-incision." Scully said she turned to face Mulder and mouthed, I Love you.
"Correct! Myers… When someone goes on and on about something they are said to what on?"
"Harp…" Myers said, "Or Scully?"
"Hey can you repeat the question?" Myers asked, "I was somewhere else."
"Harp… A listening device is commonly referred to as a what?" Anne asked.
"Bug." Harp exclaimed.
"That's funny." Mulder laughed, "That's what Myers is commonly referred to as… Coincidence? I think not." This comment called Scully to start laughing.
"Concentrate on the game and you lot might actually do better right?" Anne cut the laughing, "Alex… Complete this saying a bird in the hand is worth…"
"Two in the bush." Krychek shrugged his shoulder.
"Correct! Taylor… A venomous spider in America is known as the black what?" Anne asked.
Taylor ended up trying to brush off the imaginary spiders off his body. He felt like they were crawling up his body. Doggett stood there laughing but unfortunately did not see one of Taylor's flailing arms and it punched him right in the nose causing it to bleed… Doggett thought this was a deliberate act to be made to look accidental so he went to punch Taylor, however in the midst of the action of brushing off the spiders he ducked and the punch ended up striking Krychek in the eye.
"That's it Agent Doggett." Krychek pushed Taylor out of the way and got Doggett in a one armed headlock. Doggett managed to reach over and pull his fake arm off and continuously beat Krychek over the head with it.
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"Welcome back to The Weakest Link." Anne said.
"Can I have my arm back?" Krychek asked.
"John Doggett… A famous group of children missing in Australia was the "Who" children?" Anne asked.
"I thought Dr Who only had one child." Taylor said.
"Why do you keep asking me these questions?" Doggett asked.
"What's the matter John Doggett?" Anne said, "Lose someone close to you?"
John Doggett went up to Anne and held her by the collars, "You stay out of my life, you stay out of my business… You got that straight?!"
Anne reached over and picked up Krychek's fake arm and knocked Doggett over the head with it which knocked him out. Two stage hands carried Doggett over to his podium and leaned him against it.
"Incorrect! Monica Reyes… If…"
"Five." Monica said.
"Correct!" Anne replied, "Dean Fuller… Why does the Earth rotate?"
"That's easy." Fuller said, "Gravity makes the Earth rotate."
"Incorrect!" Anne said, "The Earth's never stopped moving. Mulder… To be crazy one is said to lose their what?"
"Mind?" Mulder said.
"Incorrect! Marbles… Scully, what scientific term is given to people who suffer from an abnormal amount of hair to what is commonly referred to as Werewolf Syndrome?"
Scully thought hard for a moment, "I don't know, that question should belong to Mulder." She said, "What's it called Mulder?"
"Hypertrichosis." Mulder answered.
"For blatant cheating, I'm deducting a thousand dollars from your total." Anne said, "Myers… A famous director is Spike who?"
"Scul-ly." Myers spoke slowly.
"Incorrect! It's Spike Lee" Anne replied, "Harp… Finish this quote, Loose Lips sink…"
"Ships!" Harp jumped up and down, "Hooray for me!"
"Correct! Alex… The reported hangar in the Nevada desert is what area number?"
"There's no hangar in the Nevada desert." Krychek said, "Anyone who has told you is wrong… Wrong I tell you."
"Incorrect! The correct answer 51." Anne replied.
"The hell it is." Krychek said, "There is no area 51 in the Nevada Desert."
"Taylor… How many legs does an Arachnid have?" Anne asked.
"God damnit!" Taylor said, "Shut up about those 8-legged freaks!"
"Correct!" Anne said, "Agent Doggett… The game show that allows you to only answer in the form of a question is called…"
"Who am I?" Doggett asked, "Where am I?"
"Incorrect!" Anne said.
"Ha!" Taylor said, "You lost your memory, you don't know who you are." He sang.
"Monica…" Anne said.
"I'm a marine." Doggett said.
"Incorrect!" Anne replied, "The answer was strawberries."
"Wait a minute I didn't answer the question." Monica protested, "That's not fair."
"You're no marine anymore." Taylor said.
"I don't know you… But I have already taken a dislike to you." Doggett said.
Taylor blew him a raspberry.
"Agents!" Anne said, "Fuller, I played Ash in Evil Dead, Sam axe in Burn Notice, Autoclys in Xena… Who am I?"
Fuller thinks for a moment before Taylor shouted out, "God damn it! It's Bruce Campbell you idiot!"
"Bruce Campbell?" Fuller asked.
"That is correct. But for cheating I have to deduct another thousand dollars from your total." Anne said, "That brings us to the end of the round. Not only have you managed to not bank any money, you lot are the first ones in Weakest Link history to lose money. So that brings your total back down to zero. Absolutely, terribly pitiful. It's time to vote off the weakest link."
"I voted for Myers." Mulder held up his card, "He's acting too distracted."
"I voted for Myers." Scully said, "He's making me too distracted."
"I voted for Mulder." Myers said, "He's my only competition.
"I vote for Mulder." Harp said, "He zones out whenever he works for me."
"I voted for John Doggett." Krychek said, "You hit him in the head and gave him concussion. He can't continue."
"I voted for Agent Doggett." Taylor said, "He's an asshole."
"I voted for Taylor." Doggett said, obviously he recovered from his temporary amnesia, "Just because."
"See what I mean." Taylor replied pointing at him, "He's never liked me."
"Oh yeah." Doggett said and leant across with his card and rubbed it against his hand.
"That damn well hurts." Taylor said as he held onto his hand, screeching in pain, "Paper cut… Damn you Agent Doggett!"
"I voted for Fuller." Monica said, "Because he obviously doesn't want to be here."
"I voted for Anne Droidson." Fuller said, "Because I'm breaking the rules hoping that they'll kick me off the show."
"It seems we have a tie." Anne said, "You lot can't agree on anything… You're just as bad as everyone else. The only thing you lot are good at is being bad at this. Mulder you were the strongest link in that round… So you get to decide who goes… Are you sticking to your vote or changing it to Doggett?"
"Actually I think Scully would love it if I stick to Myers." Mulder grinned, "So I'm sticking to my original vote… Goodbye Myers… No hard feelings?"
"Screw you Mulder." Myers said, "Hey guess what? I kissed Scully in the basement last week."
Everyone, including Anne raised an eyebrow and waited for an explanation from somebody regarding this epiphany.
"That's what you think." Mulder said with cheeky grin, "It was me."
"No it wasn't." Myers shuddered at the thought. Mulder went over to him and kissed him, "Oh my god." Myers said, "You kissed me?"
"George Myers… You are the weakest link… Goodbye." Anne said.
Myers spoke to the camera, "It's obvious why Mulder voted me out... It's because I'm his competition and he's afraid of me. Afraid that I might take Scully away from him."