Hate Is A Strong Word
A/N: Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews you guys! I really enjoy reading them and I hope you are enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. However I have a little thing to ask, if anyone was willing to beta the story for me? Please PM me if you want to because I want to give this story the best quality I can, so please pm if you are willing! Much love and please drop me a line if you are reading.
I woke up with a throbbing pain pulsing in my head and a leg between mine. I was too fucking scared to open my eyes, after the episode last night on the kitchen we had stumbled into our room, fell onto the bed and done it again, and again. We hadn't got to the point were we had sex but I'd say we were pretty fucking close, and after he had licked me all over I fell back and just fell asleep, I didn't know how we had ended up in this position. His arm around my waist, his leg between mine, our almost naked bodies pressed together. I opened my eyes slowly, scared of what I was going to find.
Edward was awake and he was just staring at me. Fucking creepy. I yawned and tried to move, subtly, but he didn't let me go. He smiled a little and then he pulled himself on top of me. I was trapped between his body and the bed, I could feel every fucking part of his body pressed against me, his muscles weren't defined, he was rather lanky, but they were so fucking sexy, I could feel myself getting wet, and that damn smirk that was plastered in his face, wasn't helping me at all. I licked my lips and he smirked again.
"What are you doing exactly?" I asked as I tried to move a little, I noticed a scratch on his arm, my nails had left a mark.
"I think we could repeat the performance of last night." He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I bit back my smile. I was about to jump him, the wetness between my legs was rather unbearable, and since his knee was pressed against my tight I was sure he was feeling it too, when I remembered...Alice.
"Jeez! Edward, no no NO! We weren't even supposed to have sex, Oh God if Jasper and Alice find out they'll kill us, they'll..." he pressed his finger against my mouth and stopped my lips from moving.
"We didn't have sex, however if you had that in mind..." he smirked again and his fingertips barely touched my hard nipple, I moaned, jeez fucking calm down.
"Edward no..." my willpower was weaker and weaker with every touch.
"Bella we are married..." he whispered against my neck "Alice and Jasper are not here..." his fingers were dancing around my belly button "...and well we are just horny..." and just when his fingers were about to reach my center, he stopped. "But since you don't want to break the rules with me maybe I should get Kate..."
I grabbed him by the hair, pulling harshly and pressed my mouth against his. I opened his mouth with my tongue, he didn't put up a fight to be honest, and lost all coherent thought when I felt his naked erection pressing against my tight. Maybe I was going to have sex with him right now, I hadn't got any since our wedding night and I barely remembered it. He squeezed my hips and his hands dances slowly down, until he reached my tights and spread my legs open harshly. I moaned louder and his lips moved down to my jaw, my neck, he kept on biting me and licking over it.
"Nggnn, Edward stooop..." I whispered as he licked the skin between my breasts. "Edward...stop." he pulled back but my grip on his hair tightened. "You are killing me...ngnn"
And then he did it. If I was going to stop before no there was no way I was going to. He pulled back, pressed his forehead against mine and while he licked his lips he spoke with a voice that dripped fucking sex...
"Do you want me to try to revive you?"
My heartbeat was out of control and my legs immediately wrapped around his waist, pressing his erection to my inner tight. I moaned and when I did he kissed me, plunging his mouth into my mouth, I moaned and bit his tongue, this only made his grip on my hair tighten and I could feel my wetness running down my tights. He bit my neck harshly this time, and then he pushed my hair out of my face and licked my cheek. Fucking sexy, I was dripping. He pulled away and pressed his forehead against mine as he closed his eyes, his hot breath all over my face and him between my legs, I didn't know if I could take it.
"Fuck you Cullen, fuck you..." I muttered as he chuckled, his whole body vibrating against mine.
"If you are lucky..." my mouth went dry again. "Do you want to get lucky Bella?"
"BELLA! BELLA! ARE YOU HOME?" Alice's high pitched tone echoed in every corner of the house. I groaned.
"Holy Fuck tell me she's not here..." he muttered as he dropped his face into my neck. "Make her go away Bella, I can't wake up with this massive hard on and have a good day."
