Summary: Bella visits Jacob on rainy afternoon, tensions rise, angst and passion ensue! Jacob/Bella.
Author's note: Hello! This is my first Twilight fanfic. I recently got hooked on the series and fell in love with Jacob, despite his flaws. :) Anywho, I don't know where this would fit in the series…maybe sometime between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn? I don't know, I just wrote it…so maybe it's AU? Regardless, it's a one-shot and I hope you all enjoy! Thanks for reading and replying, if you're so compelled, in advance!
It should have woken me up, but it didn't. The rumbling of her truck should have woken the dead. The rain pounding against the metal should have, the slamming of the door should have, the creaking of the floor boards should have. But the only thing that even touched my slumber was one delicate hand, brushing across my face and into my hair line.
My eyes shot open the moment her cool skin made contact with mine, sparks followed, trailed, burning and cooling my skin simultaneously. Her breathing was soft against the labored push of mine, trying to seem like I hadn't been dreaming of her just now, of this moment.
"Bells…" I managed, my voice thick with sleep, as she pulled her hand away from my forehead, dropping it to her lap.
"I should have known you'd be sleeping," she smiled as her eyes trailed around my bedroom, catching on every piece of clothing scattered on the floor.
My eyes followed hers as they scuttled to the window, her watching the lines of water rolling down, me watching the lines that began to form on her forehead. The bed shifted as she moved away.
"Hey," I whispered, my fingers reaching out to touch the crease on her forehead. The wrinkles wavered and shuddered under my touch as her eyes closed. I knew she was trying to relax, I could hear her trying to steady her breathing as she listened to me speak once more.
"We don't have to talk about it…" I said, my fingers moving, grazing her nose and mouth to rest on her chin. "We can just sit here and breathe for all I care."
Her eyes fluttered open, immediately looking down, following behind the trail that my fingers had just made. Her lips trembled as I ran my thumb across her chin.
I sat up, we were closer now. My other hand reached for hers, pulling it up, looping my fingers through hers. I gave it a light squeeze and she took in a sharp breath.
"I'm sorry," I murmured, pulling both of my hands away from her. They found their way into my hair, clutching at it roughly as if to make myself think clearer. "I'm not making this any easier for you, am I?"
"Not for either of us, actually…" she sighed, looking at the hand which mine had held.
"Right," I muttered, releasing my hair, my hands falling into my lap.
The sound of the rain filled in our silence. Her eyes focused on my bedspread. My eyes focused on her fingers, which slowly traced the pattern that stopped at my leg. Her fingers paused hesitantly at the edge, barely touching my leg. Even through the fabric, it felt as though she had lit a fire that raced through my body. I was the one who tried to control my breathing now as her gaze lifted from the bed, across my bare chest, to my eyes.
"I'm sorry…" The crease on her forehead formed again as she stared at me hard. "I don't know why I do this…"
I did. Every week, without fail, I would find Bella at my side at whatever sporadic time she may have chose. I didn't ask her to stop coming, to stop being with me or making me feel this way. I didn't want her to. I was going to soak up every second of this, no matter how much it hurt in the end. I never claimed to be honorable or selfless. When it came to Bella I couldn't be.
"Maybe it's your subconscious trying to tell you something," I joked, the sides of my mouth pulling up at the corners, trying to give her the smile she loved, the Jacob that she loved.
An exhaled breath that hitched roughly in her throat passed as a laugh.
"You know I can't resist you, Jacob," She murmured as nonchalantly as she could manage.
A strangled sigh was all I could give in response as my eyes drifted down her face, stopping at her small mouth. Half of her bottom lip caved into her mouth as her teeth closed down on it. I knew she regretted the words. We both knew they were true.
My fingers trembled, my eyes still trained on her lips.
"Ask me," I moaned, my uneven voice barely above a whisper.
Instantly I hated myself, seeing the warmth rise to her cheeks, the silent tremor of her lips. I was an awful person who needed to be put away for his crimes.
"Jacob…" She whimpered softly, a struggle in her voice.
"Right…right…I'm sorry," was all I could say as I threw my body back against the weak headboard. The bed shook as I slammed my eyes shut. "I shouldn't have asked you that. I don't have the right. I shouldn't ask you that…"
I opened my eyes again as a ragged sigh escaped from her lips. "No, you shouldn't. I shouldn't…wish you would either."
