Disclaimer: Don't own Potter…
A/N: Now remember, the relationship isn't going to develop straight away. I want to develop the plot and give some pieces of the background story before jumping into all the romance.
Don't worry, though. There will be major hints to the slash between Sirius and Remus. I'm just not making it really heavy at this point.
Also, even though Remus and Sirius aren't going to side with someone in the war, they are not going to only use light spells. This story is using a mixture of both "light and dark" which is not a plot spoiler. I just want to be clear that this is a "grey wizard" story.
Now that that long author's note is done, we can get to the longer chapter.
"We need to stop meeting like this," Remus smiled kindly as Sirius woke up, squinting as the morning light shinning through the window hit his eyes.
Looking around with his practically blinded eyes Sirius groaned as he realized where he was. A scratched up wooden floor, one small window opposite of the dark green couch he was lying on, a huge fireplace covering most of the smaller wall at the end of the narrow room…he was back in Remus' house; back in the same room where he found out he was a werewolf.
Slowly, Sirius started to sit up against the couch, surprised nothing hurt or ached as his back cracked into a sitting posture. He continued to look around the familiar room until he realized Remus was waiting for him to say something.
"Yeah, no kidding." Sirius replied, forgetting about his anger towards Remus for the moment.
A small silence followed before Remus said, "Are you going to run away again, or can we just talk about what happened and what is going to happen?" The annoyance slightly lacing Remus' voice didn't go unnoticed by the Black heir, which brought the forgotten anger back up to the surface once more.
Biting back a defensive remark Sirius changed the subject quickly by saying in a naïve tone, "Before anything, can I have something to eat?" He put his hand to his stomach as an added affect.
Remus sighed and nodded before leaving for the kitchen in silence.
Sirius watched as Remus left, and sighed in relief as the light swinging door closed shut, sealing off the living room from the kitchen. He was hungry; he did crave for something to fill his queasy stomach. However, more so then that, Sirius wanted Remus to leave, to be distracted by something. Sirius wanted to stall as long as he could before talking with his wolfish friend.
For Sirius didn't want Remus lecturing him. And the 'little talk' Remus wanted to have wouldn't be a talk at all. Instead Remus would throw insults and orders at Sirius. He rolled his eyes. Remus would want to practically control Sirius' life after that little incident in Hogsmeade. But Sirius was a grown adult for Merlin's sake! He could handle the situation, he wasn't bloody stupid.
Yes, the running away was childish. However, it wasn't like a child running away from home (and Sirius knew from experience what that was like). He was only running from Remus. He walked from a house he didn't live in, from a person he didn't want to be with. What he did was perfectly fine.
And yes, it wasn't exactly smart by taking the chances by wandering the streets while he was still the "Famous Murderer: Sirius Black!" He was in his animagus form, though, and there weren't any dementors lurking about.
Of course it showed immaturity to walk away from problems and let his emotions take control. And, as an even bigger problem, there was the reaction Sirius had while surrounded by other people. Remus had told him he wouldn't, eh, act like himself when surrounded by people on an empty stomach. Sirius had to admit that he was warned. But the older werewolf didn't elaborate. How could have Sirius known that would happen?
And he now knew that there were many serious risks out there. He knew now that being a werewolf wasn't just changing forms every full moon. He could research the topic and find facts. He could…go to the Grimmauld Place. There was a huge library there, and even though there were some rather dangerous books, half of the library was dedicated to dark arts books which included dark creature books. He could easily get over to the old house before showing it to the Order. There would be plenty of books on werewolves under those categories.
Sirius wasn't a child. He could handle himself. He wasn't the same immature little boy Remus knew growing up in Hogwarts. And since Remus didn't know that, Sirius was still treated as that same small child.
There was more to him then what Remus saw.
Sighing again, Sirius watched as Remus entered the room with a small plate of cooked turkey on it. Slightly disappointed to see the steaming food, and disappointed that it was ready so soon, Sirius frowned at the platter.
"What's wrong?" Remus asked as he spotted the down turned lips placed on Sirius' face.