"Ughn...I muttered and then rolled my eyes when I heard her walking up the stairs. "Move, move, move!" I pushed him off of me and ran towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. When Alice opened the door of our bedroom, without knocking of course, I was already in the shower. And hopefully Edward had put his boxers on.
"MY EYES! MY EYES!"
Okay maybe not.
I was getting a little creeped out, I mean I wasn't that fascinating and when I ate I ate like a fucking pig, there was ice cream all over my face, but Rosalie was staring at me like I was the most fascinating thing ever. I rolled my eyes and shrugged as I continued eating. I was already surprised by how she all of a sudden wanted to go shopping with me but I didn't argue, anything was better than Alice and Jasper trying to act like we were in the Spanish Inquisition about Edward's and I whereabouts last night. I grabbed my purse as soon as I saw them cornering Edward and agreed with Rosalie's generous offer. I was kind of regretting now.
I looked up and she had a smug smirk plastered on her thin lips. I swallowed. Was she like sharks that smelled fear?
"How many?" she asked while she played with a lock of her hair.
"How many what?" I asked as I visibly relaxed and leaned back while keeping the eye contact.
"How many times did you fuck Edward last night?" the corner of her mouth lifted slightly, my eyes widened and I dropped my spoon. WHAT THE FUCK? How did she know? Had she seen? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK "Bella, are you going to answer?"
"I...don't know...what you...are talking about." I stated with a shaky voice, she laughed and then leaned closer to me, as close as the table between us let her.
"C'mon Bella you are glowing, I know what kind of glow's on you. Besides Edward might be an asshole but he sure as hell is good..." she stopped and rolled her eyes. "Sorry too much information I guess. Anyway since I'm sure you can't talk to Alice about this, so I thought I'd give you a hand..."
But I couldn't think about that, had she...
"Did you sleep with Edward?" I blurted out before I could think remotely about it. I was sure that the surprise was clear on my face, if Rosalie, had been with Edward, well then I had no chance to even get his attention, STOP FUCKER, why did I want his attention? I didn't, I didn't. God, WHY THE FUCK ISN'T SHE ANSWERING?
"Yes. He said that we were friends and that no one was in the house and that we were just horny..." she laughed but I didn't hear what she said after because Edward's words echoed in my head. He had said the exact same things to me, this morning. We are married, Alice and Jasper are not here and more of his fuckery...my vision was getting blurry and I couldn't believe that I was fucking crying over this shit. It was my fault for believing the fucking lies he kept on telling. God was I just plain stupid?
"Excuse me..." I muttered as I grabbed my purse and pushed the chair back, I started running towards the bathroom as I searched frenetically for my cellphone. I could hear Rosalie yelling my name but I didn't care, I pulled my cellphone out as soon as I reached the bathroom and dailed the number I knew so well.
I stared at myself in the mirror as Alice kept on fighting with my dress. I had spent the whole afternoon talking to Jacob, crying on the phone with him asking what was wrong and saying he was going to get into a plain as soon as possible, and then I had stormed into the house and went directly towards the room where Alice was staying, Edward's show was today and I was sure I was already late. I knew I shouldn't be angry at Edward, after all he was, had been, like this all his life, I was sure, I was the stupid one that had let him blantaly lie to me and swallowed all of his shit. He probably brought Kate over because he knew what the outcome would be. Disgusting fucker.
"Bella, are you okay?" Alice looked at me like I was insane. I smiled as sweetly as I could and nodded. "You have been muttering obscene words ever since you came in, you are talking to yourself, I'm afraid you might be going crazy." she grimaced and placed one of her tiny hands on my shoulder. "Bella are you okay?"
"I'll be just fine Alice." I buffed and then got up to stare at myself in the mirror, the tiny blue dress Alice had forced me into was very flattering, not to say that I looked like a fucking slut. I tried to pull my hair to the side but it was kind of impossible to move with the ten cans of spray Alice had applied to it. My curls seemed to be made of wax. I sighed and stared at Alice who was holding a pair of stiletto heels and smiling. "Alice there's no way I'm wearing that. My feet are going to die."
