A/N Sometimes when I'm writing I think I'm over thinking things a bit and making everything sound overly profound when really all it is is confusing. So I vented by writing this because I often think of a younger Sirius as someone who thinks about things too much and gets depressed because of it. So, quite logically, it's overly profound and not profound at the same time. Confused? Good. So am I. :) Lily/Sirius Friendship


Thought

She thinks he thinks too much. She thinks thinking is dangerous and that there's always a middle ground between not thinking enough and people getting you into trouble, and thinking too much and getting yourself into trouble. She knows he's not an idiot but she knows that maybe being as smart as him is dangerous too.

"Stop thinking."

He looks up, surprise in his sallow eyes.

"Sounds awfully like stop drinking."

She snorts.

"I never thought I'd say it; but I think thinking is worse for you in a way."

He laughs a brittle laugh that chills her to the bone and doesn't sound in the least amused, "I want life to be raw love. Don't want to live for seventy years without giving anything a thought."

"Do you want to be happy?"

He pauses. Does he want to be happy? He knows the answer but doesn't want to voice it, because everything aside he has too much pride to admit that he wants happiness. He doesn't want to look naïve, because they're in the middle of a war. He's prouder than James, Remus and Peter. And he fights with himself because being proud is something he's always resented. Something he always connected with his parents. So he decides to go with the cynical approach.

"Can't always get what you want."

"That's a yes then?"

"It's not a no."

"That doesn't make it a yes."

"But it means it's not a no."

She's confused now. All their conversations are confusing. Most of the time she thinks he's either drunk or trying to win his own mental game of philosophy chess.

"You can't have your cake and eat it too." She finally decides on.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

What's that supposed to mean? She doesn't even know. Not really. She thinks that maybe she's just trying to sound as confusing as him so that she can win once in a while. But she thinks that there's some method in her madness and that it's probably supposed to mean that he can't be happy and think at the same time. But she's never quite believed that saying anyway because there's no point having a cake without eating it.

And maybe she thinks, there's no point being happy if you can't ponder on it and think about how you got there. Maybe this is how he copes. And maybe, when it's all over, he'll think about the happiness and that'll be raw too.

"Think about it Sirius." She says with a sigh.


Reviewers will receive Sirius in all his confusing glory ;)