Suddenly I felt as if I needed a cold shower. My skin burned from the inside out, scorching my resolve and incinerating my control. I stood almost as quickly as I felt the wave of heat that rushed upon my body. I took to pacing the room, my fists contracting slightly, my bottom lip becoming raw with each push of pressure from my teeth.
"I'm sorry I make things so difficult Jacob. Not just for us…for everyone involved."
I knew she meant him.
The only response I gave was a low growl, my hands slicing through my hair before interlocking behind my neck. After a few more circles around the room, I let my hands drop to my sides.
"I should go…" Bella said, wobbly standing to her feet and bracing herself on my headboard.
"Bells…you don't have to," I sighed, squeezing at my forehead. "Really…I - I wish you'd stay."
She didn't respond as she crossed the room, didn't say a word as she slipped her hand into mine. She stared up at me silently, her brown eyes memorizing the shape of my face, as if she wouldn't see me again. My breathing picked up again as she pressed her cheek to my bare chest. I let my fingers tangle in her hair, my thumb rolling across her fingers. It was our routine.
The puff of air that escaped her mouth as my fingers grazed the back of her neck, made me shiver. Pressing a small kiss to my chest, Bella pulled away slightly, my hand tumbling reluctantly out of her hair.
Her eyes pleaded with me, a mix of remorse and delight shone clear, as if saying 'It's wrong how much I need you.' Instead she said, "It used to be so easy when you just did all of this and I was oblivious."
Expelling the air from my mouth quickly, I murmured hurriedly, "Not for me. It's never been easy."
"Jake…" Her regret was heavy, tangible in her tone.
"That doesn't mean I still don't want it, Bella. It's not easy. But I'd rather suffer than not be near you. No matter the circumstances."
I barely heard the words before her arms snaked around my neck. "Kiss me, Jake." It was almost as if she were rewarding me, yet sentencing me to a miserable fate with those quiet words.
Her breathing came out in a heavy sigh as my mouth collided with hers, not bothering to build up to anything. We both knew it wouldn't last for long. A few seconds of exploring and trembling and she would pull away, feeling worse than before, taking her punishment back to Forks.
Pulling her upwards, my arms closed around her waist as she let her fingers roam through my hair, tousling it beyond repair. The soft moans that floated to my ears died out quietly as she pressed in closer to me, letting me pull at her bottom lip softly with my teeth before kissing her again. Only a few more seconds.
The kisses became slow and brief as our tongues barely touched, the heat of our closeness gradually fading out as she pulled away with hazy eyes, her lips smashed together. She tried to slow her breathing, to no avail as she pulled her fingers away from my scalp, smoothing the hair against my neck softly as she tried not to look me in the eyes.
I sat her down, slowly, agonizingly as her body slipped down my chest, leaving a trail of fire in her wake. Smoothing her own hair, she stepped away from me, still gasping for breath. Her fingers immediately flew to her eyes, trying to stop the tears we both knew would come. Anger, disappointment and sadness always tainted our last moments.
Her eyes finally reached mine, firmly, as if trying to convey that this would not happen again. Soon. Looking away again she opened the door to my bedroom, silently walking from the tiny hall to the door. It still rained.
We didn't say goodbye. We didn't say anything. Our eyes only locked briefly, communicating our mutual pain, disgust and pleasure. And with one final sigh, a smothered cry that epitomized our relationship, she was out the door and into the rain, running blindly for her truck.
With my own choking sob, I watched her go, tires spinning, as if she couldn't leave fast enough. The warmth of her lips still lingered on mine, the prickling of her touch around my neck, the pull of her fingers in my hair. Swallowing hard, I made my way back to my room, dissatisfied, frustrated and lonely, like I always was.
The rain pounded even louder in my ears as the sound of her truck completely faded away. Her smell still lingered in my room, all the proof that she was ever here, slowly vanishing with each passing minute.
I settled back into my original position, this time sprawled out except for my arms, which I hugged tightly to my chest. For the first time I realized why she had done this. To keep herself together, to stop herself from falling apart and dissolving.
Deceptive thoughts soon clouded my brain. Next time it would be different. Next time she would stay. Next time loving only me would be enough. Next time it wouldn't hurt so much. Next time….
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I groaned as I began to feel her heat, her warmth rolling off of me. Slowly burning down, dying out, leaving me cold and unfeeling. The embers flared to life once more, just for a moment, as her face invaded my thoughts. The image lingered before being carried away by a sharp and abrupt bitter winter.
The fire was out. Cold. Empty. With no proof, nothing left but the charred ashes of what remained.