Sasori's POV -
Blog Entry 079
Date Posted: February 13, 5:31 PM
A lot of things have happened in the past seven months..
But I never imagined ANY of these things to be one of them:
Pregnancy, Marriage, Parents getting divorced. Everything just keeps happening.
No matter what, though, I promised my baby would have a good life...
And I damn well intend to KEEP that promise.
It had started out as February thirteenth, it was late in the afternoon, and the phone had just rung. I had went to go pick it up after I had spent the whole day in bed with Deidara and even missed school just because Deidara felt like it would be better time spent if we slept together instead. The whole damn day was supposed to be an average day, but in my life, average is a word that never existed.
"Yes, is this the Seiryu residence?" the woman on the phone asked, her voice felt oddly familiar. "Yes, ma'am, this is Sasori speaking." I replied, I heard the woman gasp for air when I said my name. "Sasori! It's your mother! Hi!" the woman who said she was my mother exclaimed, but I knew for a fact that after my mother abandoned my father and me and left us broke and her son somehow expecting a child my mother wouldn't dare show her face or even talk to me anymore. This woman had some nerve.
"No, seriously, who are you?" I asked, the woman chuckled. "Sasori, sweetheart, it's really your mother. I just called to say 'Hi'." my supposed mother told me, I felt my mood get worse, this wasn't helping my stress level at all. I decided to try to pry her real identity out of her.
"Okay, then, if you're my mother then how far along am I in my pregnancy?" I asked, this one was sure to baffle her, now she's probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about. Inuko taught me that one a while back. "Seven months and two weeks, Sasori. Now stop playing games, I need to talk to you." the woman said. But now I knew it, this was my mother, and she probably was going to talk about my pregnancy, which I was trying to avoid. Not that I don't care anymore, as Inuko had asked, but now that I'm having the baby in a short while me and Deidara were trying to figure out a future for the baby instead of just focusing on my massive belly, which has made it very hard for us to have sex, which we want to do.
"Okay, mom, go ahead." I said with a look of disappointment on my face.
"Alright, honey, I know you're going to complain when I say this but I set you up for a doctor's appointment for tomorrow, it's for the baby, really. I just want to know the sex of the baby, Sasori, so I know what I can buy for it, alright?" my mom said in her cheerful voice. I felt my body get hotter and hotter with every word she said, who was she to tell me when I have to find out the gender of my child? I felt like shouting every curse I knew at her, I felt like asking where she was so I could find her and hit her, but at the same time I knew somewhere inside her she was still the mother I'd known my whole life. And every time I told myself that I felt sick to my stomach.
I Sighed. "Look, mom. I don't want to know the gender of my baby until the birth, and I don't need another doctor's appointment, I already had one last week. Can you please understand that I want to wait to know it's gender?" I said as calmly as I can, but I could feel my anger building up inside of me. Quickly.
"Sasori, you know you have to find a name for the baby, right? Well, how are you going to do that when you don't even know if it's a boy or a girl?" my mother asked, sounding annoyed. I groaned. "Mom, I'm sorry, but I have to do this how I think it's best, and I think that I want to be surprised when it comes." I said, sounding angrier than before, and now I could hear Deidara coming downstairs, probably to find out who I was talking to.
I acted quickly. "Mom, I have to go, and I'm not going to any appointments tomorrow, I'm sorry…and I love you, goodbye." I said quickly and then hung up on my mother.
I felt a surge of guilt go through me as Deidara entered the room.
"Hey, Sasori, yeah. Who was that on the phone?" Deidara asked as he put his arms around me, I felt my anger disperse at the moment he touched me, as usual. I put my hand on his cheek and smiled, even though he couldn't see it. Deidara put his right hand on my stomach and felt around it, but it wouldn't kick right now, I had assumed it was resting. When we untangled ourselves we stared at each other for a brief second, then I broke the moment of love by grabbing my coat and heading towards the door.
