Hey I don't own Twilight or these song lyrics I just made certain characters sing them.
I couldn't figure out what was going on. Apparently Emmett and Jasper had something planned for Edward and I as an engagement gift, thing. The only thing that terrified me was the fact that Edward looked puzzled and mystified.
We all waited in the living room for them. We included; Renee, Esme, Carlisle, Rose, Alice, and Edward and I.
"What are they thinking?" I asked my fiancé quietly.
"They are translating the Declaration of Independence into Swahili." He leaned closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist.
"Oh crap," We both whispered at the same moment. Alice was trying so hard not to laugh that she had to stop breathing.
Soon Emmett came out with two bar stools in hand, and Jasper followed holding a guitar. They were both practically beaming. I looked up at Edward for a moment, he looked petrified.
"Okay. You guys are probably wondering why we have called you all in here." Emmett positioned himself on the stool as everyone nodded. "Well Jazz and I have written a song to express the joys of Edward and Bella's relationship." Emmett threw us a quick smile. I could physically feel Edward wanting to believe that Emmett would do something like this for us, but…um, things like this don't happen. Now we were both nervous.
Emmett cleared his throat as Jasper began strumming the guitar. Then the little hellion began singing, A/N All the stuff in parenthesis, are Bella's thoughts
Hey there Christian princess
Trotting around in your low cut jeans (Ok, I don't wear low cut jeans EVER)
You're a precious moment
A real life figurine
With your soft sweet face
And your rose petal lips
A beautiful target mouths don't wanna miss
A beautiful chest that's been blessed by the best (I can't think of a more awkward moment, than this. My brother-in-law talking about my boobs in front of my mother, his mother, my fiancé, and me)
A golden cross ridin between those breasts (Poor Edward is so floored by his brothers that he can't even move. He's not even blinking at this point; he just keeps pulling me closer to him trying to make us both disappear)
And so you've got a boy now (Emmett takes this opportunity to smile at Edward)
A real life solder of God
He's got a head full of Jesus Christ
And an all state quarterbacks bod (Sadly I found myself nodding at the lyrics at this point)
You've reached the age when it's time to get engaged
You're a new bound princess in a tiger cage
And he's trying to unlock you with his eager hand
But you look him in the eye cuz you know he'll understand (Every mouth that wasn't singing or smiling-Jasper, Alice- was hanging wide open. He did NOT just say that in front of my mother!)
You tell him
We're engaged to be married
Here the bells go a ding and a dong
But lets not jump into bed yet
For the pants come off
When the ring goes on
Two, three, four,
I know that you love me
And you know about you that I care, yeah
But I'm not going to unzip my pants
And let you into my downstairs area! (Ok, I have never wanted to die more than I did in this moment. This cannot be happening. I looked up at Edward who was still frozen and appeared to be thinking the same thing)
And now you're glad you waited
For that all state quarterbacks bod (Emmett chose this moment to wink at me)
His ball is on your goal line
There's fresh dew on the sod (I take it back, now I wanted to die more that I ever have. Please tell me this is not happening. Poor Edward, his eyebrows were us so high they practically reached his hairline and his mouth was hanging open)
You're wedding night's here
And it's time to get in gear
Your man sittin on the bed
And he's grinning ear to ear
The rice has been thrown
And the bells have been chimin'
So now it's time to bust that hy… (Several gasps filled the room in that moment. I couldn't be sure if they were just from Edward and I, since I wasn't paying any attention to anyone else in the room)
"BOYS!" Esme yelled. Emmett was practically beaming at this point, so pleased with himself for causing Edward and I, this much discomfort so quickly.
Jasper strummed the guitar a few more times. Then the boys then bowed to the nonexistent applause. Everyone was a little to dazed to react until Jasper accidentally slammed the door.
Then Edward stood up. His eyebrows were scrunched together as if he were trying to solve an impossible math problem, his mouth was slightly open. He shook his head for a moment.
"Um, if you will, excuse me for one second." He mumbled, continuing to shake his head. He walked out of the room, very slowly and closed the door very quietly.
The next sound we heard sounded like something was being run over by an eighteen wheeler and then we heard Emmett scream "Owww, Edward man can't you take a joke?"
Then Edward re-entered the living room, still looking dazed and confused while Esme offered Renee some coffee. Could life be any weirder for us? No, I didn't think so.
Ok, that song if from Last Comic Standing, it's God's Pottery singing 'The Pants Come Off When the Ring Goes On'. I heard the song and immediately thought it was something Emmett would do to embarrass Edward and Bella. Sorry if you guys hated this, I thought it was funny