Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own Naruto or Rosario + Vampire.

Oh happy day! An update! Why you'd be interested in reading my story when there are tons of under appreciated stories out there is beyond me. Anyway, I think my muse came back to my after many sessions of sleeping, going to the beach, watching Light die to the sound of Ievan Polka, and watching a Japanese man play Touhou Project's Night of Nights with a ruler and other misc. objects. It truly was an enjoyable time. I hope I get nice reviews.

Oh, I suggest you read my story at 3/4s...and darken it. It'd probably do you some good for your eyes.





"With blondy around I suppose it'll be easier disposing the lot of you."

Exactly what that meant, Naruto had no idea, but to him the word 'disposing' never had a positive definition. Or at least he thought so. Usually it had something to do with trash or a rather lazy citizen went through unnecessary efforts to make children throw away his/her trash. Lazy bastards, the lot of them. Why, he remembered having to travel all the way to the village junkyard with the rest of Team 7. It was a useless mission and probably the one he hated the most other than having to that stupid cat, even Sasuke—

No, no. He didn't feel like going there. That was business to be dealt with another day.

In front of the blond was Tsukune, looking rather riled up and bored at the same time. As he chewed the end of his cigarette, Naruto felt a few drops of sweat travel through his pores. Obviously, this wasn't Tsukune. It couldn't be. The air around him didn't fit into that of the 'lucky-bastard-with-a-harem' sort, it was more into the 'I'm-going-to-have-to-kill-you-for-no-necessary-reason-but-I-swear-it's-nothing-personal' category. Man, did he hate people in that category. Fucking Gaara. At least he grew out of it.

"When'd you start smoking?" he said for the heck of it, wondering if the harem girls behind him were catching on. Of course they had to be a step ahead of him, they were harem girls; at least half of them had to be smart and the other dumb as rocks, it was the law. "It ain't healthy, ya know?"

The imposter snorted. "And when did you start caring?"

Naruto shrugged as he stood back up on his two legs, stretching his arms over his head. "I dunno, but I sure ain't the one with bags under my eyes. Shouldn't you be in the hospital or somethin'? With a machine attached to ya? 'Cause you sure look like it."

Tsukune's face seemed to darken considerably. Did the blond hit a nerve of some sort? That was a good sign. Striking nerves was an effective thing to do in the heat of battle, but it didn't look to pretty. One could never get used to the way another would twitch and spasm. It was, in Naruto's own words, creepy as hell.

"What about my looks?"

Naruto made a face.

"Nothin', but you do make Tsukune look creepy as fuck. Then again, that's just me."


Fetch didn't like the situation he was in or the blond brat that stood far from him.

Yes, his name was Fetch. Why? Because he wanted to be referred to as what he was, a fetch or a doppelganger, rather than use his real Japanese name. His name was just too long to bother with. Oh, how he hated long names. Just as any other person sharing the same occupation, Fetch had a harsh childhood; one filled with hurt, regret, humiliation, and a healthy dose teenage angst. Of course, it was the 80s after all.


Bite-Sized Monster Dictionary


'Doppelganger' derives from Doppel (double) and Gänger (goer). Most doppelganger's usually choose the path of what is easy rather than what is right. Doppelgangers have the ability to copy forms of creatures and their special abilities they come into physical contact with. It is said that meeting your doppelganger is an omen of death or will result in you dying on the spot, either way contact with this creature will prove to be troublesome.


Inevitably, his upbringing caused him to suffer from one too many phobias; such as caligynephobia, harpaxophobia, and dikephobia. He didn't like the stares he did get back whenever he listed out the many fears he had and he certainly didn't like how some would even laugh! Insensitive bastards.

Dikephobia was an entirely serious matter. Couldn't they sympathize with his fear of justice, of the harsh judgment that society could easily throw upon him? No, they all had to laugh at him or dared to mock him by calling him homophobic. He certainly wasn't suffering from a hate or fear of homosexuals, at least he hoped not. That'd be a hassle to deal with.

For now, all he could think about was the horribly blond twit that wore an equally horrible expression on his face. Oh, how he hated the boy. A dark sensation twisted its way from the bottom of his stomach to the very back of his mouth, he was sure that it'd ram into his uvula and cause him to blow chunks; but fortunately enough, he didn't. He wouldn't want to waste a perfectly new cigarette, that'd just suck. His favorite brand of smokes were becoming more costly nowadays.

Inwardly thanking his days in bulimic therapy, Fetch grimaced as the brat made a comment on how his appearance looked so messy. Sure, his transformation was getting a tad ragged-looking, but that's what happens after 3 days on the run and suddenly getting surrounded by three b-beautiful girls and a loli. It didn't help much either with one of the girls being a masochist, really; it happens, what was he supposed to do? Insensitive, blond bastard.

Fetch dared to ask, "What about my looks?"

God, he hoped that the blond wouldn't say anything mean. He really, really, really hoped the blond wouldn't say anything mean. The doppelganger couldn't stand being called ugly. In fact, he suffered from cacophobia, fear of ugliness; which he determined was a hereditary trait, his mother and father always showed up as pleasant looking people so often that he'd never remembered what their true forms looked like. It was a shame, really.

