We all love songfics. I know you do. ;)

Every Planet We Reach Is Dead.

Jupiter


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Now while every dog has its tree, Sesshomaru has a whole lot of forest of them. He tended to it like every dog should.

No questions asked.

I mean, you know doing his business, and being a very hot blooded male and sack full of testosterone like him, of course there's enough Sesshomaru to go around, ladies. Just so no fan girl could be beaten right back in the ass. (A/N: I couldn't help putting it in there! It's a universal rule that a writer must have, just so to have a very funny allusion to it!!)

And yes as a corporate leader, sexy demon, I-bow-to-no-one, superior of all and alpha male, Sesshomaru had heard that the latest trend was now "doing it" in the office. And yes to the fan girls screaming their sexual frustrations that they started to do completely idiotic things! You know, like twelve year olds attempting to write sex scenes.

Did any of you took sex-ed classes? Or at least listened to a"highly experienced' speaker in your grade school? 'Cuz that doesn't go there.

Shudder. And there goes a broken man.

I know Titanic wasn't the best sex scene, but damn.

Besides, this company fuels on drama! What are you talking about, stock holds? Money? Company mergers with papers and party balls? All that jazz about having anything to do with business? Pshaw! No! It's all about having a beautiful, bodacious, blonde beauty with blue eyes in his office while screwing them and because this author doesn't know a damn thing about running a company except depending on love!!

Love and Peace thrives on the success of the company! Hurrah!

That's right! That's why ninety point nine percent we never get to the "company state" but rather the drama, angst, sex and drugs! Wooo! Yeah! I mean seriously, who cares about boring graph lines and all that, when we could focus about Sesshy's love interest and his gradual OOCness?

And yes, Sesshomaru knew he hired (just) beautiful women for a reason, and no his secretary does not count! No matter how much he denies his demon, blood, lusts, rage, tantrum, compassion, tenderness, anger, emotions, and all that humanly thing they called PMS!

In which "Higurashi" had inevitably translated to "Pissing Mr. Sesshomaru." (A/N: I'm so clever!)

Back to the topic at hand, being the CEO of this company, there was an ongoing trend of hot office sex…or was it to just prove his rebellious, dark side masculinity…?

Damn those blue-collared bastards thinking he was gay.

He'll show'em! Hmph! Like, totally!

Ahem. Ah yes, back to his bitch.

She wasn't particularly ugly. In fact she was gorgeous, hot, sexy, supermodel, company daughter…like every other Mary-sue. And her name suddenly turned American: Sarah.

He didn't know what he drank today, but he was feeling every bit a part of a dark lord ready to devour a damsel in distress. Or in a case in which he, Sesshomaru was about to get his freak on—

KABLAM!

"Yo, boss! You forgot to sign this—"

"Eeeeeekkkkk!!"

There goes his superior hearing.

"…damn."

Two things happened at once.

One, being he was no longer in the mood, and two the woman just had to show to the world what was happening then—oh yeah, the three—

"Woah…my fortune cookie was right."

Secretary on cue: Kagome Higurashi.

"I will see unexpected things happening today. But I didn't know fan service is one of them—"

"Higurashi—"

"'Sup, Sarah!"

"You!"

"Did I ruin the mood?"

"How dare you barged in to Sesshy-piddlewikkins and I!?" said the bodacious blonde woman who had acquired a small portion of her left brain to compile such a complaint while tying up her tattered clothing, really…all she's missing was a bone in her hair and some flint and you'll get a flashback of the Pleistocene era.

And did we mention the irony of Sesshomaru hating stupid woman but was perfectly fine sleeping with them? Well no one said dogs can be choosers. All you need is a fine leg and a paper bag over her head, and voila! You can assure yourself that you've never met her before, ere'go that's not your baby.

Anyways, did she just call him—

"Sesshy-piddlewikkins!!"

Sesshomaru saw red. Yes, lots and lots of red with a touch of burgundy and with a tinge of pink and with a hint of blood red and a splash of crimson red added with dark red and the whole animalistic Grudge red! He'd heard of Sess, Sesshy, Sesshou, Sesshy-kins/kun, Sesshy-dumplings, Sesshy-crab cakes, and Sesshy-red bean paste and had even tolerated Sesshy-sushi for the sake of tongue tying, but why?! What is it with women and their fetish for attaching something "fluffy" and edible to his name?!

Didn't they get that Sesshomaru Takahashi Antonio Inu no Takashima no Xavier Taisho XXXVII Jr. meant: "The Killing Perfection" ?! It was oozing with manly testosterone! Like seriously, they should make a codename out of it, like CIA style: "The Killing Perfection."

To the T, to the K, and to the P, and what's that's spell?!: "The Killing (freakin') Perfection." Hell it sounded like the next best stripper on the block!

But "piddlewikkins?!"

It's like a Harry Potter OC name gone wrong!

'Sir Piddlewikkins you've been assigned to solve the mystery of the tom foolery tea leaf'!

'Aww, but me jam jar's cream crackered'! said Piddlewikkins. 'And I haven't an aytron to get it on the mend'!

