Hey ya'll, this is my entry for the SweetestIrony's August Contest, the theme being Summer Job. After thinking long and hard about it, I decided to make this entry a bonafide sequel to The Sharpenator, my first oneshot. With that in mind, instead of putting this in my Random Epitaphs collection, this will be my second oneshot. I think it came out decent but I'll leave that for all of you to decided.
Disclaimer 1: Too broke to own DBZ
Disclaimer 2: Too broke to own Ranma 1/2
Disclaimer 3: Still too broke to own anything from "Coming to America". If you haven't seen that movie, you need to get your head readjusted.
Dedicated to Ms. Videl Son. Because I wanted to and she deserves something special with everything she has done for the G/V fandom.
The grinding sound of metal gears echoed throughout the building as a wall of steel bars shifted to a side. The sound of criminals roared throughout the facility; each one wanting a chance to pet a kitten.
Yep, he had come to the right place.
During the past few weeks, Mr. Genma's boss had been livid with the interference of a local superhero with his business. Every time they tried to do a heist at a bank, jewelry store, petting zoo, or lingerie store, that annoyance always had to show his goofy looking helmet. There was no telling how many trash can jokes they had with that guy.
Yet, despite his weird apparel, he kicked their manly butts from here to the county jail. At least it wasn't the big house though. They didn't have to worry about having bar soap ropes…yet…
And now, after so much frustration, his almighty boss Happosai had charged him with finding a solution to get rid of the menace once and for all. No if, ands, buts, mercies, or thong underwear about it…well maybe the underwear.
With the task in mind, Genma had scoured the city for anyone who could take Saiyaman down. So far, he hadn't had any luck, but he felt like he was in the right place now. Learning from a source, there had already been someone that had defeated the caped wonder, but had been arrested soon after. Now all Genma had to do was get a hold of the guy and see if he could reproduce those same results.
Of course, without getting caught afterwards.
"Sit here," a guard said gruffly as he indicated a table with two chairs. "The prisoner will be in shortly."
Genma just simply nodded and took a seat. After what seemed like half an hour, which was in actuality ten seconds, a door opposite of the one Genma had used opened. A figure in an orange jumpsuit and chains shuffled his way in awkwardly; the somewhat pained expression on his face not going unnoticed.
Looked like there was some fun time in the shower room last night.
"So…" Genma said, "You're the guy that beat Saiyaman, am I right?"
The convict grinned. "Yep, that's me."
"Excuse me for saying this, but you don't look like much."
"And you look like a pile of the school cafeteria's mystery meat."
"Fair enough, though I'm not the one who got it in the behind."
The convict scowled. "What ever it is you want, make it quick or I'm gone."
Chuckling, Genma leaned forward. "What if I told you I could get you out of here?"
"I'd say 'what are you waiting for?'."
"Well, thing is, you'd have to do a little job for me in order to get released. You in?"
The man gave Genma a look that said 'are you kidding?' before he answered "You bet your virgin ass I'm in."
Genma grinned. "I'll see to it you're out and ready for action Mister?"
"You don't have to worry about my name bub, but you can call me the Sharpenator."
Gohan was living the life.
At the present moment, he was sitting in a chair next to the cashier's desk, snaking down on the leftovers from the lunch rush and he couldn't be any happier.
Though his trip to get to this point had been a bit harrowing. It had begun when he had a run in with this guy dressed up in a bunch of cardboard boxes. Sometime during the run in, the saiyan had fallen unconscious and woke up sometime later with the whole street cleared. A bit odd considering there was a squirrel eating a pecan without being harassed.
When this city wanted to put its foot down, it started at the lowest step possible.
Shortly after that, Videl Satan, the daughter of the "world savior" had been hanging around him a lot. While that wasn't too weird, it was the fact that she wasn't trying to figure out any supposed secret he had on him. That all changed, however, a couple weeks ago when she dropped the bomb on him that she knew his secret identity.
And shortly after that, he had dropped a bomb in his pants.
After cleaning himself up, the girl wanted to make a deal of sorts, at least that's what she called it. To put it in an appropriate name, she blackmailed him.
Well, in order to escape that very bad situation, Gohan did the only thing he could possibly think of: he told her, her shoes were untied.
Miraculously, that actually worked.
After going home and informing his mom about the incident, Chichi, surprisingly, took him out of school…but then forced him to get "a job." If he wasn't going to get some kind of education, he was gonna have to start pulling his weight around the place, namely earning some kind of money.
Well, without an idea of where to go, the demi-saiyan returned to Satan City in order to find this foreign thing called "a job." Being as it was summer, there were plenty of places hiring, so the first fast food place he went into, he was hired.