Chewing nervously at his cigarette, Fetch noticed the blond open his mouth. He really wished the boy wasn't like all the other blonds he heard so much about; horrid, slow, contemptuous blonds. How the rumors made him shiver…

"Nothin', but you do make Tsukune look creepy as fuck. Then again, that's just me."

Fetch then knew that his xanthophobia was no coincidence.


"I'll KILL YOU!"

Naruto was punted into the air. As usual, he found everyone moving farther away, inwardly wondering if he could ever get a response like that from Orochimaru. Why? He didn't know; but in just a split second, he felt his body meeting that of a large stone wall, it wasn't long before he felt the sharp pain that erupted from his backside.

"Ouch," he said in a dull tone.

Tsukune had punched him. Easy going, nice guy Tsukune of all people punched him. Then again, it wasn't Tsukune and he knew that; maybe that disguise worked better when the user moved at the speed of a freight train. Whatever.

The blond grunted as he stood back up on his two legs, rolled his shoulder to rid of the sudden stiffness, threw his blazer off to the floor, and made slowly his way towards the smirking brunet. He felt a shiver travel down his spine, that toothy smirk was creeping the hell out of him. Was the guy really that sensitive about his looks?

If only he knew.

Oh well, this way he could get even with the whole harem girl thing or at least feel like he could get even. Stupid imposter. Where was the real Tsukune when you needed him the most?

"W-What was that for!?" Yukari shrieked. Naruto shook his head sadly, kids were always the first to shot out the obvious, he sure used to. "What's wrong with you!?"

"Better yet, where have you guys taken Tsukune and Moka!?" a voice, Naruto identified as Kurumu.

The imposter stepped back, his eyes watching her or rather her large chest move threateningly close. Naruto rolled his eyes. The guy wouldn't last a day in Konoha. The wuss. He shook his head before eyeing the redhead beside him. She regarded her classmate for a split second before turning back. Naruto arched another brow.

"Hmm. Small world."

"Whatever," she sniffed.

Just what the doctor prescribed; one psychopath with a beauty-complex, one a perverted know-it-all loli, one expressionless girl with an otter-complex, one blue haired girl with an impressive rack, one masochist employed by the school, and one redhead with an ego the size of an Akimichi in battle. It would be miraculous if the blond escaped alive. Truly miraculous.

"Let's face it," Mizore started coolly, giant slabs of ice erupted off her finger tips, "it's not like any of your friends were any match for us. That minotaur hardly gave us a fight, so I doubt you can do much yourself now. Just give up."

'What's a minotaur?' Naruto thought.

"Yeah! Now tell us where our friends are." Kurumu threw her fist in the air.

"Including m—!" Ruby cut herself off. "Including darling Tsukune!"

Naruto rolled his blue eyes. Typical harem girls, he hadn't really expected Ruby was one of them, it was a shame really; she was pretty cute, in an older sisterly way. He really needed a girlfriend now that he thought about it.

That was when Kurumu started a long passionate speech on how she and her cohorts would search, in her own words, through hell and heaven for her darling Tsukune. Mizore, Ruby, and Yukari agreed; their own fanatic obsession for the boy was presented in a large blinding aura that danced off their bodies. Kurumu ended her speech with her hands clasped together over her chest. She gave a long, loving sigh.

One girl was enough though; Naruto eyed the girls in front of him with caution. One was more than enough. Suddenly, he shivered. Why? He had no clue.

"Oooooooou!" the redhead whined. She swung her upper body swung left and right childishly. With an outstretched hand, a bat landed onto her palm and turned into a mace. Naruto took a step away as she began to wave the weapon in her hand. "Forget lover-boy! Where have you taken my older sister, fiend?!"

Naruto felt his teeth chatter together. Now a battle crazed girl with an older sister-complex? His body gave a short spasm before he hugged himself. "Uh-huh-huh-huh!"

"Are you cold or something?" the girl, whatever her name was, said. He shook his head and gave a sigh. She shrugged before stretching her free, petite arm out towards the fiend that stood opposite to them. "Surrender, reveal their location, beg for mercy, and turn yourself to the police; then maybe we'll consider letting you live!"

The freak paid no mind to her. Instead, he was having a sort of seizure of his own muttering here and there about pretty girls, blond bastards (which Naruto took offense too), and the horrid police. The redheaded girl twitched, her arm fell back to her side as she tightened her fist till her knuckles went white. Naruto felt the sudden need to leave now.

"I-Ignore me…? Me? Me?!" Her shoulders shuddered as she brought her mace up and held it like a baseball bat. "A proud S-Class Vampire?!"

"Vampire? What's that?"

Naruto only blinked as he felt the girls visibly trying with all their strength not to look at him. It was as if he lost a couple hundred cool points but no one would say why. Why would no one turn at him? Was it something he said? He hoped not.


"Are you serious?" Fetch gawked. "Are you a fucking idiot?! You have no idea what a Vampire is?! You fucking blond—"

A single leg stopped him in mid-rant, the doppelganger dove to the right and rolled out the way before it made contact; but he was caught off guard by another kick to the face. Who exactly kicked him he wasn't sure, but it hurt like a bitch. He flew backwards and caught himself fast enough before a wave of ice caught his legs. Crazy-ass Yuki-Onna, he knew she was trouble just by looking at her.