Remus bit his lip but stayed quiet as he sat the tray down on a table. Sirius scooted over on the couch, pulling the table closer. He slowly picked up the knife and fork and started cutting the meat up. One by one he put a bite of cooked turkey into his mouth, noticing the taste was much duller then before. A few times Sirius noticed Remus open his mouth to say something, but after all the times his lips parted they closed once more. However, after the clanking of silverware ceased as Sirius put down the fork on the empty plate, Remus reacted quickly and took the tray straight away into the kitchen, as if in a hurry.
He returned as quickly as he came.
Remus sat down on a chair facing Sirius, wearing his "I need to talk" face. Only recently had Sirius started recognizing Remus' expressions, and he used this little talent to ready himself before almost every conversation he and Remus had.
So he knew even before Remus opened his mouth that this would not be an entertaining little chat.
"What the hell were you thinking?" The words of Remus echoed what thousands of parents, muggles and magical alike, have previously said when a disobedient child did some kind of dangerous stunt.
Instead of snapping back Sirius wisely bit his tongue. He would have to take anything Remus said if he was to go to his old childhood home by the end of the day, because he wanted to get there before he had to show Albus the house, which would be around noon, only five hours away. For some reason he felt…he felt as if he shouldn't rummage through all the old books from the House of Black. Those were dark books after all. He didn't want people to see him searching through all of those books, especially since some people would be very wary of him after Azkaban. And also, he didn't want people knowing about his werewolf bite so soon, and they would surly find out if they saw him pouring over werewolf books.
"You were in danger." It wasn't a question.
"You were endangering others."
Sirius' unemotional answers seemed to make Remus even angrier.
"You were out of control! Do you know what would have happened if I hadn't gotten there? Only ten minutes later would the pain had disappeared, leaving you as a monstrous dog! You would have killed people! You would have enjoyed it! You would have given truth to the fake story that got you locked up in Azkaban!"
That hit a sore spot. Hard. Sirius closed his eyes and bit his already abused tongue, drawing blood easily by reopening a previous wound. He deserved it, though. He was acting like an unemotional idiot. He wasn't explaining things to a confused and concerned Remus. It was his fault he left, and his fault for causing Remus' anger. "I'm sorry," He croaked out.
Remus seemed to ignore Sirius and continued ranting. "Really, what was going on it that mind of yours? I told you, I told you to not go out, to stay away from people, especially since only minutes before you had tasted and craved for blood. Why the hell did you go out after all of those warnings?"
Knowing he needed to answer Sirius voiced his previous thoughts and said, "It's not as if I knew that that would happen."
Remus, who had a clenched fist, was silent.
Remus finally asked, "That's all you have to say?" His hands were still clasped and his face held tension, but his words came out softly.
"I suppose so." Sirius wanted to make this conversation as quick as possible.
"It was stupid." Remus looked as if he wanted to say more, but didn't know how to say it.
Sirius took his hesitation as a chance to cut him off and out of his thoughts. "Anyway, I'm fine now, right? That's all in the past, I won't make the mistake again. But, I was wondering, well, I don't need to stay and rest here, do I?"
Remus was indeed startled out of his thoughts but replied nonetheless. "You should rest, but you don't have to stay. It wouldn't be bad to move around a little, but I wouldn't overdo it. You just can't go in public. And for Merlin's sake don't go around telling everyone you're a werewolf, alright?
Sirius felt ashamed that Remus thought so little of him but he still nodded.
Remus asked, "Why ask? Is there somewhere you wanted to go?"
Sirius mentally hesitated. "I wanted to stop by the Grimmauld Place…just to make sure I was ready to face it before showing it to the Headmaster. He said he'd stop by here, remember? I suppose he wouldn't stop by my place because it's practically falling apart, I don't even know if he knows where it's located." Sirius mused out loud.
Remus scowled, confusing Sirius, but the frown lightened up and he asked, "You shouldn't do a lot of work over there, but if you are up to it I suppose you should go. How do you feel?"
"I'm fine Remus. Really." His tone was sincere and his eyes pieced through Remus' as he said this. "You don't have to worry. And I don't want you to."
Remus studied him through suspicious eyes. "Why aren't you angry?"
