A/N:Twilighted (dot) net is sponsoring a Breaking Dawn Missing Moments Challenge, and this is my submission.
Challenge Category: HOPE
Where this moment fits in Breaking Dawn: This would pick up after page 138, before the start of book 2. It's my interpretation of what SHOULD have been expressed regarding Bella's pregnancy. This moment takes place during Bella and Edward's flight home after their honeymoon.
One of my biggest problems with BD was the fact that Bella's entire pregnancy was told from someone else's point of view. I think I could have accepted the entire pregnancy thing better if I knew how Bella felt about it and why she was so hell bent on carrying on with it all even if it meant she could die. Honestly it made me feel better having written this challenge piece using her voice. It's short and sweet and I hope you enjoy it.
I didn't decide until the 11th hour to even write this, so special thanks to devadasi7 for being the beta read on this.
The usual disclaimer applies: Stephenie Meyer owns everything in the Twilight universe. I only borrow these characters that I love for my own entertainment.
Loving Edward meant that there were certain realities I accepted a long time ago. Loving and being loved by him were the most significant experiences of my entire life and every sacrifice that I was required to make to be with him simply wasn't a choice. It was a necessity. I had made my choice and planned for my future, my eternity with him, with an open heart and a clear conscience. He thought I was brave and maybe even careless in the choices I had made, but the only thing I knew was that I was simply following my destiny. Marrying him was the first big step along this new path together. Our time together in Rio and our new physical relationship tied us together in ways that neither of us could have ever expected. He was finally mine and I was absolutely, for now and forever, his.
Edward always worried that by choosing him I was damning myself to a life without children. This was just one item among a long list of other irrational worries that consumed him regarding me. It was one of those inconsequential human experiences he fretted over; worried that one day I would regret my decision, that I would regret choosing him.
From the moment I allowed the possibility that I could be pregnant to seep into my reality, I was overcome with quiet joy. The one thing I had never really even considered a sacrifice in all of our conversations about our life together was now growing inside of me. I'd been a mother to my adult parents for most of my life, so the thought of actually being someone's mother never really appealed to me…until now. Being this baby's mother seemed like the most important thing I might ever do. This baby was a physical manifestation of everything perfect and miraculous and fated, just like me and Edward. It wasn't supposed to happen, but somehow it did.
Flying home from Rio gave me a lot of time to sort things out, especially since Edward had been stunned into silence before we even left the island. Somewhere over Mexico I quit asking myself, 'how did this happen' and decided this was honestly some kind of cosmic gift and that our destiny was much bigger than I ever expected.
Edward didn't feel the same. I understood we'd only had a few hours to process this news, but the difference between our individual rates of acceptance was monumental. In his mind, this new development was a threat, yet in mine, this was an honest to goodness miracle that should be appreciated and revered. I had to admit that the speed with which our baby was growing was alarming, but I never felt any kind of fear or imminent danger, and honestly, after meeting the Cullens two years ago, I had honed a talent for detecting trouble. Alice was the true psychic in the family, but I did seem to have some kind of sixth sense when it came to sussing out danger. I didn't feel any kind of threat, at least not from my child.
My fight or flight instinct was finely tuned, and with every fiber of my being I knew I would fight to protect this baby. Even if that meant I would have to fight with the one person who I thought would always be my most trusted ally. My Edward.
It broke my heart to sit next to him during our long trip back home and to feel the confusion, disgust and fury that coursed through his body. He was scared for me, and he was furious with himself for putting me in harm's way, as if the result of our actions was solely his responsibility. I could only imagine the argument he was having with himself right now. I was sure he was somehow convinced that what he perceived as his curse was now mine and that he was a vile, reprehensible creature who wasn't able to protect his wife from the biggest threat in the universe…himself.
I spent most of the trip with my left hand on my belly and the other hand braided in his. I couldn't ignore the tiny little fluttering nudges inside me. The ring on my third finger that laid comfortably on the foreign bump across my middle meant more to me now than I could have ever imagined. I was Edward's wife and more importantly, I was carrying his child. The family I never expected was now the most precious thing in the world to me.
Occasionally I'd catch him looking at me with unfamiliar eyes filled with fear and doubt. I'd never seen Edward this undone. It was disarming, but I knew down deep in my soul that if I could find the courage to carry this baby and to keep it safe, that someday soon he would be grateful to me for having done it. I knew that he would love me more than he ever thought possible for fighting to keep our baby and for bringing it into this world. I was going to do this for me, for him, and for us.
Edward was the most loving, kind, patient person I'd ever known. Now it was my turn to show him the same kind of patience, love and understanding. I knew I'd have to be strong enough for all of us. I wasn't afraid. I was utterly, unconditionally and blissfully happy. He'd catch up in his own time, and before this little one made his or her presence known, Edward would be content. I couldn't help but think that holding his child, our child, would finally make his tortured spirit still. I smiled knowing that I could give that to him. For the first time in his human or immortal life, Edward would know what true contentment felt like.
I lifted our hands that were still locked together to my lips and then pressed my cheek against the cold, hard marble of the back of his hand. He looked at me with such sorrow that it very nearly physically hurt me to look back at him. I smiled back at him, hoping that my heart was full enough for both of us and that my joy could ease his pain.
"I love you," I said sweetly.
"I don't know why," he grumbled quietly.
I rubbed a small, inconspicuous circle on my belly and sighed, "I do."
End Notes: There...I feel better now. Do you? I'd love to hear what you think.
If you're interested in reading all the other entries from the challenge hop over to Twilighted(dot)net and check them out. Over on the forum side of the site you can vote for your favorites. Thanks for reading!!