Watching the other girls finally starting to take action, Fetch felt his eyes overfilling. What had he done to deserve this? He never asked for this. All he wanted to do was run from those filthy tyrants called police, make it to home base with all his money and most importantly his best friends Tsuchigumo and Minotaur; that was all. Such was the life of a brilliant man such as him.

But it was unfair. Entirely and completely unfair.

While coordinating through teary eyes, Fetch almost lost an arm to the girl in the mini-skirt…the red one.

"Hold still, vermin!" the she-devil had ordered for the umpteenth time, holding her mace high above her head.

Fetch only could grimace as he felt the ground quake from the blow he almost had taken. God, was that girl scary. What did her henchmen call her again? Koko? It didn't matter much. Soon he was sure to grow a phobia on little redheaded girls. What did they call it? Gingerphobia? He wasn't sure, but it already sounded menacing.

"Hey, bastard!"

The fetch jumped back evading the blond punk's punch. Really. What was up with kids nowadays, calling out their attacks and revealing themselves before you could make any damage? Stupid kids.

The blond followed his fist towards the ground and placed both of his hands flat on the floor, flung his legs high in the air before bringing a devastating kick to Fetch. God, that blond was scary. Fortunately, the brat didn't hit its target, though he did leave a nice mark on the floor. Fetch grunted as he sidestepped out the way before bending his legs and springing himself up into the air.

He bit his cigarette as he back flipped backwards before the stacked girl could slice him in half with her razor sharp nails. Fetch inwardly cried as he she turned to strike again, her breasts bounced in what seemed to be slow motion. His life flashed before his eyes.

Where was Tsuchigumo when he needed him?

Just as his more recent memories came to his mind, Fetch felt a splitting ache from the back of his head. His eyes widened as warm blood slithered down the back of his neck. Fetch grunted, his body becoming heavier and heavier before he slid off to his side. No, he couldn't die, not yet! He had dreams, big and wonderful dreams; he was going to go into therapy and get a girlfriend! He really needed a girlfriend now that he thought about it.

This stupid concussion wouldn't stop him, no, it couldn't! His arms gave out under him. Alright, the concussion won. But that wouldn't stop him from seeing his nemesis, his cruel punisher, the fiend who would ultimately end him. Tears overfilled his eyelids and fell daintily one by one as he twisted his head upwards. His eyes widened before slowly closing.

"Damn you…" he whispered harshly, "loli!"

Forever he would remember that contemptuous smirk and those maddened eyes. The eyes of a true monster.


"Bull's-eye!" shouted Yukari as she and Ruby exchanged a high-five. Her pride was shortly killed by the flat look the man gave her on the ground; turning around, she found Mizore, Kurumu and the two first years giving her that same expression. "W-What?"

"So lame."

"N-Naruto-kohai!" Yukari , looking completely betrayed.

"Entirely overused and painfully ironic," Mizore said. "I'm not even sure how you could've pulled a tub from here. We're in a dungeon."

"It's magic! What do you expect?"

"How was that supposed to knock him out?" Kokoa asked. "In fact, why did blood even…"

"Shut up—"

"Ehhh…" Despite his inability to move his arms in legs, the man spat his cigarette and the blood that leaked from his mouth. He coughed. "It didn't look too cool either."

"How would you know how it looked?! That tub was totally out of your line of vision!"

"So lame…" Naruto repeated. Walking over to the downed man, he leaned over from a short distance with a scowl on his face. Exactly how much time did he waste before Yukari finally dropped that piece of metal on the guy? Man, this was so lame! "So…where exactly are Moka and Tsukune?"

The bastard gave a sneer and hissed, "Get the hell away from me, you yellow-haired piece of shit! Come any closer and I'll staple your balls to your forehead!"

Naruto blinked and the look on his face was incredulous. Was this fool bipolar? Had he just been fighting another crazy? He always got the crazies. It just wasn't fair.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"You! I fucking hate yellow!"

The girls behind the blond made faces before making their way down the hallway, feeling as if they had been cheated out of their efforts and troubles. Exactly how many calories did this short brawl take from them? It had better be a lot or else the doppelganger would be suffering again.

"Come on Naruto, if we keep looking we'll probably find them soon enough!" Yukari fussed, offering a strained smile. "Let's just leave him!"


"Yellow is the color of evil and piss!"

Arching his eyebrow, Naruto was about to retort back before feeling Yukari tugging at his hand. He let Yukari drag him through the darkened hall, again questioning her strength. The blond tugged at his red headband. The color of evil, huh? Memories of Orochimaru came back to him.

"I was sure purple was the color of evil."

Of course, he wasn't referring to the giant snake, Manda, but purple rope tied around Orochimaru and his minion's waists. It was the symbol of the blasted snake bastard's power. What did Kiba refer it as being again?

A butt rope?

Gah, no! That sounded entirely wrong.

Butt tie?


Butt bow?

Yes. Yes! He had it. It was genius! Absolutely genius!

"What's with the creepy smile, Naruto-kohai?"




"—of course my sister would've had no trouble with that lazar. It was a pity she wasn't here already!"

Minutes had passed since they first started their aimless trek through the dungeon together, but as always someone had to go and ruin the mood. This time it was, who Naruto finally could address, Kokoa who ruined the atmosphere. She couldn't hide her sister-complex even if it came to a situation between life and death.

