Airports, Emotions, and Anger
Part Two- "Fear"
There is love of course. And then there's life it's enemy~
"Where is she?"
The first words out of Edward's mouth surprised no one. He had spoken calmly enough but if one knew Edward then the slight under lining was very clear, as was the flash in his eyes when they still couldn't see that certain face.
My mind was running wild and I knew he wouldn't be able to read any coherent thought and I had no idea what he was getting from Alice. If the panic I began to feel from him told me anything it was that he was getting something.
And for the life of me I couldn't speak… I had fought for my life and killed mercilessly for centuries, seen too many horrors to count and yet right now, facing the person I had come to love like a brother, I couldn't form any words.
He had grown to love me back just the same, he trusted me. And after reading all the dark thoughts that ran through my head on a daily basis, thoughts that craved my other life… a life of killing innocents for my own selfish cravings… even over all that he respected me.
Edward had never asked anything of me, had never asked anything of anybody. Then when he finally asks me this one favor, trusted me in this one duty and I had failed.
What could I possibly say when I was the one who let her get away.
But why in the hell did she leave?
She should have known she would be safe with us. Alice and I had told her so more than once in the last couple of days. Did she finally freak out and run, decide to get away from everything while she still could?
If that was the case I couldn't blame her, it would have been safer to remain with us, but she was only a human and a very young one at that.
But something told me that that wasn't possible, because if I was sure of anything it was the fact that the human girl actually loved Edward.
"Edward I…" Alice began pulling me back to the current situation.
"Alice where is she?"
Edward's growling voice made me step forward. If he was going to be angry at anyone it should be me, but before I could speak Alice was talking, the words tumbling out over top of another. The guilt and pain that radiated off her made my chest tighten. I could tell by her tone that if they could her eyes would be full of tears.
"I'm so sorry, Edward… I thought James...I thought he was the one to get to her, that's what I was looking for. I didn't know…it never crossed my mind that she would try to get away from us, I didn't know till I saw it…she was running, and…"
Edward gave a roar of frustration and stepped into Alice's face "I told you to watch her !…you weren't suppose to let her out of your sight!"
His yelling had begun to draw the attention of the passing people. I pushed myself between them, trying to spread out as much calm as I could. It was a bit difficult as I was not only fighting my emotions but everyone else's as well, Edwards in particular was making my head spin.
"Cut the shit Jasper!" He spat in my direction.
"Edward clam down" Carlisle said putting a restraining hand on his son's shoulder
This only seemed to make things worse, I felt Edward's anger rise but his building panic had reached its peak and dominated all else. It was so strong I swear I could see it…A dense cloud chocking him and now me.
Not able to look away from the frantic eyes, eyes that still searched in vain for something that was not there, I answered truthfully.
"I don't know"
It happened so fast I didn't see any movement. A loud roar echoed off the walls and high ceiling and I suddenly felt a wall slam into my back. It crumbled under my stone form, huge junks of cement and plaster falling to the ground at my feet.
Before I could even catch up to my current situation or register the few female screams that followed the echoing crash of my body into the wall, I felt a strong hand wrap around my shirt collar. People from all around had stopped their rushing and were now standing and staring in horror at the scene in front of them.
But I barely noticed them for Edward's face was mere inches from mine, livid and wild. Though none of us technically needed to breathe, he was gasping thick and heavy and I suddenly found myself just as breathless.
I had no defense against these emotions…there was no blocking… no altering.
Alice's small fists were beating on Edwards's back, the noise sounded like a rock hitting a brick wall, but it seemed to have no effect. He just continued to glare at me through his gasping. I could have fought him off but it would only cause an even worse scene.
Right now I knew he didn't see me though, didn't see the watching bystanders, did not feel Alice's vain attempts to get him to let go, nor did he hear her pointless yelling. I knew what he saw for I saw it too…red.
The raw panic and anger had combined to form a desperate rage so strong I could taste it like acid on my tongue. It seemed to be everywhere and yet aimed at no one in particular; regardless of the fact he was currently holding me up against the wall.
This lasted only for a few seconds before Carlisle, Emmet, and Alice managed to pry him off and shove him towards the bathroom. I stood there for a second trying to put my mind back in order, and oddly enough catch my breath.
It seemed nearly impossible to separate my feelings from Edwards; I wanted to fall to my knees and scream in agony and at the same time tear this huge building apart.
Sure I had seen and felt Edward angry before and I knew he had a huge rage issue when pushed the wrong way, but it seemed today I had gotten a full taste of it, and personally I didn't want to feel it again.
I looked around and realized some of the people had phones out and were probably calling the police, and I knew some would be getting security guards soon, if some had not already left to do so.
This was not going to help our problems.
Dusting myself off a bit I walked shakily into the bathroom where I could hear the yelling. To my slight surprise it was Carlisle's raised voice that I heard, it was very foreign to my ears.
"Calm down Edward this is not helping matters!"
I shoved the door closed behind me, hoping it would by us some time. Then turned to see Emmet holding Edward from behind, his thick arms wrapped around his brother's trembling form while Carlisle held on to his shoulders from the front.
If anyone could drill any kind of since back into Edward's head it was Carlisle.
I have to admit sometimes I've been jealous of their relationship. They truly seemed like father and son. Edward trusted Carlisle and looked up to him. They had been together the longest compared to the rest of family and it showed, at least to me... things like that never went unnoticed around me.
They seemed oddly dependant on one another and despite Carlisle's age there were times he needed Edward's guidance just as much as Edward needed his. It was something I never quite understood but something I secretly craved to have. Because I knew my life would have been different if I had had someone like Carlisle, or even Edward, from the beginning.
