Shadowy Love, a tale of Romance on the Rooftops
By The Nightwriter
Batman stood in the shadows of the immense building, waiting for his lover to arrive. His heart hammering in his chest, the Dark Knight scanned the roof tops of the area, until finally he saw a purple form approaching. Breathing a sigh of relief, the masked man approached his lover.
"I shouldn't be doing this" Batman murmured, as the Joker leaned in to capture his mouth in a passionate kiss, sliding his own hands into the pale maniac's shirt. "WE shouldn't be doing this. It's wrong."
"No" the Joker replied when he pulled his mouth away "We shouldn't. That's why it's fun"
"DICK!" Barbara screamed "What the hell did you put on my computer?! This is…disgusting!"
From the clocktower's kitchen, Dick Grayson called back "What? So I pasted your head on Pamela Anderson's body, big deal. You should be thankful I couldn't find a good picture of Pamela ISLEY…"
"Not THAT" Barbara yelled, scowling at her screen "This…FILTH!"
Intrigued, Dick abandoned his efforts to make hot chocolate and ambled towards the computer area "What filth?"
"Someone" the redhead said, in tones of incalculable menace "Sent me some kind of…sick…gay…porn story, starring Batman and the Joker. And now I can't get it off my screen!"
"WHAT?!" Dick raced into the room, and rapidly began scanning the text, occasionally mumbling some of it aloud "Eased out of his violet pants…fingers through green hair….tight against the wet spandex…Oh GOD! 'His turgid ivory white manhood'?! Jesus! I think I'm gonna be sick!"
Babs, meanwhile, had flipped on her back-up system only to find the same story appearing on her screen the moment the computer accessed the Internet. "It's here too. Whoever did this, they've somehow rigged the local network to send it to all computers, and once it's on it can't be turned off." Leaving her workstation, the woman known as Oracle began to search her shelves, finally withdrawing a small laptop.
"Well, at least that means it's limited in effect. Can you imagine Bruce's reaction if he saw something like this?"
"Don't feel relieved just yet Dickie" Babs said "This laptop uses a different network than my other systems, and it's showing a different story by this Nightwriter"
"is it as bad as this one?" Dick said, his voice filled with disgust.
"It's called Send In The Clown, Dick. Need I say more?"
"So what does this mean, Babs? Some sicko is writing Joker/Batman porn, and forcing the rest of us to read it by crowding out everything else?"
"That, and that Bruce is going to see this or something like it, if he hasn't already."
Dick's eyes widened and a shudder wracked his frame. "Can I stay with you for a while? Like, until we're eligible for retirement?"
In Arkham Asylum's computer room, laughter filled the air. This was a touch unusual, since neither the Joker nor Harley Quinn were currently incarcerated, nor did the other inmates usually find much to laugh about. Many of the major rogues- Poison Ivy, Twoface, Riddler and the Ventriloquist- were currently gathered around one computer terminal, pointing and laughing at what was there. Currently, the Riddler was reading aloud for the benefit of all.
"…his strong arms wrapped around the Joker's wiry frame, pressing him close. "Why can't I do without you:? Why do you have such a hold on my mind, my body, my heart?' The clown grasped the vigilantes chin and pulled him down for another slow, passionate kiss. When it was over, the Joker said in a breathy voice 'Why so serious?' The End"
"HAHAHAHA!" Ivy laughed, her first real laughter in years "Oh, this is great! Switch networks Eddie, find us another one!"
"Yeah, Eds" Scarface said "We need another one! I ain't laughed dis hard in years! Dese stories is moider! Ain't dat right, dummy?"
"I-I " Arnold Wesker stammered "I can't say I like them very much mister Scarface"
"Ah whatta you know? Find us another one, Ed!"
"What I want to know" Twoface said "Is this: First, who's writing this stuff? And second, what're Batman and the Joker going to do when they see it?"
Everyone paused at that, and Riddler finally broke the silence "This is probably the first time I've ever said this, but I'm glad I'm in Arkham. The Bat is going to go Batserk"
"Don't you mean berserk, Eddie?" Ivy asked as she sat down at a second terminal and started looking for a new network connection. "How do you do this, anyway?"
"I know what I mean." Nygma said grimly as he took the keyboard away from Ivy. With a few keystrokes, he hacked through the Arkham firewall, and selected a new network. Predictably, the screen was immediately filled with a fresh story. "He is going to scour the streets looking for whoever did this, and since I'm the most computer-savvy of the Rogues, he'd normally start with me. I've broken enough bones for the year, thanks. As for the Joker…let's just say I think he'll give new meaning to the phrase 'Slash fic'"
"Hey, you don't think dem rumors are true do ya?" Scarface asked, in a surprisingly timorous voice "Ya know, da ones about Joker havin a thing for da Gat?"
Ivy made a face "No, the clown doesn't swing that way. Trust me, I've been forced to see WAY too many of Harley's love bites and hickeys to doubt that."
"Could be a geard though" the dummy mused "Ya know, hang out wit da hot goil so no one tinks yer a fruit"
"Only way to find out is to ask HIM" Twoface said, in a final tone "And if anyone wants to walk up to the Joker and ask him if he's secretly in love with Batman…well, I know someone who's great with wills."
"It makes me feel sorry for whoever did write this" Wesker said quietly.
"I feel sorry for Harley" Ivy declared, as Nygma cleared his throat to begin another reading "You know she and the clown are 'broken up' again- for however long that lasts. She is NOT going to take this well."
Seated in the FreshRost Internet Café, Harley stared at the screen before her with mounting fury. How DARE this…this CREEP write such lies about her Puddin'?! Mista J loved HER, not Batman! Unless… Harley's fury changed to anxiety. She hadn't been a very good girl recently, had she? Talking back, goofing up, crying when he hit her… Maybe this was a sign from above that if she didn't treat her Angel right, she might lose him. Harley decided to go make up with Mista J before it was too late. She logged off the computer and headed for the cash to pay her bill.
As she went, one customer started laughing. He was a heavyset young man with red hair and an irritating laugh "Oh man, this stuff is hilarious!" he said to his companion sitting beside him "And probably true too! I mean, the guy wears so much purple!"
Harley froze in midstep, one foot off the ground, before whirling back towards the laughter. Grabbing the offending youth by his hair, she slanmed him face first into the desk. "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!" she shrieked, slamming his head into the desk again and again "My Puddin' loves ME! Not the Bat! Not no one else! Me! Me! MEE!" She let go and the young man slumped forward. When he raised his face again, it was clear that his nose was broken and was bleeding copiously.
"P-PPuddin'? Oh, god you're… listen, I-I don't want any trouble" he stammered "I-I just wanted to check my mail and have a cup of coffee"
"Coffee? You want coffee?! I'LL GIVE YA COFFEE!" Harley stamped over to the café's main desk, where the staff were currently trying to get the system running properly again- or at least get that damn story off their screens. So preoccupied were they, that they didn't notice the furious blonde grab a steaming pot of coffee. Stamping back to her target's table she splashed the entire pot of boiling liquid in his face. With a scream of agony, the man tumbled to the floor, clawing at his burned face.
"I'm going to go find my Puddin'" Harley declared "An' no one better try to stop me!"
Someone asked me what I thought of all the Joker/Batman stories appearing on this sit e. This is my reply.
Next chapter Batman's response and the mystery revealed!