Naruto couldn't really see any other resemblances between Moka and Kokoa other than their names and their faces. Were they really sisters? Naw, probably just a huge coincidence. It happened all the time right? Poor, lonely girl must have a huge thing for her upperclassman, it was almost saddening. Of course, Naruto didn't care much. Instead of dwelling on the subject, he felt his mouth yearning to be open. Oh, he knew what to say!

Naruto snorted. "You just like to hear yourself go on and on, huh? I'll admit that fight was disappointing, ya know, but there's no point on wondering how poor Moka would last against that crazy."

Kokoa twitched as did the rest of the girls. He wondered what he had said this time. She turned to the blonde with both her hands to her hips with a scowl.

"Who are you to talk? 'I'll admit' that many simpletons know of my older sister here in Youkai Academy, but I'm sure you don't! My sister would've defeated him with a single flick of her finger," she sniffed. Again with sniffing, was this girl sick or something? "Disappointing, pah! You hardly did anything!"

Naruto sputtered angrily. "M-M-ME!? I swat him good, like, two times! And what did you do? You just made it even harder to come even close to the guy! You swung your stupid bat around and almost hit all of us cause of it!"

Said bat, appeared instantly in front of the blond, opened its wings and hissed. Naruto hopped back in surprise, not that he was scared, no. Who'd be scared of such a cute face? Not him, no. In fact, even Mizore hadn't flinch as the bat flew around her hissing. Why was the bat hissing at her? Because Naruto hid behind her, in the most manly way possible, of course.

"See! See?! No control!" Naruto yelled as he evaded the bat. "No control!"

"Excuse me?!" Kokoa rambled, flinging her arms up and down. "Y-You could've—I d-d-d-don't kno—shot him with your laser vision! Yes! Your laser vision! But then you went and fought him with your hands! Shows what kind of super advanced cat-cyborg you are!"

Naruto froze in mid-step and felt his muscles controlling his jaw suddenly give out. The bat bounced of the back of his head.

"Cat-cyborg? Really?! Naruto, that's amazing!" Ruby cooed with both her hands to her cheeks.

"No wonder we couldn't figure out what kind of monster he was!" Kurumu exclaimed in awe.

"I knew it," Mizore said, smacking a fist in her flattened hand. "But, who in the world could have the brains to create such a thing?"


In the teachers' lounge; Natsume Kyuusaku, Naruto's homeroom teacher, sneezed.


In an alternate universe, in the teachers' lounge; Natsume Akiko, Gaara's homeroom teacher, sneezed.


Naruto felt his body spasm. Before he could cry and give a passionate explanation on how he could never be a cat cyborg, whatever a cyborg was, he and the rest of them heard a soft panting and sound of shoes scuffing off against the floor. When whoever it was came closer they slowed down till the stopped. A feminine sort of squeak was heard. Could it have been Tsukune?

"T-Tsukune…? Is t-that you?" called out the voice.

That definitely wasn't Tsukune.

"Moka! Moka! That's you, right!?" Kurumu hollered back through the darkness of the hallway. "Not another phony bastard, right?!"

"I hope not…" murmured Ruby.

"It better not be." Mizore pulled her hands out her sleeves.

Naruto didn't think he'd meet any else who could pull off the adorable and life-threatening look Mizore gave off. Man, did he wish there were more female ninja like that out in the world. He was sure if there was any girl like that in Akatsuki he'd probably find their visits more pleasant. Oh, how he wished.

"K-Kurumu! Mizore!" Through the shadows emerged Moka, beautiful as ever despite her shaken up look. She stumbled forward, but was quickly caught by her blue haired rival in love. "Thanks, Kurumu. I'm so glad I found you all!"

"Moka! You're alright!" Ruby said, her face practically shining.

"I guess I am, aren't I?"

Kurumu's scowl softened considerably. She helped the fanged girl back up on her own two feet. Sighing, Kurumu crossed her arms under her chest with a chiding sort of look.

"Moka…you really are useless without Tsukune aren't you?"

"Yeah, I suppose I am…"

With just a smile, Moka was able make Naruto's legs become stiff as melted butter. She sure was beautiful, but a guy like himself didn't have a chance with a girl like that, but he could sure hope so. It was heartbreaking when the blond remembered she was part of Tsukune's harem. Naruto blinked in recognition, where exactly was Tsukune? The bastard didn't even bother staying by Moka's side in a place like this? He was sure to pay for that mistake.

A sharp pain in his ribs stopped his thinking track. Naruto turned to see Kokoa's elbow lodged directly into his side, he couldn't decide whether it was the strength of Kokoa or the boniness of her elbow that hurt him more.

"Would you stop laughing like that? Really, last time you did that in class one of the weaker monsters fell out his seat."

"Would you mind removing your dagger of an elbow from my rib cage?"

"With pleasure," she seethed, intentionally pushing him to the point of stumbling out of place before retrieving her so called 'dagger of an elbow'.

Regaining his footing, Naruto threw on an ugly face before forcing his lips to peel back, twisting it into a crazed smile. Relax, relax. She was Moka's sister after all, just a tad temperamental, short, and flat-chested. Of course he wasn't going to go and punch her in the face. No, that'd be rude. She just needed a bit of patience and consideration and presto! Instant Moka, redheaded version!