Caught off guard Sirius childishly said, "Huh?"
Remus looked like he wanted to roll his eyes. "You haven't stood up for yourself, not really. Your answers are so vague. You haven't started yelling. And I half wish you had yelled so I could know what you were thinking. But you haven't expressed what you are thinking; I don't know how to explain this all to you if you won't communicate with me!"
Really looking apologetic he said, "I'm sorry." He knew he wouldn't get off lying to this statement.
"I'm not going to say anything else right now," Remus said, staring out of the window. "But I am going to make sure you don't do anything idiotic, and I'm going to wait for you to be ready before we really discus this serious issue."
"Okay." Sirius' tone was humorless.
"Okay," Remus repeated, nodding his head at the agreement. "I'll, I'll let you be on your way then. Make sure to be here for when Albus arrives."
And with that last statement Remus exited the room, leaving Sirius alone, and feeling slightly bad. He hated upsetting his friend, really. He hated lying and concealing things from Remus. But Remus just wouldn't understand how Sirius needed to search through dark books. He wouldn't understand how Sirius felt after that incident in Hogsmeade, or after everything that happened in his life.
He would fix things with Remus Lupin as soon as he got his life under control.
Quietly Sirius left the house.
Sirius Black appeared on the doorstep of an old, skinny looking house. The house itself gave off an unwelcomed feeling; a feeling of depression. A feeling that made you want to stay away, but not out of fear…out of despair.
Ah, number twelve; home sweet home.
Sirius stepped up once, until his body was balancing on a narrow step. He checked his watch. Only three hours until noon now, and he would need to get to Remus' at least ten minutes early. He still had time, but not much. And he didn't know how much time he would get after Albus came. Maybe the house wouldn't be good enough for headquarters…maybe it would. Either way it would be hard to get to the library without people getting suspicious.
For if the Order came, the house would be free to many, many people who could come and go when they please. If the Order didn't stay, it would look off to have Sirius return to this place time after time without Sirius actually moving in. It wasn't as if Sirius could tell someone, like Remus, that he was going on errands. He couldn't go in public because of his Azkaban title and now because of his uncontrolled wolf inside him. And he couldn't sneak out because people could stop by his temporary hide-a-way house at any time, and if he wasn't there then were else would he be? And it was no secrete he hated this place, so it wasn't as if he could visit it because he liked spending time here… he was only here now because of what he told Remus, which wouldn't work as an excuse for next time.
If things got really hectic though he could move in, even though he wouldn't enjoy it, but it would let him sneak into the library during the small periods of time when people weren't present.
But right now he wasn't living there, and he was anxious to get information on the creature he had become. So he only had three hours to get what he wanted. He only hoped it would be enough time.
His hand reached out and grabbed the cold doorknob. He hesitated slightly before turning the knob and opening the squeaking door. He winced as the sound echoed throughout the halls, no doubt alerting the old painting of his mother that someone had entered the house.
However, as he listened, still frozen in the same position as he was when he opened the door, he heard nothing. Relaxing his shoulders, he shut the door carefully, and started climbing the stairs, thankfully only coming across one creaking board.
Reaching the top, he walked along the dull blue carpet covering a narrow strip of the wooden floor. Flashes of memories hit him when seeing some of the familiar furniture and walls, but he shook it off and only let his mind think about the reason as to why he was here; to find information. He turned a corner and glanced at the thankfully sleeping portrait of his hideous mother.
Of course, she wasn't ugly in her figure. She was slender but not delicate, and even though you could only see her shoulders, someone would be able to tell she was wearing an expensive gown, like any respecting proud pure blood would were. Jewelry traced her neck frame, and simple earrings hid under her long and styled hair. Makeup was etched into her face so finely that one wouldn't be able she even knew the meaning touch-up. However, the one flaw, which could not be hidden, resided in the wrinkles gathered around her mouth, formed from to many scowls. Those wrinkles, along her stone eyes which were currently hidden, were the only features that showed her true hideous personality.
A dull sensation of hatred bubbled beneath Sirius' skin as he stared at the painting before turning away.
