"Love Again"

It was not your fault.

That was all she had been thinking she had kept repeating it in her tear-filled rant that it was her fault. That something was wrong with her. But there wasn't.

I had you loved then lost.

She walked out the door taking my heart with her before I had a chance to explain.

Cause of what was done to me by another woman.

All I could think about was the past love that I had had and the fear I could end up like my ex.

Yes I know what could've been.

We could have been happy together we could have had forever but I couldn't show how I really needed her.

But I assumed if I let you in
you'd come along and only hurt me again.

It was my only fear that I would hurt her or she would finally realize her mistake and walk away.

See I tried to love you, tried to love you
but I can't.

Maybe I didn't need to try she walked out that door and I felt empty. Why couldn't I just have told her?

I was wrong about you, wrong about you
Understand.

I wanted her to walk away. I wanted her to hate me. All this time I wanted to know that some were deep down she was only with me because she felt sorry for me.

How I need to love you, need to love you
but I can't.

I just couldn't accept anything else and I knew all I wanted was to tell her the truth tell her how much I loved her.

Try another love again.

Maybe she would find someone who could show her how much he needed her how much he loved her.

I don't want to love again
No.

But I wouldn't find someone to replace her and I wouldn't be looking.

All these walls I've built.

50 year and all I had done with them was try to keep people way try and keep them from the monster that I am.

They were built to keep you out.

I made them stronger when I met her she was the last person who I would dream of showing the monster to.

And now I sit alone because I only boxed myself in.

I never wanted to keep her out completely and in fact I was starting to come out of the dark because of her but I was to slow now my apartment seemed gray when she had taken the light.

Now before I could dry my face.

She had left and there was nothing I could do but let the tears fall and I didn't feel like stopping them.

Before the broken heart could mend.

I was far past broken now as I sat on the couch the scent of her still very much prominent were she loved to sit.

I didn't want to fall victim to hoping again.

I had had hopes of Coraline and I getting back together so many times and was hurt just as many I wouldn't fall to that again with Beth I had been the one to hurt her and she was too strong to come back to me.

See I tried to love you, tried to love but I can't.

I had done so much for her, protected her all those years but I couldn't fully give her my heart.

See I was wrong about you, wrong about you
Understand.

I thought she would run away, what did she see in me that she wanted me to love her more than I already did. Why hadn't I seen that the only reason she would walk away was because she couldn't see what I couldn't show.

How I need to love you, need to love you
but I can't.

I always thought flowers would be enough she loved them when I did give them to her. I thought protecting her said it all she needed me to say it but I couldn't do it yet.

Try another love again.

I wouldn't blame her if she found someone she thought she could marry by the next time I saw her any guy would want her.

I don't want to love again.
No.

I would live for ten thousand years and still never find another love of my life Beth surpassed what I thought I had before but nothing could surpass her.

Maybe, maybe baby
not another space another time.

If we had a thousand years could there be a chance for us? Could I open up to as she so desperately needs me to? I know I couldn't change even if we we're to leave this city and these memories.

Would have loved you first cause this feels right
Oh maybe, Maybe baby.

If I had only met Beth instead of Coraline that fateful night I would have looked my age and been blissfully happy now not in a self-inflicted depression deeper than I have ever been.

Not another season of my life. Would have had my whole heart, my soul, and my mind
But I can't change the past.

A few months wouldn't break what had taken years to cultivate in me. I could have given her everything of me but that night had taken so much and I had so little she deserved so much more.

I could look away.

Letting her go would be too hard to let her walk out of my life forever to painful I would always be there for her as I always had but I won't let her go.

Just blame it on all the pain she gave.

Coraline did this to Beth and I she took what we could have had because she kill what I could keep she stole the only think Beth would ever want.

Because I know I've tried
Yes I know I tried.

I watch out of love, I killed for her, I went to her and in some strange way putting her in the danger I used as an excuse to send her away was my way of keeping her closer. But I would tell her every minute for the rest of her life and shout it to the world for the rest of mine I did it out of love and I know it.

See I tried to love you
But I can't.

I could never say it, I tried so hard, always the right time but she was right I was a coward.

See I was wrong about, wrong about you.

I thought she would leave. I was stupid to not she it was true love.

Understand
How I need, I need to love you.

I wish something had somehow taken over me when I needed to say what was locked to tightly away. She would have never left because it was what she needed to know to understand I couldn't really let her go.

Oh But I can't.

Four words she never would hear.

Try another love again.

I would find someone else for her just to see her smile I know she can move on even if it's not with me she'll have someone else and he'll deserve it.

I don't want to love again.

No matter how many women pass me I'll be blind I could be six million and two alone and wouldn't mind she took my heart and doesn't know it because I couldn't show it.

No.

I'll never love again because I can only love her.

Well I finally got brave enough to write a Moonlight story - ironic how I dreaded doing this but not writing my novel. This story I'm sure isn't as good as some of the stuff you guys write but I hope you take the time to review maybe I'll write another.

The song is called Love again I just don't know by who.