Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Seriously.
A/N: If you enjoy this story, show your appreciation by reviewing. It puts the author in a happy spot for days!
Hermione Granger's eyes practically jumped out of their sockets at the label on the jar in her hand. Before she could quickly put it down and pretend she was oblivious to the audacity, both Fred and George Weasley descended upon her in a manner akin to vultures when confronted with a dead body.
"What's this?" one of the twins quipped, grinning madly.
"Hermione Granger browsing our WonderWitch products?" continued the other.
"I can almost die a happy wizard now," teased either Fred or George, Hermione really could not tell.
"Almost," retorted the other one, both bursting into well-timed laughter.
"I was just leaving," Hermione quickly interrupted, about ready to elbow her way out of the Hogsmeade branch of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes if the twins would not let her through. If that did not quite work, she was sure she had a few choice hexes to use on them.
"Come now, it's not everyday that our genius is appreciated by a fellow genius," one of the twins said good-naturedly, throwing an arm around Hermione's shoulders.
"Albeit you are from a different field altogether, we are not averse to sharing, are we, George?" Fred continued, throwing his arm around Hermione as well.
"Ah, this is what you were looking at?" George asked, picking up the jar and peering at its label interestedly.
"Works mighty well too," Fred assured Hermione.
"Who have you set your eyes on?" George asked in a disarmingly innocent tone all of a sudden.
"Uh, no one," Hermione quickly replied, crossing her arms over her chest to keep distance.
"Well, be that as it may, take this. Free of charge, let us know how it works, yeah?" Fred said benignly, pushing the jar into Hermione's hands as he winked conspiratorially. "Always happy to speed Cupid's work for him."
"Of course, that's probably why he picks on us when it comes to ... uh, dating and the likes," George added, waggling his eyebrows for effect.
"Aw, don't be spreading unnecessary rumours now," Fred replied, hitting George in the arm.
Taking the twins' preoccupation with each other as a swell opportunity to escape, Hermione did just that – a jar of body butter labeled 'The Sensation of Me on You', an aptly bad name for an aptly bad product in Hermione's mind, tucked neatly within the folds of her cloak.
While contemplating the wisdom of using such a suspicious product, Hermione was interrupted by a familiar voice saying, "Hey there." Jumping where she sat precariously on the edge of her bed and almost falling off as a result, Hermione managed to save the jar from falling and breaking at very last minute. "Ginny, must you sneak in like that?" she muttered wryly, stowing away the jar under her pillow quickly, where it bulged prominently and drew the attention of the ever inquisitive Weasley.
"What have you got there?" Ginny asked, pouncing onto the bed.
"Nothing," Hermione lied badly, moving to cover the product with her own body.
"Hermione," Ginny murmured, leaning closer ... and closer ... and even impossibly closer ...
Hermione felt like she could die a happy witch now. Ginny was so close that they were pressed together, all of them. Hermione suppressed a moan and tried to tell herself to focus.
"Body butter?" Ginny said out loud, bringing Hermione back to earth. She had deliberately baited Hermione and used her moment of inattention to grab the jar. She quickly jumped out of Hermione's reach and began reading aloud, "'The Sensation of Me on You' – It feels incredible, it smells great and most importantly, it gives you that opening you've been secretly dying for, you know we know!"
There was a pregnant pause in which Ginny looked very thoughtful and Hermione looked very contrite.
"I don't get it," Ginny announced, turning to Hermione.
"Well, you see," Hermione said very carefully, taking the jar and opening the cap slowly as she took the time to predict how Ginny would react. "It's body butter. So you apply it," and she did, "keeping in mind that it really is a poorly disguised pheromone boost -" At which point the wind was knocked out of her as Ginny pounced on her and proceeded to demonstrate how effective the body butter and/or pheromone boost really was. Coincidentally, this would be the point where the narrator shut up and leave the two girls madly stripped of their inhibitions to themselves.
"Fancy this," Fred said, walking into the living room of their shared apartment, an opened package under one arm.
"Fancy what?" George asked without turning around, only to have whatever it was he had been tinkering with blow up in his face. "Should have known better than to turn my back on you, brother," he said in a perfectly normal tone, quite oblivious to a little explosion or two by now.
"Hermione sent us a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey," Fred replied, revealing the bottle from inside the hastily torn package. "Good year too. Must have taken a near fortune to get your hands on one of these."
"Well, guess that's her way of telling us thanks," George said, waggling his eyebrows as he looked appreciatively at the bottle.
"What?" Fred asked, confused. "Oh, oh right! Must have worked mighty well for her to be this extravagant."
"Indeed," George chuckled. "Wonder who it is though?"
This would be where the narrator would suggest that there were things a brother should never ask to have knowledge of.