A/N Some little piece I wrote ages ago after I read Rosalie's story in Eclipse but also kind of fits what Rosalie might have been like had she felt bitter about Renesmee. I never really intended to post but, I obviously changed my mind tonight :) Enjoy.
The Inexplicability of Forever
"Why do you listen to this music over and over again?"
It's a question that I'm supposed to answer. It's supposed to start with my answer and gradually evolve into a drawn out conversation about my feelings. I know this because after a while the absence of time begins to distort your perception of everything.
I don't answer. Because I've done this before. And the answer will never change.
Nothing really changes. Sometimes, something will revert into something else and stay that way for a while and then revert back to its original form. And then the cycle will begin again. Like leaves on a tree; from green, to red, to nothing, to green. Change, change, change, repeat. Change, change, change, repeat. Change, change, change, repeat
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
"Why do you listen to this music?"
Has he asked this before? I think he has, but I'm not sure anymore because moments have melted into each other until all my memories are just one thought in my head that I can't understand and can't divide.
That's what time is; the division of existence into smaller and smaller fractions.
But eventually time is so big that when you divide it you don't get anything.
Forever isn't a long time, because forever isn't a matter of time. It's matter. An unexplainable matter that doesn't factor into a schedule or philosophy.
I thought with time, I'd get over the hurt of never having children. Of never growing old. Of never existing in the raw state that is humanity.
But I didn't, because there is no time, just existence. As time stops, so does the ability to grow and I find myself stuck in the same frame of mind for eternity.
"Why don't you listen to your music anymore?"
I'm nothing. Not anything. I don't exist. To exist there has to be absence of existence, and there isn't.
When it comes to life, perpetual is synonymous with the nothingness of nothing.
And I am perpetual.
I am nothing… Not anything…
He doesn't even ask.
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