Alright. This is my contribution to the crack pairings community: a BB/Jinx. And this isn't going to be one of those pansy crackfics, where the two will indulge in a conversation with some light flirting before going their separate ways. Oh hell no, this will be a story that howls and beats its chest. Anyone who feels uncomfortable with that concept can just grin and bear it. Or read something else.

Please note that this story utterly disregards season five. Yes, I had to go to those kinds of lengths to make my ship viable. Such is the hard life of a crack warrior.

This story was initially going to be called "Methylbenzoylecgonine", but I changed it after realizing three things. 1- It had nothing to do with the story. 2- Only about five science nerds would get the joke. 3- I shouldn't call my stories words I cannot pronounce. As it is, I don't really like the title, but I guess I'm stuck with it.


Chapter One: After the End.

The day after the world ended, Beast Boy woke up feeling thoroughly miserable.

It wasn't the fact that he was still sore after spending most of yesterday evening getting the shit kicked out of him, he'd got over that quite quickly. It wasn't even the fact that she had been extremely friendly with him (again) while giving Beast Boy a scathing brush-off (again). At least, it wasn't that any more. It had been that, at the lonely hour of about three in the morning, but now it was replaced with a realization that made him feel lower than dirt.

He had absolutely no place feeling like that. If Raven was finally opening up, like Beast Boy had wanted her to for years, for her own sake more than his, then that was a reason for celebration. If she was developing feelings for someone, then he should be wishing her all the luck in the world, and helping her any way he could. If she was opening up to Robin, rather than him, then he would be happy for her- for both of them, and hope like hell that Robin noticed, and realized just what he was being offered. Feeling jealous was beyond low.

Or was he asking too much of himself? Sure, he would act happy for them, of that there was no doubt. But was it fair to him to have to actually feel happy to? Would the effort involve break him? Melt his brain, burst his heart?

Well, he didn't really have a choice. Raven could tell whether or not he was really happy, no matter how good an actor he was.

With a groan, Beast Boy smacked his head on his bedroom wall. Maybe he should just give himself concussion. Concussed people didn't have to deal with love woes (as laughable as his was- he was one third of a love triangle where the other two didn't know he existed). When you were concussed, everything was simple. And people had to be nice to people with concussion, too. When you were concussed, everyone focused on you. Concussed people were always the centre of attention; which was kinda weird, 'cause concussions really aren't that interesting to look at.

Maybe he would go for a walk. Yeah. A walk would solve everything.

Well, actually it wouldn't solve anything, but it would give him a little breathing space.


Cyborg was up at his usual time, whistling to himself while prodding at some miscellaneous lumps of meat in a pan. Normally, Beast Boy would have protested this nauseating outrage with much gusto, but not today. He simply couldn't muster the energy to care. Eschewing tofu, Beast Boy snagged a promising (read: not actually covered in fuzz) orange from the fruit bowl and flopped down.

"Mornin', B," Cyborg said jovially. "Rob gave us all the day off today, unless something big shows up."

Beast Boy looked sidelong at his metal friend. "Really? Robin is planning on taking time off? What's he doing?"

Cyborg grinned. "Weightlifting."

Beast Boy rolled his eyes, and hurled his peel into the bin. "Huh. Figures." He paused long enough to eat a few segments of orange. "I thought I would go for a walk or something after breakfast."

"Oh?" Cyborg looked at Beast Boy oddly, and Beast Boy inwardly cursed. Vic knew him too well, really. He kept up his disaffected facade, determined not to crack. "Well, have fun with that, I guess. When were you gonna go?"

"Now," replied Beast Boy, as he finished his orange and stood up. "See you in an hour or so."


Once he was in the city, and safe from prying robotic eyes, Beast Boy tried to think of a solution to his problem. The answer was every bit as evasive as he'd anticipated.

He needed to let go of his unrequited feelings. Otherwise, Raven would find out something was up pretty quickly, and would probably confront him about it. There was no way he would survive a conversation like that. So he needed to lose this feeling quickly.

Hmm. Alcohol? No, Robin would kill him. Maybe a tinfoil hat would block his brainwaves. But that would be a little conspicuous.

Beast Boy groaned quietly. He needed to get a girlfriend. Some nice civilian girl to distract him from all this crap.

Suddenly, Beast Boy saw something that made him shelve all his personal troubles.


Cyborg sighed as he scrubbed the grease from his frying pan. It didn't take a genius to know that something was seriously off with Beast Boy. He hadn't seen him this low since Terra.

Unfortunately, Cyborg was distracted from his train of thought by an incoming message. He tapped on his arm, and Beast Boy's worried visage filled the screen.

"Err, Cy? Got something of a situation downtown."

Cyborg frowned. "What's goin' on?"

"Looks like the Hive...err, five, six, seven- no, wait, that's another Billy Numerous- six are robbing a bank. Looks like they replaced that guy, too."

Cyborg frowned. "What guy?"

"You know, that guy, the one whose power was having that dorky shield. They've replaced him with some kind of Batman look-alike. And they've got Billy Numerous on side too."

Cyborg drew his hand across his face in exasperation. "Alright, we'll get down there. Try to stay out of sight until we arrive."

"Hey, look, it's that green feller! Get him!"- "Uh, it might be a little late for that, Cy."


Beast Boy backed up, eyes darting, but the Hive had blocked all viable escape routes. This was going to hurt.

In what was possibly a subconscious attempt to distract himself from the beating to come, Beast Boy found himself looking past the leering faces of the juvenile criminals to scan the civilians in the background. Suddenly his eyes focused on someone that made his heart stop dead.

Mammoth pulled up short from his attack when it became clear that Beast Boy wasn't paying attention, which Mammoth found somewhat insulting.

"Hey! What're you looking at?" He followed Beast Boy's gaze, and frowned at the peculiarly dressed figure that held the diminutive hero's attention.

"...No..." Beast Boy shook his head and started stumbling backwards, away from the dark figure that had started to walk towards the assembled metahumans. "...No...not you..."