Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual.
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke have the amazing power to argue about anything, even sex. Naruto/Sasuke.
Author's Note: A short, silly thing that wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. Assume Naruto and Sasuke already have an established sexual relationship. Boy-on-boy sexing is just below, so if that sort of thing bothers you, flee now.
No, You're Sexy!
"You're so sexy," Sasuke sighed, his fingertips brushing the broad, tanned muscles of Naruto's chest as Naruto hovered over him.
Naruto frowned. That wasn't right. Sasuke was the one who was all lean and sleek and perfect. "No," Naruto corrected, gazing down at Sasuke, "you're sexy."
The moment stretched between the two, and then black eyes met blue in an unspoken challenge.
"Tch, idiot," Sasuke began. "If you're not sexy, then why can't I keep my hands off of you?"
"Shut up, bastard!" Naruto shot back. "If you're not sexy, then why am I kissing you?"
"Mmph! If you weren't sexy, then I guess I wouldn't be giving you this hickey."
"Well, if you're not sexy, then I'm not grinding down into you, that's for sure."
"Tch, dead last. If you're not sexy, then why am I clawing at your back?"
"Ouch! And, if you're not sexy, why am I getting a hard-on?"
"If you're not sexy, then I wouldn't be spreading my legs right now."
"Ha! If you're not sexy, why would I be jerking you off?"
"Well, I sure as hell don't fondle people who aren't sexy. So you must be incredibly sexy, idiot."
"Bastard! I wouldn't have even gotten into bed with you if you weren't sexy!"
"I wouldn't be biting you right now, except that you're so sexy."
"Well, I wouldn't be kissing you all over if you weren't so sexy. Ha! Take that!"
"I just know that, if you weren't sexy, I wouldn't be getting the lube out right now."
"And, if you weren't sexy, I wouldn't be opening this condom!"
"Hey! Don't hit me in the nose with that, even if it is sexy when you get playful like that."
"I can't help it, because you're so sexy, you know."
"Oh, yeah? How about this, moron? If you weren't so sexy, I wouldn't be preparing myself."
"If you weren't sexy, then why would I be – ah, oh fuck, Sasuke! W-Why…"
"Shh, breathe, idiot."
"Oh, shut up… So, yeah. Why would I be fucking you, huh?"
"Dead last. If you weren't s-sexy, I wouldn't be getting off on i-it…"
"Oh, God, yeah! Well – uhn! – jerk, if you weren't the sexiest boy who ever lived, I wouldn't be biting your neck like this."
"Hn. If you're not sexy, then I wouldn't be telling you to do it harder!"
"If you weren't sexy, then I wouldn't tell you that you're the best fuck of my life."
"A-And – yes, just like that! – if you weren't sexy, I w-wouldn't be about to c-c—Naruto!"
"Hey, Sasuke! You still with me?"
"Oh, fuck, you're hot."
"No, you are! That's right: Come. Why would I have just come?"
"Well, if you weren't sexy, then I wouldn't be coming even – fuck, yeah! Oh, fuck, Sasuke!"
"Shh, c'mere, dead last…"
"…Coming even harder?"
"Because if you weren't so sexy, I wouldn't let you cuddle afterwards, right? Even though I know you like it."
"That's only because, if you weren't so sexy, I wouldn't like it so much."
"Do you think maybe we're both sexy?"
"Moron. Shut up and go to sleep."
"Asshole." Naruto buried his face into Sasuke's neck and breathed in the scent of sweat and soap. "Hey, Sasuke?"
"Mmph. Sleeping. Be quiet."
"I think I love you, you know, you bastard…"
One black eye shot open at this latest challenge. "No, idiot," Sasuke said icily as he began their next battle, "I love you."
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