"Mmm?" Perceptor absently stroked the little femme sparkling on his lap, leaning against his chassis, and he rested a hand on the helm of the mech sparkling with its head in his lap.
"How were we born?" the femme asked.
Ratchet looked up at the scientist and sparklings on the med bay berth, his optics widening slightly before he hid his surprise. Wheeljack glanced up from the tools he was helping Ratchet put away, his expression a cross between amused and bemused.
Perceptor didn't miss a beat. "Your fathers, uncles, and I were all in the rec. room after the victory of a particularly serious Decepticon battle. You know the effects of high-grade, correct?"
"Yes, Dad," the mech sparkling said sleepily.
"It loosens a Cybertronian, makes them more in-tune with their true emotions and allows them to express them without the fear of embarrassment."
Ratchet threw Perceptor a congratulatory glance. He was handling the conversation extraordinarily well.
All the scientist did to acknowledge the look was smile slightly and continue stroking the female sparkling in his lap.
"Well, Sideswipe had made the high-grade very strong that day…" He had spiked it with a bunch of human drugs he had messed with and stolen from a drug bust he and his brother were helping with. "…and he didn't realize quite how strong." He had no clue what effects the drugs would have if any. "I am grateful for it, though. If he hadn't, you wouldn't be here." Perceptor leaned down and gave both of his sparklings a kiss on the helm before looking forward again. "Well, your fathers and I then came together and exchanged the information that created your sparks. Afterwards, by the next morning, we realized that the feelings we have for each other weren't a hallucination but rather a reality. I carried your sparks inside of me for nearly a year, as did many others, and all the mother-creators on the Ark gave birth within a month of everyone else."
"And now we've got a wonderful family." Wheeljack waltzed over with a flourish and clicked off his mask, kissing Perceptor gently on the cheek and smiling at his sparklings fondly.
"You really don't realize how quiet a place is before you have sparklings," Ratchet said, nodding slightly.
The female looked up, a happy smile on her face that never failed to make her parents' sparks melt. She was an average size for a sparkling, and she had no alt. mode yet. Her armor was bright and her big baby blue optics peered from a lovely face. Her helm was standard and fairly nondescript, not touching her face but rather just the rest of her head. Tall antenna-like audios came out from the sides of her head, and Spike had once noted with amusement how they looked like pointed elf ears.
Elves. They were supposed to be a type of fairy. Elf ears would definitely fit a femme named Sprite.
Her brother looked a little different. His form was slightly more masculine and he didn't have the visible audios, as well as the fact that his paintjob was deep blue and silver instead of bright green and silver. His name was Bolt.
They were both the intellectuals' two innocent angels.
"Daddy, you didn't have to go through the effort of sugarcoating it for us. Uncle Sideswipe and Uncle Sunstreaker already told us the whole story."
On second thought, scratch the 'innocent' comment…
"Excuse me?" Ratchet asked as all three of them stiffened.
"They told us everything."
"Sideswipe got everyone high and there was mass interface. Turned out that the drug was a powerful aphrodisiac and fertility drug. That's why there's so many twins and triplets running around. And they gave us an overview of what they call 'The Talk,' but they told us that, in the occurrence that we should tell you about any of this, we should tell you that they left 'the fun part' for you three to explain. What's the fun part?" Something in Sprite's smile told her creators that she knew a bit more about what she was told than what she was letting on.
"Right then." Ratchet looked up at the door darkly and picked up a wrench from the counter that Wheeljack had yet to put away. "Give me a moment; I'm going to go give Sideswipe a little 'Talk' of his own."
Perceptor sighed and wrapped his arms around his children as the medic left. "What did I tell you both about asking Sideswipe and Sunstreaker questions?"
"There's no such thing as knowing too much, Daddy," Sprite said, grinning as she used her father's own words against him.
The scientist simply sighed again and Wheeljack burst into laughter.
It feels wonderful that I have finally managed to write one of these things! :D Okay, how it works is that I'm making a series of interconnected oneshots/drabbles in this universe where the Ark is crawling with sparklings conceived under the influence of drugs. If you're wondering why the Autobots don't just send the sparklings off to someplace safer far away from the war, there's a biological reason I'll address in a later oneshot/drabble. Hope this was a quick fix-up for anyone in search of humor/fluff. Reviews are appreciated! :D