Feeling like his childhood self, he tip-toed up the stairs doing his best to not alert his portrait mother. Reaching the third floor, he walked past a few old rooms and cupboards. Ignoring all of them, he continued to walk down the hallway of pealing wallpaper, finally stopping before a small set of doors, not noble or proud the way a pure blood's library entrance would usually look like. That was mostly because this wasn't the proudest house of Black existing. Sirius knew of many properties located about the country. None of them were hidden under layers of spells, though, and Sirius didn't want to take any chance in running into unwelcomed company by visiting the mansions. So for now, he was stuck with the old and dull house holding many unpleasant memories.
He slipped through the creaking library doors before closing them. Seeing only black depths before him he muttered quick lumos and watched as light poured out of his temporary wand. Before looking through the books, Sirius Black quickly walked around the room, lighting all of the endless wax supplied candles. Finally he turned around to face the old library.
The bookshelves were aligned in the normal, expected pattern. There were five rows, with six bookshelves in each row. In-between each bookshelf was at least one foot of empty space, enabling a person to browse through the books as they pleased. However, like most wizard libraries, there was a different method for book browsing then walking through the rows while squinting at the titles along the cracked spines.
For in many libraries there was a piece of parchment rolled out and, usually, permanently stuck to an old table. This parchment had a charm casted on it, which was slightly similar as the charm used on the Marauder's Map. The charm let ink fad and reappear constantly. There were more complex spells casted, however, that let the parchment carry out all the useful tasks.
What it was used for was to find books without having to search manually throughout the selection, which was very useful in much larger libraries. What a person would do would be to right the category of the book he or she wanted to read onto the charmed parchment. After a minute or so, the ink would disappear, only to reaper once more with a list of all books under that topic. The parchment would grow longer if it didn't fit all of the books that needed to be listed. The searcher could then easily accio the books on the list towards them, and when they were done they could say a simple novo, or 'refresh', and the list would disappear, leaving a blank parchment waiting to be used once more.
Sirius walked to the opposite end of the room, were a small blue rug covered the middle of the dark wooded floor. Three chairs, along with a small loveseat, sat around in a semicircle on top of the rug. In the middle of this was a rather large table with one of those spelled parchments lying neatly on top. Next to it rested a raven feathered quill, and a half empty bottle of simple black ink.
Beside this casual gathering area was a more sophisticated studying spot. A large dark cedar desk stood parallel to a wall with a matching cedar chair. White waxed candles sat on top of the desk in the corners, still leaving enough room to hold about five opened books side by side. Sirius didn't even have to look inside the drawers to know that at least twenty ink bottles would be resting neatly next to each other, along with a few piles of parchment and a couple extra quills.
Sirius decided to start his search out in one of the three velvet soft chairs. He pulled the chair closer to the enchanted parchment before writing down a single word.
It wasn't long before a fairly long list of books appeared, and he read it carefully as shadows danced across the page. He decided to start with three basic and vague titles:
Everything You Need To Know About Werewolves, What You Didn't Know About the Hybrid Beast, and Werewolf: The Truth.
He accioed the three books, smiling slightly as they floated over to him, landing one on top of the other on the closest end of the desk Sirius sat by. He pulled out the book Everything You Need To Know About Werewolves first. He eagerly glanced through the contents, and started to read a few of the chapters that he thought would answer some of his questions.
However, only a little over half an hour later brought forth a disappointed Sirius Black. Let's just say the book was not everything you need to know about werewolves. Quite the opposite in fact. It was a stereotypical view of the werewolf, and there was less information, if any, about the hybrid people and more chapters saying that werewolves were horrible monsters. The whole thing made Sirius sick. How could someone be so narrow minded? In disgust, he closed the book and looked at the author. Nestor Radogins.
If he ever met that guy he would punch him right in the lower jaw…or jinx him. Whichever would seem more appropriate at the time.
Not wanting to take the chance of reading more editorial writing Sirius picked up the book Werewolf: The Truth because it seemed more likely to have better information then the last.
Reading the first page told Sirius he was wrong.
