This is genuine crack ladies and gentlemen. I wrote this crack-yaoi because these are my best friend's two favorite Bleach characters, and it's crack because they hardly ever interact except when concerning Rukia. So yeah, read, review, fav, give me something about this crack-o-crack! And yes, I do know Byakuya is OOC. How else would this crack pairing work? I tried my hardest to make him as in character as possible though, but he turned out a little perverted. D:

this is crack tape DO NOT CROSS UNLESS PREPARED carry on

It was quiet in the sixth division headquarters as no one got there till daybreak and it was only two o'clock in the morning. However, there was one person there. He sat in his office silently, just finishing up on the previous day's work. His long black hair was flowing down his shoulders and it was intricately parted with odd white clips. Obsidian eyes gracefully skimmed the pieces of paper in front of him, and no expression came upon his face. He wore a black shihakushou and a white haori which had the kanji for six on the back. Around his neck, basically covering it, was a white scarf. Yes, Kuchiki Byakuya was still in his office working. He had never even left the night before.

"I guess Renji was right to be worried about you Byakuya. Pulling all-nighters again?" Byakuya looked up to see a man dressed exactly like him, minus the scarf. The newcomer's white hair almost blended in with his haori, and his chocolate eyes watched Byakuya with exasperation.

"Ukitake, I—…"

"Was it really necessary to take over half the work load from both third and ninth divisions? I think Kira-san and Hisagi-san could handle everything just fine if given a chance," Ukitake Juushirou, captain of the thirteenth division of the Gotei 13, finally noticed that Byakuya was glaring at him coldly. "I interrupted you didn't I?"

"Yes…" stated Byakuya softly, his glare easing since the other man realized his error. Sheepishly Ukitake scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Sorry Byakuya…I wanted to express my opinion before you ordered me to go back to bed so I don't start coughing again…"

Byakuya looked over Ukitake, taking in his full appearance. Finding nothing out of order from how the captain normally appeared, Byakuya said, "Quit acting like a disobedient child waiting to be punished. why did you come here?"

Ukitake shuffled his feet, not meeting the colder man's gaze, "I honestly wanted to make sure you were alright…Renji expressed his worries to me before he went home today, so I came to check up on you before I went home myself…"

The smallest of smirks graced Byakuya's lips, "Hypocrite, you come in here wand bother me about all-nighters when you've just pulled one yourself."

A small blush was on Ukitake's face as he met Byakuya's eyes, but there was also a pout on his face, "Byakuya, you know I don't go to work at the same time as the other captains! I catch up on my sleep before I come in so that I won't drag my squad down."

"What about the days when you're too sick to move from your bed?" countered Byakuya, his arms crossed on top of the paperwork as he was focusing all his attention on the conversation.

"I trust them to take care of the office while I'm gone, and so far it has managed to remain in one piece…" Ukitake replied as he remained standing.

"True, but there have been times when Rukia has run here exclaiming that the thirteenth division's office is on fire and pleads with me to put it out so that they wouldn't have to tell you in fear of making your condition worse," stated Byakuya simply, a smirk fighting to control his lips as Ukitake's face morphed into one of disbelief and astonishment.

"They've set the office on fire?! And this has happened multiple times?!" Ukitake walked right up to Byakuya's desk, "How?!"

"Apparently your two third seats get into very heated arguments, quite literally in fact…" Byakuya replied, smug that Ukitake had not known about this and that it was such a shock to the thirteenth captain.

Ukitake frowned, "I'm going to teach those two a serious lesson in discipline when I come in to work later! Oh, they will get it!" Byakuya grinned inwardly as he felt Ukitake's normally calm and peaceful reiatsu twist into an angry force. however, as amusing as it was to the noble shinigami, Byakuya also knew that if Ukitake got too riled up that the would start—

"Coughing because you worked yourself up is not going to make either situation disappear you know…" mumbled Byakuya as he gently patted Ukitake's back.

When the coughing fit finally subsided, Ukitake smiled weakly, oblivious to the little trickle of blood coming from his mouth, "don't worry Byakuya, I'm fine, but I should go to bed now…"

Byakuya managed the tiniest of smiles as he kissed Ukitake's forehead, causing Ukitake to blush, "Yes you should…I hope you don't come in to work later. After a fit like that you should rest a bit longer."

Still blushing, Ukitake hugged Byakuya, leaning his head on the other's shoulder so that his very small height advantage wasn't noticeable. Shocked, but yet pleased at the same time, Byakuya wrapped his arms around Ukitake. The two of them stayed still for a while until Ukitake pulled away. "We should probably go home Byakuya…Both of us need to sleep."

Getting a mischievous gleam to his normally passive eyes, Byakuya replied, "Only if it's together…"

Ukitake blushed scarlet, hiding the small trail of blood that was slowly drying on his face, "but Byakuya, you and I both know that if you break the Kuchiki clan rules once more that you'll break the promise you made to your parents…" Ukitake looked down, ashamed, "Plus, what about Hisana?"

Byakuya kicked his thumb and began washing away the blood from Ukitake's face, "Juushirou, I honestly don't think Hisana would mind as long as I am happy, and Rukia is happy…" He finished cleaning away the blood, but left his hand where it cradled Ukitake's face, "Besides, who says that anyone of the clan will find out beside Rukia? So far, only she, Renji, and Kyouraku know, and Renji's discovery of us was by accident…"

The white haired man managed a small smile as he chuckled softly, "I thought Renji would never meet my eyes again without blushing!" Ukitake's face grew serious again, "Still, there's the issue of—…"

Byakuya cut him off with a gentle kiss on the lips. It wasn't very passionate, but it was full of tenderness and sincerity. Taken quite by surprise, Ukitake didn't respond at first, but after a while he grinned and kissed back. When they broke apart a moment later, Ukitake sighed, defeated, "Whose house are we going to?"

The sixth captain thought for a moment, inwardly rewarding himself for this small victory, and then said, "How about we go to yours as Rukia has a tendency to wake me up in the morning, and I wouldn't want to scar her for life or anything…"

An indignant snort came from Ukitake, but he led the way out of the office, "So your sister is your alarm clock then, huh, Byakuya-niisama?"

Scowling, Byakuya shut the door behind him and locked it, "Never call me that again Juushirou, and I blame Kurosaki…"

Confused, Ukitake cocked his head to the side and asked, "Why blame Ichigo-san?"

"By staying in that boy's closet, I believe she's picked up some very bad habits from him…" Byakuya grumbled, scowl never wavering since Kurosaki Ichigo became the topic of conversation.

Ukitake chuckled and stated, "You've been overly protective of Rukia ever since Ichigo-san and her started going out. What do you have against the boy anyway?"

"He's a mere peasant," growled Byakuya angrily, his hands clenched tightly.

Shaking his head, Ukitake sighed and took a hold of Byakuya's hand, intertwining their fingers, "Hey, I'm sure you'll get over it eventually…Ichigo-san is a nice person despite the fact that he beat you once…"

Byakuya glared at Ukitake and stopped walking, causing Ukitake to stop as well, "I resent that comment."

"Oh come one," Ukitake rolled his eyes as he pulled on Byakuya's arm to get him walking again, "What's in the past is done, forget about it!"

He grunted, but continued walking. They had gone a ways before Byakuya smirked, "You do know the punishment for bringing up that battle, right?"

Ukitake shuddered with anticipation and fear, "Yes I remember…"

"Excellent…" purred Byakuya, which caused Ukitake to wonder if someone had slipped something in Byakuya's drink, or if the lack of sleep lately was causing him to hear things. Either way, the thirteenth captain knew he wouldn't be getting very much sleep that early, early morning…