But it seemed even Carlisle wasn't working at the moment. Edward continued to struggle in Emmet's grip his eye's still wild, full of rage and panic. Not ever had I seen him this out of control, it seemed nearly unreal that this was the same Edward I knew.
My fears from earlier this week, of him finally finding love and it being in such a fragile being were confirmed. Edward had finally let his guard down, opened his heart and he was now feeling the consequences of such a risk and it was too much… I could feel it.
Carlisle roughly grabbed Edward's face in his hands, forcing him to make eye contact.
"Please son, please…" he whispered fiercely " I know, I understand… but this is not helping... we need to figure out what needs to be done, where she went… what we have to do before it is too late, "
Edward finally stilled and squeezed his eyes shut. A few moments passed where the only sound was his shaky breaths.
Carlisle let go of Edward's face and stepped back as he turned to Alice his eyes questioning. She swallowed and walked forward holding out that crumpled piece of paper.
"Edward I think you should read this" Alice's voice was still trembling slightly and I yearned to hold her but I kept my distance not wanting Edward to go off again at seeing me.
Edward looked at her and then jerked away from Emmet, who had loosened his grip, and snatched the paper.
It took no time to read it, but the sudden emotional change nearly knocked me backwards. I took a step back and squeezed my eyes shut. Sometimes I really hated my so called gift. Sure it had its advantages but a body, Human or immortal, could only hold so many feelings at one time.
Edward's roaring rage was gone in the blink of an eye and was replaced by such a strong wave of guilt I nearly sank to my knees.
Somehow I remained standing, bracing my hand against the tiled wall. It seemed Edward had no such luck though, a long agonized groan escaped his chest and he slumped to the ground. His hands balled into fists, one holding the crumpled letter as he pressed them into his eyes.
"I'm so so…sorry Edward…please I…" Alice said taking a wary step forward and reaching out a hand like she wanted to comfort him but thought twice and dropped it.
"What do you see?" He said it so quietly no human would be able to hear.
"I still see the same room, the last one I had was of her running into her mother's house, she was…"
Edward was on his feet, "Where?"
"Edward she's probably not there now we have to…"
"Then where is she now!?"
Alice closed her eyes; I could tell she was concentrating. Then she gasped her eyes flying open,
Alice shook her head, despair written all over her face.
Edward growled and grabbed her by the shoulders. 'What?...What did you see?...Where is she?....SHOW ME ALICE"
"We're going to be too late" Alice said in a far away voice, "She's almost there, she was running down the sidewalk, she fell...but she got up, the studio ...Bella…she…"
Apparently saying the girls name was not a good idea, or maybe it was whatever Edward had finally seen in Alice's mind, because he in the next second he had yelled out again and slammed his fist into the wall.
I knew that was more than audible to the growing crowd outside.
"We have to get out of here" Emmet said; he was looking out the first exit. "We have liked seven security guards running this way.
"Where is this studio Alice…this room!?" Edward yelled, oblivious to Emmett's warning.
"58th street and cactus…but I think we're…"
And he was gone.
"…too late." Alice whispered to the empty air in front of her.
We all stood there, a mere half a second of hesitation went by where we just stared at each other. And then, quite suddenly time seemed to stop for me and the two times I had actually talked to the girl…to Bella… jumped to the front of my mind.
I was staring at her from across the room. Edward had just left and her feelings of guilt and confusion were washing through me. I knew what she was thinking and I knew it wasn't true.
"You're wrong you know"
"I can feel what you're feeling now…and you are worth it"
Her brown eyes met mine, looking much older than they should. "I'm not" she mumbled and I could feel the thick wave of guilt washing through her and straight to me. "If anything happens to them it will be for nothing"
Once again I simply stated the truth "You're wrong"
We were sitting in the hotel room and her rising panic was steadily surrounding me.
"…what if something goes wrong, and they get separated? If something happens to any of them, Carlisle, Emmet…Edward…if that wild female hurts Esme…"
She was slowly becoming hysterical now, but underneath all that I couldn't help but feel slightly grateful, this human girl was truly scared for my family, more worried about them than her own well being.
"How could I live with myself when it's my fault? None of you should be risking yourselves for me…"
Her heart was racing, her breathing fast and shallow and I knew I needed to step in,
"Bella, Bella, stop" I poured waves of calm towards her along with my words, hoping the combination would do the trick. "You're worrying about all the wrong things, Bella. Trust me on this…none of us are in jeopardy. You're under too much strain as it is: don't add to it with wholly unnecessary worries."
She turned her head away from me and I pushed back my aggravation, she was such a stubborn little thing.
"Listen to me…Our family is strong. Our only fear is losing you"
"But why should you?"
It was Alice who spoke next, and she seemed able to explain much better than me.
"It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone. Now he's found you. You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for so long. Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?"
In the truth of Alice's words hit me full force in this second.
I would never be able to look my brother in the eye after this day.
It was my fault.
If Edward lost Bella today it would be all on me.
"Alice…" Carlisle said breaking the short silence. "Will we be too late?"
She hesitated and then looked miserable as she shrugged her shoulders "I don't know…something hasn't been decided yet…something that obviously changes things, I can't see beyond that point…I…I just don't know."
Then her eyes went wide and she said quickly. "But we need to go he's about to steal a car"
Carlisle nodded and we all ran out together, only a couple seconds behind Edward.
I looked at my family as we ran and what I saw on their faces made my own words run through my head again…
"Our only fear is losing you"
I didn't need to use my ability to understand what they were experiencing.
Because I feeling the exact same thing.
For we were in the process of losing Edward forever.
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