Then things went downhill.
Practically everything he did ended up getting destroyed. Some screw up just had to occur and Gohan was on the verge of getting thrown out in his first three days of work. However, the saiyan had unwittingly signed a contract with something called "a labor union" and was protected somewhat from the fatal firing.
So after much deliberation, and some more destruction and mayhem, Gohan was now the official garbage disposal. Anything and everything consumable was given to the Son boy and promptly disappeared into the bowels of the legendary Son stomach. Ever since he was given that position, things had gone a lot smoother for the boy. He was getting paid to eat; what more could he have asked for?
At that moment, the door to the store open and two girl voices could be heard approaching the counter. Nothing worth bothering to look up for, Gohan continued with his intense work.
"Welcome to MacDowell's, may I take your order?" the cashier asked.
"Yes I'd like a MacSalad with the special MacDressing," a high pitched voice said. "Umm, and a water," she added. "What about you Videl?"
"Give me a Big Mic with—" and that was as far as Gohan heard. He must've heard wrong; Videl here? Wait a minute, that could've been any girl named Videl, not the one he was thinking of. Yeah, that was it, nothing to get worked up about.
"—and I think that'll be it," the girl known as Videl said.
"That'll be 12.19. Thanks for stopping at MacDowell's."
The footsteps started again, heading towards Gohan; probably just heading to the soft drink fountain like all the other customers. Yeah, nothing to be nervous about.
And that's when the saiyan's luck changed oh so predictably.
Once the two girls came into sight, Gohan put on his best deer in the headlights face, the one he had been specifically saving for this moment should it have occurred. There, in all of her pig tailed glory was Videl, Erasa attached to her hip in a nonconjoined way.
And just as fate would've had it, Videl turned her eyes to land right on the boy that had escaped her clutches the last time they had met. She should've known that she always, under any circumstance, had her shoes tied.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Gohan," Videl stated, an evil grin spreading on her face. "You think I wouldn't have found you sooner or later, right?"
Gohan gulped. "But you were just coming in here to eat something right? Kinda stumbled onto me is all."
At that, the daughter of Satan frowned. "That doesn't matter, I've found you now and you won't get away again. I'll even tie you down to be sure of it."
"But Videl! Can't I have a moment's peace? Why are you always on top of me?"
"That's because I'm in the better position here, buddy, whether you like it or not."
All the while, Erasa had been looking at the two, studying them, until she had finally come to a conclusion. "So are you two doing it together?"
Both Videl and Gohan looked over at the blonde. Where in the wide world of fried chicken did she come up with that? All the two had been talking about was how the Satan girl was always on top of…
And then it sunk in, causing both parties to blush.
However, a light bulb lit up in the saiyan's head, allowing him to see his chance to escape. "Well, I better get back to work so I'll see you guy later. Bye!" and with that, he took off into the confines of the kitchen, leaving a bewildered blonde and a slowly steaming Satan.
This was insane! How long was that girl gonna hang around this place anyways?
It had been at least an hour after closing time and Gohan was trapped in MacDowell's. Why? Because the daughter of Satan had decided to campout right in front of the store, just waiting to pounce on him the moment he walked out.
About the only good thing that had happened so far was that Erasa had left so he didn't have to worry about her. Bad news was that his mother would rip him a new one if he didn't get home soon.
Now, there was the possibility of using a different door, but that thought hadn't crossed the young saiyan's mind. He was so focused on the fact that the night shift was about to kick him out that, he never thought he could go another way.
However, some luck decided to grace the Son boy as Videl got a call on her weird communication watch thingy. Apparently, there was a crime going on, so that would make Videl go fly off to face it, allowing Gohan to once again escape her clutches. Sweet!
And then reality set on the boy. If Videl was going to fight crime, Saiyaman just had to be there, so he'd have to run into her…again.
Soon, the sound of a jet copter taking off was heard and Gohan knew at least one of his alter egos was safe. Now he needed to go put the other one in the face of danger.
And no, the criminals weren't that danger.
Flying high above the city so far below him that if he had hocked a loogie, it would've killed someone; Saiyaman aka Son Gohan aka Brat aka Big Brother searched for the yellow jet copter of Videl Satan. She would be closing in on the crime scene any minute now and that would at least save the Son boy some time looking around for something chaotic.
After a few minutes, Gohan spotted the vehicle landing down in a street. Taking his cue, the masked superhero headed for the same spot, prepared to do is ultra cool fighting poses for the masses.
He never got the chance.
The moment he landed on the asphalt of the street, all the saiyan could see were people behind a line of yellow police tape, police cars sitting around with policemen eating donuts, Videl standing outside of her jet copter sweatdropping, and some guy wearing a bunch of cardboard boxes.
