The time has come.

I am random. Spontaneous, perhaps.

However, dedicated I am not.

Sad to some, others not. Some are content with my carelessness for miniscule priorities.

Don't sit back and relax, the ride isn't too long.

And although I haven't mentioned the weirdness of my mood/myself, it should be obvious by my text.


Yes, why not.



Not quite a New Moon

Bella: There's ANOTHER movie about me? Do I get to act in this one?

Kristen: Uh, no. You don't get to act in any of them, idiot. I'M the actress. Even though I can't act, I'm still the actress.

Director: Let's go, Kristen! We need to finish this movie fast so Rob doesn't age too much.

-they get in position and the cameras start rolling-

Rob: I'm leaving you.

Kristen: What? Why? I just gave you my virginity!

Rob: That's not until the fourth book.

Kristen: Oh. Okay. So, wait. Why are you leaving again?

Rob: I don't want you and stuff. It's not you it's me. I don't know. Whatever will get you the hell off of me. Clingy bitch.

Kristen: Damn. Coulda just asked..JACOB!!

-Taylor Lautner shows up in a millisecond because he mysteriously happened to be running through the woods right next to them.-

Taylor: Sup.

Kristen: Uh...Edward left me. I'm all sad and might cut my wrists.

Taylor: Wanna borrow my razor?

Kristen: I was joking.

Taylor: I could do it for you.

Kristen: I was joking, you dumb shit. I just want to hold you so I can feel your big biceps.

Taylor: My biceps don't come until I become a werewolf.

Kristen: Oh, when's that?

Taylor: Next scene.

Kristen: Oh……..Awkward…..

-Kristen stares at Taylor with her mouth open for 12 minutes.-

Taylor: Stop looking at me like that, freak. You look like a pedophile.

Kristen: I'll stop.

Taylor: You ARE a pedophile. You're eighteen. I'm sixteen.

-Kristen tries to run but fails and ends up falling 39 times. She comes home with multiple bruises and scratches all over her body.-

Charlie: Bella, what did I tell you about rough sex with vampires out in the woods?

Kristen: Vampire? What on earth are you talking about?

Charlie: Don't act like I don't know about the vampire you've been dating.

Kristen: He just broke up with me.

Charlie: Shit. That means I have to see your ugly face more often. Now go make me dinner, Oprah is coming on.

Kristen: I thought you liked to watch sports…

Charlie: Hell no, chica. Oprah is my main girl!

-Charlie snaps his wrists in a faggoty fashion and pulls out a vogue magazine.-

Kristen: Faggot.

Charlie: Slut.

Kristen: I'm gonna go write fake emails to Alice even though that never happens in the book.


Dear Alice,

I don't know what to do. Every time I sleep, I make weird noises and my dad thinks I'm either constipated or having an orgasm. Know how I can get rid of it? Thanks.

Bella (It's not really Bella, it's Kristen)

Your email has been sent back to its owner, due to the non-existence of this email address, you idiot.


-at Taylor's house-

Kristen: Jake, I want to hear voices, will you help me fix these motorcycles?

Taylor: Will you pretend to like me?

Kristen: Bitch, please. I like my men cold, dead, and sparkling.

Taylor: I'm hot, alive, and unsparkling.

Kristen: I'll take it.

-Kristen and Taylor finish the bikes-

Kristen: Let's do this!

Taylor: Let's bring the bikes up by the cliff so you have more of a chance of dying.

Kristen: Kay.

-At the cliff.-

Kristen: How do I start it?

Taylor: I don't know. Push some buttons and turn some knobs.

-Kristen rides the motorcycle professionally.-

Rob's voice: Go faster.

Kristen: Uhh, I'm pretty sure you tell me to stop.

Rob's voice: Why would I want you to survive?

Kristen: Oh. What should I do now?

Rob's voice: Aim towards the cliff.

Kristen: Kay.

-Kristen is about to fly off the cliff, but the motorcycle mysteriously drifts to the side.-

Rob's voice: Shit.

-Taylor runs over to Kristen and removes his shirt in slow motion.-

Kristen: Nice 8 pack.

Jacob: Thanks, it's all I have to offer for this movie.


Kristen: All I have to offer is…is…

-Jacob coughs awkwardly and they both look off into different directions.-

Kristen: Asshole.

Jacob: Truth hurts, bitch.


Until we meet again.

One more thing to take with you.