"The Truth" was just "the truth" of another narrow minded person. The whole book was an opinion. It was just one, long, persuasive piece. Sirius had half the mind to set the book to flames, but he refrained and instead looked at the author.
Who would have thought Nestor Radogins would have more then one written book?
How popular were his books if he had two, and maybe more? Sirius thought. It was a miracle the guy had books published. It reminded him of Gilderoy Lockhart.
Pulling the last book he had summoned he was relieved to see it wasn't that Nestor person who wrote the book. He skimmed through the pages of What You Didn't Know About the Hybrid Beast book and started to actually read the text thoroughly, pleased that he was actually learning about werewolves.
He read the interesting text in the light of flickering flames. Line by line he grew more engrossed in the book. Some things fascinated him, other facts scared him. However, it wasn't long before he carried the book over to the large cedar desk and pulled out parchment, ink, and a quill. Slowly he started to take notes on the first chapter.
What to do When You Think You Were Bitten by a Werewolf
If a person was bitten by someone who is indeed part wolf there are three different forms in which the bite can affect that person. Situation One: The werewolf is in human form when biting the human. This is a rare case. That is because, when a werewolf is human they have a lot of self control, more so then what people give credit for. A werewolf that is not in control is usually a newborn, and sometimes an adult on a night before full moon. When bitten by the human werewolf a person will not become a werewolf as well. The only side effect will be a rather nasty scar from the bite and perhaps a slight agitation around important moon cycles. Nothing else will come it and the bitten victim will continue living their life in a normal style.
Situation Two: A werewolf bites a human in wolf form, but not on a full moon. This is even less likely then situation one. Only a few, powerful, alpha werewolves can change their form to their wolf on a night that is not a full moon. The alpha werewolves that can change are those who are pureblood by werewolf standards, and also magical. Pureblood, by a werewolf defination, is one who was born from parents who are also werewolves. The child will sometimes by a witch or wizard, or a muggle, or a werewolf. The werewolves need to be magical because shifting forms requires so much power, a muggle simply would not be able to produce the will power to change. Being alpha has nothing to do with it, but since the head werewolf is usually a pureblood and is also usually the strongest then they will most likely be able to shift forms. As said above, this takes much power and strength, and will always leave the changing werewolf exhausted afterwards.
When bitten on a day that is not full moon by a power werewolf is in his/her wolf form, the result will be similar to situation one, with more consequences. Scars will be left on the skin, first of all. However, the real danger lies in the nights of a full moon. The person will be extremely irritated and crave for raw and bloody meat. Their eyes may develop a small shade of amber and a small amount of extra hair growth may be noticeable, but their physical form will not change otherwise. This is because, even though the venom carrying the DNA of the werewolf is injected into the person being bitten, the full effect will not be serious because the werewolf isn't in their strongest form. For some unknown reason, the chromosomes carrying the DNA work in a whole other way then animal mitosis and meiosis work, for this changes the person while they are existing, which isn't the normal work of cell dividing. It somehow works as a virus, changing the codes written into a person's genes, and for some reason the venom only fully alters the DNA with the backup of the moon; which is unexplainable for it is the supernatural mystery that lies in the art of lycanthropy.
Situation Three: The stereotypical case of a werewolf biting a human on a full moon. This bite will change a person's life forever. After the injection, the person will fully become a werewolf. If you are not sure if a wolf, dog, or werewolf bit you then here are the symptoms. Slight fever for the first hours, craving for raw meat, irritation and dangerous behavior around people, and, the most obvious one, the painful transformation on a full moon. Most people live through the transformation, however if it is a small child the chances of surviving are alarmingly low. The best chance a child would have surviving would be in a magical hospital, where a special pain killer toxin can be given to help the child's body willingly submit to the transformation.
Sirius wondered if Remus was injected with the pain killer when he went through his first transformation. However, Sirius wanted to read more about the werewolf transformation so he flipped to the next chapter and started outlining that as well.
So You're a Werewolf: Now What?