But Mr. Longswanks Alabastor Coddlebottom didn't look convinced, thank you very much. 'I don't want any pork pies out of you, Piddlewikkins! I know you've spent all your dudleys on britneys down at the nuclear! Now get your bacons up the apples and pears and boat the bloody minister'!

As the unstoppable migraine formed over his head the way a series of storm clouds casts gloom and despair over an otherwise sunny valley, Sesshomaru remembered exactly WHY he hadn't picked up a Harry Potter book in years. He could deal with all that mumbo jumbo language they passed off as English and not some retarded version of that screeching noise monkeys make at the zoo- but Gods, man! Did they HAVE to leave their punctuation on the OUTSIDE of their quotations? It didn't make any damn sense! And why do they put food names in the middle of their sentences?! It wasn't like he hadn't had enough food attached to his name.

Back to the matter at hand...wait, wait! What the hell?? What the—who the freak-knack was that?

Insert dumbstruck face with stink eye over here.

Oh. My. God.

Like…totally.

This author had feared the worse…some ficwad identity had inevitably injected into her brain and fried all her American language and had wrought back the revolution with vengeance! And not just any ficwad…it's a "British" ficwad!! (A/N: I mean no offense! My bff and beta is British and she's insaneeeee!! like me.)

It's the battle of Yorktown reversed!!

This was why Sesshomaru had always thought of himself as the younger version of Dumbledore…when he wasn't gay…yet, you know…

But nevertheless! I have digressed too far from our more significant topic!

Like…how Kagome had just pointed out something we're trying to stray from, "Sesshy-piddlewikkins? That's new, never thought of that."

"Don't press it, Higurashi." The grinding of canines could be heard a mile away.

"I mean you fit right in to the character of a unicorn stable boy in Harry Potter, and you'll name it Jolly Periwinkle, and—"

A growl emanated from his bared fangs as Sesshomaru glared his glare of doomsday to the unsuspecting raven haired, twit-brained, brazen mouth, little—

"How dare you?!" woah, nearly forgot the presence of our Mary sue, "How dare you barge into Sesshy-piddlewikkins and I's hot smexy love!"

"Really boss, office sex? That's like…80's ya know."

"Higurashi—"

"You know what's the thing now? Elevators! Elevators, I tell ya!"

Sesshomaru wanted to throw someone out the window today…seriously.

"R-really?" Sarah upturned her hopeful eyes to the raven haired woman. It's like a super idiot talking to the nut guru. This can't be good.

"Yah! Got you stuck on my elevator, get it up on my elevator."

Ohnononononononogodsnoooo!

Alarm bells signaled over Sesshomaru's brain like Hiroshima and Nagasaki. (A/N: ya, you know I wanna get historic and metaphoric at the same time). But it was too late, the bomb detonated in less than a—

My First floor, stuck on the gold digger
Second floor, stuck on the dime piece
Third floor, stuck on the hood rat
Fourth floor, freak it I don't know cuz.
(This girl is)She's stuck on my ella, e-ella-vator
(This girl is)She's stuck on my ella, e-ella-vator
(This girl is)She's stuck on my ella, e-ella-vator
(This girl is)She's stuck on my ehh o ehh oh

Telltales of demon veins (cuz ya know Sesshy's a smexy demon and he ain't human!) popped out of Sesshomaru's skin, as the horrors called songfic made itself know to an otherwise acceptable fiction. He was going to kill this author during author notes later, and dump her in a bridge somewhere. (A/N: dude, rape me first JK! XD)

Not to mention the shining-holy bold, center, font…Stop! In the name of love! Before you break my heart! Think it over!

Sesshomaru ignored the fact that Diana Ross came to haunt him from beyond…Sure his father liked her, but he had more taste than that thank you very much. He truly believed that The Temptations should've had more fame…

Instead the silver-haired demon focused on the more important things…like say…running his company! Yeah! And of course also—

"—yasha's coming—"

"What?"

"Your little bro's comi—"

"Half-brother."

"Same sperm, different wombs, so what?"

Demon glare.

"Right, right, half-brother it is."

"I do not need him to come—"

"Sesshouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!"

Sesshomaru felt like smashing his head on the table.

"I told you to buy pitbulls."

Maybe…just maybe, he'll get his wish today.

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Author's corner! (yes I bought a real estate for my corner here)

dArGoNsAlYaEr:omg!! Sesshy! Yu've come to whisked me off my feet and—okay what's with the sword--?!

Sesshy: To hack you up to pieces.

dArGoNsAlYaEr: you sure that's not for stimulation—?

Sesshy: RAWR!

dArGoNsAlYaEr: gaaahhh! …please be gentle. :)

Sesshy: Die.


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Omg! Like cliffiieee! XD mah well you know you can't call it a fiction without suspense…or you can't call it suspense without a fiction…-.- meh. Sooo! Peeps ya know I'm grasping needles on a haystack here so suggestions for next chappie would be fantabulous. I ain't here for just laughs ya know. Also kudos to my betareader youshallnotpass for her equally sick sense of humor. You roxorx my tuterz!XDXD Btw the songs are completely for crack purposes, no harm was done to these fab. songs and singers. I bow to their genius, honestly.

…I love reviews…-.-