"Hey, where are you going, Sasori, yeah?" Deidara asked me in a worried tone, I turned to him and smiled. "I'm going out for a little bit, I'll be back by dinnertime." I said as he took my hand and held it in his. I opened the door and went out to the car that Deidara had given me for my birthday this year. I was glad I accepted it In the end, because now I can go over to the doughnut shop twice as fast. Of course that's not the only reason…
I opened the car door and climbed behind the steering wheel, I closed the car back up and revved up the engine, then I sped off into the road that led into the forest. The forest was always dark and scary, so I rarely went there when I was little, but the edge of the forest was usually bright and had a good space to park, and that was where I was going to get some thoughts sorted out. This afternoon seemed like a good time to pull things together.
As I pulled into the little space reserved for hikers, I got out a little notepad with a teddy bear design around it, then I pulled out a pen as well and got out of the car and started up the trail. I looked over the hill and tried to make out where that meadow that Deidara had showed me was, since it had looked over the trail and showed all of Suna. The view, as I remember, was fantastic, but right now I couldn't see anything.
I looked up at the sky, and I noticed that there was a giant cloud that looked like it was going to bring rain. I decided to speed up my movements as fast as I could without putting pressure on myself. When I finally decided I had walked far enough I sat down under a tree and took out the pad of paper and the pen. I sat there for a moment and thought, then the idea came to me almost naturally.
Hi, I'm your mother, as you know, and I'm writing you this letter because I
I looked at the paper and crumpled it up, it didn't seem right to me, somehow. I tried again.
As you know, I'm your mom, and I love you ve
I threw that one away even faster than the first one.
I heard the loud bang of thunder not so far away from here, I decided it was time to get going. I had just gotten up when I heard a crash of lightning, it sounded so loud I could almost feel my ears bleed, then, I heard a loud thud, no, not a thud, a giant crash. I looked in front of me and what I saw before me had me in shock, because if I had took five more steps…that tree in front of the one I was under would have killed me.
I looked for a way around the tree, but as far as I saw there were none. I couldn't step over such a large tree, and climbing it would hurt the baby. I felt the drops of rain come down on me faster and more inconveniently than ever before, I felt there was no other choice but to keep going down the trail and try to find shelter, because in my mind I knew that all this cold just couldn't be safe for the baby. I needed to find somewhere to use as a shelter.
I had been going down the trail for about half an hour now, and still there were no signs of a cave, a house, or even any people, and now I could feel my baby starting to kick again, which used to make me feel better, but right now it made me feel virtually incapable of anything, as if I couldn't even make it - or me - feel safe at all. The doubt was already taking control of me, I felt as if I couldn't move anymore. I finally had had enough, I went over to a tree and curled up around my stomach, my back facing upward. I thought at least if me and my baby were both going to die, I was going to die protecting it.
It was then when I realized it would have been nice to know it's gender, it's name, it's face, it's smile…I felt weaker and weaker by every passing second, every fleeting thought. And to think I wouldn't be here - dying - if I had just said no that night.
I still can remember it clearly…
"Hey, Sasori, yeah?" Deidara had asked me, I had turned around to see him coming up to me with a bag of something.
"What is it, Deidara?" I had asked, I had just recently learned his full name, everyone else had called him Dei-Kun.
"Sasori, do you wanna come with me to my cabin, yeah? We can, you know, have a drink." he had asked me, I knew I had not completely fallen under his spell just yet.
"Um, no thanks." I had said, "But I can still hand out with you, right?" I had added quickly after seeing the look of disappointment on his face.
His sadness quickly turned into a smile. "Okay, sure, follow me, yeah." he had said, and I had of course followed him, straight into his cabin. He had plopped down on his bed and began taking his clothes off, I had stared at him in shock. "What the hell are you doing?" I had asked him, he smirked. "Didn't you want to do it, yeah?" he had asked me. I remember hesitating, but I sat down on the bed with him anyway.