"So, all of you already defeated that man responsible for all this?" Moka asked, her hand hovering over her lips. Half a dozen heads nodded in response. She blinked, but smiled again. "That's a relief, now with that taken care of we can deal with Tsukune! But there are three students injured…one of us has to get help!"

Tsukune? What happened to Tsukune?

"Do you ever pay attention?" Kokoa asked incredulously.



Looking back at to the 4 older girls, Naruto suddenly felt his throat tighten to the point were it felt as if someone had him in a chokehold. Of course that was what happened when Akashiya Moka stared at you right in the eyes. What could she be staring at him for? Naruto felt as if his entire existence became insignificant as he stared right back.

By some unseen force he felt his eyes being dragged downwards till he hit the rosary that sat right above her bosom. The jewel that was placed right in the middle of the cross resembled that of a slit eye; which for some reason made memories of the mysterious silver haired beauty flood back to him. He felt a deep growl echo off the walls of the sewers that rested in the back of his mind. The fox had sensed something was off, Naruto knew. He always knew.

Naruto watched as Moka leaned in towards Kurumu that stood closest to her, her eyes never leaving him. "What is he doing here?"

At that split second, Naruto considered going suicidal.

"Oh. Don't mind him," Kurumu said waving a hand over her face. "Yukari and Ruby just decided to bring him just in case."

"Are you sure it's safe if…?"

"Entirely safe!"

Mizore nodded, rolling her lollipop off the surface of her tongue. "And if he does get dangerous we could always hit the emergency off switch."


"Where's the emergency off switch?"

"I think it's either on the back of his head under his headband or his left nipple right over his heart. That's what I remember from the comics."

Naruto slapped his hand over both sides of his chest defensively.

"Well…" Moka trailed off, still regarding the blond that stood meters away from her. She was remained silent as her eyes left Naruto for the rosary on her chest. Naruto couldn't help but wonder what was going on with the pink haired beauty. Her eyes finally went back up to him. "Naruto! Would you mind doing us a favor?"

Naruto straightened his back and tensed. "N-No, I guess I wouldn't! What'd you want?"

Moka gave a brief smile before her face turned serious. "Would you mind going out for help? You need to run fast as you can back to the academy and call for help! You have to go because you're the fastest all out all of us!"

"O-Okay…" He chose not to ask how she knew before remembering the fruit hunt. "I'll get goin' right now!"

"I'll go with you too!" Yukari exclaimed, before her arm was pulled back. "Huh?"

"You can't go Yukari. We need you!" said Moka.


"We need you to help us with Tsukune."

Yukari had gotten the message her eyes widened and her face grimacing. Naruto wondered what that message meant and what could exactly be wrong with Tsukune. If it had anything to do with Tsukune, these sorts of things always had hidden meaning, he knew that. He did things like that when he was younger or at least tried, it never worked though. Especially when he tried the whole hidden-messaging thing with Sakura. It was a bit heartbreaking when she didn't understand what he was saying, not that she could blame her. How could you really figure out that he wanted ramen when he was talking about a flowerbed?

"Would you mind if Kokoa went with you instead?" Moka asked with both her hands clasped together. She said as if she was asking her sister rather than the blond right next to her. Kokoa gawked.

"Me?! Why me? I don't want to go with that idiot! I want to stay here with you!"

"I'm sorry Kokoa, but you have to go him. You have to make sure you both don't get lost!"

What was he, 6, like Yukari?

A brick broke in half on his head. So, she did hear him talk his thoughts aloud. Pity.

"F-Fine!" Kokoa hissed through clenched teeth. She twisted her body around to face the opposite direction. She stomped with every step she took forward. "Let's go, idiot!

Naruto shrugged as he jogged up to her side. With a wave of his arms, he scooped his classmate up into his arms and began to run. Of course he remembered where he was going; he wasn't that much of an old dead last anymore. Jiraiya actual made it a propriety in training his memory, seeing as it was one of the more standard skills that would come in handy throughout his ninja career.

Ignoring the cries that came from the mortified girl in his arms, he continued forward at a healthy speed.


"That was an awfully good thing of you to do, Naruto. I'm proud of you. Many lives may have been saved today."

Naruto shivered despite the praise he was receiving. The headmaster or 'priest-guy' stood right next to him, the man's eyes glowing straight at him. Sheesh…and they said he had laser vision.



With nothing else to say, the headmaster left chuckling, leaving the blond to watch the authorities gather up all the casualties and the 3 wounded and older monsters. The criminals, he suspected. He recognized the bull-man and the psychopath (who gave him an evil eye and promised to kill him in gruesome ways before dyeing his hair black), but not the mutilated man with in the striped shirt. Nope. Whatever happened to that guy, Naruto had nothing to do with; the man's forearms were snapped in half for crying out loud! The blond shuddered.

"Hey, Naruto! Are you alright?!"

Naruto turned to see a worn-out Tsukune running towards him with the group of pretty girls behind. Oh, there was Kokoa; he wondered where she ran off to when they the ambulance and the rehabilitation force came. The brunet stopped and slapped his hand over Naruto's shoulder for support. The whiskered youth wished his friend would stop panting so much. Wait. Were they even friends?

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, but shouldn't I be the one asking you that Tsukune?" he asked dubiously. "And stop panting so much, it's creepy."

