Disclaimer- I do not own Les Mis, Harry Potter, Les Mis the musical, or anything else mentioned in here. Except myself. And… nope, that's it. Oh! And my cousin owns herself.
Time-line—Somewhere before Halloween during Goblet of Fire
Act One- In which Hermione dies before Ron goes on stage, Collin gets special treatment, and Fudge has a vacation house in Hawaii.
A small, dark room. From inside the room come the sound of many voices—curses, insults, snogging…
Bubblewrap- 'Mkay, who's doing the snogging?
Bubblewrap- I know someone is doing it…
The lights in the room go on, revealing a couple dozen people squished up against the walls, obviously completely packed into the very small room.
Bubblewrap- I knew it!
Bubblewrap- It was you two!
Hermione- Well, what do you expect when you put a bunch of teens into a tiny, poorly-lit—
Hermione- unlit room?
Bubblewrap- Well, this makes the casting easier…
Harry- Coming out of nowhere Wait, casting?
Bubblewrap- For the play!
Harry- What play?
Bubblewrap- The play I'm going to make you perform before you're allowed to leave!
Harry- Weakly Oh… that play…
Bubblewrap- Right, so, the play we're doing is actually a musical—
Ron- So we have to sing, too?
Bubblewrap- Yep, that's usually what a musical is… a play with singing…
Bubblewrap- And this musical is Les Misérables… hey, does anyone know if you still have to underline that if it's a play and not a book? No? Okay. Well, then, casting…
Ron- Why do I get the idea that I'm not going to like this casting?
Bubblewrap- Because you're not. Now, let's see… I don't like snogging, so… Ron, you can play Thénardier, and Hermione, you can play… Fantine!
Ron- Examining a script he stole while Bubblewrap wasn't looking But Hermione dies before I even get on stage.
Bubblewrap- Exactly. And give that back Snatches script out of his hands Now, let's see…Jean Valjean can be… Harry… because I feel like it… and sadly, none of you are cool enough to play Javert…
Pretty much every male member of the cast- Hey!
Bubblewrap- But I suppose somebody has to… how about Neville?
Bubblewrap- Yea. You're pretty cool, and you need the confidence boost. You don't mind jumping in a river, do you?
Neville- Kind of.
Bubblewrap- Well, it's not a real river anyway. We're very low budget.
Harry- Can we get out of this room now? It's getting really crowded.
Bubblewrap- Okay. After I tell you what your part is, you can leave. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville exit and find themselves in a conveniently located stage.
Malfoy- Examining a script he took while Bubblewrap wasn't looking Shouldn't I play Javert since I'm Potter's arch enemy and everything?
Bubblewrap- Well, first of all, Harry's arch enemy is Voldemort, and second of all, did you miss the part about you not being cool enough to play Javert? Especially you, you're just a whiny little brat who is therefore perfect for the role of Marius! Third of all snatches script back give that back! Why does everyone keep stealing my script?! You'll get your own in, like, two minutes!
Malfoy- Who's Marius?
Bubblewrap- Distracted Hey, there's even some alliteration!
Malfoy- Leaves while muttering under his breath about evil casting directors.
Bubblewrap- The bishop can be Cedric… Bamatobis can be Collin Creevy—
Collin- Wait, what? Are you trying to imply something?
Bubblewrap- No. Just that you should feel honored to be in my favorite song, which has, like the best music after Javert's intervention.
Collin- Yea, sure, but I don't want to buy Hermione!
Hermione- From the stage What?!
Bubblewrap- Wait, Collin, you've… seen this play before?
Bubblewrap- Awesome! Okay, you get to pick your part!
Everyone else- Why does he get to pick his part?! Or words to that effect.
Collin- Do I still have to play Bamatobis?
Bubblewrap- Yea. I don't feel like finding someone else to play that part.
Collin- Slightly dejected Well, okay… how about Grantaire?
Bubblewrap- Slightly doubtful about Collin's capability to play a drunken college student Sure… Okay, continuing on! Young Cosette… are there any really short girls in here? Or first year girls? No? Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Madame Thénardier can be Ginny—
Ginny- No way.
Bubblewrap- To no one in particular Why does no one like my casting?
Ginny- I'm not being married to my brother!
Bubblewrap- Testily Well, it's Madame Thénardier or no one, your choice!
Ginny- Torn between not getting to be on stage and having to be married to her brother And those are my only two options?
Ginny- Fine, I'll do it. Sulks out of the room.
Bubblewrap-Now that little problem is taken care of, we can cast… Dennis Creevy as Gavroche, Cho Chang as Eponine… Luna as Cosette… The rest of you guys just divide up your roles however you want. A whole lot of random Hogwarts students who will not be named hereafter except as 'Ensemble' 'Sailor 1' etc. look very disappointed.
Malfoy- Can we just get started now?
Bubblewrap- Not so fast! I have an announcement to make first, while Ron hands out your scripts. Hands several thick scripts to Ron.
Ron- Ow… how long is this play anyway?!
Bubblewrap- Three hours.
Bubblewrap- Anyway, my announcement is that I talked to your Headmaster, and he says that he is very supportive of the creative arts, and that if you perform this in front of the school, you get out of whatever classes and homework you're supposed to be going to during rehearsals, plus you get extra credit for whatever class you're doing worst in.
Harry- So he actually liked the idea of kidnapping us and forcing us to do this?
Bubblewrap- Well, he doesn't actually know you didn't want to do it…but you want to do it now, right?
Bubblewrap- Did I mention that after you perform in front of the entire school, the other students will vote on the best performer, and they get 1000 galleons?
Malfoy- Where did you get 1000 galleons?
Bubblewrap- I told Fudge that if he didn't cough up the money he had to play Marius.
Hermione- And he believed you?
Bubblewrap- Yep. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he?
Malfoy- Not really.
Bubblewrap- So, anyway, he took the 1000 galleons from the tax fund that usually goes towards his vacation house in Hawaii.
Ron- Our tax dollars pay for a vacation house in Hawaii?!
Bubblewrap- Well, actually they're paying whoever has the best performance… but anyway, that wasn't even the worst thing I found when I was looking through the ministry's budget plans…
Malfoy- Why were you looking at those?
Bubblewrap- To see who I should blackmail for the 1000 galleons, of course! Anyway, did you know that the senior undersecretary, Dolores Umbridge, has a collection of taxidermy cats?
Ron- Getting back on topic So you're saying that whoever does this best gets 1000 galleons?
Bubblewrap- Yep. Now who wants to do this play?
Please note that this entire story was going to be one really long chapter, but FF wouldn't let me upload it. I have all the chapters written, never fear, so they will be up quickly. Also, editing will take place after the whole story is here.