There are many things to know about the world of the wolves. First off, a person who is turned into a werewolf should have a mentor, or guide, who is also a werewolf. The experience is to rough and confusing to endure by oneself. The mentor is usually the werewolf who bite the person which only makes sense since the werewolf who turned the person into a wolf has complete control over the fate of the newly made werewolf. Which means the werewolf who bit the person can choose whether the person joins the pack, or lives freely. There are times when the werewolf will kill the newly made.
That was new news for Sirius. It was worrying, really. The person who had turned him could decide where he would go? Perhaps that Stirling, or whoever bit him, decided to let him go since the werewolf had left soon after Sirius was bitten. Or maybe the werewolf thought he was dead…
Either way Sirius didn't want to know. Not yet. Right now he had to educate himself more on the werewolf topic.
Something that every new werewolf must know is that the first full moon is the hardest. The person's body will not be used to the forceful and mandatory transformation. I, personally, can not describe it for I have never endured it. However, I will quote an anonymous person who has gone through the transformation. He says, "First it starts in the spine. A slight tingling which fools your brain into thinking nothing painful will happen. But soon…soon after that a burst, a burst of burning poison, will build up and your back will crack as it bends and shapes itself into that of a dog's. The mouth is also an…uncomfortable experience. I can't remember anything except the twisting of my bones and sharpening of my ivory teeth. My focus was more on my buttock…don't laugh. Try growing a tail sometime and you'll really feel what it's like to have something up you arse."
He didn't know whether to wince or laugh. While going through his animagus training he had somewhat experienced that feeling. Sirius wasn't fooled, though, and he knew this full moon transformation would be much, much more painful then a clever magic trick.
He read on.
And although the first time is the worse, the next time will have a little less pain, as will the next transformation after that. Once the body has fully expected the inner wolf living inside of a person, the person will no longer dread the full moons. In fact, werewolves enjoy the full moon. It's a celebration. Our anonymous source has said that not even a wizard's animagus form can give you the feeling of the wolf. You are the wolf, it isn't just an animal that your magic picks. "It's like getting to know yourself all over again. Nothing can beat the cool air, rushing through your fur, as your run across the ground with your pack mates. It makes your human life seem dull."
Relived, but confused, Sirius put his quill down and sat back in thought. If this text was indeed true, then why did Remus still have painful full moons? He knew Remus wasn't faking, for the small grey hairs placed along Remus' dark brown hair and weariness in his amber eyes was enough proof that Sirius needed. However, the book didn't say if a child took a longer time to get out of the painful transformation, so that could explain most of Remus' years in Hogwarts. And then soon afterwards came the wolfsbane potion, which might have made Remus' body go against the transformation. If Remus was neglecting to expect his wolf then his transformations would stay painful…
Suddenly Sirius wasn't so angry with Remus anymore. He was more concerned for the unnecessary pain that Remus was going through.
He went to turn the page and he caught a glimpse of his watch. It was eleven forty.
"Ah, shit," He cursed, leaning back in the chair letting his head hang backwards. After taking a deep breath he quickly casted a drying charm on the ink on his parchment before folding the paper and pocketing it. He also shrank the book he was reading and stuffed it into his cloak pocket as well. He said a quick restituo on the remaining useless books, and they each flew back to where they had come from on there spots on the dusty bookshelf. He also said, "Novo," which made the list of werewolf books disappear. Sirius circled the library again, this time putting out each candle. When the last one blinked out and darkness engulfed him, Sirius Black left the library.
However, in his rush Sirius forgot to stay quiet to prevent from waking his portrait mother. He had run down the stairs and was already on the same floor as the portrait when he had realized that he needed to stay quiet. He started to creep along the hall, making no more noise on his journey. He had just rounded the corner when his shoulders slumped and a scowl formed on his face.
His dear old mother was awake.
Not only awake was she awake and glaring at Sirius, but beside the portrait stood a hunched over and dirt covered house elf named Kreacher.
Sirius sighed. This would be a painful confrontation.
A/N: Bad spot to leave it at, I know. I will say that one of these two characters will be the cause of a huge problem that will occur later in the story. Anyway, I didn't say it above, but I'm sorry for the long update. I rewrote the beginning of this chapter over and over, not able to make it fit in well with the chapter. I hope it worked well enough, let me know what you thought of the chapter.