"Isn't that wrong?" I asked him, he looked unsure, but it turned back into a smile. "Not really, everybody does it, yeah. I do it, your parents do it, and you can do it, too." he had said, I frowned. "Yeah, but I'm only sixteen, what will happen when they find out?" I had asked Deidara. He had smirked. "What they don't know, wont hurt them, yeah." he had told me. I started to lie down on his bed, expecting nothing to come of this.
"Trust me, yeah, you'll be fine." he had said once we were both stripped naked.
And that was when I had felt something. I had felt whole.
I began to cry at that memory, at all the things he had done for me, and now he would lose his lover and his child in the same hour, I felt that wholeness slip away again, just like it had when I had taken the pregnancy test, saw the results, got attacked by Deidara, confessed my pregnancy to my parents, been harassed by Orochimaru, and all the bad things that had happened to me in the past year or so, a little less. I cried so hard that I could almost hear footsteps coming near me, but as I continued hearing them I felt that maybe these were real, an actual person. I felt a hand on my back, I smelled a scent that was definitely someone I knew. Inuko? No, she smelled sweet, like cupcakes. Dad? Mom? No, I knew their scent, this wasn't it. Grandma? No, this wasn't an old people smell. Maybe…Deidara? I hoped for it to be him, I shot up my head to see who it was, and to my surprise…
Orochimaru was standing right before me, his hand outstretched.
"O-Orochimaru, what are you doing here?" I asked him, still in a little bit of shock. Orochimaru smiled, and grabbed me by my hand, helping me up. I fell onto his chest, and he stroked my hair again. "I live around here, what are you doing here?" he asked me as I pulled away from him. I blushed. "I was just hiking and I got lost, sorry." I said nervously, Orochimaru laughed a little. "Okay, I believe you, why don't you come with me to my cabin, Sasori? You can dry off and rest there for the night," he said to me, I smiled. "Sure, thanks." I said, and him and I walked back to Orochimaru's house.
The inside of Orochimaru's house was larger than the outside, it seemed. It was covered with many rugs and a large sofa, along with a loveseat. There were two halls that had from what I saw at least three rooms in each, and Orochimaru lead me down the one on the right.
"You can sleep here for the night, my room is across the house, third door down. Now go and get some rest." he said and then walked off, but then turned back to me. "Oh yes, it may seem silly but I have a nightgown from my old wife in that room there, you might want to use it, you're soaking wet." Orochimaru said to me. I felt unsure at this, but I realized I was soaking wet, so I reluctantly put on the woman's nightgown. I could just imagine Inuko's reaction to this, my father's, Deidara might just get turned on, I guess, he usually does that with that kind of stuff. I had a small hunch my dad would cry at the sight of me in women's clothes.
I went into the room and noticed there was a small desk beside the bed, that was good, I wanted to get back to that letter I wanted to write. I sat down at the desk and took out the miraculously dry paper and pen. I thought again for a moment and decided to write two letters for two possibilities.
I thought for a moment, I never really thought about names for either gender, I always knew one thing, though, if it was a boy, it would be named after my not-so-best friend from long ago, he had moved, but his name I liked a lot. I began to write again.
I am your mother, and you are my son. I love you very much, and I always will. I want to make sure you have a good future and a stable life, and that is why I want to keep you with me and your father. We both love you very much and want you to be happy, and we want to be happy with you. You have many people that love you and want to watch you grow up, including your grandmother, me, your father, your great grandmother, your grandfather, your Aunt Inuko, and anyone else in my or your father's family. And know that we all loved you from the moment we knew you were coming, and we still do.
Your Mother, Sasori Seiryu.
Seiryu, I liked that feeling, me, a Seiryu. I looked at the letter and took it off the pad and put it aside on the desk, then I started to think about the possibility of a girl. I couldn't think of anything to say, I had never given much thought to a girl's name either, this was getting too hard, so I decided to wait until morning. I crawled onto the bed and began to drift off to sleep.