Wait a minute, cardboard boxes?
Taking a good look at the weird looking sight, Gohan got the feeling he had seen such a thing before, but no bells were ringing.
And then the cardboard thing spoke, removing any doubt where he had seen that thing.
"Finally! Do you know how long I, the Incredible Sharpenator, have been waiting for you?!"
Well, no wonder everyone was taking it easy. It was the same idiot from before who had tried to fight him and somehow knocked him out. If Gohan remembered right, there was something with his groin involved.
The saiyan's eyes widen. Slowly, he lowered his hands until they were covering his crotch, shielding his pride and joy. "And what is it that you want?"
"I, the Invincible Sharpenator, want a rematch! To settle our score once and for all!" the super villain cried out.
"But didn't you beat him already?" someone in the crowd shouted out.
A stiff breeze blew by as a tumbleweed rolled through the street.
"I knew that. I was just making sure everyone else knew."
At that, Saiyaman joined Videl in a nice sweatdrop. This was the guy that had knocked him unconscious so long ago?
However, for some strange reason, the awkward silence had agitated the Totally Super Sharpenator; causing him to announce to the world "Enough talk! It's time me and my archrival faced each other for the last time!" And with that said, the villain raised his right arm and pointed it at Saiyaman. "Die!"
A gun shot sounded off as a dart flew through the air, hitting the masked hero right in the helmet; the suction cup keeping the dart attached to the helmet's surface.
"Uhh, you're using the same weapons?" Videl asked, still stupefied from the sheer idiocy of the matter.
The Mighty Sharpenator, however, just smirked. "Not quite."
Suddenly, a couple of beeps could be heard as the dart on the Saiyahelmet exploded, covering the superhero's head in flames and smoke.
The sudden explosion caused everyone around to scream, duck and cover, soil their pants, and prey to Kami that they'd never cheat on their spouses again if they could live through this whole ordeal; even though there was nothing keeping them there in the first place.
When Videl had heard the blast, she had taken off, diving behind a nearby police car, along with every other overweight cop on the force. Peeking over the car's hood, the Satan girl could only see Saiyaman stumbling around with a cloud of smoke around his head. A look at the ground around his feet showed bits and pieces of the helmet hiding the secret identity of the hero.
Looks like the caped wonder would finally be exposed, much to Videl's disappointment. She had spent so long trying to figure the guy out and now, here he was about to show the world his identity. What a jip.
Meanwhile, Gohan was trying to clear his head of a migraine and that annoying cloud around his head. That exploding dart had been quite unexpected and was doing a number on his sinuses. Most annoying of all was that cloud around his head. Well, he knew of a way to get rid of it.
Concentrating his ki, a golden aura flared around him, ridding him of his annoying problem…
…and throwing him right into another.
That hair! Those eyes! That body! It couldn't be…
"No…it can't be…no! Anyone but you!" the Humbled Sharpenator shouted as he saw the identity of Saiyaman.
"It's the Blond Boogeyman!"
Upon hearing those words, Videl slowly turned her head to look at the criminal, completely at a loss for words. Where in the world had…
Oh…right. That "criminal" was Sharpner, her former classmate…and he did have a boogeyman now that she thought about it.
And just that thought, sent the Satan girl into a fit of giggles. Of course! The Blond Boogeyman Sharpner had gotten in bed with at survival camp! He hadn't been able to go to sleep for a month after that.
Wait a minute.
Videl knew for a fact that Saiyaman was Son Gohan, but in the middle of the street was Sharpner's Boogeyman. That could mean that the two were one in the same…
Oh, she had that Son boy right where she wanted him.
"No! Please! I beg of you! Don't hurt me!" the Scared Sharpenator cried out. "I'll be good! I swear! I won't harm a fly!" Turning away from the man that caused him to wet the bed at night, the boy hobbled as quickly as he could in his cardboard armor to the nearest cop car and put his hands on the hood. "See? I'm giving up! Take me away officer! I've been a bad, bad boy!"
Stumped, a couple of officers approached the scared boy and somehow, someway, got the cuffs on him, despite the hindering cardboard around his arms. After a bit, they put the Sharpenator into the car and drove off, the situation done for.
Walking up to a bewildered "Saiyaman," Videl stood next to the boy with her arms crossed over her chest, and a smirk on her face. "So…you can also change your hair color, eh Gohan?"
Still out of his right mind, meaning he was in his left one, Gohan just nodded his head. "Uh huh."
"You do know what this means, right?"
"I…don't…know…" the boy answered still in his left mind.
"You are gonna be teaching me this stuff, you got it?"
And then Gohan came into his right mind.