"S-Sure…" Finally catching his breath, Tsukune released his hold on the blond. The small, apologetic smile on the boy's face grew to be a nervous expression. "I hope you don't mind me asking…but…"


There was a long pause between the two; an uncomfortable one at that. Naruto had no idea what could be going on at the moment seeing as he hadn't stayed to retrieve Tsukune. Whatever the case was it couldn't be too bad…right?

"C-Could you follow the rest of us for a second, Naruto? It's really important."

"Uh, sure?"


Being the all around nice guy he was, Tsukune couldn't help but feel guilty; not only because of the fact he had let Moka's blood take control again or that he almost punch Moka in the face while he was in his ghoul-like state (that really made him feel lower than shit, thank heavens that Ruby and Yukari were there). No, it was the fact that the girls told him that he couldn't trust Uzumaki Naruto that made him feel this way. From what he could tell Naruto was a nice guy but certainly hoped that it wasn't the type of nice guy Hokuto was. He really didn't need something like that happening again. Naruto even risked his life to save Kurumu that one time! He had to be a nice guy, right? Right?

He hoped so.

They had led Naruto to a small clearing far from the school dungeons to prevent being caught by authorities or risking the safety of other students. He really wished that what Moka said was untrue and that inner Moka was just playing some sort of joke!

Inner Moka. Joking.

No, it was horrible but true. Naruto was, in fact, screwed. How Tsukune pitied him so.

"So…what's this all about?" the blond asked, his eyes blinking with the innocence of a toddler. Poor boy.

Ignoring him, Tsukune leaned towards Moka whispering, "Are you sure we're doing the right thing doing this, Moka? I'm sure this has to be some mistake!"

Tsukune narrowly dodge a swipe in the face from Moka's glowing rosary.

"I-I'd like to believe you, Tsukune, but you know how she is…" Tsukune gave a nod. "And this is for your own safety anyway! I wish you'd at least be appreciative!"

"I know, but—"

"Please, just trust me Tsukune."

"It still feels wrong…"

"I'm sure if it is wrong, Naruto would understand."

"…I really doubt that…"

Silence fell. The other girls behind them chose not to say anything for the sole reason they had no idea what to say. Ruby and Yukari were downright conflicted with the matter seeing as both of them held high opinions for the blond boy. As for Mizore she had her share of doubts but threw them down when she thought of the danger Tsukune could be placed in (which he found quite flattering). Kurumu on the other hand…said nothing, but that conflicted look on her face was enough. Kokoa had no idea what was going on but didn't care for Naruto's fate seeing as it had nothing to do with her. Oh well.


He looked up to see Moka's face grimace. He knew what that meant; that poor fool, Naruto. Now, if only his underclassman had any idea, if only.

"Okay," he mumbled uneasily, his hand reached towards her chest.


His jaw dropped. His legs buckled. His gut twisted in ways he didn't want to think about. More importantly, the fox cackled from the confines of his prison. Naruto had no idea what was happening in that split second, but he knew it all was caused by that unseen force that was blanketing his form.

Actually, it sort of could be seen, that ray of purple light that seemed to cut the sky into equal halves. If it counted of course, that light hadn't even come into contact with him. Though, that flurry of bats may have, he couldn't tell, they flew away before he could register what was going on. Naruto knew something big was about to happen, by the bats of course and just maybe that big laser beam in the sky, and he just wasn't going to like it.

Just as the light died, Naruto wondered if his mandible could further dislodge itself from his skull; there, stood the silver-haired beauty that he had seen on his first day of school. Her head was held high as she regarded him with a steady glare. Despite the sickening sensation deep in his stomach, Naruto decided then that she was hot.

Why hadn't he made this revelation when he first laid eyes on her? Oh, that's right. His head was almost cleaved off by that rock she had thrown. Now that he thought about, she did look an awful like Mok…okay, that just didn't make sense.

As she took a step forward, Naruto could only watch as a contemptuous smile grew on her flawless face.

"Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?"



"I'm telling you for the last time, I have no idea what you're talking about!" Naruto ducked another high kick before throwing his body behind a single dead tree. "Believe me!"

"I'll believe you when I want to." Moka brought her fist back. The tree was no more.

"Then why won't you believe me now?!"

"I don't feel like it."

Tsukune could only watch from a distance as 'Inner' Moka mercilessly hunted the blond boy. It was a shame really, Tsukune was actually looking forward to finally having a man-friend. Spending so much time surrounded by girls after your affections was a tad straining, only because he didn't have a single guy to talk to.

Of course he could talk to the girls, but it wouldn't share the same effect as it would be talking to a person of your own sex. He really wished he could talk about the latest soccer game with someone other than his women friends. Gin didn't count, even if he wouldn't say he always held that grudge against Tsukune for having his own harem. The many trials of a man such as himself had to go through, the demanding trials.

"Watch out for his rocket-punch, Moka!" Kokoa cried out. There, proudly shown, was that sister-complex.


"Hit his left nipple, Moka! It's the only way!" That time it was Mizore.

Tsukune chose not to ask, but that last comment had given Moka ideas. With great speed and accuracy, the brunet watched in horror as the vampire shoved her hand right through Naruto's chest (more precisely his heart/left nipple). There went his eligible best man-friend.