I felt like I had only been asleep for a second when I awoke to a foul odor coming from somewhere in the house, I checked the clock, It said it was five in the morning. I got up from the bed and went down the hall and up to the door where the stench was at it's strongest. I opened the door to see stairs going down to what appeared to be a basement, I found a light at the top of the stairs and turned it on.
As I went down the stairs I saw Someone standing down there, it appeared to be a blond woman, she was awfully still. I went down further and I saw that there were even more women in all sorts of positions, laying down, sitting, and I even saw ones standing against the wall. I went over to one of the sitting women and waved a hand in front of her face, she was completely still, her head was slouched down. I decided to wake her up with my words, since she stunk.
"Hey, miss? Are you asleep? Hello?" no answer. I decided to pick up her head and check if she was just faking her sleep, I picked it up, and then quickly put it down. The woman fell lifeless to the floor, her face rotted, her body cut and decaying, I turned around to see the other women were all exactly the same. Dead. I screamed at the top of my lungs, and made a dash for the stairs, I climbed them as fast as I could and rushed over to where Orochimaru was sleeping. I went in his room and violently shook him awake.
"OROCHIMARU!!! THERE ARE DEAD LADIES IN YOUR BASEMENT!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, Orochimaru calmly awoke and gave me an evil smirk. "I know." he said maliciously, I jumped back, frightened. "You're going to kill me, aren't you?" I asked worriedly, Orochimaru got up and shook his head.
"Why don't you hear me out first, Sasori." he said with his smirk still on his face, I nodded nervously. "Alright, then. Yes, I know there are dead women in my basement, I put them there, I killed them. Next, you should know about those rumors Deidara supposedly spread. Well, the truth is I spread them. I hated that Deidara from the minute I laid eyes on him and I still do. Are you satisfied, Sasori? Now that you know the truth?" Orochimaru's smirk turned to a scowl, yet all these words made me shake even harder. This, if not anything, was what it was like to be truly frightened.
"A-Are you going to have me end up like those other women, Orochimaru?" I asked shakily, Orochimaru smirked again.
"No, no, of course not. That is, I wont if you marry me, Sasori." Orochimaru said evilly, I put my hand on my stomach and stared down at my bulge, I whimpered a little. Orochimaru laughed maniacally "Don't worry, Sasori! You'll be very happy as my husband! I'll make sure you're never bothered by that godforsaken Deidara again!" Orochimaru laughed, I shuddered. 'B-But, I love him…I…" I couldn't find any words, not now, and it felt like I was about to join all those women in the basement, I felt dead inside, and outside it felt like I was going to faint in horror. I knew Deidara was never going to save me. I was doomed.
"Sasori, as I said before: You don't love him. He just wants your body, he never will raise a child with you, he never loved you." Orochimaru turned to the desk by his bed, he pointed to the box on the desk and looked back at me. "But I do, Sasori. Now take the ring in that box and put it on your finger, if you want to live, that is." Orochimaru said with a smirk across his face. I pulled myself together and walked my shaking body over to the ring and pulled it out of the box. It really was beautiful, diamonds were everywhere, and a sapphire in the middle. I began to slide off my old ring until I heard a knock on Orochimaru's bedroom door, Orochimaru scowled and got up to answer the door.
The next thing I heard was a loud gunshot, and Orochimaru fell lifeless to the floor.
I screamed, I looked around for any way to get out, there was a murderer who just killed my teacher, and if he saw me he would probably kill me, too. But he had already heard me scream, so I guess it was too late for me, anyway. I braced myself for what would be my last moments, my child's last moments. I heard the footsteps come into the room, I closed my eyes shut, clutching my stomach. It was then I thought of my last words I could say to my baby, it being the only thing that still made me feel righteous.
"Baby," I began to whisper under my breath, "I mean, Taro, if you're a boy. I never got a chance to tell you're father, but that would have been your name: Taro Tenshi Seiryu…I'm so sorry, baby. I love you so much." I said, clutching my stomach even tighter. I heard the footsteps getting closer, and then stopped in front of me. I once again braced myself, ready for death.