"Bella these are Italian, I ordered them especially for the occasion, you are not leaving this house without them on you, so sit down." I huffed and sat down again, Alice sat down and placed the shoe in my foot delicately, she looked like the guy from Cinderella when he tried the shoe on the girl, I grimaced. "So Bella...are you going to tell me why you ran away from Rose today?" she murmured casually as she placed the other shoe in my foot and got up gracefully. I pressed my lips together and got up, not as gracefully, and stared at her, Alice seemed even tinier when I had this shoes on.
"I know that Rose is not easy to be around but I don't think she's horrible enough to run away from her..." Alice stared at me again for five minutes straight. "She told me what you were talking about..." she was impatient now, I could tell by how she continued on tapping her black pump against the floor. "Bella why are you not talking to me? I know you have a thing for Edward and..."
"Shut up Alice!" the words left my mouth before I could think about what I was saying, obviously my brain thought it was already too late to take it back so my mouth kept on moving. "Everything's so easy for you! You just met Jasper and he fell into your life like a fucking perfect puzzle piece! I'm sure you are in love and you are going to get married in the little chapel when your parents got married and you are going to move into a huge house with three bedrooms for two boys and one girl and a huge backyard where they are going to play and you are going to have barbeque's every Sunday and you will just grow old together and live happily ever after! But life isn't so easy for all of us okay! So just shut up because you don't know anything!"
I looked away and bit my lip as I flighted back the tears that were forming in my eyes, I couldn't bear to look at Alice, I was sure I had hurt her, more than she'd ever show probably, but I couldn't bare to see the disappointment in her eyes, the hurt, I couldn't bear to hurt someone like Alice, she was as pure as Esme and she had always been there, she had always picked up the phone at four a.m when I called her crying because I wanted my mommy and my daddy to live together, she was the one who ditched her family to walk two miles to my house to eat ice-cream and watch stupid movies about some lovesick girl who couldn't get over her crush on that guy. She was always there, my best friend, my Ali, my sister.
"I'm going to go down to the car now, Jasper and I are leaving...I'll see you there Bella." she left the room silently and when I looked up I saw myself in the mirror. My make up wasn't out of place, my hair was still perfect but I was disgusted by the person that was staring back at me. And I couldn't blame Alice or Edward for the change I had.
I only had myself to blame.
If I thought that listening to Edward's music in the house was spectacular it was obviously because I had no idea what it was like to listen to it in an theatre was magnificent. The way his fingers moved across the piano, they were almost invisible, and the way he tamed it, he made the instrument sing, the music seemed like a caress around my body. I was completely hypnotized by the way he played, it was mesmerizing. I licked my lips and leaned forward in my seat as he finished the piece with the same fervent passion he had started.
The theatre was filled with the clapping of the audience and I leaned back as I closed my eyes. It felt like I had been woken up from a spell. God what was up with me I was talking like I was from a fucking fairytale book. I stared at Alice, she was sitting two rows ahead from me, Jasper was whispering something to her and she was laughing as he placed kisses on her neck after every word he whispered, she was clapping and I never had seen her as happy. Rosalie and Emmett were sitting besides them, they were just laughing and clapping and I felt something sink in my stomach. Maybe I had turned into a self-obsessed bitch who kept on pushing all of her friends away, maybe I wasn't in that bubble of happiness. Maybe I was a selfish bitch...and I hadn't even noticed. Oh and there were the tears again, could I get anymore stupid? I was crying over everything lately. So your husband doesn't want you, you are not special, get the fuck over it.
I turned my head only to find Edward standing at the end of the row smiling at me, his hair was perfectly out of place, as always, his eyes were sparkling and he had a mischievous crooked smile plastered in his face. I noticed that I had been so deep into my thoughts I hadn't noticed that all the audience had left. I got up slowly and walked towards him, I could see how his expression changed until concern was plastered all over his face when he saw my eyes full of tears. He opened his arms offering me a hug and I couldn't resist.
I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his torso, as I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest. I couldn't bring myself to care that he didn't want me, that he tried to use me as a sex toy or that he didn't care about me, because even if I wouldn't allow myself to admit it out loud yet, I knew I cared about him, maybe even more, I enjoyed being with him and he had, whether I wanted it or not, become a part of my life, he had a part of me, it was his to keep.
"Is everything alright?" he asked as he pulled me closer and pressed his lips to my forehead. And the lie left my lips before I could help it.
"I'll be fine."