"Moka! What have you done?!" he cried, his hands clutching at his brown hair. Murder was going slightly over board with the whole protect Tsukune's identity thing. The police were just a few acres away! He'd be sure to try and reason with 'Inner' Moka later, if he had the chance.



The bloodied corpse surrounding Moka's petite hand had been replaced with a part of the dead tree that she had destroyed seconds ago. Somewhat disappointed with the lack of blood on her hands, the vampire grimaced as she clenched her right hand into a fist. Eyes turned towards the sound of panting; up on a thick tree branch stood Naruto looking rather shaken-up at the moment. Inwardly, Tsukune was relieved. There had been no crime.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! I could've died!"

Moka rolled her eyes.

"That was the point." She jumped into the air and brought back. "Now hold still!"


"Fuck that!"

Dodging another death-promising blow, Naruto landed back on the ground with his fists ready. There would be no more running this time. Pretty girl or no pretty girl, he wasn't going to back down, his fight with Haku had proven that! Then again, Haku was a guy. Shudders.

Moka had quickly caught up to him with her leg shooting down towards his abdomen. Naruto quickly caught her leg with his two hands, but soon regretted as her strength really was something to be reckoned with. What was this girl made out of? Steel? No, he was sure it was diamonds.

Even with his hold on her leg, Moka was able to twist her upper body and ram her elbow to the side his defenseless face. Naruto was able to see that pretty grin on her face before he flew off into the distance. So many trees were destroyed by that single move.

When he finally stopped rolling against the ground, Naruto slowly pushed himself back up, stumbling, on his own two feet. That elbow had been certainly strong and bony. He scowled as he saw that wicked version of Moka come his way, though, her form did look a bit hazy. Wait, that was just him and his concussion.

He charged forward sending her a sloppy dozen of punches and kicks, which she blocked and evaded with ease. She then slipped under his last punch and caught him, literally, in a chokehold. Despite how uncomfortable he was, Naruto still felt warm fuzzy feelings at the thought of being held by the beauty.

"Any last words?"

Now if only the sun was setting and they were somewhere with a view of the ocean. It'd be wonderful, perfect at most. He probably could die happy. Oh, wait. They were right on the edge of a cliff by the sea and it was already late in the afternoon. Beautiful. At least through that chokehold he could still reach both his hands.

"I just hope you know how to swim." What an original comeback.

How he wished he could've seen her face when she felt rough hands pull her high up into the air or maybe the part where his replacement clone popped within her arms, oh, how he wished. Watching from the bottom of his 'Naruto chain', dozens of his clones that were held together by the ankles and hands, evil Moka was jerked high up in the air. A rouge grin made its way on Naruto's face.


With the likeness of a leather whip the 'Naruto chain' lashed and Moka sent into the ocean with a cry. It would've been perfect had she not been able to destroy the clone that had held her by the collar. A shame, really, but at least it worked out. With his chest puffing out with pride, Naruto had won the battle; but the air sputtered out once he remembered he had just thrown one of the prettiest girls he had ever laid eyes on into the ocean. A bitter victory it was.


There was a splash.

That was Tsukune who left his jacket and dived into the water. Leaning over the edge of the cliff, Naruto looked down to see the brunet swimming viciously after the thrashing girl. Had she not attacked him, the blond was sure he would've done the same thing.

"I wonder how they'll get back up," he mumbled.

There was a sharp pain in his back side and Naruto found himself staring into the eyes of his own murky reflection. So he had been punted into the air again. Figures.

"That's for my older sister, worthless wretch!"

He shrugged it off and with years off practice, Naruto twisted in mid-air so that his feet were facing the water below him. He landed on the surface with a small splash, frowning when he noticed the bottom of his pants getting wet. He couldn't help but change his frown to a smug smirk as he heard gasps over the roaring waves. That'd show them that he wasn't any pansy-ass cat cyborg; whatever that was.

"That's so cool!"

"How the hell is he walking on water?! He's a cat cyborg!"

"No, I'm pretty sure he's hovering."

"Yeah…I'm starting to think he's leaning towards the otter category."

"A super-advanced albino otter cyborg?"

"I-It's genius!"


"S-So cool!"

Scowling, Naruto ignored the girls and made his way towards the pair swimming a short distance away. They paid no mind to him and were both more preoccupied with trying to getting a hold of each other. How sweet.

Squatting down just a meter away from them, Naruto placed his elbows on his knees and his face on his elbow; hoping they'd at least notice him. They weren't, but he'd kept faith. Lots of it.

"Just hold on to me, Moka! I'll swim us to shore as fast as I can!"

"T-Tsukune…!" Moka whispered, wincing for whatever reason.


They both heads turned to see Naruto watching them from a position that could be only called unique seeing as they all were on water, well, in water. He could only guffaw at the priceless faces that girl and boy gave him. It almost made him feel better about almost getting beat up by a school girl.


"Yeah, Tsukune?"

"Y-You're walking on water." At least he could talk correctly this time.

"Yeah, I was just wonderin' if you," he motioned to Tsukune, "and her," he motioned to Moka, "needed some help getting back on dry land."

The look on Moka's face made him flinch, but he was able to act it off. He was suddenly wishing that looks like that could kill, just think of the many opponents he could easily demolish. Then again…the Sharingan probably already had that technique. Cheating Uchiha bastards.