"So it's Taro, yeah?" I heard a familiar voice speak, I thought for a moment I was going crazy, and that this was Kami's gift to me for being - or trying to be - good. I looked up to face the murderer, with no hope that he would spare me, let me go home, I felt my heart beat faster and faster when I finally was face-to-face with my soon-to-be killer, but what I saw was no killer.
Deidara was standing in front of me, with his enlightening grin spread across his face.
"Dei-Deidara!" I exclaimed, he smiled bigger. "Yeah?" he answered, I felt tears well up in my eyes all over again. "Deidara! You just killed my science teacher!!" I yelled, forgetting about the many thanks I owed him. Deidara's eyes focused on Orochimaru's lifeless corpse and then turned back to me. "Well, I'm not entirely sure how to put this, yeah. The cops told me he had been accused of murder about ten times and they wanted him found dead, considering all the people he murdered were pregnant teenagers. I had a tracker in your jacket and I saw something was approaching you, I acted quickly and brought my dad's gun, yeah. I just couldn't stand the thought of losing you to my teacher, I mean, he wanted to kill you." Deidara explained to me, I felt that he was missing something that was better if I told him.
"Deidara, Orochimaru wanted to marry me, not kill me." I said, Deidara's expression turned to anger and he walked over to the dead body and shot it again. I yelped. "Deidara! Stop shooting it!!" I yelled, Deidara frowned at the body. "That'll teach you to try and hook up with my Sasori, yeah." Deidara said as he put his dad's gun away. Deidara went over to me and picked my shaking body up from the ground and carried me out of the house.
The car ride from the woods to Deidara's house felt like hours longer than it should have been. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened to me back there, and that I didn't even know a proper girl's name for a baby, my baby. I had thought long and hard about the possibility of a girl, but somehow it felt like a boy, in a way. Then, an idea hit me.
"Hey, Deidara, drop me over at Inuko's house before we get home, okay?" I asked, Deidara immediately turned around the corner to Inuko's street and helped me into some of his clothes before I went into her house, just to spare me the humiliation. I knocked on the door with Deidara at my side and we were shortly answered by a very happy Inuko.
"Hey, Sasori! Hi, Deidara! What's up?" Inuko asked happily, I shrugged. "Not much, I just need to talk to your brother, okay?" I said, then I winked at her. Inuko gasped. "Oh! You want to now!?" Inuko asked in astonishment. I smiled. "Yeah, pretty much. Deidara, can you wait in Inuko's living room?" I asked, Deidara nodded excitedly and sat down next to Inuko on her couch. I headed into her brother's study by myself.
"Sasori, are you ready for the big news?" her brother asked me, I nodded. Inuko's brother got out my ultrasound picture from last week and put them up on his machine, he pointed to the baby that was on the picture.
In one of my old health classes I had learned to tell if the baby's gender was male or female, and the minute I looked at the picture, I recognized the sex immediately. I held up my hand before Inuko's brother could tell me anything.
"It's okay. I know now." I said to her brother, he smiled at me. "Do you have a name for the child?" he asked, I nodded. "Yeah, I know exactly what to call it. I knew it for a bit, but I almost forgot it." I said, then I took out another notepad, and began to write once more, since I forgot my original at Orochimaru's place.
I have already told you a thousand times I love you very much, and I always will tell you that. You're just like your father - always full of surprises. You are a very strong and brave little person, and it is my hope that you have the best life possible. Please know that everyone that I know in my life loves you, too. Especially me and your father. We want you to be brave throughout life and always keep your chin up. I will always look out for you for the one most simple reason possible,
I looked up at the picture one last time before I wrote the last lines on the letter.
Because I am your mother, and you are my daughter, my little Hanako.
Your mother, Sasori.
End of chapter seven.
YAY! It's so sweet! A little girl!
I'm sorry if this seems a bit rushed, it only took A day to write.
This is definitely not the end, the rest is pretty smooth, though.
I thank all my readers who came this far eternally!!!!