"Why do you mock me?" she asked, cringing as she held tight onto Tsukune's back.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "I wasn't the one who started the whole brawl anyway; just think of it as payback but cooler."

"I'd love to see you skinned and thrown in a bag of salt right about now."

"I get that a lot."

"Why YES, Naruto! I'd love to be saved right about now!" said Tsukune. Feeling a tad rushed and cheated out of his revenge, Naruto bothered asking him why so soon. "There are sharks here, remember? This ocean's red for a reason."

A fin the size of a Gamabunta's eye rose out of the water.

Needless to say, the girls back on dry land would soon be further impressed with Naruto's ability to run up walls.


"Promise to keep this a secret, alright, Naruto? It's bad enough I came here by accident, and I really don't want to be murdered by…I don't know…the board of Education? Still, you can keep me being a 'you-know-what' secret, right?"

"Yeah, sure."

'You-know-what' was Tsukune's way of saying human being or at least that's what Naruto inferred. The brunet could be speaking in that hidden message talk for all he knew. One could never know.

Honestly though, he was relieved to know that he wasn't the only human in school, not that he wanted to tell any of them just yet. He wasn't going to be that trusting now; they could easily blackmail him for whatever purposes. What purposes? He did not know. Despite those feelings, he still kept a some what positive opinion over the group; and even pitied Tsukune, a normal civilian caught up in things far more powerful than he could imagine. Poor boy. It was a wonder how he survived the first year.

"Hey, hey! Don't look so uneasy now, Tsukune! I'm not that much of a dick, so you can count on me to keep quiet," he declared with a finger to his mouth for emphasis.

"See, see! I told you Naruto-kohai wasn't a bad guy! But none of you listened!" As creepy as young Yukari was, Naruto couldn't help but appreciate her loyalty. Even Ruby seemed to share her thoughts, a pity she was a harem girl.

"Alright, so the otter cyborg can keep a secret. Hooray." Naruto winced as he heard Kokoa talk; he winced again when he remembered he'd probably hear her voice everyday for the rest o his stay in Youkai. "Besides, what were you guys talking about anyway?"

"Nothing for you to know, Kokoa." That time it was Moka, whose eyes bore deep into Naruto's soul. Oh, how he shivered in delight. Or fear. He couldn't tell.

"O-Older sister?!"

Didn't he mention that Kokoa was left in the dark while he and Tsukune had straightened everything out? No, he didn't, but he was satisfied. Who knew how that vampire-thing would react? She'd probably go ballistic if she found out her older sister was interacting with a lowly human. Did she really thing humans were lowly beings? Naruto didn't know, he just guessed from what the fox had always referred him as.

"Well," he started, looking up at wicked Moka's crimson eyes with a clumsy smile. "At least we won't hafta fight anymore, right? It'd be a shame to hafta go all out against you!"


Naruto blinked.


"We are going to fight again, believe me."

"W-What?!" He didn't a rematch, he wanted a date!

As damp as she was, the water did nothing to affect the aristocratic aura she practically shot out at him. That was the sort of feeling he get whenever he was close by Hyuuga Hiashi, 'cept 1000 times hotter. Now, if Hiashi was a 1000 times hot…no, no, bad mental images. Stop it, Naruto! Stop it!

"Next time, I'll be sure your petty little tricks won't get to me."

This was bad. She really was looking forward to that fight. It was only by luck he was able to throw her in water, a weakness, had they have been further away from the ocean Naruto was sure he may have lost. He only take so much of it; the injustice of beating up a pretty girl. Though, she probably had the power to rip him apart with her hands. Maybe if he placed a paper bag over her face, it'd be much easier to sock her with a good Rasengan or two, perhaps even a Rasen Shuriken? Oh, how much Jiraiya had (and slightly Kakashi) rubbed off of him?

"W-W-Well, w-we can call a truce for n-now, right? Right?! A truce?" He shot his hand out towards her. "A truce would be so nice, especially in the beginning of the school year!"

She smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. "Why, is the pussycat scared?"

"That's otter."

"Really, Moka, get with the program."

She ignored them, stepped forward and reached out for Naruto's hand. Yes, yes! As interesting his fight was, Naruto was not looking forward to more bruises. Shaking her hand meant salvation. Salvation was good. Wait. Why was she bringing her leg back like that?

Naruto toppled over, hugging his abdomen in pure agony.

"That's for throwing me into the ocean."

"S-Sa-err-eee…!" Naruto coughed out, talking was hard when all the wind was knocked out of you.

From underneath his right shoulder, Naruto watched wicked Moka's shadow shift her hands to her hips.

"Apology noted." Even her words seemed to beat him silly! "Also, I'd like you to remember one last thing…"

With the pain somewhat lessened, Naruto lifted his head.


He looked up to see Moka's stern expression morph into a smirk.

"Know your place."




God, did that ending suck. As did all those fight scenes. It's been awhile, I know; but you can't really write when you don't want to, ya know? I wanted to finish chapter 6, yes, but I didn't want to write it. In fact, I had to rewrite the whole thing because the first version sucked! It sucked so bad, I couldn't even bring myself to type a single letter. I guess I'll apologize for taking so long…not really; but your interest for my story is greatly appreciated!

Oh, and please take a look at my other Rosario To Vampire/Naruto crossover! I'll have you know it's the first of its kind…sort of.

Thanks very much for reading.